Holding On and Letting Go
by SpringHiller09
Summary: Bella, a pretty and smart girl is leading the picture-perfect life. Edward, a rebellious and lost guy is barely passing the twelfth grade. Follow these two after they end up in bed together at the beginning of senior year and try to navigate a teenage pregnancy.
1. Everybody's Watching You Now

**Chapter One:** **Everybody's Watching You Now**

* * *

 **May 12, 2018—1:15 p.m.**

"No," I whispered as I sat in seventh period AP American History. "Ah," I cried, clutching my stomach. This could not be happening. Not here and not now. It was early. Too early for me to be going into labor. I still had three weeks before my due date. He needed more time and I needed to focus on this lecture.

We had the AP exam the next week.

"Oooh," I cried again, but this time I managed to draw attention to myself.

"Ms. Swan?" My teacher asked and I bit my lip in anticipation. "You okay back there?"

"Yes, ma'am." I lied. The pain began to dwindle and I focused back on what we were learning. But, ten minutes later, I felt the same pain in my lower abdomen as I did before, but this time it was worse.

How could it get any worse?

"Bella?" My good friend, Angela, asked next to me. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I lied as tears prickled in my eyes. I had just thirty minutes to go before the bell rang for eighth period. I had a study hall eighth period and it would okay to leave then. The pain began to cease again and I just prayed it would wait another ten minutes before it started up again.

Wishful thinking.

"Ouch!" I yelped, eight minutes after the last one started. The contractions were becoming more and more painful and I just couldn't help myself.

"She's probably in labor," Lauren whispered behind me. I wanted to make it through this lecture, but I knew better. I was having contractions and I couldn't stay here any longer. Without asking, I gathered my things. I could feel everyone's eyes trained on me as I left the classroom. I made my way down the hall to the nurse's office. I didn't know where else to go. I mean, was labor something you went to the nurse for? I wasn't sure, but it was my best and only option at this point. When I got to the nurse's office, she had me sit down and went to call my parents.

"Wait," I cried after the contraction stopped. "Call Edward first." I did not want the nurse calling my parents to tell them I was in labor and needed to go to the hospital. I needed to make that call, but I needed to wait until I was checked in at the hospital.

"Ms. Swan,"

"Please. He's in stats with Barker," I explained. "Please."

"Okay," She sighed reluctantly. I heard her on the phone with Mr. Barker and I started to cry. Not only was the pain unbearable, but also the fact that I was about to have a baby hit me like a truck. I had been preparing for six months since I found out I was pregnant, but now that it was happening…I felt super unprepared.

I didn't want to be this girl anymore. I didn't want to be the girl dumb enough to get pregnant. I didn't want to be having a baby today. I just didn't want to do it anymore and when Edward showed up, it didn't help the situation at all. The father was supposed to be loving and comforting, but he looked as lost as I felt.

"Are you just going to stare at me or are you going to drive me to the hospital?" I cried when he stood in front of me without moving.

"It's time?" He whispered, sounding unsure. I nodded and his eyes filled with tears before he brushed them away and knelt down to check on me. I met his gaze and told him I was okay without saying anything to him.

"Ms. Swan, he can't just leave…" The nurse protested.

"Fuck off." Edward snapped, leaning down and grabbing my book bag. "She's having my kid, I think I'm allowed to take her to the fucking hospital."

"Edward, don't get into trouble." I groaned as he helped me stand up and he just rolled his eyes at me. Of course, he rolled his eyes at me, he was just trying to help me and I was telling him what to do. This had pretty much been my life since finding out I was pregnant, and I couldn't wait for this pregnancy to be over.

He helped me to his old truck and lifted me inside since I was kind of useless. I hated this car, but I was unable to drive at this point in my pregnancy and Edward insisted on driving me to school. He said it was the least he could do for getting me into this situation and I wasn't going to argue with him. Especially since Mom refused to drive me to school once I got too big to fit behind the wheel and I was the only one of my friends to have their own car. Well, Lauren had a car but we hadn't talked since the day I told her I was pregnant and she called me a whore in front of the entire school.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as he started the car and pressed his foot on the gas.

"I'm about to push a human being out of me." I spat. "How do you think I'm feeling?"

"Don't fucking bitch at me." He yelled. "I'm just trying to be nice."

"Yeah, well, quit trying and just drive." I knew I was acting like a bitch. But, I was cranky, scared, and in a lot of pain. I hadn't had a good nights sleep in weeks since I'd gotten so huge and I really was about to push a baby out of me. I was allowed to be a bit bitchy, and he did this to me. He was the one who didn't use a condom or used cheap condoms and knocked me up. If I was going to be mean to anyone, it was going to be him.

Except, he didn't really deserve my bitchy attitude. Ever since finding out I was pregnant, Edward had been nothing but kind and attentive. I mean, at first he accused me of lying to him about the baby's father, but he came around within a day of telling him.

Sure, we weren't together but he brought me ice cream at one in the morning and missed school to go to doctor's appointments with him. He was the one trying to convince me that we could keep this kid, but I knew better. I knew we weren't going to be able to really take care of this baby and I was a perfectionist. If I couldn't fully pay attention to him, then I couldn't keep him.

I loved my son enough to know that I wasn't going to be the best mother right now.

I loved my son enough to put him up for adoption.

When Edward pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, I realized I didn't have anything I needed for labor. I hadn't even bothered packing a bag yet because it was still too soon. The doctor warned me that he could come early, but I was too busy with AP exams to worry about packing my overnight bag.

"Edward?" My voice was shaky.

"Yeah?" He asked as he helped me out of the car. I gripped my swollen belly and looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

"I didn't pack a bag," I whispered. "I…it's too early."

"I'm sure your sister will bring you something." He was missing the point. "Don't sweat it."

"It's too early," I repeated. "Three weeks too early. We shouldn't be here yet..."

"He'll be okay."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, but I'm the Dad and you're scared out of your mind and I have to say that."

"What if he's not fine? What if something happens because he's early? What if…"

"Bella!" He laughed. "Stop worrying and get inside so we can get you checked into a room."

"He has to be perfect."

"He is perfect," He smiled and I just started to cry harder. When we got inside, the nurse handed Edward a clipboard with the paperwork we needed to fill out in order for me to be admitted. He was trying so hard to do this for me since it was one of the only things he could do for me, but he wasn't doing a very good job.

I laughed. "Give me the pen," I said, reaching for the pen and clipboard he was holding. My hands were shaking as I filled everything out and I was put into a room only after a few minutes of sitting there.

Once I was in the room, I called my big sister and told her to pack me a bag. When she answered the phone, though, I couldn't hold back my tears. My sister was my best friend in the entire world, and she had been my rock this entire time. We were eight and a half years apart, but she'd always been there for me and this wasn't any different.

"Hey, no more crying." She tried not to laugh. Knowing her, she was almost as scared as I was. "You've been crying for nine months."

"Can you tell Mom and Dad? I can't face them," I begged.

"As much as I would love to help you with this, you gotta do this yourself."

"Please," I begged. My dad had been supportive through the pregnancy, but he wasn't happy about it. And my mom...my mom kept trying to convince herself it wasn't actually happening. I knew they were disappointed in me and I hated that look they gave me whenever I brought up the baby. They were…relieved, to say the least when I decided to put the baby up for adoption.

"Bella, you have to call them. You're a big girl, you can do it."

"Can you please pack a pair of really comfortable pajama's?" I changed the subject. "And…the stuffed elephant that sitting on my chair."

"Why?" She asked and I looked over at Edward who was blissfully unaware of the conversation I was having with my sister. He was looking at his phone and I figured he was probably trying to reach his very unavailable mother. By the annoyed look on his face, he wasn't having any luck.

"Please, just bring it. It's…comforting."

"Okay." She sighed. "And, the baby's hat and blanket are in your top dresser drawer?"

"Yeah." I cried. Even though we were giving this baby to a beautiful couple, I wanted him to be wrapped in something we'd bought him together. It would be the only thing he had from us and we wanted it to be special. Edward looked up at me from his phone and saw that I was crying again, and he walked over to me. He gave me a sad smile, assuring me it was going to be fine, and I said goodbye to Alice.

"Alice is going to bring the hat and blanket."

"Great." He nodded as he looked away.

"I have to call my Mom," I said, pulling away from his grip and finding her name on my phone. The phone call to my parents didn't go quite as well as my call with Alice. Growing up, I had always been more levelheaded than Alice had been. My parents really did love Alice and I equally, but getting pregnant at eighteen was not my proudest moment. And they let me know it. Or, at least, Mom let me know how disappointed she was with me. Mom promised to finish up the work she was doing and that she'd be over shortly.

After all of the phone calls were made, I set my phone on the little nightstand and sunk back into my bed. I wanted to disappear. I wanted this to be over because waiting for it to be over was painful. Knowing that I was going to go through all this pain for my baby to be raised by someone else killed something inside of me. I knew giving him to a good, successful couple was the right thing to do. But, it didn't make it hurt any less.

And I was hurting.

"Can you hand me my bag?" I asked after I'd been lying in bed for thirty minutes. The contractions were still at about seven minutes apart, but I was dilated four centimeters. I was definitely going to have this baby within the next few hours. There was no turning back.

"You're going to do homework?" Edward smirked. He handed me my backpack and I unzipped the bag and pulled out one of my binders.

"I have exams next week," I shrugged. The baby wasn't supposed to be here until all my AP exams were done.

"You're having a baby."

"Yes, and I still have tests next week, Edward." This was where Edward and I differed the most. He was smart, but he was lazy. How he hadn't managed to get held back was beyond me, and it would be a miracle if he actually graduated with us. I, on the other hand, was driven and wanted to do something with my life. I had dreams of going to Stanford for premed and med school.

Failure wasn't in my vocabulary but that seemed to be Edward's motto.

"I will never understand you," He rolled his eyes at me.

"Just give me my bag!" I snapped as another contraction hit. "Damn it! Ow!"

"Here," He grabbed my hand and sat down on my bed. He let me squeeze his hand and scream until the contraction had passed. Once it was done, I grabbed my APUSH book from my bag since it was my first exam at the start of the week. I wasn't really sure what their policy was on girls having babies, but I planned on being there for my test and acing it.

Just like I'd been planning.

Alice pushed through the doors with her fiancé in tow thirty minutes after calling her. She handed me my bag and I thanked her before slipping into the old pair of sweats she'd packed me. Jasper took Edward down to the gift shop to get me something, but mostly for Alice and I to have a minute alone together before everything started happening.

"How are you, kid?"

"I've been better."

"Now, why did I have to bring you this elephant Edward won you at that stupid carnival in March?"

"Shhhh," I shushed. "I don't want him knowing I have it here."

"Why?"

"Because then he's going to think I have feelings for him."

"And you don't?"

"No, you know that."

"I know you used to not have feelings for him…" She trailed off. "But, then why do you…"

"Please, Alice," I begged. "Not here. And not now."

"Okay," She rolled her eyes. "Have you called…"

"Not yet." I cut her off. "Edward's been with me the entire time and I haven't had a chance."

"I still can't believe he hasn't met them."

"He refuses to. I've offered to set up a meeting a hundred times but he's so against it."

"Does he really think you two can do this?"

"Apparently."

"If he's so pissed about the adoption, why'd he agree to it?"

"You know that I basically forced him to agree." I shrugged. "He told me to do what I wanted, but he didn't want anything to do with it unless I chose to keep the baby."

"He'll come around. Once he sees your boy with them…"

"He's not my boy."

"He'll always be your boy." She smiled, reaching for my phone. "Now call those poor parents."

"Okay." I took a deep breath, finding their name on my phone. It rang four times before someone picked up. "Hello?"

"Bella?" Esme asked. "Is everything okay?"

"Yep." I nodded. "I'm actually in labor right now."

"Already?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "I'm about four centimeters along, so if you don't want to come until he gets here…"

"We'll be right over." And before I could even tell her what hospital I was at, she'd hung up the phone. But, I was glad she'd hung up because not even a minute later, Edward came back into the room. He'd bought me a balloon bouquet and a stuffed teddy bear. I told him he didn't need to buy me stuff like that since I knew he didn't really have money, but he insisted on buying me stupid stuff.

He really was good like that.

Another hour passed and I'd only dilated another centimeter. With my contractions getting closer together, my school work was completely forgotten and I just focused on giving birth. Alice was with me the entire time and I felt kind of bad. I knew how much she wanted this for her and Jasper, but he wasn't ready yet. Their wedding was planned for the end of September, so they still obviously had plenty of time. But, Jasper had said before they got engaged he wanted to wait a couple years before having kids.

I wasn't even sure if I ever wanted kids and I'd gotten pregnant without even trying. I could only imagine how much my sister hated me for it. But, she was the most supportive person out of all the people in my life and I was thankful she could put her feelings aside to be there for me.

"Took you long enough," Jasper grumbled when my parents finally walked through the doors. Mom shot him a glaring look before dad took Alice's place in the chair next to my bed.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?"

"Oh, I've been better." I tried laughing. She didn't even crack a smile. "Hi, mom."

"Hi," Was all she said. Dad took this a lot harder than Mom, but he was a lot softer towards the situation. He tried to be supportive, even though he couldn't always show it. I knew he loved me, no matter what situation I'd gotten myself into.

"How are you doing?" Dad asked, trying to ease the tension.

"It hurts."

"Obviously." Mom rolled her eyes, standing up and walking over to Alice. Dad gave me a wink, reminding me to just ignore her. I knew Dad loved Mom more than anything, but he always knew how much a pain in the ass she was. If it weren't for Dad, I don't think Mom would have gotten through my pregnancy.

"Hello, Edward." Mom rolled her eyes when she finally acknowledged Edward, who was cowering in the corner. Now, even though Dad was kind and supportive, he hated Edward's guts. I wasn't sure if it was because he'd gotten me pregnant or that he wasn't Emmett, but he really didn't like Edward. I felt bad for Edward. Sure, he'd been careless in that bathroom, but so was I.

It took two people to make a baby and I was just as responsible.

But, Edward didn't have a lot of money or drive. Emmett came from a very wealthy family and was planning on attending Ohio State to play football. Edward and Emmett were complete opposites, so my parents didn't quite understand how I'd gotten pregnant with Edward's son.

And, I sometimes wondered that too. Edward and I had definitely come a long way since November, but we were nowhere near where Emmett and I were. Emmett was on the varsity football team as a freshman and I'd managed to be a varsity cheerleader sophomore year. We were _that_ couple and I loved him. But…things happened that shouldn't have happened and here we were. Emmett was long gone and I was having Edward's baby.

None of it really made any sense.

"Dad, be nice," I whispered after he'd turned his attention back to me.

"Why do you have this?" Mom asked as she whipped the elephant out of my bag. I wasn't planning on displaying it at the hospital, but knowing it was there was oddly comforting. I couldn't explain it.

"Mother!" I screeched, as I turned red from embarrassment. I turned and saw Edward standing there with a very confused look on his face. He didn't even know I'd kept the stupid thing, let alone brought it to the hospital with me.

"Isabella, it's just a question." She rolled her eyes.

"Put it back!"

"You can leave it out," Edward whispered.

"Honestly, Bella. Have some self-control." Mom said as she put the elephant on the bedside table. I looked at Dad who just shrugged. Even he couldn't figure Mom out sometimes.

After another hour, my family had left to get something to eat. Alice insisted on staying with me, but Edward offered to stay until they got back. She reluctantly left with Jasper, and Edward took back his seat by my bed. He looked at me and gave me his signature, goofy grin.

"How're you doing, Swan?"

"You know, just having a baby, Masen." I laughed. Referring to each other by our last names was something we'd done as kids...before we drifted apart. After middle school, we'd started to run in different crowds. After turning thirteen he started making me feel uncomfortable when we were around each other.

Plus, he'd turned into kind of a dick as we got older and after months of letting him treat me poorly, I decided enough was enough. We stopped being friends and we hadn't spoken in years leading up to this point.

He looked thoughtful. "We really don't…" He was cut off by a knock on the door. I hollered come in and Esme and Carlisle made their way inside. I felt Edward's body tense up as he looked at the door and watched them walk into the room. I knew what he was going to say. He was going to tell me we didn't have to give our son up for adoption. He'd been saying it for months now. He stood up abruptly and scratched his head, unsure of what to do.

"I'm going to get you more ice," Edward ran off, leaving me alone with the adoptive parents.

"He's just…adjusting." I made an excuse for him like I did every time they asked about him. they'd been wanting to meet the father since before I'd chosen them as the right people to take my...our son home. But Edward refused to have anything to do with them so I was always left to lie about where he was and why he couldn't talk to them. Or even meet them.

"How are you doing, darling?" Carlisle asked, grabbing my hand.

"I've been better."

"When did the contractions start?" Esme asked. "And how far along are you?"

"It's been kind of slow," I told them. "But steady."

As I told Carlisle and Esme about how my labor was progressing, I started thinking back to before this even happened. I started thinking back to the end of junior year when Emmett was still my boyfriend and when my life was as close to picture perfect as it could be.

I tried not to get emotional about it, but I couldn't help myself. I took a deep breath and turned away from the two parents, who were adults and ready to take care of a child, and felt tears streaming down my cheeks.


	2. You Gotta Take It In

**Chapter Two:** **You Gotta Take It In**

* * *

 **June 5, 2017**

"You ready for your last full day as a junior?" Dad asked as I put my dishes from breakfast in the sink.

I nodded. "I'm so ready to be done with this year." Alice was not kidding when she said her junior year was her hardest year of high school. I mean, I didn't know exactly what senior year would be like, but it had to be a little bit easier. Just as I was finishing putting the books I needed to return in my bag, my phone buzzed.

I picked it up and read the message.

 _Emmett: I'm here baby._

"Emmett's here," I said as I zipped my bag and slung it over my shoulders. I stood up on my tip toes and gave my dad a kiss on the cheek. "Bye, mom!" I called as I walked to the front door.

I ran out of my house and jumped into Emmett's jeep. He pulled me into a wet, passionate kiss across the center console, and when he let go, I was seeing spots. Emmett and I had been dating since the fall of our sophomore year and we were perfect together. Not to brag, but we were probably the two most popular kids in school.

The two of us dating was kind of inevitable.

"One more fucking day, babe!" He laughed as he put the car into drive and we headed down the street. The town was small, so we probably could have walked to school, but we were taking advantage of his birthday gift.

"I'm so ready for summer," I mused as we neared the school.

"Mmmm, me too." He licked his lips. "You, all summer, in nothing but a skimpy bikini."

"Emmett, don't be a pig." I rolled my eyes. Although we'd been dating for over a year, we still hadn't gone past third base. I just wasn't ready yet. I mean, I loved Emmett but I was still only seventeen. I wasn't sure if I was ready yet, and even though he was sexually frustrated a lot, her respected what I wanted. "Plus, you'll end up trying to take it off within a few minutes, so what's the point in buying cute swimsuits?"

"I fully support you if you want to be naked all summer." He smiled. I rolled my eyes, but I knew he was just being a boy. He was seventeen; with a (beautiful) girlfriend…of course, sex was on his mind. I was just glad that it wasn't the only thing on his mind. He was dedicated to his school work and to football.

"Hey, we're going to go camping this summer in Tacoma, Bella." He smiled and I couldn't help but squeal. We had lived in small-town Washington for my entire life, but we never took advantage of what was outside of our bubble of Forks. We'd go to Port Angeles on weekends and Seattle every so often, but that was it. I didn't really know why I wanted to spend a whole weekend in a tent eating fish, but I did. And mom would never go for it so we never did it as a kid.

Emmett promised me that we'd start doing things to cross off my bucket list over the summer. Camping away from Forks was something I'd always wanted to do. So, we planned a trip and told our parents a bunch of people were going to be with us.

We were young and stupid and in love and we had big plans with each other already.

"I love you," I smiled squeezed his hand. Emmett was always extremely patient with me and my mother. He was always there to listen to me vent and always there for a hug when I needed one. It's one of the many reasons I started to develop feelings for him when we were still just friends. Emmett came from a similar background, but his parents were the complete opposite of mine. At least his mom was completely different than my mom.

"Yeah, you're alright," I slapped his arm. "Just kidding. I love you too."

It had taken us about four and a half months for us to say those three words. I thought I felt it after two, but our relationship was still so new I didn't want to ruin anything. Plus, we were still so young at our two-month mark; I didn't even know if I really knew what love was. But then I realized that age didn't really matter. I would have felt the same even if we were in our mid-twenties like my sister and her fiance.

Maybe we were young. Maybe we wouldn't work out once we graduated high school and moved on to bigger and better things. But for now we were happy and not even my mother could ruin what we had.

When we got to school, Emmett laced his fingers through mine as we walked towards the school entrance. Our friends were waiting on the stairs for us and just as we reached them, we heard the horrible rumble that came from Edward's beat up truck. Edward was the schools, _bad boy_. Once he turned sixteen and got his license, he began saving up for the piece of junk he called a car. Tyler made some snide remark that I decided to ignore and we made our way inside. Once inside, Emmett and I went our separate ways with our friends and once I was alone, my friends starting grilling me for information.

Just because Emmett and I were doing stuff together didn't mean I wanted to share that information with everyone.

"Are you ever going to tell us?" Lauren asked as I grabbed my books from my locker.

"I told you when it first happened." I rolled my eyes.

"But, you never gave details." Jess wined.

"Guys, don't fish for details," Angela said softly and I mouthed a quick thank you to her. Angela was the only other one with a steady boyfriend, and although she and Ben hadn't done it yet, she still understood where I was coming from. She'd asked a few times when we were alone, but for the most part, she respected my wishes and didn't constantly hound me for answers.

"Bella," Jess wined again. I wasn't so sure why she was so interested in my sex life. I mean, she'd had sex when we were sophomores. She and Mike weren't exclusive but from her…very detailed…descriptions, he was great in bed. It wasn't like they had to live through me or something.

"If you wanna know how good it is, ask him." I laughed as Edward passed by my locker with his on again, off again girlfriend Rosalie. "They're probably doing it all over town."

"Ewww," Lauren wined. Just as they'd gotten to her locker, he pushed her up against the metal and stuck his tongue down her throat. They really were gross and showed way too much PDA. Especially when they were in school. "Now you've ruined it.

"Good! Now you'll stop meddling around in my personal life," I rolled my eyes, shutting my locker as Emmett came back over to find me. The two of us spent the rest of our time before homeroom in the cafeteria together since he could never get enough food.

"Don't forget, I have football conditioning after school," Emmett reminded me as we walked to homeroom.

"Oh, well we have tryouts later this week, so we're trying to figure out a routine," I told him. "We should be done around the same time as you guys."

"Perfect, I'll meet you at the locker room water fountain?"

"Yep," I smiled as the bell rang. He leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on my lips before running in the opposite direction. Since it was so close to summer, I was having a lot harder of a time concentrating. All I wanted was to lay by the pool with my friends and do nothing all day. And, I especially wanted to be able to read what I wanted to read for a chance. I had my perfect summer reading list made up and I was dying to start it.

Once the final bell rang, I headed to the girl's locker room to change for practice. I changed into my shorts with the Forks logo on the leg and the tank top that drove Emmett crazy. I knew since it wasn't their season yet, they'd be practicing at the smaller field close to where we were going to be. I pulled my sneakers on and put my hair into a messy bun before heading to the field.

I greeted my teammates and started stretching before everyone arrived.

"Okay, everyone's here!" Our captain, Kate squealed once Lauren had finally arrived. Based on the messiness of her hair, I figured she had been off making off with Tyler somewhere like always and I did my best not to laugh at her. She was trying so hard to lose her virginity to him for some reason she was going to take any chance she got to make out with him.

I thought she was too good for him, but she claimed she just wanted it to be over with already, so I dropped the subject. If she wanted to talk to me about it, she would when she was ready.

"So, we're going to be doing tryouts for the varsity team this week," Kate explained, even though she'd already sent out an email explaining everything. "And then once we make that decision, we'll start our newbie try out stuff."

"When are we going to elect a new team captain?" Lauren asked. She wasn't on varsity yet, but she still dreamed of being captain. And since Victoria was a senior this year, there was a spot for a new captain.

"Once all the tryouts are finished," Victoria rolled her eyes. She was a good cheerleader and a decent captain, but she wasn't that great of a person. She didn't really get what it meant to be a captain who supports her team and works on that key teamwork.

"I say Bella should get it," A freshman, Aimee spoke up and I was actually flattered. I was a good cheerleader, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't loud and bossy like some of the others. "She knows what she's doing and everyone already likes her. I mean do we even need to take a vote?"

"We'll do this next week, okay?" Kate said and changed the subject back to varsity tryouts. Just as we were getting started, I heard a sharp whistle coming from the field where the football players were and I saw they were all rushing to the middle of the field. We tried ignoring them, but they were so loud and obnoxious that we couldn't. Kate told us to take a quick water break as I saw Mike running towards us.

"Bells, Emmett just got hurt." He huffed before turning back to run towards the field. It took a minute for things to sink in before someone pushed me. I ran after Mike and when I got the field, Emmett was laying flat on his back with his eyes squeezed shut.

"What the hell happened?" I asked as I knelt down next to him.

"We were doing a routine play," Tyler explained. "And he just went down. I think it's his knee."

"No shit, Sherlock!" Emmett yelled as he gripped my hand. Unfortunately, when the ambulance arrived I wasn't able to go with him. I got permission from my coach to leave early and I had Tyler go and get his things from the locker room. When he handed me everything, I grabbed his car keys from his backpack. His parents trusted me and I didn't think they would mind if I drove his jeep to the hospital.

When I got there, I went straight to the ER and asked a nurse where he was. But, since I wasn't technically family, I had to wait patiently for his parents to get there for any information.

I waited by myself for twenty or so minutes before Emmett's parents arrived. Emmett's folks were probably the sweetest human beings in the world and had always treated me like part of the family. Sometimes, I liked them more than I liked my own family and they knew it. I explained to them what I knew had happened and they took a seat next to me to wait for the doctor. After about an hour, a doctor came out asking for the McCarty's.

"It's a very bad tear in his ACL," She explained. "He is going to need surgery for it."

"Surgery?" I asked. I was an athlete. I knew how bad ACL tears could be and I understood the time you needed to stay off the leg with that kind of a tear. Emmett would miss summer practice and at least part of the start of the season. This would crush him.

"I'm sorry," She sighed. "He'll need to be off his leg completely for about two weeks, and even though he can only put a very minimum amount of pressure on it.

"And the total healing time?" Jane asked.

"Depending on his physical therapy and how cooperative he is, it can take as little as two months." She said. "But, also depending on the exact severity of the tear along with his cooperation, it could take six months. We won't know exactly until we get in their and start repairing it."

"Six months?" I asked. "But, he's a football player!"

"Unfortunately, he won't be this playing season," She shook her head. "I wish I had better news," She turned to walk away.

"This sucks." I wined as I sat back down. Emmett and I had our entire summer planned and that was all ruined. I wasn't trying to be selfish, but I was just so excited to do the things we had planned, and I knew he was too. This sucked for both of us, but I was just glad he was…okay. I sat in the waiting room for a little bit longer before Mom insisted on coming to get me.

When we got home, I was surprised to see a random car parked in the driveway. When I looked at my phone, I saw that Alice had texted me, demanding to know when I'd be home. I now understood why Mom wasn't going to let me stay at the hospital, and I raced for the house as soon as she parked. When I got inside, she was standing in the kitchen with my father and Jasper and I jumped into her arms, nearly knocking her over. I hugged her for so long as she explained her new job in Port Angeles.

It had been months since I'd seen her.

"You're moving home?" I screamed, causing Jasper to drop whatever he had in his hands onto the counter. Alice turned and hugged me before telling me they were officially moving. "What's the new job like?"

"A small design company saw my work from design school and what I'd been doing in LA. I took them up on their offer immediately because I am so tired of living so far away from you." She smiled. She'd been working for a decently well-known designer in LA and it sucked when she had to move out. She'd gone to school in LA, and I knew the city would be good for her career. But, I really hoped once she graduated, she'd be back home. It was always hard at the end of the summer when she had to go back to school, but it was even harder when she officially moved.

Alice had always been the nurturing, motherly figure I always needed but didn't get because of who my mother was. It was hard enough adjusting to her being gone for school, but her permanently being away was just torture.

"When are you moving back here?" I asked as I sat down. Jasper moved around the kitchen, helping my dad prepare the steaks while mom worked quietly at the stove.

"I have some things I need to finish up down in LA and Jasper needs to give his two-week notice still," She explained. "And we need to find somewhere to live, but hopefully by the end of the summer."

"This is great. You're going to become a star.

"She could have become a star down in LA," Mom chimed in and she didn't bother trying to hide her disapproval.

"This job is perfectly fine, Mom. And it's close to home." Alice whispered.

"The job you have now will be better for you in the long run," Mom argued.

"Renee," Dad warned as he grabbed the tray to take the food outside to grill. Mom dropped the subject and we moved on to Jasper and why he was willing to relocate to a much smaller hospital so Alice could take a _measly job_. I wanted to high five him when he simply told my mother that he loved Alice, but decided that was probably a bad idea. Jasper was an ER nurse at Good Samaritan Hospital in LA and would be taking a job at the small hospital in Port Angeles. It was a lot different than the hectic city hospital, but he was okay with that.

Once Dad came back inside and we got our food ready, the subject changed again. They asked me about school and the classes I was planning on taking for my senior year. After that boring conversation was done, we started talking wedding. The two of them had gotten engaged back in April and still hadn't set a date. Alice told me they wanted to wait and just enjoy being engaged for a little bit, but I knew she was over that and they finally set a date.

"September 20, 2018." She announced as Mom cleared the table. "It'll still be pretty warm, but not so warm that people are sweating." She explained. "Plus, the leaves will just be starting to change colors which will be beautiful."

"That only leaves a year and three months," Mom pointed out. Mom was never happy with anything Alice and I did unless it was up to her standards. Apparently, you couldn't possibly plan a decent wedding in only a year.

"I just want to be married," She looked at Jasper and he gripped her hand. "Plus, we found this perfect venue who had a recent cancellation and it's just what I imagined for my wedding."

"If you think you can get everything done," Mom sighed.

"We do," She assured her. "The biggest thing will be getting my dress, and I've scheduled a few appointments in Seattle next weekend."

"I'm coming, right?" I asked.

"You're smarter than that, Bella," Alice laughed as she mocked our mother. Thankfully, Mom didn't catch on and we just laughed to ourselves. Since it was late and they were both exhausted from traveling all day, they slept in Alice's old bedroom that night.

After my parents had gone to bed, the two of us snuck out to the back patio with a glass of Dad's whiskey and sat down in the chaise lounge chairs.

"I'm a mature adult now, I shouldn't be providing my baby sister alcohol," She giggled as she poured me a glass of the brown liquid.

"It's not like we're getting shit faced," I giggled, taking a sip. "Damn, that gets stronger every time you drink it."

"You just have a low tolerance. Dad would kill us if he came outside."

"You know mom. He can't move now that he's in bed."

She shook her head. "So, how's Emmett?"

"He tore his ACL at practice today," I sighed. "He'll be out for six months or maybe even more."

"That sucks, but you know that's not what I was talking about."

"You wanna know about the sex?" I rolled my eyes. "You're worse than my friends."

"I am not." She laughed. "Come on."

"Why do you care? You know we haven't had sex yet and we're just...messing around right now."

"I just want to know that you're being safe." She whispered. "Because I know you're way too chicken to ask Mom about birth control."

"We're being safe. Plus, we aren't having sex."

"Yet," She pointed out. She was right. We could lose our self-control and just have sex one day. But we were smarter than that. Or at least I hoped we were.

I nodded. "And I'm not afraid."

"Just tell her that you want it to regulate your period." She shrugged. "That's what I told her when I started having sex."

"You were a little bit older than me," I reminded her. "And we aren't having sex!"

"But I was still in high school, which just isn't _how it's done_."

"Emmett and I will be safe when we cross that bridge. I promise."

"Is he being nice to you?"

"Of course. He's Emmett. He's a giant teddy bear."

"And he hasn't…pressured you?"

"Alice, we've been over this." I rolled my eyes. "He's wanted to, but when I ask him to stop he's always stopped right away. And he didn't pressure me into fooling around and getting to third base."

"And you were…ready?"

"I told you I was one hundred percent ready."

"I…you're my baby sister. I just want to know you're okay."

"Trust me, you'll know if I'm ever not okay."

"Cheers to that." She giggled as we clinked our glasses together.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Just a quick authors note _to _maybe clear up some confusion. This story will be going back and forth from the day Bella went into labor to everything leading up to that day. I'll try and put the date at the beginning of each chapter so no one gets confused :)_

 _Hope you enjoyed the second chapter!_


	3. I Hope You Know Somebody Loves You

**Chapter Three:** **I Hope You Know Somebody Loves You**

* * *

 **May 12, 2018—7:00 p.m.**

"Nooooo!" I cried as a sharp contraction hit. "I want the drugs!" I shouted as I squeezed Alice's hands. At first, I wanted to see if I could do it naturally but I felt like my insides were being ripped apart. I needed the epidural if I was going to get through this day. Especially since I'd been in labor since one o'clock and I only dilated one more centimeter.

I was only halfway there and I'd been at this for six hours.

"Please! I want the drugs!" I cried as tears streamed down my cheeks. Edward had disappeared again to try and reach his Mom again, but I knew he wasn't getting anywhere. She wasn't going to show up. Even though he claimed he didn't care, I knew he wanted her here. We weren't keeping this baby, but it was still a big deal.

He was scared regardless and just wanted his mom to be there for him for once in his life. I understood that. My mom and I weren't very close, but I still wanted her here for the birth of our son.

"Shhh," Alice soothed. "You're doing great!"

"Shut up!" I yelled. I knew my sister was just trying to encourage me, but I was in too much pain right now. "Sorry,"

"It's okay," She assured me. "I give you permission to be as mean as you want to me while you're in labor."

"Thanks. You're a good sister," I laughed.

My doctor came to give me a checkup and laughed when I begged her for the epidural. She left for a few minutes and returned with what she needed and gave me the epidural. Within fifteen minutes, I was already feeling better. When Edward came back into the room, I didn't want to cut his head off as much as I did earlier.

"What's up?" He laughed when he saw me lying in bed.

"She got the drugs." Alice rolled her eyes.

"I thought you were doing this naturally?"

"Naturally my ass!" I laughed. "You try pushing a person out of your penis and tell me if you wanna do it naturally," I huffed. "Plus, that shit we learned in the birthing class did absolutely nothing."

"As long as the baby is okay," He gently placed his hand on my stomach. I watched as he smiled at my rounded belly and felt this horrible ping of guilt. He wanted to keep this baby and I told him it wasn't an option. We'd been arguing about it since I made the decision, and he agreed to what I wanted.

But I could tell how much he wanted this baby to be his.

"Carlisle and Esme…" I wanted him to meet them. Officially.

"Do you need more ice?" He asked as he removed his hand and grabbed the small ice bin next to my bed. Without an answer, he left the room in search of ice and left me alone with my sister. I knew he was getting me more ice as a way to avoid the conversation, but we needed to talk about this. He'd told me to do whatever I wanted after an argument and he thought I was going through with the adoption as an excuse. Trust me, if we were older and more stable I would have kept the baby.

But we weren't. We were just about to graduate from high school. We wouldn't be able to do this. Carlisle and Esme, however, were grown adults. With jobs and a beautiful house in Tacoma and money to support the baby. And they had a whole lot of love for him and he wasn't even born yet.

"He's not dealing with this, Bella." Alice sighed.

"I know."

"It's his…"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" I screeched. Alice let go of the subject as Edward came back with more ice. I knew he wasn't dealing with the adoption, but once this baby boy was born he was going home with another couple. I understood how hard this was, but it was best for everyone. I didn't want my boy raised in a broken home, being tossed back and forth between his parents. I wanted him to grow up in a stable house where his parents could focus all their attention on him. He needed stability and the two of us weren't going to be able to do that for him.

I just hoped Edward would come to terms with that sooner rather than later.

"So, you give up on your studying?" Edward laughed after he came back from getting ice when he saw my books scattered around the room.

"I should look over things." I teased.

"Bella, I think you're good. At least, for now, you have a pass to throw studying aside."

"I guess you're right," I laughed.

"Swan?"

"Masen?"

"Why did you ask your sister to bring that elephant to the hospital?" He looked at the grey stuffed animal in my duffle bag. His little trunk was peaking through the top and I smiled as I remembered the carnival he'd won that at.

"It's just…a good memory." I shrugged. I really didn't even know the answer to his question. "And I guess it just brings me comfort because it reminds me of the carnival."

"All we did was fight," He mumbled. He was right. But, us fighting wasn't anything different. It wasn't like it was our first and it definitely wasn't the last. But, when I looked at that elephant, all I remembered was him wasting almost fifteen dollars to knock all the bottles down because I was emotional that night and after we stopped fighting, I started crying. He couldn't get me to stop and I was unable to stop myself.

"And then you won me the elephant so I would stop crying. And as a way to apologize," I reminded him. "Plus, elephants represent strength. And I need all the strength I can get right now."

"You're doing great."

"I'm on drugs."

"You make a valid point."

"Edward?"

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me you took the SATs?"

"How did you find out?"

"Your truck was in the parking lot when I took mine last week." I shrugged. "And I know you weren't at school at seven in the morning on a Saturday just for kicks."

"I don't know," He was lying, but I didn't want to fight right now. I just wanted us to go an entire day or even two days without fighting.

"How do you think you did?"

"Does it matter?" He asked. He told me he wasn't going to college, which is why I was so confused as to why he took the damn test anyway. He tried telling me he was worthless, but I saw behind his tough exterior. He was just too afraid to fail that he'd stopped trying. He didn't want to be a disappointment.

"I guess not."

"It wasn't as bad as I thought. But, I'm not taking it again."

"Lucky. Mom said I have to take it at least twice, but I might have to take it three times."

"God, your mother is unbearable." He mumbled. "Bella…"

"Knock, knock." My doctor said as she opened the hospital door opened. "How is that epidural working, Bella?"

"Amazingly," I sighed. "How much longer do you think?"

"Let's do a check." She nodded, sitting down on her stool. "Edward, you wanna leave for this?"

Edward stood up to leave, but I grabbed his hand. "He can stay."

"You sure?" He asked.

"Yeah," He stood up and gripped my hand as the doctor did her exam. She smiled as she removed her gloves and I hoped that meant I was almost ready to push. "So?"

"You're progressing more than before." She smiled. "You're almost at seven centimeters."

"Three more to go," I sighed, letting my head hit the pillow. "How long could that take?"

"I wish I could tell you, Bella." She shrugged as she dried her hands. "But, you're doing great. Just be patient. He'll come when he's ready."

"I get it now." Edward chuckled.

"What?"

"You always take forever." He smiled. "It figures that our son would take his good ol' time getting here."

"I don't take forever."

"We were almost late to school this morning."

"You try getting ready when you're nearly nine months pregnant," I crossed my arms over my chest. "I can barely get off the toilet with this thing weighing me down," I motioned to my enormous stomach. Alice was constantly telling me that I needed to even everything out and wear a backpack full of rocks everywhere. This morning after I nearly lost my balance I actually considered it.

"I'm just saying, on a normal basis you take quite a long time getting ready."

"No, I don't."

"Okay, Swan." He rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say," He winked at me and I felt my cheeks warm up.

"Edward," Dad's gruff voice said from the doorway. "Can you give us a moment?"

"Mmhmm." He nodded as he stood up and pushed past my Dad. Once he was gone, Dad shut the door and took a seat next to my bed and grabbed my hand.

"Daddy?"

"How are you doing, kiddo?"

"This isn't how it was supposed to be," I cried. Whenever Dad and I talked about the pregnancy, I always ended up crying. I wasn't really sure why, but I had a feeling it was because I hated disappointing him. "This isn't supposed to be happening."

"I know, baby," He kissed my hand. "I know."

"I'm so sorry, Daddy."

"Bella, you've been apologizing for months."

"I just…I feel like I've failed you."

"Failed me?"

"Only failures get knocked up at eighteen."

"Bella," He rolled his eyes. "You are far from a failure. You made one mistake, but you've done your best to figure everything out. That little boy is going to be so happy and well taken care of."

"Dad,"

"And, you're doing a great thing." He smiled. "If you hadn't gotten pregnant, this couple you've picked would still be looking for a baby to adopt. You've given them something they wouldn't be able to have without you."

"I know what you're trying to do."

"Is it working?"

"Kind of," I sniffed. "I just hope they're the right people."

"I wouldn't have let you pick them if I didn't think they were absolutely perfect," Dad always had this sixth sense about people. He was always a great judge of character and he usually could spot the crazy people a mile away. I wasn't sure if he was born with it, or if it was just from being a cop. But, we interviewed so many potential couples and he kept telling me they were wrong for his grandson.

Then we met the Cullen's.

And they were actually perfect. I'd never met nicer people and almost the instant I sat down with them, I knew they were it. He was a surgeon and she worked as an interior designer. They had been together since freshman year of high school and five years into their marriage, they started trying for a baby. They couldn't get pregnant and after they'd cried their tears, they realized there were plenty of babies who needed a good home. So they decided they would adopt a child. They had nearly given up hope by the time I met them.

And they were the perfect fit.

They were the people who were going to take my son home and raise him when I couldn't. They would be there for all of his firsts, all of his trials and all of his triumphs. Knowing they were taking him home was the only thing helping me keep it together.

"I'm…I'm really proud of you, Bella."

"What?"

"It takes a lot of courage to do what you're doing," He whispered. "And a lot of selflessness."

"You think I'm being selfless?"

"You don't?"

"I'm giving him up so I can have my life. So that I can go to senior prom and be a doctor," I looked away. "That seems pretty selfish to me."

"Kiddo, you're being smart about it." He shook his head. "You know that you can't give this baby everything he needs right now. If you were to keep him and not go to Stanford and not be a doctor, then you would be full of regrets."

"Like Mom."

"Your mother does not regret you, Isabella." I'd struck a nerve. "Or your sister. We've been over this a hundred times."

"Sorry," I shrugged. But it was true. Mom and Dad had been married when they got pregnant with Alice, but they were still in college. Mom wanted to go to law school but because she had Alice, her dreams were put on the back burner. She was successful at what she did, but I knew she was always thinking about what her life would have been like if she'd made it to law school.

Dad stayed with me for a while before the doctor came in to give me another checkup. I was progressing slowly, but not quite as slowly as when I first went into labor. With the epidural working its magic, I was able to get some of my schoolwork done. I knew my teachers were going to be very understanding, but it was a good distraction for me. I needed something to focus on other than the human being coming out of me.

While I worked on school, Edward sat beside me with his sketchbook. The one and only thing Edward seemed passionate about was art and he was actually a very good artist. He said he just couldn't see himself sitting in school for four more years of college and told me he'd go where his art led him. I'd seen a lot of his work and he was talented. His art would take him places if he only showed a little more ambition.

"What are you working on?" I asked after I'd given up on filling out an APUSH study guide.

"Something for the baby," He answered me distractedly.

"What is it?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Come on," I begged and stuck my lower lip out to pout and he rolled his eyes. I'd won and I knew it. He stood up and handed me his sketchpad. I smiled when I saw the elephants sharing something to drink.

"Milkshakes," He whispered and I tightly shut my eyes, remembering what he was referring to. Ice cream was something I was constantly craving and he took me to Dairy Queen in negative degree weather so I could get a milkshake at ten thirty at night.

"It's fitting," I looked away and bit my lip. I didn't want to cry, but he was just being genuinely sweet incorporating two of my favorite memories together. The stuffed elephant and then the constant ice cream runs.

"You okay?"

"Eyelash," I lied, blinking a few times and looking back at him. "Carlisle and Esme will love this."

"Or we could keep it."

"You made it for him though."

"Yeah, because he's our son."

"Edward, please don't do this."

"We can do this, Bella. We're in a much better place when you first decided on adoption…"

"It isn't just about our relationship, Edward," I whispered. "Please."

"I'm not going to just give up on him."

"You think that's what I'm doing?"

"Well, isn't it?"

"No…" There was a soft knock on the door. My doctor walked in and did another exam on me. When her smile was bigger and brighter than before, I knew she had good news.

"Am I there?"

"You are." She smiled and I could have screamed. "Edward, you coming in with us?" He looked at me and I smiled. Since it was still so early, we'd never discussed him being in the delivery room with me. Up until that point, I always said it was going to be Alice and only Alice. But, as I looked up at those big green eyes, I knew I couldn't keep him from this moment. These moments with his son were precious and numbered. I wanted him to feel as close to him as I already did.

"Yes, he is," I answered for him.

"Thank you." He whispered as he kissed the side of my head. A nurse came into prep me as my family came into my room. She gave us some time for me to collect myself and for my family to wish me luck. Jasper came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek as well as another stuffed bear.

"You take good care of her, okay?" He whispered to Edward as he shook his hand. He turned back to face me. "You're doing pretty great, kid."

Mom and Dad both came over and said something to me before they left the hospital for the night. It was late and I was sure Mom was planning on going to work the next morning. Alice lingered for a while before a nurse came in and said it was absolutely time for her to leave.

"You can still come in, Alice," Edward said gently as she hugged me tightly.

"No, you two have to do this for yourselves," She sniffed as she let go. "Take care of her," I heard her say to Edward as she hugged him.

That was what I loved most about Alice. No matter how much everyone else disliked Edward, she was always so kind to him. She was always on his side when it came to my parents if they were out of line. And most of the time, they were way out of line when it came to him. But my sister was too nice to be mean to him, even if he helped get me into this situation. She believed that this whole thing happened for a reason and wasn't going to waste her breath being angry.

"Always," Edward laughed as she gave him another quick hug. She gave me one last hug before exiting the room, leaving just Edward and me alone. "How are you doing Swan?"

"I don't want to do this," I breathed, suddenly overcome by fear. "I can't."

"Where is this coming from?"

"I can't do this."

"Bella, yes you can."

"You do it."

"I wish I could," He pressed his forehead to mine. "I know you're scared, but you've got this."

"I'm gonna have a baby. A baby. I'm literally going to have a baby. Right now," I cried. "Edward…"

"Bella, you've got to stay calm," A nurse who'd come to prep me for delivery warned.

"You can do this," Edward whispered as he gripped my hand tightly. "I know you can."

"You do?" I felt a tear streaming down my face.

"You're Bella Swan," He chuckled. "You can do anything."

"Deep breaths, Bella," The nurse said as she continued to prep me. "Your boyfriend is right. You can do this."

"Oh, we're not together." I blurted out. Why I just told a complete stranger I was knocked up without even being with the father baffled me. "I can do this?" I questioned myself.

"Absolutely," Edward nodded as he was handed a pair of scrubs to put on over his clothes. My doctor came back into the room, ready to wheel me down to the delivery room. They put the rails on the bed up and started moving me. Edward grabbed my hand as we walked down the hallway. I was wheeled into a smaller room and I climbed over to the different bed.

"You two ready?" The doctor asked after I was already. They had turned to epidural down so I was feeling everything. And it really fucking hurt. And I really felt the need to push, but I was instructed to wait until she told me to. I really wanted to tell her to suck it, but she was the doctor. She knew what to do and I had to listen to her.

"I think so," I answered cautiously.

"We are," Edward nodded and I looked up at him. He seemed to have enough confidence in the both of us and I nodded again. She got into position and instructed me to push. I screamed and screamed as I pushed, but nothing seemed to be happening.

"Why isn't anything happening?" I asked after I felt like I'd been pushing for days.

"It does take some time," The doctor reminded me. "Push, Bella."

"I can't do it anymore." I cried as I pushed a little, but not nearly enough. "I'm so tired. I've been awake for so long."

"Come on, you can do it." Edward encouraged.

"Can you do it?" I asked stupidly. "You got me into this."

"Bella, come on." The doctor said again. I met Edward's gaze and he gave me a small smile.

"Come on," Edward encouraged again. "You can do this."

"Ahhh!" I screamed as I started to push again.

"Good! I see the head. He's crowning."

"Keep going!" Edward smiled as I squeezed his hand. I pushed for a while longer and finally felt a sweet release. "Oh my god."

"What?" I asked nervously as I lifted my head.

"He's beautiful," I looked in the direction Edward was looking in and cupped my mouth with my hand. There he was. My beautiful baby boy.

"He's perfect," I corrected. "Why isn't he crying?" I asked, worried something was wrong. "I mean I was early…"

"Breathe, mom." The doctor smiled. "We're going to clean him up and get him crying."

"Be careful, he's fragile." I cried.

"Of course." She nodded as they carried him to the side of the room. I looked up at Edward who was wiping tears away.

"He's so beautiful." He told me again as his cries began to fill the room. "That's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard," He whispered as he leaned in to kiss my forehead. I stopped him though and looked up into his beautiful green eyes. I gave him a small smile and leaned in, brushing my lips against his.

"Here he is," The doctor smiled as she showed my boy to me, all wrapped up in the blanket Edward and I picked out


	4. We Tear it Down

**Chapter Four: W** **e Tear it Down**

* * *

 **September 16, 2017**

"Mom?" I asked as she sat at her desk, working on something. She removed her glasses and turned towards me, raising her eyebrows at me.

"I'm going to sleep over Angela's tonight after Emmett and I go out," I told her as I held my breath.

"Are you asking or telling?" She asked. Sometimes I swore my Mom only did the things she did because she could. She was power hungry, to say the least.

"Asking," I sighed.

"I supposed that's okay if her parents are okay with you staying."

"They are," I lied. Emmett and I were going to a party at Jess' house. We would probably end up staying there since her parents were on vacation if we didn't end up going to Emmett's house. His parents were okay with letting me stay there as long as we kept his bedroom door open and we slept on top of his comforter.

"Okay, just try and be home early tomorrow to get a jump on your schoolwork." She told me to make sure I did my homework like I was still in elementary school. I did my homework right when I got home from school and before she was home from work. I didn't need to be reminded of school work.

"Will do," I called as I headed upstairs. I texted Emmett, telling him that we were good to go and that I'd be ready shortly. I pulled on a pair of jean shorts and a tank top as he was pulling into the driveway. I went up to the window and snickered at him sitting on the hood of his car like some stud. He had been really good with doing his physical therapy for his knee, so his doctor gave him the okay to drive as long as it wasn't for long distances for the time being.

I couldn't wait to get my car.

I finished putting my makeup on and headed downstairs to his car. When I got inside, he leaned in for a gentle kiss. This week had been super busy for both of us and we didn't have much time together. The school year was starting to get more hectic and even though he wasn't playing football this semester, he still went to practices and I had cheer after school.

"You look nice." He smiled, pulling out of my driveway. We talked about his doctor's appointment for his knee and how that had gone to that afternoon. I was so glad it was healing right, especially since it was hard for him to keep his weight off of it at the start.

"You're sure you're up for this?" I asked as we pulled up outside of Jessica's house. Doctor's apointments usually exhausted him and he'd been in a strange mood since I'd gotten in the car.

"I just wanna blow off some steam," He sighed as he hopped out of his car and grabbed his crutches from the back seat. I got out of the car and looked at the overly huge house. There were a few girls outside, puking already and I figured they were freshman that had heard about the party and wanted to prove to the popular senior and junior boys that they were cool.

Puking the bushes instantly ruined any chance they had.

It was the third week back to school and Jess was having her annual party. Her parents were never around on the weekends, and even if they got back early, they just ignored us and went up to their bedroom. Jessica's parents were just like her and sometimes she told us they encouraged her to throw parties as long as they didn't get a noise complaint. This weekend they'd decided to go on vacation without either of their children.

It was the perfect place for parties.

"You sure?" I asked hesitantly.

"Bella, I'm fine," He smiled as he gripped my hand. Even though it had been three months since he got hurt and he was just starting to be able to put some more pressure on his leg. He needed to use crutches at least for another month, but he was healing faster than the doctors expected. This was the first time since he had gotten hurt that we'd be with everyone. He wanted to do more with this summer, but we ended up lounging around all summer together since he was in too much pain to do much else.

He kept telling me to go out and have fun while I could, but I felt bad. I wouldn't have had any fun knowing he was stuck on the couch for the summer.

"Just, let me know if you're starting to hurt. We can leave then."

"Look, I'm just looking to drink," He smiled as he squeezed my hand. "We're staying for as long as it takes me to get drunk."

"Okay," I rolled my eyes. "Are you sure you're allowed to drink with the medicine you're on?"

"I didn't take any today," He told me. "I knew we were coming tonight so I just dealt with it all day. PLus, the doctor wants me to start not taking them anymore."

I nodded as Emmett hobbled forward and I helped him get up the few front steps. His pain was nothing to laugh at, but the fact that he could still barely use his crutches cracked me up. Especially since he'd broken his leg in the eighth grade and this wasn't his first time trying to use them.

"I'm in pain, Bella," He sighed when I couldn't contain my laughter anymore.

"You are not," I slapped his arm. I knew he was hurting but sometimes all we could do was laugh. Laughter had proven to be the best memory when he got hurt. When we got inside, Mike already had his tongue pushed down Jess' throat and I could see Tyler with his hands in Lauren's back pockets as she pushed him against the back wall.

Didn't people have any control anymore?

"Never do that to me," I whispered, nudging towards Lauren and Tyler.

"Ew, no way." He laughed as we made our way over to where the keg was. Jess' older brother was a saint and always provided the alcohol for us. As long as he paid with it for cash, it wouldn't be traced back to him if the parties ever got busted. It had never happened, but he did what he thought he needed to do. I grabbed two cups and filled them up for us.

Emmett chugged his drink and I warned him to go slow. We didn't party every weekend, but we did drink together enough. I just didn't want him overdoing it since he hadn't had a drink since before his surgery.

"I swear I'm fine, Bella," He sighed.

"Yeah, but…"

"You're my girlfriend!" He hollered. "Not my mother." His eyes widened when he'd realized what he said.

"Ouch," I rolled my eyes.

"I'm just saying." He sighed, letting his eyes drop to the floor. "I can take care of myself."

"Okay, I'll let you take care of yourself," I said, loud enough to get everybody in the kitchen's attention. "I'm going to go find Angela," I sighed, grabbing my cup and walking away from him.

Emmett and I rarely fought, but when we did it tended to last for a few hours. We were both very stubborn people, so neither of us would want to be the first to apologize or want to talk about it.

When I found Angela, she pulled me aside so we could talk more privately. She told me that she and Ben had finally had sex last night and that it was more perfect than you could ever imagine. I smiled as she told me how romantic their date before was and how gentle he was with her. I knew Ben was a good guy and that he'd never intentionally hurt her, but it was nice to hear that he was careful with her.

"So, what are you two fighting about?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, grabbing another drink.

"You and Emmett haven't talked all night and he disappeared with his football friends a little bit ago."

"He called me his mother."

"No," She gasped.

"Yep, and I'm pissed and don't really wanna talk to him. Not now anyway."

"That's fair." She smiled.

"I mean, I just want him to be safe? Does that make me his mother?" I asked and she shook her head. "I think that makes me a caring girlfriend. He's an ass."

"Bella, you're drunk," She laughed.

"I am not. Just a bit tipsy," I giggled. tipsy was a funny word.

Angela looked up. "Incoming," I turned around to see Rosalie chasing after Edward.

"Come on, Edward." She wined.

"Rosalie, go bother someone else!" Edward yelled as he continued walking.

"Wow, trouble in paradise," I whispered in Angela's ear and I could tell she was fighting off laughter.

"You're the worst boyfriend, ever!"

"And you're a sucky girlfriend." He snapped. "I guess it takes one to know one."

"I hate you!"

"Right back at you!" Rosalie turned and ran out the front door, and Edward headed towards us.

"Can you move?" He barked, grabbing a cup. "You're standing right in front of the fucking keg," I scooted over so he could get to the keg and without another word he left in a huff. I watched as he skulked away and wasn't quite sure if I felt bad for him. He was kind of an asshole, but Rosalie was a huge bitch. I didn't really blame him for calling her out for her bad behavior.

"I don't know why they're even together," I whispered to Angela.

"No one else can stand them," She giggled as Ben walked up to us.

"He used to be nice," I mused. "When we were kids."

"Yeah and then he started hanging out with those kids from the Reservation and he turned into a dick."

"You're right," I nodded. I talked with Angela and Ben for a bit, but then they started getting handsy. I took that as my queue to leave and tried to find Emmett. When he was nowhere to be seen, I wandered outside to see if they were hanging out by the fire in the backyard, but he still wasn't there. I sat down on the steps of the porch and looked up. It was a weirdly clear night in rainy Forks, and I was kind of drunk so the stars were mesmerizing.

"What are you doing out here, Swan?" I heard a familiar voice ask. I turned and saw Edward sitting on the porch swing, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

"Just needed some fresh air, Masen," I lied. It still never made much sense to me that we couldn't use each other's first names. We weren't enemies or anything. We just didn't really like each other. And it was something we'd done back when we were kids. I couldn't remember how it had started, but it stuck to this day. "You?"

"Rosalie came back inside," He stood up and came to sit next to me. "I'm hiding from her."

"Why do you keep getting back together with her?" I asked. They had broken up more times than I could count. It was kind of ridiculous.

"She's good in bed," He shrugged.

"You're disgusting."

"Is your boy good in bed?" He raised his cocky eyebrows.

"That is none of your business." I spat as I shoved him.

"Is he?"

"Are you?"

"Why do you think Rosalie keeps coming back to me?"

"He's great," I lied in a huff, just wanting him to leave me alone.

"Are you?" His eyes lit up when I didn't answer. "You're lying. You haven't fucked yet, have you?"

"Go away, Edward."

"You're kinda hot when you're mad," Was he seriously flirting with me right now? He knew I was with Emmett and I never thought he'd sink that low to flirt with someone in a committed relationship. Just because he couldn't stay together with his girlfriend didn't mean he had to try and ruin other people's relationships.

"Okay, I'm leaving," I stood up and went back inside. I tried finding Angela, but neither her nor Ben were anywhere to be found. I grabbed another drink, and I was starting to really feel it. When I couldn't find Angela anywhere and was pretty certain I heard her behind one of the bedroom doors, I tried finding Emmett again but he was still gone with his football buddies.

I considered calling Alice to ask her to come get me, but I decided against it. She was forty minutes away in Port Angeles and it was late. Plus, I wanted to have a good time and I didn't need Emmett to do that. I wasn't going to let anyone ruin my fun that I'd been looking forward to.

I found Jess talking with James and joined them for a while before stumbling towards the kitchen for another beer. I was small, I only weighed one-twenty, so the drinks I'd had were really starting to kick in. As I filled up my cup again, I felt someone lurking behind me.

"What are you doing?" I asked turning too quickly and spilling my drink. I started laughing as he rolled his eyes at me since I'd gotten beer all over the front of his shirt.

"Damn, Swan." He groaned.

"Whoops," I giggled. "It seems I've spilled some of my beer on your nice...white t-shirt. Come on, let's go get that stain out."

"It's fine," He protested.

"If we don't put some soap and water on it, it will stain. Do you want a giant beer stain on your white shirt?" I argued. Even drunk I could boss people around and tell them how to take care of them. I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him to the upstairs bathroom. I grabbed a cloth from under the sink, wet it, and rubbed some soap into it.

"Bella, stop it," He wined as I started pressing the cloth to his shirt. "This is ridiculous."

"This is a nice shirt," I argued.

"It's a fucking cotton t-shirt."

"If you take it off, then it'll be easier for me to clean up," I argued with him, ignoring his pleas for me to stop.

"For the love of…" He sighed as I practically ripped his shirt off. Once he was shirtless, I gulped. He was fucking hot. I'd never seen him without a shirt and never pictured him with a six-pack. Edward never came to any parties at the river or to the pool during the summer. I was starting to wish he would have. Emmett worked out, but he wasn't as defined as Edward was.

I was very pleasantly surprised.

"Phew," I whistled, dropping the shirt to the ground and reaching my hands out. I had no idea what had come over me, but I suddenly had this urge to just…touch him and his perfectly toned stomach.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ignored him and pressed my palm to his abs. I could tell his breathing was becoming labored and I felt my heart rate increasing. "Shit," He whispered as he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. I was shocked for a second, but then wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled myself closer to him.

He bent down and wrapped his arms around my lower ass, picking me up and setting me down on the counter. I pulled him impossibly closer as he grabbed the hem of the shirt I was wearing. He was hesitant, and I was annoyed so I broke away from him.

"If you're not going to take my top off, you might as well get out."

"What about your boyfriend?" He asked and at that split second, my anger towards Emmett for ditching me and my hornieness took over my brain. I couldn't think about anything else but Edward's hot body and the fact that he was standing two inches away from me.

"Why, you want me to go back to him and leave you alone?"

"Fuck that," He moaned, ripping my shirt off and throwing it to the ground. He didn't waste any time removing my bra while I fiddled with his shorts zipper. Eventually, after plenty of tugging, we managed to get each other entirely naked. When I looked down, I gulped. Emmett was definitely big, but there was just something about Edward.

"Told you I was good in bed," He whispered as he kissed my neck.

"Big dick doesn't mean good in bed." I pointed out, and decided it probably wasn't the best idea to taunt him while we were naked. He continued to kiss and suck and do wonderful things with his tongue until I thought I might explode. I was so pent up that once he pushed a finger inside me, I came almost immediately.

"Fuck, you're so hot," He moaned as I convulsed around him. He removed his finger and gripped my hips, pulling me to the edge of the counter. He looked me in the eye, making sure it was okay and I nodded. He lined himself up and pushed deep inside me.

It fucking hurt.

"Shit!" I cursed as he stilled to give me a second to adjust.

"You okay?" He asked. I took a deep breath and I was pretty sure it hurt so much because he wasn't doing anything. He was just standing there.

"Please move," He started thrusting inside of me and I gripped his shoulders tightly and began panting. The position Edward and I were in felt fucking amazing and I was pretty certain I was seeing stars again.

He was right. He was pretty damn amazing in bed.

"Fuck, Bella," He cursed as a bead of sweat dripped down his forehead. "You're so…ugh…fucking tight."

"Yes!" I yelled as he thrust hard inside me. "Fuck, Edward. I'm going to cum! Oh my god!"

"I can help with that," He smiled, pressing his thumb to my clit. It only took a few strokes of doing that to bring me to the edge.

"Fuuuuuck!" I yelled, clawing at his back. I shook underneath him as he continued to thrust inside me, helping me ride out my orgasm.

"Damn, baby. That was hot," He panted and I knew he was getting close. I wrapped my legs around his waist and after a few more thrusts, he stilled inside me for a few seconds before collapsing. He pulled out of me and just slumped against the counter, laying his head in between my boobs.

"Oh…" I panted, still coming down from my high. After a few seconds, he stood up and grabbed some toilet paper so we could clean ourselves up. He reached down for his boxers, and I stopped him. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Umm…getting dressed?"

"You don't wanna go again?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Obviously I do…"

"Then you'd better take those off," I smiled, hopping off the counter and gripping his semi hard dick in my hands.

At some point during the night, Edward and I had made our way into one of the guest bedrooms to go at it and passed out. I woke up as the sun began shining through the window and observed my surroundings. When I saw Edward naked beside me, I knew exactly what had happened the night before. Everything was hazy. I couldn't remember how we'd gotten in here and I certainly couldn't remember how I'd ended up naked beside Edward. I did, however, remember my clothes were in the bathroom so I found an old robe in the closet and pulled it on. I ran to the bathroom and observed the scene.

The room was completely wrecked. Our clothes were all over the fucking place and there was still strewn across the floor. A lotion bottle we'd thrown on the tile floor had exploded so there was that mess. It was just a mess and I felt terrible for doing this to their house.

What had Edward and I done?

As I picked up my clothes and started putting them back on, I noticed the white shirt on the ground. I picked it up and noticed the pale brown spot on the front. The beer. I looked up in the mirror as I started remembering bits and pieces of that night. I'd spilled something on Edward and wanted to clean it up for him. He took his shirt on and he was...really hot.

And then we had sex.

I started to panic. I had lost my virginity to Edward Masen in Jessica's bathroom. How had I let this happen? I wasn't stupid. I mean, I had been really drunk but I wasn't stupid. And then I remembered being so pissed off at Emmett that I drank more than usual and that's how I'd let my inabilities drop enough. I sat down on the toilet and cried into my hands.

All I wanted to do was have fun with my boyfriend, and I'd ended up sleeping with a guy I didn't even like. I didn't even like Edward and I'd given him my virginity. I could never get that back. I was such a slut and I'd never felt so dirty before.

I finished getting dressed and walked back to the room where Edward was still asleep. I covered him with a towel and prayed no one had walked in on us. Almost everyone was gone except for a few stragglers. When I looked outside, Emmett's Jeep was still parked in the yard so I knew I had to find him.

Emmett.

"No," I cried as I shut the front door. What the hell was I going to do now? I was in love with Emmett and had thrown our relationship down the drain for a night with…Edward Masen. "No," I cried again.

"There you are." Emmett's voice boomed from behind me and I started sobbing. I couldn't bear to look at him so I just turned away. "Bella?"

"Let's go," I finally said through my sobs and he didn't question me. I usually cried when I didn't feel good, so he probably just assumed I was really hung over. He led me to the car and jumped into the drivers seat. I cried all the way home and wouldn't even look in his direction.

"Where'd you disappear to last night?" He asked when he parked in front of my house.

"I just kind of wondered around and passed out in one of the guest rooms," I lied. Why was it so easy to lie to him?

"I'm sorry I called you my mom." He whispered.

"It's okay."

"I know you were just trying to help."

"Really, it's okay." Nothing he did would ever compare to what I'd just done.

"Ohio State called yesterday as I was waiting for doctor's appointment," He admitted. "And they told me I wouldn't be playing for them next year and I could possibly try out before my sophomore year. My chances are gone."

"Emmett," I bit my lip. He'd gotten the worst news for his college career he could possibly get and I'd had sex with Edward.

What the hell was wrong with me?

"And I should have told you, but I didn't want to disappoint you. You've been so supportive and I thought they could make their decision based off of videos of me playing," He explained. "So they called me to apologize for getting my hopes up and hung up."

"I'm sorry,"

"No, I'm the one who screwed up with you. I should have been honest with you and then I wouldn't have snapped at you."

"Stop apologizing!" I snapped because I was about to burst into tears. "I'm tired."

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Tomorrow was Sunday and we usually went to the park to do our homework together if the weather was good.

"I'll text you," I said instead of answering his question. I jumped out of his car and ran for my house. I'd told my parents I was staying over Angela's, so they were surprised to see me so early in the morning. I just told them I didn't feel good and that I just wanted to sleep in my own bed.

I went upstairs to jump in the shower in an attempt to wash everything that happened last night down the drain. This was not me. I was not someone who cheated on the guy that I loved. I was not someone to lie to the guy I loved. I didn't even really like Edward that much and I didn't know him at all.

I had basically slept with a stranger.

I felt disgusting, even after I'd gotten out of the shower. I changed into a pair of sweatpants and one of Emmett's t-shirts to try and make myself feel better. But, his shirt smelled like him, which just made me feel even guiltier. I switched into one of my shirts and crawled into bed. I pulled the covers over my head to try and hide from the world and just cried. I cried for breaking that trust and for sleeping with someone I didn't even know.

How had I let this happen?

I loved Emmett. We were so good together and got along so well. Edward was not the kind of guy I had ever been attracted to and he had a girlfriend too. Not only was I a cheater, I was the one he cheated with.

To make matters worse, I had no idea what to do. Did I tell Emmett and let him break up with me? Was it better to keep this to myself instead of hurting him? Did I just end it with him without a reason? Either way, no one won and I was still a cheater.

A dirty…awful cheater.


	5. And Pray to God He Hears You

**Chapter Five:** **And Pray to God He Hears You**

* * *

 **May 12, 2018—11:32**

"Here he is," The doctor beamed as she placed our son into my arms. He was screaming his little head off, but I just couldn't care. He was so beautiful and scrunchy and my eyes filled with tears.

"He's beautiful," I cooed as his little arm found it's way out of the blanket.

"His head kind of looks like a teniss ball," Edward laughed as he gently stroked his little cheek.

"He does," I agreed as I looked closely at my son. "Hi. Hi, little man. Welcome to the world," The baby boy managed to get his arm out of his blanket and began waving it around.

"Do we have a name?" The pediatric nurse asked as I tucked his little arm away.

"No," I shook my head. I had no idea what Esme and Carlisle wanted to call him, and I wanted them to be able to tell them.

He was their son.

"Lucas," Edward whispered. I looked up and he had tears streaming down his cheek.

"Lucas?" I asked.

"If…you changed your mind…Lucas seems fitting." He smiled. "Lucas Mason Swan."

That was a good name. "I'm not going to change my mind, Edward." I cried. "Please, let's just enjoy the time we have with him."

"But…" He started to argue before the nurse scooped him out of my arms. I still had things to do and they needed to take him to the NICU to check him out. The doctor said everything seemed good now, but since he was early they needed to do a more thorough checkup.

"Edward, go with him," I urged.

"What? I can't leave you…"

"The hard parts over," I argued, even though I knew this part was going to suck. "I'm okay. I don't want him to be alone."

"You're sure?"

"Please, just go be with him," I told him again as the doctor got set again.

"Okay," He nodded, leaning in and giving me a kiss on the forehead. Once they had both left, a sob erupted out of me and it was one of the reasons I wanted him to leave. I needed him to think that I was strong about giving him to the Cullen's. Our baby boy was so perfect and giving him to them seemed unbearable now. But, I'd made a promise and signed a legal document.

He wasn't ours.

He belonged to Carlisle and Esme.

"You're doing great, Bella," The doctor encouraged as she got back into position for the after birth.

"My body was built for this," I sniffled. It was by no means pleasant, but at least God had prepared me for this. He never prepared for the emotional turmoil I felt like I was in because I was giving my son up for adoption.

"I don't just mean the actual giving birth portion of this day."

"What?" I asked. I was so damn tired I couldn't really piece any of this together.

"Adoption is hard. I know this can't be easy for you, but you're doing great."

"Thanks," I nodded.

"I gave my first up for adoption."

"You did?"

"I was twenty-two and just going to med school." She told me. "I wasn't going to be able to give my daughter the life she deserved,"

"That's what I want. I want him to have everything he could ever want and I want him to have everything he needs."

"You do have an advantage I didn't have."

"I do?"

"Someone who loves you. The guy who got me pregnant broke up with me when I told him and told me I was on my own. Needless to say, that ended our entire relationship, including our close friendship."

"Oh, we aren't together." Did I already tell her we weren't a couple?

"I never said you were," She smiled. Why was everyone assuming we were a couple? All we did was yell at each other. "Okay, you ready?"

"I don't have a choice, do I?"

"I'm afraid not."

I pushed for about fifteen minutes until I was finally done. They cleaned me up and I was wheeled down back to my room to rest. Edward still wasn't back with the baby yet, and I felt my eyes growing heavy and I shut my eyes. I just needed a few minutes of peace. Soon, my room would turn into a madhouse with people coming in and out and I just needed a few minutes to myself.

I was startled when I heard a loud knock on the door. I groaned and let whoever know that it was okay to come in. I didn't bother opening my eyes until I felt someone sit down on the bed next to me. I opened my eyes to see Edward looking at me, his cheeks stained with tears.

"How is he?" I asked, trying to hold myself together. Edward was already having such a hard time with this and I felt like I needed to be strong. He never wanted to give our boy up for adoption, so I felt hypocritical being sad about it. I knew that was stupid, but I was overly emotional right now.

"He's kind of small, but he's healthy." He nodded. "He's four pounds, ten ounces."

"That is small." I was shocked.

"The doctor said that was normal for three weeks early." He shrugged. "He's got good lungs, Bella. Once we got to the NICU, he started screaming his head off. Even more than when we were still in the delivery room."

"Mom said I cried like mad when I was first born." I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. "Like…mother…like son, I guess."

"He looks just like you," Edward said, wiping my cheeks. "He's perfect."

"Carlisle and Esme…"

"He's got this brown tuft on the top of his head with these cute little lips." He interrupted. He hated when I mentioned the Cullen's name. "I think he might end up with brown eyes too."

I wanted him to have bright, green eyes.

"When can I see him?" I asked. Carlisle and Esme were being pretty great about the whole situation and were giving me some time to see and hold my son. I told them that it would only make it harder to leave him, but they insisted. They didn't say how much time I got with him, but they assured me they'd give me the time I needed. It didn't really matter how much time they were willing to give me with him.

I'd never be ready.

"He should be here soon," Edward nodded as he stood up and came to sit down next to me. He grabbed my hand and gently rubbed circles with his thumb. I felt goosebumps all over my body and looked up into his beautiful eyes. "You did great today, Bella."

I was about to say something back to him, but we were interrupted by a soft knock on the door. We told them it was okay to come in and a familiar nurse walked in, wheeling in a small, plastic bassinet. I bit my lip, trying not to cry as she parked it in front of me and picked him up. He was placed in my arms for the second time and I smiled as he looked up at me.

"Hey, you," I whispered as I gently bounced him. He looked adorable in his elephant blanket and baby blue hat. I really hoped this was something the Cullen's kept for him. They weren't planning on telling him he was adopted, but your baby blanket was special. He should always have it, even if he didn't exactly know where it came from.

Suddenly, his little arm escaped from the blanket again and his face squished together. He squawked a little bit before settling down again and snuggling into my side. It really was remarkable to watch him. Twenty-four hours ago, he was still inside me in his warm, safe environment. Now…he was here and I was having a hard time grasping what had just happened. I had just brought life into this world. Edward and I had created this perfect, little baby.

Was the way he was conceived perfect? No.

Was it worth it? Yes.

Absolutely.

"I hope he has green eyes," I whispered as I looked up at Edward.

"Why?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Guess I just have a special place in my heart for people with green eyes."

"Hmm," He nodded, not taking his eyes off of his son. We didn't bother calling my parents since Mom had dragged Dad home so she could get some sleep. She told me if the circumstances were different, she would have stayed to meet him. I think she knew how much it would hurt to meet him and then see him be given to the Cullen's. She was not the most supportive mother, but she loved me and I knew she loved this little boy. Alice was still in the waiting room, and I made sure Edward went to go get her.

She insisted on meeting him even though I was pretty against it.

"Oh," Alice squealed quietly as she and Jasper walked back into my room. "He's so cute."

"He is," I agreed. "If you guys wash your hands, you can hold him," I told them. Alice nearly knocked Edward over as she tried to get to the sink. She quickly washed her hands and walked back over to us. I held him out so that she could have a chance to hold him. She took a deep breath and scooped him out of my arms, and my eyes started filling with tears again as I watched them. Her first little nephew.

This was not supposed to be happening yet.

"He looks like you did when you were born, Bella." Alice cooed as she made faces at the baby.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"Pictures." She giggled. Oh. Duh. Mom and Dad had half of the walls in our house plastered with pictures from when we were little.

"I knew that," I fought as Edward sat back down next to me and he chuckled. "I did. Really."

"Sure you did, Bella." He laughed again.

"Hey…you try giving birth and then try to think straight." I folded my arms across my chest, annoyed that they were making fun of me. It had been a really long day at school on top of being in labor and giving birth.

I'd been awake for almost eighteen hours.

"I'm just messing with you," He said nervously as he grabbed my wrist. I nodded my head and tried not to cry, but for some reason, I couldn't help it. "Why are you crying?"

"I don't know," I shrugged honestly. "They…said I'd be…emotional." I cried as Edward reached for a tissue and handed me one. That made me cry even more.

"Now what?" He asked, pushing some stray hairs from my face.

"Because I'm crazy and you're being so nice to me," I cried, wiping my cheeks. "Just ignore the crazy lady and focus on the baby."

"So…do you want me to be a dick again?" He smiled.

"I…I'm so tired."

"Why don't you sleep, Bella?" Alice asked as she showed the baby to Jasper. I really wished we didn't have to keep calling him the baby, but I didn't know his name yet. I knew what I wanted to call him. I'd spent hours on the computer when we still weren't sure about adoption looking up different names.

Elijah.

That was the name I would have given him if we were keeping him. Elijah Mason Swan had a nice ring to it, as much as I liked Edward's suggestion. Elijah and Edward. They seemed to fit so perfectly as father and son. Elijah also went perfectly with Charlotte, the name I'd wanted to give my first daughter since I read Charlotte's Web in the fifth grade.

I gulped suddenly, trying not to cry. I didn't want to be crying anymore. I'd been crying since the party at Jess' when I got pregnant. I just wanted to feel normal anymore. And, even though I'd finally given birth, I was still nowhere near to feeling normal again. Now, I had to try and cope with the loss of my child, even though I knew he was going to be safe and loved.

"I hate to break up the party, but this little baby needs some sleep and so does mom," The nurse said as she walked back inside. Alice and Jasper gave our little boy a kiss before handing him to Edward. They left to give us some time alone with our son for the last time. The nurse left as well, knowing that this was our last time with him before Carlisle and Esme returned early in the morning.

"You will always be my son," I heard Edward whispered as he gave him a kiss on his little head. I turned away, unable to bear watching him say his goodbye. After a few more minutes, he gave the baby back to me and left the room and was probably looking for a smoke. I looked down at the baby, who had just woken up. He looked up at me and I burst into tears.

"You know I'm doing this to give you the best life possible, right?" I sniffled as he continued to look at me. "Carlisle and Esme are great people. You're going to be so loved, my little boy," I was sobbing at this point. "You're going to make me so proud. Never forget how much…your father and I love you."

I held him for a few more minutes before the nurse came back in, apologizing for the separation. I reluctantly handed her the baby and watched as she gently placed him in the bassinet. I watched as she wheeled him out of the room and cringed when the door finally shut. I looked over at the duffle bag that hadn't moved and grabbed the elephant to hold it. I held it tightly to my chest as I cried for the life I'd never have with my son.

I suddenly wanted to keep him like Edward had been asking me to do since the day I mentioned adoption. I knew it wasn't possible and I knew he was going to have a great life. But, I wanted to be selfish for once and I wanted to take him home and raise him with Edward. I wanted the three of us to be a family, no matter how dysfunctional that family might be. I wanted that life with Edward, but I'd never…ever get it.

Or admit it.

Edward came back into the room a few minutes after the baby had been taken away. He saw me hugging the elephant and crying and came over to the bed. I moved over so he could climb in next to him and he just held me while I sobbed into his t-shirt. I could feel him shaking beneath him and I just held him tighter. This baby boy had already affected us so much and I didn't think we'd ever be the same.

I wasn't sure when we fell asleep, but when I woke up next morning; Edward was hanging off of my bed. My neck hurt from sleeping in the same position all night, but as I laid here with Edward, I just couldn't make myself care. The sun was just starting to light the sky and as if on cue, my stomach started rumbling.

I hadn't eaten anything since lunch yesterday.

"Edward?" I whispered, lifting my head and looking at him. I giggled when I saw the string of drool coming from his mouth. "Edward?"

"Hmm?" He groaned, turning to face me without opening his eyes.

"I'm starving."

"That's nice." He mumbled, clearly not awake. Edward was not a morning person and he always let me know it.

"I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday," I told him. "Edward!"

"Huh?" He finally opened his eyes and looked at me.

"You're drooling," I giggled, pointing to the corner of his mouth. He quickly wiped his mouth, trying to keep his cool. It wasn't working and I couldn't help but laugh. It had been a long day.

"What do you want?" He asked as he sat up and got off my bed.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "What's opened?"

"I think I saw a 24-hour diner down the road." He yawned. "Do you want diner food?"

"At this point, I'll eat anything as long as it isn't ice chips." I giggled. "Chocolate chip pancakes?"

"Okay," He nodded, pulling his sweatshirt on.

"My wallet is in my book bag," I said, pushing the covers off of me and finally feeling all the pain everyone was talking about. My lady parts felt like they'd been run over by a truck…over and over again. "Ouch,"

"Bella," Edward groaned, walking over to me and helping me back into bed. "I can pay for it."

"No, you don't have to anymore."

"Huh?"

"I'm not pregnant anymore."

"So?"

"So you don't have to keep paying for me."

"Bella, sit down and just let me buy you breakfast." He rolled his eyes, leaning down and kissing the top of my head. "I'll be back." I nodded and sadly watched him leave me.

I spent the next couple minutes texting the people who were still talking to me. I let Angela and Ben know that the baby was healthy even though he was early. I let my parents know I was awake, but they wouldn't be for awake a while. Just as I was gonna try and rest some more, there was a soft knock on the door.

"Carlisle?" I asked when he walked into my room and let the door shut behind him.

"Esme is with the baby," He told me. "He's beautiful."

"When did you get here?" I asked. "I thought you guys left."

"We did, and then after thirty minutes of being home, Esme demanded that we come back."

"Why didn't you come see him?"

"We did," He assured me. "After he was brought back to the nursery after you and Edward had some time," He explained. "We didn't want to…bother you."

"He's perfect, isn't he?"

"We can't get enough of him and he's only a few hours old."

"Eight," I blurted out as I looked at the clock on the wall. "He's eight hours old."

"Thank you so much."

"Stop thanking me." I shook my head.

"We can't," He whispered. "We'll never be able to truly thank you for what you've done for us."

"Thank Edward for knocking me up at eighteen," I really didn't want to listen to this right now. Right now I wanted to be sad that this man was going home with my son and I wasn't.

"Well, whoever is responsible…" He trailed off. "We really would like to meet Edward before we take the baby home."

"When is he going home?"

"Since he was early, they're going to keep him here for a few days just to be safe," he explained. "They said he'd be here for three days." That's when I was getting out of the hospital. "Please, we…we just want to meet our son's father."

"I'll try," I shrugged. They probably would never meet Edward. I'd come to terms with that a long time ago.

"Would you like to know his name?" He asked gently.

"Maybe some other time," I nodded. "I'm exhausted and Edward should be back with breakfast in a few minutes. If he's going to meet you, I want to give him some time."

"Alright," He nodded.

"I can call you if he agrees to it," I added when he looked quite unsure.

"Thank you, Bella." He smiled before pulling the big door open and walking outside. When the door shut, I couldn't help it and started to cry again. I was so tired of crying. It felt like I'd been crying for months and now my hormones were really messed up. I grabbed the stuffed elephant from beside me and held it close to me again.

"They also had blueberry, so I got both because you can never really make up your mind," Edward joked as he came back into the room. I quickly calmed myself down and wiped my cheeks, but Edward was smart. He'd gotten to know me over the last nine months and he knew all of the signs that I'd been crying.

"Bella," He whispered, setting the bag on the nearby chair and came to sit with me again. "Now what? You put your slipper on the wrong foot?"

"No," I shook my head. "Carlisle just came in."

"Oh," He looked down at the tile floor sadly.

"They named him," I said as my bottom lip quivered. "They've met him."


	6. Everything That I Never Thought Could Ha

**Chapter Six:** **Everything That I Never Thought Could Happen**

* * *

 **November 7, 2017**

"You sick again, kiddo?" Dad asked as I walked downstairs in a pair of leggings and an old cheer t-shirt. I hadn't been feeling good for over a week. At first, I thought I'd eaten something bad but now I was beginning to think it was stress. I had a few AP tests next week and cheer had been crazy lately since Jess and Lauren weren't speaking for some reason. Plus, I had been filling out college applications and writing the essays which was a whole new level of stress.

"Yeah, I'll be okay though," I groaned as I sat down and tried to get something in my stomach. But as soon as I swallowed the bite of toast, I thought I was going to hurl and bolted to the downstairs bathroom. I got to the toilet just in time to throw up and sat there for a little bit, wondering if I should just stay in here until I didn't feel nauseous anymore.

But, it was a school day and I couldn't miss. I had too much to get done today, especially with tests coming up next week. And my mom would never allow me to miss...even though I was supposed to be vomit free for twenty-four hours before going back to school.

So, I went upstairs and brushed my teeth for the second time and grabbed my things for school. Emmett was pulling into my driveway right on schedule for once and I was actually kind of pissed at him for being on time. I did not want to throw up in his jeep, but if he drove the way he did yesterday, there was a giant possibility of that happening.

"You still feeling sick?" He asked as I got into the car and refused to kiss him.

"Yeah, I think I might have caught a bug or something."

"You should just stay home."

"I don't have a fever." I shrugged. "Mom would never let me."

"She needs to pull that stick out of her ass," Emmett laughed as he pulled out of the driveway. When we got to school, I was already feeling a bit better and was just determined to get through the day without throwing up again. Unfortunately, once I had my things from my locker, I felt it coming on again and bolted to the nearest bathroom.

"Bella, you okay?" I heard Angela ask as I flushed the toilet.

"I think I caught something," I groaned as I cupped my hands under the sink to get a drink. Angela pulled a stick of gum out of her bag and while it wasn't perfect, it would have to do. I stuck the gum in my mouth and washed my hands one last time for good measure and grabbed my bag. When we left the bathroom, Edward was right in front of the door and I slammed right into him

"Watch where you're going!" I spazzed.

"You ran into me," Edward rolled his eyes as Rosalie approached. The two of them had gotten back together about three days after the party and it kind of made me sick thinking about how toxic their relationship was.

I never did end up confessing about what happened to Emmett. I knew that telling him would just hurt him more and although I wanted to be honest, I didn't want to create any more problems. I felt guilty every day, and maybe I should have told him, but I was selfish. I wanted things to just be the way they were supposed to be and telling him that I slept with Edward wasn't going to happen.

"Please move," I moaned when he wouldn't get out of my way so I could run from him

"Why?"

"Just move!" I shouted more loudly than I wanted to.

"Wow, you're cranky this morning," He smirked. "You need any help feeling better?"

"Fuck you, Edward," I hadn't liked him very much before sleeping with him and now I kind of hated his guts. He was such a cocky asshole. All the fucking time.

"You already did," He whispered so low only I could hear him. My breath hitched, scared someone had heard him, but I was pretty sure no one was standing close enough that they could. "Watch your mouth, Swan. Someone might think you're less than perfect. Oh, wait…" He lowered his voice. "You already are."

"Bella, just ignore him," Angela sighed as she tugged on my arm and pulled me away from him. I looked back and he was making gross, kissy faces at me despite Rosalie being right next to him. I mean, she wasn't really the cream of the crop either, but what did she see in him? He was just mean and had absolutely no respect for her.

I mean, I guess I couldn't really judge her, but I had no desire to ever be near him again.

I spent the rest of the morning, going back and forth to the bathroom. There were a few times when the nausea subsided, but for the most part, I spent ten minutes puking my guts out even though I really didn't have anything in my stomach at that point. After lunch though, I felt almost completely fine which I thought was a little strange, but I just figured it was because I didn't have anything left to throw up.

Edward had been infuriating the entire day and wouldn't let up. He was constantly near me and whispering things in my ears. I wanted to ask Emmett to beat him up, but then he would ask why and I couldn't tell him the exact reason why Edward was being a huge ass.

I finally managed to get through the day and headed down to the locker room to change for cheer. It wasn't something I was really looking forward to since I probably should have been taking it easy since I spent a good part of the morning throwing up. But I was one of the captains along with Kate. The girls liked Kate, but I could tell they liked me more and were always more willing to listen to me. I needed to be there since we were learning a new routine today. I quickly changed into my leggings and long-sleeve cheer t-shirt since it was getting quite cold outside and slammed my locker shut. Just as I was about to leave, Lauren came up to me.

"Bella, I think I'm gonna have to sit out."

"Why, Lauren?" I asked, trying not to roll my eyes. She wasn't as dedicated as some of the other girls on the team and was always trying to get out of practice. She was only a cheerleader because she wanted to impress Tyler and the uniform was enough for him to want to date her. He didn't care if she was actually a good cheerleader.

He talked about it to Emmett all the time.

"I have the worst cramps of my entire life," she complained. "It feels like my insides are being torn apart."

"Lauren, you always seem to have cramps…" I trailed off when I realized that she was about to start her period, and I hadn't had mine in two months. Mine was always right on time, and it was always the first week of the month. I hadn't had a period since September and I started to panic.

No. No. It…it couldn't be. I couldn't be pregnant. Emmett and I hadn't had sex. And...Edward and I were safe. We used condoms. I mean the memory was really fuzzy but I wouldn't let him have sex with me if we didn't have a condom. But...the memory was fuzzy. Sure if I had been sober I wouldn't have done anything with protection, but we were so drunk.

No. No. No. No. I started crying as I ran into one of the bathroom stalls.

"Bella?" Kate called through the bathroom. "You okay?"

"I think I'm going to have to go home," I told her without opening the door and tried to compose myself. "I was sick all morning and I just threw up again."

"Yeah, go home," She chuckled. "I don't want you getting anyone else sick."

"Me either," I tried to hold it together, but as soon as I heard the door click shut, I was hysterical. After my eyes ran dry, I unlocked the bathroom stall and bolted out of the bathroom, grabbed my things and then ran home to grab my car. Not knowing where else to go, I ran home. Then I realized if I didn't find out officially then I would drive myself absolutely crazy. I ran back outside to my car and drove to Port Angeles to go to a drug store no one would recognize me at. When I reached the aisle I needed, my heart stopped a little bit.

There were so many options to choose from. I grabbed a whole bunch and walked up to the cashier to check out. I did my best not to make eye contact with her, but when I eventually did, she gave me a look of complete pity. I paid with cash so my parents would have absolutely no idea what was going on and ran out of the store back to my car. I made my way to Alice's little house because there was no way I could be alone during this and I didn't trust anyone else.

"Bella?" She asked as she opened the door. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at practice," Her eyes grew wide. "Are you okay?"

"I messed up, Alice." I cried as she pulled me into a tight hug. Once I composed myself a little bit more, I handed her the bag full of pregnancy tests because I just couldn't find the words.

"Bella," She whispered.

"I messed up," I repeated. "I just…I couldn't be alone and I couldn't risk someone at home seeing me buy a bunch of pregnancy tests."

"I didn't even know you had started having sex. Does Emmett know?" My sister was going to think I was a horrible person and a complete slut once I told her Emmett wasn't the father. "He doesn't, does he?"

"He's…" I took a deep breath. "He's not the father."

"Then…wait what? He's not the father?"

"No,"

"You two are still together aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"Then…Bella, did you cheat on him?"

"We were fighting and we were at a party and I got drunk and…I'm such a slut."

"You are not a slut," She tried to assure me but I still wasn't so sure. "But, jeez, Bella. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was drunk and he was hot and I…I made a horrible mistake. I lost my virginity when I was pissed off and drunk to someone...what the hell do I do if I am pregnant?"

"Let's just cross that bridge when we come to it," She sighed as she handed me the bag. "Do you need something to drink?"

"Yeah," I nodded as I followed her into the kitchen. We sat in complete silence as I drank a bunch of water so I would have to pee. After a while, I took the bag and went into the bathroom to take the tests that would determine the rest of my life. I opened one of the boxes and sat down to take the test. I took one after the other until I was out of tests and outs of pee. I washed my hands and went to sit with Alice in the living room and had already set a timer.

"I don't want this," I cried. "I don't want to be the pregnant girl in high school. That was supposed to be Jess or Lauren because..." I wasn't trying to be mean, but it was true. Everyone thought Mike was going to get Jess pregnant when we were only sixteen. They weren't the smartest people when it came to being safe.

And apparently neither was I.

"Shhh," She tried to soothe. I laid my head on her shoulder as we waited for her phone to go off. When it did, I begged her to go and look because I didn't have the strength to look. After she went into the bathroom and came back, the look on her face said it all.

The tests were positive and I was pregnant.

I was pregnant with Edward Masen's baby.

This was so not what was supposed to happen.

So, I did the only thing I could think of and laid my head in my sister's lap and cried my eyes out. I sobbed for what seemed like hours until I heard keys in the lock, which meant Jasper was home. I wanted to tell Alice to get rid of those tests, but I couldn't even talk I was so upset.

"What happened?" Jasper asked, immediately crossing the room and crouching down next to me. "Bella?"

"Can I tell him?" Alice asked gently and I nodded my head. I trusted Jasper as much as I trusted Alice. He would never tell my parents and I knew he'd be supportive of whatever I decided. "Bella's pregnant."

"What?" He screeched.

"Jasper," Alice pleaded.

"Whoa," He sighed as Alice gently stroked my back.

"I'm a slut," I sobbed for the thousandth time that night.

"Bells, do your parents know you're here?" Jasper asked. I shook my head. "I'm going to call them and tell them we kidnapped you for the night."

"They'll know something's wrong," I argued.

"If you come home like this, they'll really know something is wrong. I'll call your dad."

"Okay," I didn't want to go home and I knew Dad wouldn't try and fight with him. Dad knew that sometimes I just needed time with my sister. He understood that in a way mom never could since she was an only child. Jasper went into the kitchen and I could feel my eyes growing heavy. I was about to fall asleep when Jasper came back into the living room to tell me it was fine if I slept over.

"Bella, I want to take you to the hospital to get a sonogram and run some tests," Jasper said. "Those tests aren't always right,"

"I can't go to the hospital," I argued. They would ask me for my health insurance and then my parents would find out. I wasn't ready to tell them yet.

"We won't admit you, but I don't want you to do this to yourself if you don't have to."

"It's a good idea, Bella," Alice whispered and I sat up. I eventually agreed and I pulled my shoes back on. We drove the short distance to the hospital Jasper worked at and he managed to get us a room so he could do what he needed to do. I laid down on the bed and lift my shirt so he could put the jelly on my stomach. He placed the wand on my belly and looked for a baby.

"So?" I asked after five, painfully long minutes.

"You see that?" He pointed to a white thing that kind of looked like a peanut. I nodded my head and he looked pained to tell me. "That's the baby. It's about the size of a blueberry."

"Oh my god," I cried and continued to look at the small thing that was changing my life completely. "That's…that's it?"

"Looks like you're about seven weeks." He said. "I can print pictures if you want so you can show Emmett," And at the mention of his name, I started crying. Again. I would have to show the pictures to Edward because he was the father. Not Emmett.

How the hell did I wind up here?

I was a good kid. I always did what I was told and I got good grades. I did community service hours and I wanted to help people. How did I wind up pregnant at eighteen with a guy's baby who I didn't even like? My baby wasn't going to have a father. There was no way in hell Edward was going to take responsibility and I'd have to trick Emmett into thinking it was his if he was ever going to be in the picture. And I would never…ever do that.

After printing the pictures and handing them to me, we packed up our things and headed back to their apartment. Jasper made us dinner, but I just wasn't hungry. My mind was going a million miles a minute and I was starting to get a headache. Neither of them knew what to say either so they just stayed quiet.

What were you supposed to say to your baby sister who just found out she was pregnant at eighteen?

After we were finished with dinner, Jasper offered to clean up so Alice could be with me. I went up to their small guestroom and changed into a pair of Alice's PJ's because I was exhausted and I needed to be up super early in order to get to school on time the next morning. All of a sudden, nausea this morning didn't seem too weird anymore.

After I was dressed and was heading for the bathroom, I walked past the full-length mirror and lifted my shirt up and turned sideways. My stomach was sticking out the tiniest bit and I hadn't even realized that I was gaining weight. Soon, I was actually going to start looking like I was pregnant and I wasn't going to be able to hide this for very much longer.

"It's just some bloating," Jasper said from the door, making me jump. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

I nodded. "No one will know that you're pregnant. Not for a little bit longer."

"Okay," He seemed to sense that I didn't want to talk so he left me alone.

"I brought you some tea to try and relax you," Alice whispered as she came into the room and set a mug on my dresser. "It'll be okay."

"How can you say that?" I barked. "Mom's going to flip. Everyone is going to know that I'm having sex. Emmett is going to hate me and…I don't even like the father."

"Who is the father?" She asked cautiously.

"Edward."

"Edward who?"

"Masen."

"That punk who's always getting into trouble and always breaking up with his girlfriend?"

"Yep."

"Oh, Bella," She repeated for the hundredth time that night. Now I knew I really was a screw up if Alice was starting to sound disappointed in me.

"What am I going to do, Alice?" I asked.

"You need to decide if you're even going to have the baby."

"Do you think I should have an abortion?"

"I can't make that decision for you," She shook her head. "But, I know you, Bella. You volunteer at the animal shelter and you take spiders outside because you don't want to kill them. Do you think you could go through with…an abortion?"

"No,"

"So, now you need to decide if you're going to keep the baby or give it up for adoption."

"I need to figure out how to tell Mom and Dad first," I rolled my eyes. "That's step one."

"And you need to tell Edward."

"I can't."

"He has a right to know even if you don't want it to be his."

"We don't even like each other, Alice. How do I tell him I'm pregnant with his baby?" She shrugged and was quiet. I knew she was right. He had the right to know that I was going to have his baby. Whether I kept him to raise him myself or let a nice couple adopt him, I had to tell Edward he was going to be a father.

The next morning, I woke up feeling sick again and bolted to the bathroom so I could throw up. I was already so miserable and I wasn't even two months along yet, and I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with this for another seven months.

Seven months. I had seven months to figure out what I wanted to do…figure out what Edward and I wanted to do. I was almost positive that he would tell me to terminate the pregnancy once he found out, so I was sure he wouldn't be much help at all. My mind started reeling about all of the logistics that came with being pregnant. I was going to have to find a doctor and plan so that my appointments would be after school. I would have to quit cheerleading and I would have to shop for maternity clothes. I was going to get fat and because I was a teenager, people were going to give me looks of pity and disgust.

When I left their house, I headed right to school in one of Alice's old t-shirts and the same leggings I'd worn the day before. I made it to school just before the bell rang and realized I hadn't done any homework. My teachers would know something was wrong immediately because I always had my homework finished for the day. Thankfully, I'd read ahead in a few of my classes and would at least be able to participate in class.

When I saw Edward standing with Rosalie and another one of his friends, I felt sick to my stomach. I wasn't going to tell him I was pregnant in front of everyone, but I could at least tell him we needed to talk. The closer I got to him, the more I lost my nerve and almost turned around when he called my name.

"Hello, Swan. You look quite horrible this morning," He mocked, but he was totally right. I looked like shit and I felt even worse.

"Can we talk?" I asked, barely above a whisper.

"Board of your boring life and friends?"

"Edward," I said seriously. He made a whole big scene about it but eventually walked with me down the hall.

"What's up, Swan?"

"Are you free after school?"

"Why? You wanna go for round two?"

"Would you shut up?" I hissed. "I just need to talk to you after school. You can follow me to my house."

"Can't you just tell me now?" He wined.

"No. Please, Edward." I begged.

"Since you asked so nicely, sure. I'll come over." He winked like a pig and walked away to go back to his girlfriend. He swung his arm over her shoulder and started nuzzling her neck. He was such a pig, but I wasn't much better.

And then I started feeling bad for Rosalie. Whether I understood it or not, she seemed to really love him or she wouldn't keep getting back together with him. She was either totally in love with him or he was playing mind games with her. And either one could be very true. He turned around one last time and winked at me and I looked away awkwardly.

I was already dreading the last bell to ring.


	7. This is When the Feeling Sinks In

**Chapter Seven: T** **his is When the Feeling Sinks In**

* * *

 **May 13, 2018 – 8:00 a.m.**

"Did they tell you the name?" Edward asked as he paced around the room

"No," I shook my head. "I told them I didn't want to know yet."

"What if they named him something awful?" He asked. "Like Carl or Clifford or Eric?"

"What's wrong with the name Eric?" I tried hiding my laughter.

"I just don't like it," He shrugged seriously. "But what if they give him a bad name and he gets picked on when he's at school?"

"I'm sure they didn't,"

"But you don't know that,"

"You're right, I don't know that they didn't give him an awful name," I said, trying to stay calm. "But, they're relatively normal people so I think his name is safe."

"Can we tell them our suggestion?" He laughed and I could tell he was starting to calm down a bit.

"I think they're pretty set on his name."

"He still looks like a Lucas."

"I think he looks like an Elijah."

"Elijah?"

"I never told you that?"

"No,"

"When I was still unsure what we were going to, I picked a name for him. Elijah Masen Swan."

"Perfect," He smiled. "Bella, I think we need to…" He trailed off, as there was a soft knock on the door. He shut his eyes, looking pained as I told whoever it was to come in. Dad pushed the door open and was smiling as he handed me yet another stuffed animal.

I had started a collection in the mere hours since I'd gone into labor.

"Dad," I laughed as he kissed my forehead.

"I'm sorry I left last night, I should have stayed."

"You needed to be with mom."

"No, I needed to be with my daughter who was giving birth. I was tossing and turning all night."

"Don't feel guilty, I'm okay."

"How's the baby?" He asked nervously.

"He's amazing. He's a little small, but he's healthy. They're going to keep him for a few days just to be safe," I told him. "Where's Mom?"

"I wanted to come for a bit without her." Even though Dad wasn't thrilled about my pregnancy, he was a little more enthusiastic and was a little more heartbroken about the adoption. He was supportive, but I knew this was hard on him. He was his first grandchild after all, and he loved him regardless of the situation we were in. "Do you…think I could meet him?"

"The Cullen's are with him in the nursery," I explained. "But, I'm sure they'd let you meet him."

"Do you want to come?" He asked.

"I don't want to, D,d." I whispered. "It's too hard. I…Edward and I said our goodbyes a little after he was born. I can't do that again. Carlisle and Esme know who you are, they won't send you away."

"Does he have a name?"

"We don't know it," Edward spoke up.

"His last name is Cullen, though, if you need to find him," Dad nodded and then left the room, leaving Edward and I alone again. It looked like he was about to say something again when the door flew open and his mother stormed into the room without an invitation.

"Edward Anthony Masen." She seethed. "Did you not feel the need to come get me when you found out your…child…was being born?"

"I called you like twenty times last night, Mom," He rolled his eyes.

"I was preoccupied, you should have come to get me. You know I wouldn't be able to drive."

"You were preoccupied?" He laughed. "Is preoccupied the new term for high or drunk?"

"I had a right to be here."

"You had no right to be here."

"That's my fucking grandson!"

"You think I'd let you around my child?" He barked. "You're a drunk and a drug addict, Mom! I wouldn't let you anywhere near our son!"

"I am not a drunk!" She said and I snickered. "What are you laughing at Barbie?"

"Mother! You need to leave! You're going to wake up the entire floor."

"Both of you need to quiet down," I hissed, getting both of their attention. "Elizabeth, I'm sorry that you wanted to be here, but Edward is right. Even if we were keeping our son, you would never be allowed near him," I sighed. "And he tried calling you a bunch of times last night because we thought you at least had the right to know I was in labor, even if we didn't want you here."

"What do you mean if you were keeping him?" She asked, ignoring the point I made about Edward calling her. "I thought you were going to talk to her?"

"We have talked, Mom," He groaned. "And I told you about a hundred times that he was going to be adopted."

"I won't allow it."

"You don't have a choice, Elizabeth." I rolled my eyes. She was probably high right now.

"My son does though. And I know he is not on board with this."

"He signed the papers, so it doesn't matter anymore."

"How could you do this to him? You managed to get yourself knocked up and then you take that baby away from him just so you could go on living your perfect little life?" She laughed. "Well, let me tell you, honey, you'll never have a normal life again. You're a slut and you're always going to be a slut."

"Get. Out," Edward seethed, practically shoving her out the door. I felt my eyes welling up with tears as he leaned against the door to try and compose himself. I'd only met his mother on a few occasions and she was usually on something. But that was probably the cruelest she'd ever been. At least in front of me. "I'm so sorry."

"No one has called me that in a few months," I cried as he handed me a tissue and sat on the bed with me. "How'd she find us? I thought you didn't leave any messages?"

"I left one, but I didn't think she'd actually get it because it said her mailbox was full," He explained. "She was wrong, you know that right?"

"Was she? Because…"

"Don't do that to yourself again," He gulped. "You aren't a slut and you know it. We both made mistakes that night, but I think it turned out pretty well. I mean…we have a beautiful, baby boy."

"He's not ours, Edward," He was trying so hard to convince me to stop the adoption, but I couldn't. We'd already signed the papers. Legally, that baby boy wasn't ours anymore. "Please stop making this so difficult."

"It doesn't have to be difficult."

"Do you know how much it costs to raise a child?" I asked. "$233,610. That's thirty-eight grand a year, Edward. Do you make that much at your job at Newton's or at the diner?"

"No,"

"I don't make that much either with the babysitting job I have. And my parents would never give us that kind of money," I shook my head. "Do you know the chance of me going to college and becoming a doctor while trying to raise a child? Or the chance you would have to become a successful artist like I know you want to be?"

"No,"

"Very slim, Edward," I really hoped he was getting my point. "Putting him up for adoption has nothing to do with how much we love him. It has everything to do with the fact that we can't care for him like the Cullen's can. Carlisle is a doctor and Esme is a very successful businesswoman. They are well taken care of and he will have everything he could possibly ever want."

"Isn't life more about money and what money can buy?" He asked and I could tell he was getting pissed. "I mean I know you grew up completely spoiled, but our son doesn't need to be spoiled. He needs to be loved."

"He will be loved, Edward!" I sighed. "But he's also going to be well fed and he won't ever be hungry. He'll always have a good roof over his head."

"Mom's right."

"About what?" I snorted. He didn't actually agree with that woman. He was just pissed at me right now.

"That boy is my kid too," He crossed his arms over his chest. "And I am not on board with giving him away like some gift you didn't like."

"Is that what you think I'm doing? Just giving him away like last years prom dress?"

"Well…isn't it?"

"We aren't doing this again. We've been doing this for months."

"I should have fought harder."

"For what?"

"My son. I should have told you to give him to me."

"Give him to you? What so you could raise him?"

"Maybe."

"Edward…if we can't provide him with what he needs as a team, how the hell are you going to provide for him? And where would you have lived? In that toxic place, you call home?"

"I would have figured something out."

"So not only would you be paying for the baby you would have been paying for a tiny apartment?"

"I would have figured it out!" He argued. "I love him."

"I do too!" I yelled. "But the fact is...our love for him isn't enough. It's not enough to just love him. We need to be able to provide a life for him."

"We would have food and shelter. We would have enough. "

"We don't have the money for everything he would need."

"I can get a better job."

"Doing what? You were excited about art school. You wouldn't be able to do that if we were raising our baby. At least not right away."

"Yeah and I'm okay with putting what I want on the back burner. Unlike you."

"Excuse me?"

"You're not some hero, Bella. You're not being selfless by giving him up. I know your dad thinks you walk on water for giving him up, but you don't. You're not willing to give up your dreams for our child to stay with us."

"That's not fair."

"It's the truth, though!" He yelled and I wondered how we'd gotten back to this point. We hadn't had a big fight like this in months. We had arguments, but for a while, I thought he had accepted that adoption was the best option. I didn't forge his signature. He wasn't thrilled but I'd gotten him to sign the adoption papers. And now his mother had gotten in his head and he was thinking about it again.

"I'm sorry that I value my education and that I want a life for myself," I bit my lip. "I'm sorry that we got pregnant during senior year of hihg school and we don't have what we need to take care of our baby. But it's not my fault."

"Plans can change. You could have still gone to college. We could have moved to wherever Stanford it," He said. "Or you could have decided to go somewhere in Seattle to make it a bit easier."

"Edward,"

"We had options. You just wanted it to be easy."

"You think this is easy for me?"

"You gave him to the nurse without batting an eye and now he's gone."

"I've been processing this for months," I told him. "I've been thinking about how horrible it would be to give him up for months. I knew it was coming, Edward."

"It looked like you were so ready to give him up..."

"Stop making things up to make me look like a villain!" I argued. "I'm dying inside, Edward. I just carried that baby inside of me for eight months and I only got to hold him for a few hours. You don't get it!"

"Then why didn't you fight for him?"

We were talking in circles now. "Oh my god," I cried. "You're impossible! You want it one way and that's the only way for you. You won't stop for one minute to really think about the situation!"

"Bella,"

"I'm his mother! I wish we could take care of him, but we're teenagers. We don't know anything about babies and we aren't ready for this!"

"You're not ready. I am."

"You just want to be ready. So you've convinced yourself that you are!"

"What if something happens to him?" He asked. "In their care? What if something horrible happens?"

"What is something horrible happens if we keep him?" I asked. "Bad things happen and just because he's with another couple doesn't mean something will happen. You need to trust..."

"What? You?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "You need to trust that I wouldn't have chosen Carlisle and Esme if I didn't think they were the right people to adopt him."

"Fuck this," He mumbled and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. As I laid in bed, I started thinking back to when Edward and I were kids. We were friends. We spent a lot of time at the playground together. We were in all of the same classes until the third grade. I always thought and hoped that we were going to be friends for a really long time and now we were yelling at each other in a hospital room.

 _"I bet that I can run faster than you!" Edward laughed as we swang in the swings at the end of summer vacation. We had spent a lot of time together that summer and he was always betting me that he was a faster runner. I always won, but he was determined to be faster for once._

 _"No way!" I yelled._

 _"Wanna bet?"_

 _"You've already spent your weekly allowance on ice cream. You have nothing to offer me."_

 _"If you win, then you have to buy me ice cream from the truck."_

 _"What about you?"_

 _"I'll give you a kiss," He smiled, raising his eyebrows._

 _"Gross!" I exclaimed but he extended his hand. "Fine. You're on."_

 _"Deal," We shook hands and jogged over to our usual starting line. "Remember, to the swings and back."_

 _"Right," I nodded confidently. There was no way he was winning and kissing me. No way. I was eight. Boys had cooties. "Go!" I laughed and we took off. Just as I was about to get to the swings, some baby came walking in front of me and I had to run sideways so I wouldn't hit him. That gave Edward the advantage and he started to get ahead of me._

 _It looked like we'd touched the table at the same time, but he had won fair and square._

 _"I win!" He laughed. "Pucker up!"_

 _"Gross. No."_

 _"Bella, I won the bet. And you can't go back on a bet. We shook hands."_

 _"Okay," I said disgustedly. "Not on the lips, lover boy."_

 _"I'm the kisser. You shush." I closed my eyes and braced for impact. Much to my surprise, Edward gave me a gentle peck on the cheek and then ran back towards the jungle gym. I shrugged my shoulders and chased after him. We started playing cops and robbers like usual when a question donned on me._

 _"Edward?"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Do you like me?"_

 _"I guess," He shrugged. "Why?" I shrugged. "Do you like me."_

 _"I think so. Do you wanna be my boyfriend?"_

 _"What does that mean?"_

 _"I don't know," I said. "Alice has a boyfriend. They hold hands sometimes. I think they kiss."_

 _"They KISS!?" He asked, covering his mouth. I nodded. "Whoa. I can't wait to be a grownup."_

 _"Alice isn't a grownup," I argued. "Okay. You're my boyfriend then."_

 _"Okay," He laughed as he tagged me and ran away._

I had almost forgotten that he was my first boyfriend. It only lasted until the second week of the third grade, but I remember laughing a lot when he was my boyfriend. I wondered where that sweet boy who had almost been my first kiss had gone. I thought he was starting to come back over these last few weeks, but I had been wrong.

Edward was still a dick. I couldn't change him and I didn't think a baby would change him either.

I was about to start doing some more homework in order to pass the time when a nurse came in to check on me. I asked how the baby was doing and she smiled at me. She assured me he was doing very well and he had two happy parents that refused to leave him. That was good. That's what I expected when I picked the Cullen's to take him home.

"Jamie?" I asked thoughtfully.

"Yes?" She asked as she worked.

"Can I leave this room?"

"You're encouraged to. You want to go anywhere in particular?"

"I'd like to go to the nursery," I asked. "Please? I won't go in. I know my limits, I just want to see him."

"I can arrange that," She smiled and grabbed me a wheelchair since I was still so sore. She wheeled me down the hall and to the big glass window. SHe helped me stand up so I could get a better look. I searched the nursery until I found a plastic bassinet in the second row with Cullen written on his car.

"He's even more beautiful than I remember," I sighed as I watched him squirm in his blanket. I looked around the nursery and didn't find the Cullen's anywhere and I assumed they'd gone to get something to eat.

"If I remember correctly, his APGAR score was a seven."

"Is that good?"

"It is," She assured me. "He's healthy. You did a very good job. I can tell you took your pregnancy very seriously."

"Then why did he come so early?"

"I don't know," She mused. "Wish I could tell you, but that's not important. The important thing is that you and the baby are both healthy. You were very lucky."

I nodded. "I'll give you two some space," She smiled and walked around the corner. I looked in on the baby again and I felt my eyes prickling with tears again. I gently touched the glass, wishing I could go in there and pick him up.

"Hey," I whispered. "You're even more beautiful than before, did you know that?" I asked even though I knew he couldn't hear me. "You know I'm not giving up on you, right? You know that I'm doing this for your best chance?"

"He knows," I heard Alice say as she approached me.

"You sure?"

"You're his mother," She smiled. "You would never do anything to hurt him."

"Edward seems to think that I'm just throwing him away like an old prom dress."

She rolled her eyes. "Look, I like Edward. He's a decent guy, but he's not the mom. He thinks it's hard on him...he can't even imagine how you're feeling. No one can unless they've done this before."

"I wonder what they've named him," I mused, changing the subject. "His little tag just says Baby Boy Cullen."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's great."

"Did you know Edward doesn't like the name Eric?"

"Why not?"

"He thinks it's weird," I laughed.

"He's weird."

"He is," I agreed.

And I loved him despite his weirdness.


	8. What's Gonna Kill You is the Second Part

**Chapter Eight:** **What's Gonna Kill You is the Second Part**

* * *

 **November 8, 2016**

I couldn't concentrate all day. I just wanted to get this terrible day over with. But, at the same time, I didn't want to go home. If I went home that meant I had to tell Edward that I was pregnant. When I told Edward, the pregnancy was like…really happening. We would have to start planning what we wanted to do about the baby. He would have the chance to tell me he didn't want to be involved and that I was on my own. I was pretty sure he was going to do that so that made me not want to tell him.

But the reality was…I had a responsibility to him. I needed to tell him whether I thought he was going to be involved or not. I had the smallest sliver of hope that he would want to be involved in the baby's life, but I was really trying not to get my hopes up.

This was Edward Masen. He didn't make any kind of commitment to anyone. I didn't think a baby would be any different for him.

At the end of the day, I told Kate that I was still feeling really sick and that I shouldn't be at practice. When she asked me why I bothered coming to school, I lied and told her I had just started feeling sick during last period. I could tell she kind of didn't believe me, but she let me go home anyway. After the halls were mostly cleared out, I found Edward at his locker. I took a deep breath and went over to him.

"Hey," I said cautiously.

"Hello there," She smiled smugly at me.

"Do you want to ride with me?"

"Where?"

"To my house," I rolled my eyes.

"Why am I going to your house?"

"Edward, please," I begged just wishing he could be serious for once in his life.

"Just give me your address," I took out a post-it note and wrote down my address for him. "See you there, baby."

"Don't call me that," I sighed as I turned to walk away from him. When I got in my car, I fought off the urge to cry because I was so damn tired of crying. But I had a feeling I would be crying a lot during the next seven months.

My hands were sweating as I gripped the steering wheel. I did not want to tell him that I was pregnant, but what else was I supposed to do? He was the father whether I liked it or not. I had to be at least somewhat responsible about the situation. When I got home, his truck wasn't in the driveway yet and my parents weren't home.

Thank God.

I went inside and grabbed a bottle of water and an orange out of the fruit bowel since the pamphlet Jasper gave me said eating lots of colorful fruits and veggies was good for the baby. I waited anxiously for Edward to arrive and when I heard his clunky trunk pull into the driveway, I lost my nerve. I was about to lie to him, but I knew I couldn't do that.

I was going to be a mother in a few months. I needed to face the music.

I got to the front door before he knocked. When I opened the door, he was leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. He was wearing his famous leather jacket and for a split second, I thought he looked fucking hot.

But that's how I got into this mess so I put that thought out of my head and gave him a forced smile.

"Hi," I sighed.

"Are you going to invite me in?" He asked smugly.

I rolled my eyes. "Come in," I said as I stepped out of the way. He pushed passed me and I shut the door. When I got to him in the living room, his jacket was thrown on the floor. He was pulling his t-shirt over his head. Was he seriously getting naked in my living room? And more importantly, why was he getting naked in my living room?

"Uhhh, what are you doing?"

"I don't do the whole foreplay thing," He shrugged. "We doing this here or your bedroom?" He asked. "Or you wanna go to our spot?"

"Our spott?"

"The bathroom," He winked. "I'm going to take your blank stare as you just want to do this quick and dirty."

"Do what?" I asked.

"Umm, fuck," He shrugged nonchalantly.

"You think I asked you to come over so we could have sex?" I put my hands on my hips. "I have a boyfriend."

"You still not tell him about what happened at that party?" He asked smugly. "Awe, prince charming still wants to date you."

I sighed. "I didn't ask you here so we could repeat the worst night of my life."

"You didn't think it was the worst night of your life while we were fucking in that bathroom," He raised his eyebrows. "You were pretty fucking happy."

"Shut up,"

"What _would_ people say if they found out the perfect girl next door, Isabella Swan, cheated on her quarterback boyfriend with the school's bad boy?" He asked. He was really starting to grind my gears. I guess that's what he was trying to do. "I bet you'd lose that perfect reputation you've been trying so hard to keep up."

"Why are you such a dick?"

"Being nice didn't get me very far in life," He said. "And people haven't…been very nice to me. Why should I be nice to anyone else?"

"People would be nice to you if you weren't such a dick."

"You're wrong," He snapped. "Why am I even here, Swan? If you don't wanna fuck why did you drag me out to the richie rich part of town?"

"We need to talk."

"About what? We aren't friends and you've been pretty clear that we aren't fuck buddies. What else could there be to talk about?"

"Well, I have to ask you something?"

"Can we make this quick? I have places I need to be."

"Your precious girlfriend can wait!" I yelled.

"Jealous?"

"Did you use fucking protection…that night?" I blurted out.

"Of course. I never go bare. I don't know where you've been."

"Were the condoms expired?" I asked. "Or just crappy condoms?"

"I got them at CVS. I don't really know. Why are you so obsessed with the condoms I used?"

"Edward," My breathing picked up. "You need to know something."

"Do you have an STD?" He asked. "Because I swear to god…"

"I'm pregnant," I snapped as tears pooled in my eyes.

"W-what?"

"I'm…pregnant," I sighed. "I'm…seven weeks along."

"No," He argued. "We used fucking protection. You're just trying to rope me into something."

"I'm not," I promised. "I'm seriously pregnant."

"Then it's your quarterbacks."

"It's yours."

"You're fucking crazy," He shook his head as he pulled his jacket back on.

"Edward, please. It's your baby," I pleaded.

"I'm late for something." He stormed out of the house, slamming the front door behind him. I cringed when the door shut and sat down on the arm of the sofa.

That had not gone as planned.

Since there was no one else I could talk to, I dialed Alice's number. She didn't pick up. I looked at the clock and she was still at work and I remembered she had a big project due soon. She was busy and I had no one else in this world that knew what I was going through at the moment. I looked up on the mantel and saw a prom picture from last year. Emmett was standing behind me and grabbing my hips. It was superposed but it was the one my mother wanted to be printed for the house.

Refusing to let this pregnancy ruin my life, I grabbed my keys and my jacket and headed over to Emmett's house. Since I had been feeling so guilty, we hadn't done anything in weeks. But now I was pissed off at Edward and I didn't want him to be the father. I could make this work. Emmett had been wanting to have sex for over a year. We could have sex and then…I would trick him into thinking the baby was his.

I sounded fucking crazy and I felt crazy. But I was upset and wanted the baby to feel loved. I wanted to feel loved. When I pulled into his driveway, I almost immediately turned around to go home. Emmett had heard me, though, and was already standing on the porch. He smiled at me as I got out of the car.

"Hey," He smiled when I walked up to him. He leaned in to press his lips to mine, and I attacked him. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and pulled him impossibly closer. "Whoa," He panted when we came up for air.

"You're parents' home?" I asked breathlessly.

"No, they're still at work…" I pushed passed him and went upstairs to his bedroom. The annoying voice in the back of my mind was telling me not to do this and be honest with him. But I felt like I was out of options. I didn't want to be alone during this pregnancy.

Emmett was my last hope.

"What are you doing?" He asked once he'd hobbled himself upstairs to his room. "Bella?"

I went over to him and kissed him again. He didn't fight me, but I could tell he was still confused. It didn't take much to get him hard and for him to stop thinking so much. I gripped his dick through his jeans and he jumped back.

"Bella," He sighed. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I lied as I tried to kiss him again. I pulled my sweater over my head, leaving me in only my bra. I hadn't even realized I was wearing my sexy, lace bra that he loved so much.

"Bella," He said cautiously.

"I'm topless," I point out. "Why are we talking?" He looked down at my bra and he gulped and licked his lips and moved towards me again. He kissed me, hard, and pushed me towards his bed. I sat down on his bed and scooted back towards the middle and pulled him with me. He started kissing down my jaw and neck until he reached my collarbone.

My sweet spot.

"Mmmm," I moaned. "That feels good," He nipped and kissed and sucked for a few minutes before I reached for the hem of his shirt. I roughly pulled it up over his head and threw it onto the floor. I reached for his hand and brought up to my boob so he could cup me through my bra. He laughed against my neck as I threw my head back to give him a better angle. I laid down and reached for the button of my pants.

"You're in a hurry," He observed as I pushed my pants down my legs and threw them on the floor with our tops. I was in nothing but my underwear and he was worried that we were going kind of fast?

"Yep," I answered as I pushed his jeans down his body. The more clothes we took off, the guiltier I started feeling. I was a terrible person but I just felt so hopeless. I needed some good to come from all of this so I decided to just push through.

"I like this new aggressive side," He moaned against my neck. I reached behind me to unclasp my bra just wanting to get this over with. I pushed the straps over my shoulders and my nipples immediately hardened against the cool air. He licked his lips and took my nipple into my mouth. My back arched as he gently bit down, sending amazing sensations down to my toes. He was really fucking good at this part.

I mean, we'd had a lot of practice so it made sense. But since we hadn't done anything in months because of his knee, I'd almost forgotten how good he was.

"Fuck," I moaned as I clawed at his back when he moved his mouth to encircle my other nipple. I bucked my hips and made direct contact with his hard dick. I reached down and gripped his cock through his boxers and he bucked his hips forward. He moaned loudly as I continued to stroke him.

He reached down and hooked my panties with his two pointer fingers. He slowly pulled them down my legs. He was going painstakingly slow and I just wanted him to do it already. Once my panties were off, he kissed his way down my stomach before finally reaching my inner thighs. I stopped him though and pulled him back up to me.

"What?" He asked.

"Let's do it."

"I was about to when you…"

"No. Let's do it," I smiled but he still looked confused. "Have sex."

"You wanna have sex?" I nodded. "Right now?"

"Right now," I smiled and tried to push his boxers off, but he stopped me. "What?"

"Bella," He looked at me bewildered. "No."

"No?"

"Not like this," He sighed. "Not when my parents could come home any moment."

"We'll be quick."

"I don't want our…first time to be some quickie so we don't get caught."

"You don't want me?"

"Of course I want you, Bella," He smiled. "I've wanted you for two years now. But…not now."

"You want it to be special?" I asked. He never seemed like he wanted it to be a big deal and I thought a quickie would be what he wanted.

"I mean…it doesn't have to be romantic movie special but," He took a deep breath. "More special than rushing through it."

I was trying really hard not to cry at this point. "I should go."

"No," He begged. "Stay. We can still mess around."

"You just rejected me, Emmett!" I spat. "I don't feel particularly sexy right now."

"Bella, come on." I pushed him off of me and found my clothes on the floor. When I looked at him, I knew I couldn't be mad at him. I was the one trying to trick him into having sex with me so I could lie about my baby's father. I was the crazy one. He was only being a gentleman.

He was trying to be the better person.

I was going to hell for this.

Once I was dressed, I turned to walk out the door. I had tears streaming down my cheeks now and I just wanted to tell him the truth. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't break his heart and destroy everything he thought he knew. Not yet anyway. I wanted to figure things out before I told him anything. I wanted to have a plan in place. I mean, I knew he'd dump me the second I told him and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle that. I wanted to have an idea of what to do before my world came crashing down.

"I'm sorry," I cried as he sat there, confused and hurt. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," He assured me which only made me feel worse. "It'll happen for us. Eventually."

I could only nod before running out of his bedroom. I ran out to my car and sped away from his house. Only a mile down the road, the sky opened up and it started pouring rain. It was raining so hard I decided to pull off to the side of the road just to be safe. I turned the radio up and started crying even harder when I heard Jason Mraz singing _I Won't Give Up_.

It was the first slow song Emmett and I danced to in the tenth grade.

" _You wanna dance?" He asked as the slow song started playing. I turned to him and nodded. He extended his hand and I took it. He led me out onto the dancefloor and we stood there staring at each other for a few seconds before he grabbed my waste. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we started swaying to the music._

" _I had a really good time tonight," I smiled at him._

" _Really?" I nodded. "Oh, good."_

" _Did you think I was having a bad time?" He shrugged._

" _You haven't talked much."_

" _I'm nervous," I admitted. "I've never been to a dance with a boy," I could feel myself blushing. "Last year, I went with Angela, Jess, and Lauren as friends. And I think I'm an awkward person."_

" _You're not awkward to me," He smiled, making me blush even harder._

Emmett changed me for the better that night. He made me a more confident person…he made me someone who wasn't afraid to speak her mind. My mother constantly tore me down as a kid that I didn't see the point in trying to speak up for myself. Or say what I really meant.

Emmett helped me get over that. After that dance and after we started dating, I became a new person and it was a good thing. Cheerleading got easier for me and I wasn't afraid to try new things at school. I realized I was smart enough to get into a good school and I was good enough to be a doctor one day.

I had been so blessed to have such an amazing boyfriend these last two years and I had ruined that. One drunken night had just broken up a pretty amazing couple. One drunken night of sex had just ruined two perfectly good lives.

I started to sob again because I couldn't think of anything else to do. Crying was the only thing that made me feel the tiniest bit better. I knew I needed to tell Emmett the truth, but I just wanted to keep him for a little bit longer.

I wanted to be selfish.

I was being selfish.

But I didn't want to feel bad about it anymore.

I wanted to have it all.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Quick author's note! Chapter nine will also take place in the past! Also, I just want to remind everyone that this story is like a big ball of yarn that needs to be unraveled so that we can better understand these _characters _. Everything will come full circle eventually! Be patient with me. I promise you'll get all of your answers!_

 _Thanks for reading and reviewing!_


	9. It's Everything You Don't

**Chapter Nine: It's Everything You Don't**

* * *

 **November 15, 2017**

I avoided Emmett at all costs during the next week. I had paced back and forth in my bedroom so many times over the last week that I thought I was going to create a hole in the floor. I didn't know how to tell him, but the guilt was so overwhelming I couldn't even begin to think how to tell him.

And it didn't help that Edward was also avoiding me. I wanted to try and tell him the truth again, but he wouldn't even look at me. I wondered if his lack of interest in me was that I had denied and embarrassed him or if he was just too scared to believe I was really pregnant.

Either way, it sucked.

Finally, after a week of moping Alice was the one to bring me out of my funk as we Skyped before she went to LA for a business trip.

"You've got to tell Edward about this, Bella," She pushed.

"I tried!"

"Try again. He's the…father…he has the right to know."

"He won't even look at me," I rolled my eyes. "I don't know if it's because I told him I would never have sex with him again or what but I can't get through to him."

"Find a way," she said. "Because soon you're going to start to show. And he needs to know before you get even further along in your pregnancy."

"I don't want him to be the father," I whined.

"Well, he is, Bella. And now you have to be an adult and tell him that you're pregnant."

"He didn't believe me before. Why would he believe me now?"

"Because you have the sonogram's Jasper gave you. Show those to him."

"He'd still deny it."

"Tell him you were a virgin that night."

"I can't."

"You might have to. I think it would increase your chance of having him believe you."

I nodded. "You're right."

"You can do this."

"Can you do it for me?"

"Do what?" She asked. "Tell him?"

"Yeah?"

"I wish I could, Bella. But this is your responsibility."

"Being grown up sucks."

"Welcome to the real world," She sighed. "Monica was right. It sucks."

"It really does."

I began thinking of ways to get Edward to come back to my house. I was very clear the last time that I did not want to have sex with him again. Ever. So, he didn't think there was a point. But Alice was right. I needed to start acting like an adult. If I was old enough to be having sex and get pregnant, I was old enough to handle telling the father.

Then I remembered the tutoring program Forks High set up. If a student's grades were low enough, they automatically qualified for free tutoring from their peers. There were never enough tutors, but I'm sure I could work something out to be able to tutor Edward. He would have to go to at least one meeting with me without getting a detention.

I mean, he probably didn't care if he got a detention but it was worth a try.

I went to Forks website and signed up for the tutoring program. When asked if there was anyone specific I wanted to tutor, I put Edward's name down. It was manipulative, but I didn't know what else to do without telling him about the baby in front of the entire school. When I finished signing up, I got a confirmation email stating that Edward had received an email and our first session was scheduled for the next day.

It was officially happening.

The next day, I was on edge waiting for Edward to show up to school. Kids didn't get detention if they weren't in school and skipped the session. Right before the bell for homeroom, I was thinking he wasn't going to show. I didn't see him all morning so I was sure he bailed. But then I saw him sitting with Rosalie and another friend at their normal table by the door. When we made eye contact, I could tell he was seething.

I got up from the table so I could use the bathroom and I felt someone following me. When I turned around, Edward was staring at me.

"What the fuck, Swan?" There was venom in his voice. "I don't want the tutoring session."

"Then don't come," I shrugged.

"If I don't come I get a detention."

"And that's a problem for you?"

"They told me one more detention and I'd be suspended," He sighed. "I can't be suspended again."

I sighed. "Didn't think you actually cared."

"If I don't come to school, I stay home and staying home…" He was rambling. "I just can't be suspended again."

"Then come to tutoring."

"I don't want to be tutored."

"It'll be painless. I promise."

"Do you have to spend the entire hour with you?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'll lie on the sheet if you cooperate and come to the session."

"I really hate you right now," He seethed.

"I know. I kind of hate you too."

"Where are we doing this?" He asked.

"My house," I told him. "It's more comfortable than school and no one is there so you can keep your _I don't care_ attitude."

"Fine," He turned and walked away from me.

"I'll see you after school!" I called after him. "Three thirty! Don't be late!"

"Why are you seeing Edward Masen after school?" Emmett asked as he approached me from behind, scaring the hell out of me.

"God, Emmett!" I breathed. "Warn a girl before you sneak up on someone."

"Sorry," He shrugged. "Why are you hanging out with Edward all of a sudden?"

"I'm not," I said. That was the truth. It wasn't like I wanted to spend any kind of time with him. So I didn't see that as hanging out with him.

"Then why are you seeing him at three o'clock?"

"Tutoring," I shrugged.

"Edward signed up for a tutor?" He snorted. "You mean he actually cares."

"I have no idea. I just got the email last night." I was getting too good at lying to my boyfriend. When there was nothing left to say about Edward coming over, it felt awkward to be standing with each other. I hadn't really spoken to him since I ran out of his house the other day.

"Bella,"

"I have to use the bathroom," I turned and walked down the hall to the freshman girl's bathroom. Suddenly feeling sick even though we were in the afternoon and the pregnancy nausea only lasted until eleven o'clock, I ran into one of the stalls. I threw up what little food I'd eaten for lunch and figured I was stressing myself out over this entire situation.

Emmett didn't deserve this.

Emmett should be the first one to know.

But he wasn't the father and Edward should know before anyone else. I mean, I had already told him so I could tell Emmett now. But, Edward didn't believe me so he didn't think there was anything going on.

I was a mess for the rest of the day waiting for the last bell to ring. Once it did finally ring, I bolted out of my study hall and ran to my car. I hadn't let Emmett pick me up all week because it felt awkward and the guilt was eating me alive.

I was a terrible person. I knew I was terrible and had done a terrible thing and he deserved to know the truth. But once we broke up, people would start asking questions and I wasn't ready for the entire school to know Edward had knocked me up. I wanted to take telling people slowly because once Lauren and Jess found out the entire school would know and then the entire town would know.

When I got home, Edward's truck was parked on the street. I was surprised he'd beaten me here. If he was so worried about getting suspended, he would know that leaving school early without a permission slip would get you a detention. I'm sure he knew the drill since it was probably that happened once a week.

When I got out of my car, he slowly walked over to me. He looked pissed.

"What?" I asked, rolling my eyes. He really could use the tutoring, even though that's not what we were going to do this afternoon.

"Rosalie thinks something is going on between us."

"Tell her she's wrong."

"I did."

"Why do you even care if she's suspicious? Aren't you two due for a break up sometime soon?"

"Not everyone has the perfect life that makes relationships so easy, Bella!" He snapped. "And we were doing really well since getting back together after the party."

"You mean she's okay that you slept with me right after you broke up?"

"Hey pot, meet the kettle," He laughed. "You were still with Emmett when we fucked at that party. Did you forget that?"

"Let's just go inside," I grabbed his arm and pulled him up the front walkway.

"So? What are we learning today, teach?"

"Nothing, we're not doing tutoring," I gulped.

"Then why the hell am I hear, Swan?"

"We need to talk."

He rolled his eyes. "Not this shit again."

"Edward, you need to listen!" I demanded his attention. Calling him by his first name was enough to let him know I was a little bit serious. He crossed his arms and sat down on the arm of the couch. "Edward, I'm pregnant."

"We've been here before, Swan."

"I'm really pregnant," I told him, hoping he would get the point. "We had sex without protection…"

"I used a condom."

"Are you really sure? Or are you just saying that because you always say that?" I asked. "We were so drunk, Edward. Everything about that night is still fuzzy and it's been two months."

"I always use a condom," He argued but I could tell he was starting to break. He had a glimmer of fear in his bright, green eyes. "Always."

"Well, even if you did they were crappy condoms. I'm not kidding, Edward. I'm pregnant."

"No," He shook his head. He was even more in denial than I was and I was the one that was pregnant.

I sighed. "Stay here," I told him and I knew he would because he was afraid if he left I'd sign the paper saying he didn't show up and then he'd get a detention. I grabbed the box I kept in my desk drawer underneath all my school folders and brought it downstairs. I opened it in front of him and took the sonogram picture Jasper had done for me out.

"This is the baby," I whispered handing him the picture. " _Our_ baby."

"I don't see anything."

I laughed. "I didn't at first either. It's right here." I pointed to the white blob on the picture. He looked closely and then his eyes grew wide.

"It's not mine."

"It is."

"You have a boyfriend. It's probably his."

"Edward?"

"What?" He snapped.

"I was…a virgin," I told him. "That night when we had sex…Emmett and I hadn't yet. I was a virgin."

"A virgin?" I nodded. "You'd never had sex before?"

"No," I said softly.

"You're lying."

"Why would I lie about that?"

"Because" His voice broke. "I…I didn't take your virginity. You weren't a virgin."

"I was," I assured him.

"Oh my god," He was starting to get it. "You were a virgin?" I nodded. "No. No."

"Edward?"

"I'm so sorry, Bella." Wait. What? "I never…if I knew I wouldn't have let it get that far."

"We were drunk."

"I would have fought harder to stop it," He said. For the first time since the seventh grade, Edward was allowing himself to be vulnerable. He was acting like a real human being with feelings. "You're really pregnant?"

"Jasper took that picture for me," I told him. "I can call him so he can confirm it if you'd like." He shook his head. "I'm about eight weeks now. I have another month until I'm in my second trimester."

"I'm the father?" He asked again. I simply nodded. "Oh my god,"

"Edward,"

"I never wanted this to happen. What did I do?"

"Hey, this is on both of us. It takes two to make a baby."

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

I sighed. "Me too," I whispered.

"I know you think I'm this awful human being who has no self-respect or respect for girls but..." He trailed off. "I never wanted to take advantage of you like that."

"You didn't," I told him. "I was drunk, but I remember being really pissed off at Emmett that night. If I really didn't want to do anything, I would have stopped you."

"I'm sorry," He repeated and a single tear ran down his cheek. "What are we going to do?"

"We?" I was prepared to do this by myself. I never thought he'd actually take responsibility and I really didn't think he'd want to co-parent with me.

"Yeah, what are we going to do?"

"You...want this?"

"Well, no," He chuckled. "But it's happening. So we need to do something."

"You're not running?" I was beyond confused right now. Edward Masen was owning up to this and trying to take action?

"I did this to you," He shook his head. "This is my fault. I..."

I smiled and grabbed his hand involuntarily. "Hey, we both did this. We're going to figure this out."

"So," He sighed after he'd taken a deep breath. It seemed the realization that he'd actually gotten me pregnant had spurred on a slight panic attack and he was finally starting to calm down. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," My voice cracked. "I've been focused on getting you to believe me."

"Do you want an...abortion?"

"What if I did?" I asked curiously. Sure, he was taking responsibility but that didn't mean he wanted me to actually have the baby.

He looked away. "It's your body," He shrugged. "But..."

"I'm not getting an abortion," I assured him. "I just wanted to know your opinion."

"So you're keeping it?"

"I don't know."

"What other option is there?"

"Adoption," I sighed.

"No," He said immediately. I wasn't sure if his emotions were running high or what, but I was pretty certain he wasn't thinking clearly at the moment. I wondered if he really thought we could take care of a baby right now.

"We don't have to talk about it right now," I said quietly.

"Bella," He panicked.

"We'll talk about it," I promised. "Just not now."

"Do your parents know?"

"My sister and her fiance know and that's it," I shrugged. "No one else knows."

"Not even Emmett?"

"Do you think Emmett and I would still be dating if I told him I was pregnant with your baby?" He shook his head. "I'm being incredibly selfish, but I know once I tell him he won't want anything to do with me. I'm not ready to let him go yet."

"Rosalie is going to kill me."

"You can't tell her," I spit out and he just looked at me confused. "I mean...not yet. I haven't even told my parents. And you need to tell your mom."

"My mom won't care," He snorted. "Even if I told her, she'd probably be too high or drunk to even remember."

"Please just don't say anything yet," I pleaded and his green eyes seemed to soften. He nodded in agreement and a slight weight was lifted off of my shoulders. "So...you wanna do some tutoring while we're here?"

He laughed. "Seriously?"

I smiled at him. "I just thought I'd ask."

"Do I have to stay here until the hour is over or can I go?" I was wondering if he was going to go to Rosalie. "Will you rat me out and get me a detention?"

"I'll sign the paper," I sighed. "Don't worry. You can trust me." He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. Just before grabbing the doorknob, he turned to face me.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for telling me," He whispered. "And thanks for making me listen."

I didn't know how to respond to that. "You're welcome."

"See you tomorrow," He left abruptly, leaving me alone in the house that seemed to be getting bigger and bigger. After I watched him drive away, I went upstairs to get some homework done. On the way to my bedroom, I passed by the guestroom and wondered if this would become the nursery.

I mean, I wouldn't be able to live on my own and I probably wouldn't go directly to Stanford or whatever college I chose. I'd need to live here for a little bit until I got on my feet. I wondered if my mom would let me renovate the room or if she'd just have me rearrange the furniture in order to fit a crib and changing table.

The room was kind of big for a nursery. I liked the idea of the baby have a small nook in the house. If it was a girl, I would pick out white furniture and paint the walls a lavender color. If it was a boy, the furniture would be a chestnut brown with teal walls.

I knew the baby being born was a long way away, but I'd been thinking about my babies nursery since I was in middle school. I was a planner and it didn't surprise me that I'd started planning for my fake family before I even had my first kiss.

After getting a start on my homework, my phone started buzzing. I looked to see who it was and answered it when I saw Alice's number.

"You tell him?" SHe asked, sounding anxious. I'd been sending her messages all day but she'd been in meetings for most of the day. SHe was probably just seeing all of them.

"I did," I sighed, listening closely for one of my parents to get home. "He finally believed me."

She sighed. "That's good."

"He nearly had a panic attack."

"Really?"

I nodded. "He was very apologetic. And he felt terrible for...taking my virginity."

"Good."

"I saw something in him that I haven't seen in him since we were kids."

"What's that?"

"He was vulnerable with," I explained. "He showed emotions. Real emotions."

"That's...good. Right?"

"It showed me that he was a human being that cared about something in life," I told her. "He made it very clear that he never ever set out to take advantage of the girls he slept with."

"Huh," She said. "I guess that's reassuring."

"He asked me if I wanted an abortion," I told her. "And when I asked what his opinion was he simply told me it was my body. And then when I brought up adoption he immediately shot down the idea."

"Shot it down?"

"He said no."

"He doesn't have a say."

"He's the father."

"So?"

"So...he seems like he's in this."

"In what?"

"He seems like he wants to take responsibility. If he wants to take responsibility...I have to let him. Don't I?"

"Wish I knew the answer."

"I wanna know why he's opposed to adoption. I mean...I really don't think I can do this, Alice. Not even with Edward to help me."

"You have to figure out what works for both of you."

"We could keep it," I sighed. "But we could also give him up for adoption and find a good, loving couple."

"Both are good options."

"Can you make the decision for me?" I wined. "I'm tired of doing the hard things."

"This is all in preparation for the real world."

"The real world sucks," I laughed. "I just wanna be a senior in high school and enjoy my last year of school."

"Unfortunately, that's not the case at the moment."

"I know," I whispered.

"You're smart, Bella," She said. "Somehow, someway, you are going to make the right choice. Whether you choose to keep the baby or give it up for adoption, you will make the right choice."

"How do you know?"

"Because in the entire eighteen years that you've been my sister, you've never done anything half asked before. One time mom told me you made a pro/con list for what to bring in for show and tell when you were in kindergarten."

"Really?"

"I swear that's what she told me," She giggled. "You can do this. You just have to believe that the decision you make is the right one."

"I don't know if I'm ready," I sighed.

"Well, ready or not, that baby is coming."

In seven months, I would become a mom. All because of one, careless night.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Hi friends! Just another quick note! To keep the present day story from going stale and getting really repetitive, I've decided to make the next 3 or 4 chapters in the past. I just don't want anyone getting _bored _and I think the "meat" of this story is really in the past with Bella and Edward._

 _Thanks for reading and reviewing!_


	10. Never Imagined We'd End Like This

**Chapter Ten: Never Imagined We'd End Like This**

* * *

 **November 22, 2017**

After getting Edward to accept the pregnancy, he admitted that he had broken up with Rosalie for good this time. When I told him he didn't need to break up with her because he was pregnant, he told me it felt wrong to be with her when we were in this situation. Which only made me feel worse about everything going on. I hadn't told Emmett yet, but I was avoiding him like the plague.

The day before Thanksgiving break started, Edward approached me at my locker. Emmett was with his buddies down the hall and when I caught his eye, he simply waved at me. I was starting to wonder if I was subconsciously hoping he'd break up with me before I had to tell him.

"Hi," Edward smiled awkwardly.

"Hey."

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Shhhhh!" I shushed, not wanting anyone to overhear our conversation. He looked at me like I was crazy as I looked around the hall making sure no one was paying attention to us before I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the nearby janitor's closet. I reached up and pulled the string to turn the light on and he just rolled his eyes at me.

"Is this private enough?" He sounded agitated.

"Yep," I nodded. "I'm not feeling super sick this morning. Just a little bit nauseous."

"You didn't throw up though?"

"Nope," I shook my head. I looked at him thoughtfully, wondering if I should tell him what was running through my head. "Tuna makes me sick, though."

"Tuna?"

"Dad was making a tuna sandwich this morning and I thought I was going to puke."

"Gotcha. I won't make you anything with tuna."

"And I've been craving peanut butter lately. I've always loved peanut butter but it's like…really heightened now."

"The way to your heart is peanut butter…"

"Extra creamy."

"I'll make a list," He chuckled.

"I'm going to Port Angeles today to meet my OB."

"Aren't there like three of those here in Forks?"

"They're all friends with my parents," I sighed. "I don't want them telling them anything."

"Aren't you protected by a law?"

"Yep. HIPAA," I nodded. "But I don't want to run any risks. Jasper set up a meeting with the best OB in the hospital he works at. And having Jasper there will be comforting."

"How often will you go to the doctors?" He asked.

"Until week 28, Jasper said I'll only need to go once a month. After that, every two weeks until I'm 36 weeks along and then once a week until I have the baby." He nodded. "Do you…" I took a deep breath. "Wanna come?"

"Come?"

"To my appointments with me," I shrugged and his eyes lit up. "Only if you want to…"

"I want to."

"Great," I smiled. "I'm leaving for Port Angeles today after school if you wanna follow me and meet the doctor."

"Are you sure?"

"You're…the father," I said quietly. "You should be as involved as you want."

"Thank you," He sighed and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. IT was weird at first but after a few seconds, it felt kind of nice. He must have realized it was weird too because he pulled back and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Sorry."

"It's okay," I assured him. "You can go out first."

He nodded and opened the door to the closet. I waited a few seconds before leaving the closet and ran right into Emmett as I walked out. He cocked an eyebrow at me and smirked when I started blushing.

"Hey," He laughed. "What are you doing in the janitor's closet?"

"I just needed somewhere kind of quiet to think," I shrugged. "I should go…"

"Bella, come on." I stopped in my tracks. "Did I do something?"

"What?"

"You've been avoiding me at all costs for two weeks now. I gave you your space…but I miss you. Whatever I did…I'm sorry."

Great. Now I had him apologizing to me. He didn't deserve this and I was finally ready to come to terms with everything. Emmett wasn't the father and it was about time he knew the truth. He at least deserved that. I turned to face him and was desperately fighting back tears.

"You didn't do anything," I snuffled.

"But…"

"Why don't you come over tonight? After dinner?"

"You sure?"

"My parents have a business dinner tonight. We'll have a little bit of privacy."

"Yeah. That sounds good." He smiled and walked towards me. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to the top of my head and turned to go to his first period. It took might strength to not break down in tears as I headed to my class.

I was distracted all day and was really thankful when the last bell rang. I found Edward amongst the end of the daily chaos and gave him the address to the hospital, just in case he got lost. When Emmett found me, I told him I had an appointment I needed to go to and ran out the door.

When I got to the hospital, Edward was right behind me. When he got out of his car, we met at the front entrance and didn't speak to each other as we walked through the small hospital and up the stairs to the correct floor. I filled out the insurance form and felt immediately better when I saw Jasper walking down the hallway.

"Hey," He enveloped me in a tight hug. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," I assured him and he looked past me to Edward. "Jasper, this is Edward. The father."

"Hi," Edward reached his hand out and Jasper gave him a wary look before taking his hand in a handshake.

"Hello. I'm her future brother-in-law."

"You're the proctor. Understood," Edward nodded nervously.

"He's smart," Jasper laughed as he turned his attention back to me. "Dr. Brooks is great. You're in good hands."

"Thank you for setting this up for me."

"Of course," He hugged me again and then his pager went off and he left us alone. We waited another ten minutes before someone came to get us to take us back to the room. I laid down on the table and Edward stood a few feet away, looking at the tile floor. I was about to say something when another person came in and introduced herself.

"Hi, Bella. I'm Dr. Brooks."

"Hello," I whispered suddenly feeling very alone despite Edward being here with me. Dr. Brooks looked over at Edward and smiled.

"This must be dad." I nodded. "It's nice to meet you…"

"Edward," He said softly. She smiled at him and encouraged him to step closer to me in order to see the monitor.

"Jasper told me he did a sonogram for you a little bit ago?"

"Two weeks ago."

"Let's check on that baby again, shall we?" She asked and I was starting to warm up to her. I could tell that she wasn't judging us at all despite our age and was solely there to do her job. I lifted up my t-shirt and she placed the cool jelly on my stomach. She placed the wand in the correct spot and then stared at her screen. I was definitely starting to see a slight bump and I noticed Edward biting his lip next to me.

"So?" I asked nervously when she didn't say anything for a few minutes.

"Everything looks good," She smiled as she turned back to us. "You look to be about nine weeks along. Did Jasper give you any kind of due date?"

"He said it would be sometime in June, but wasn't sure of an exact date."

"I would say you would be due around June 9 by the size of your little one," She explained.

"How big is he?" I asked.

She smiled. "He's about the size of a green olive right now. Would you like to listen to the heartbeat?"

"Yes," Edward spoke up.

She nodded. "Don't be alarmed if you can't hear a heartbeat quite yet. He's still small." She moved the wand around my stomach and I suddenly began hearing a gentle thump, thump, thump. My eyes filled with tears as I looked up the screen and looked at my baby while hearing his heartbeat. When I looked up at Edward, his eyes were a little bit glossy.

"The heartbeat is around 170 beats per minute."

"Is that good?" I asked.

"Yes, that is perfectly normal," she explained. "Do you two have any questions for me?"

I looked at Edward and he gently shook his head. I looked back up at her and nodded. "When will this show up on our insurance?"

"Have you two told your parents yet?" She asked. We both said no. "I strongly suggest telling your parents about the baby. You won't be able to cover this up forever and the earlier you tell them, the better."

"How long?" I asked again.

"Within a week typically," My eyes began filling with tears. I was just now getting the courage I needed in order to tell Emmett about the baby. I needed more time to get myself ready to tell my parents. She gently wiped the gel off my belly and I pulled my shirt down.

She gave me the prescription for my prenatal vitamins and a list of things I can and cannot eat during the pregnancy. She also encouraged me to keep living my life as normally as I could and that gentle exercise was encouraged. After we went to the front desk to pay my co-pay, we headed outside in the cool November air. Edward walked me to my car but left for his car without saying a word.

He looked like he was processing everything.

After watching him drive away, I started my car and headed home. I took the entire hour drive to think about everything Dr. Brooks said. Our baby was healthy and he had a strong heartbeat. But he was also growing pretty quickly and I wouldn't be able to hide under baggy t-shirts and sweatshirts for much longer. One day I was going to pop and it couldn't be stopped.

When I pulled onto my street, I noticed Emmett's jeep was already parked outside of my house. I took a deep breath, put my big girl pants on, and readied myself to face him and have this conversation. When he reached me before we went inside, he gave me a sad smile. I led us inside, grabbed two bottles of water, and sat down at the kitchen island with him. We sat there for five minutes before either of us said anything.

"Bella,"

"I need to tell you something," I sighed and I could already feel the tears pooling in my eyes. "Something…bad happened."

"Did someone die?" He asked immediately. I shook my head no. "Phew. You scared me for a second."

"Emmett," I said. I was already starting to lose my cool.

"Whatever happened…whatever is going on, we can fix it," Now he was being really sweet making me feel even worse. "We can go camping this summer before school starts. We can have the summer of our lives before we go to school. We can fix it."

"Emmett," I cried. "We can't."

"Why?" He was starting to sound desperate. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Then why can't we fix what happened?" He asked. "Is it because of what happened at my house a few weeks ago? Because…I just wanted it to be special. I didn't want you to feel rejected."

"You were right to stop me," I told him. "We weren't ready."

"Okay. Then we can fix whatever happened," He repeated. "Because we love each."

"Love isn't going to be enough to fix us, Emmett."

"Why?" His voice broke a little bit.

"Because…" I trailed off as I gently put my hand on my stomach. "I'm pregnant."

He stared at me blankly. "W-what?"

"I'm pregnant," I repeated as I let the first tear fall.

"No," He shook his head. "You have to have sex…to get pregnant." I nodded. "We…we haven't…had sex. You're a virgin. I'm a virgin."

I stayed quiet. "You're a virgin…right, Bella? This is just some kind of sick joke."

"It's not."

"What the FUCK?" He screamed as he jumped up. "You're pregnant? How? _Who_?"

"Jess' party back in September. We were fighting…I was drunk. Things got out of hand."

"Yeah, things fucking got out of hand!" He yelled. "Whose is it?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters."

I couldn't lie to him. Not anymore. "Edward's."

"Edward?" He asked. "Edward who…Ed-Edwardward Masen? You lost your virginity to Edward Masen? You don't even like him…no one does…and now you're going to have a baby with him?"

"Emmett,"

"You barely know him! How'd you end up in bed with him?"

"I told you. I was drunk and upset that we were fighting and…"

"Two years, Bella," He shook his head. "We've been together for two fucking years and…this is what we have to show for it?"

"I'm sorry," I knew it didn't mean anything, but it was the only thing I could think of to say. Whether it meant anything to him or not, it was the truth. I would never not be sorry for what I had done.

"I was so in love with you," He shook his head. "Everyone said I was such a fucking moron because we're only in high school and we're still so young but…I loved you, Bella."

"I _do_ love you."

He snapped. "No, you don't! If you loved me…you wouldn't have let this happen!"

"We were…"

"Drunk. I get it. That doesn't make anything better, Bella."

"I know," I cried.

"I can't believe this! I can't believe you."

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm done," He had no emotion in his voice anymore. He sounded empty. "I'm fucking done with you." I knew it was coming, but it didn't make it any less painful.

"Please don't tell anyone!" I begged as he ran form the kitchen. I knew he didn't owe me anything, but I still didn't want him telling everyone in the school.

"Go to hell," He snapped as he slammed the front door shut. I wanted to follow him, but my legs felt like jelly. My body felt numb and I slid down the kitchen wall and burst into tears. I hated myself. I was the world's worst person.

I was awful.

My hand instinctively went to my baby bump as if I were trying to protect him from the cruel world.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to my stomach. "I'm so sorry. Mommy will make everything better. It's going to be okay." I wasn't sure if I was talking to the baby or to myself, but I didn't know what else to do.

Thanksgiving was absolutely miserable. I was feeling incredibly sick and nothing sounded appetizing. When I woke up, I had forgotten for a split second that Emmett and I weren't together and I started to cry again. I had cried myself to sleep on the kitchen floor when Emmett left and was beginning to wonder how I'd wound up in my bed.

I was too afraid to go downstairs and find out. Fearful that my parents would ask why I was passed out in the kitchen because I wasn't ready to tell them that Emmett had dumped me. I mean, I understood why it happened but they would ask questions and I wasn't ready to answer their questions.

Finally, when they were making so much noise downstairs they knew I couldn't keep sleeping, I rolled out of bed. I pulled on one of Emmett's football sweatshirts because I missed him and just wanted to smell like him. I put some leggings on, brushed my teeth, and braced myself for the unwanted conversation for when I went downstairs. I could tell mom was stewing, but my dad was warning her to keep quiet.

I was so grateful to have the dad I did.

I was even more grateful when I heard keys in the front door and knew that Alice was finally here. I rushed over to them and pulled her into the den before she could be sucked into anything mom had for her to do. Before I could say anything, though, I burst into tears. She hugged me tightly and soothingly rubbed my back until I pulled myself together enough to talk about it.

"I came clean to Emmett last night," I said. "He told me to go to hell."

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

"I miss him already," I cried. "Even before we were dating…we were friends. I liked hanging out with him as friends and I've always liked his company. I don't…" I took a deep breath. "I don't know how to live without him."

"I wish I had some life-changing advice for you."

"He hates me. And he has every right to hate me. I cheated on him, Alice."

"I know."

"I had sex with someone else because…what? Because we were fighting? We had fights before…why was this time any different?"

"You chose to comfort yourself with alcohol."

"He was perfect. We were perfect," I sighed. "And I ruined that. And when people learn what happened and why we broke up, they're going to side with him. And I'm going to be all alone during this…"

"You're not alone."

"Everyone is going to know how terrible I am."

"You make a mistake. A really big mistake, but you didn't cheat on him to hurt him. If anyone knows what kind of a person you are…" She took a deep breath. "Plus, it sounds like Edward's been pretty supportive this week."

"I cried myself to sleep on the kitchen floor last night," I explained. "What do I tell mom and dad? They're gonna ask what had me so upset."

"Tell them you and Emmett broke up."

"They're going to ask why?"

"Tell them you had a really big fight and that you just aren't up for talking about it."

"They're going to keep prying."

"No, mom will try to push you. Dad won't let her though. He's in your corner." I nodded. "But you need to tell them next."

"How? They're going to be so mad…and so disappointed."

"It'll be better to hear it from you before you pop and they figure it out for themselves," She shrugged. "And like I said, dad's in your corner. Yeah, he'll be pissed but he'll do everything he can to make sure you get through this."

"I don't wanna ruin their holidays," I shrugged. "I feel bad enough for ruining Emmett's Thanksgiving."

"That's fair," She agreed. "But promise me it'll be soon."

"Promise," I smiled and she pulled me into another tight hug.

"Oh, Jasper changed your insurance papers at the hospital."

"What?"

"He put our insurance on the forms. So you have a little more than a week to tell mom and dad. But it's gotta be soon…"

"It will be," I promised again. "Thanks."

We stayed in the den for a few more minutes while I calmed down. When we went into the kitchen, I could tell my mom was dying to ask me what the hell happened last night, but she was biting her tongue. Probably because dad asked her to keep quiet.

"Everything okay?" Dad asked as they put the turkey in the oven. I nodded. "Bella, you okay?"

"Yeah," I lied.

"Then why did I carry you to your room last night after you fell asleep on the kitchen floor?"

I sighed. "Emmett and I broke up."

"Oh?" Mom perked up. "Why?"

"We had a really big fight," That wasn't a lie. We did have a big fight, they just didn't need to know any context right now. "And…we broke up."

"What was the fight about?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Which was the truth as well.

"Bella, you've been together for two years. What was this big fight about that ended your relationship?"

"College," I lied because it was the only reasonable explanation I could think of. "He still wants to go east and he wants me to go with him. I told him that I couldn't do that and we got into a fight and…we broke up. That's it."

"Bella," Mom pushed.

"Renee, leave her alone," Dad sighed. "Let's just enjoy our day as a family. I was really thankful for my dad and his confidence to stand up to my mom.

"I'm just saying…" Mom started but dad slammed the pepper shaker on the counter to shut her up. I smiled at him to thank him and then got to work helping Alice make breakfast. But, the smell of the ham they were cutting into cubes to put in the eggs made me want to vomit. I dropped the knife I was holding and bolted to the bathroom. I barely made it in time to make it into the toilet and even then I got some on the rim of the seat.

Afer I was sure I was finished throwing up, I flushed the toilet and stood up to wash my hands. There was a soft knock on the door and I hoped it wasn't one of my parents.

"It's me," Jasper's soft voice said from the other end of the door. I slowly opened it and smiled weakly at him. "You okay?"

"The ham it…just made me feel really sick."

"That's happened to a few friends of mine," He smiled as he touched the back of his hand to my forehead. "Well, you don't feel warm or anything so I think you'll be okay."

"Did my parents ask what happened?"

"I think they think you cut yourself because you dropped your knife so quick," He told me. "I can put a bandage on your fake cut if you want me to." I smiled and nodded at his sweet gesture. He pulled out the first aid kit and put a band-aid on my pointer finger. "Dr. Brooks couldn't stop talking about you guys when you left."

"Really?"

"She said you remind her of herself when she was a senior in college," He smiled. "She's a great doctor."

"I liked her. Thanks for setting that up."

"Anytime," He smiled. "Ready?"

"I'm going to go brush my teeth," I cringed. He went back to the kitchen while I went upstairs to brush my teeth.

I hated feeling like this, but it was only the beginning. I had a long way to go and telling Emmett was just the first part.


	11. Passion's Gone Away

**Chapter Eleven: Passion's Gone Away**

* * *

 **December 15, 2017**

"Earth to Bella," Angela laughed as we stood in the hallway waiting for homeroom to start. I noticed her turn around and gave me a sad smile when she caught me looking at Emmett. It had been a difficult month without him and it didn't help that he was being so nice and didn't tell the entire school that I was pregnant.

I don't know why he wasn't saying anything. I deserved to be publically humiliated by him after what I did.

"I'm sure you two could figure something out," She whispered. Angela had been the only one of my friends to not harass me about the situation. She asked what happened but didn't even ask for details about the breakup. And she wasn't hounding me about how Emmett and I were perfect together and we should just get back together already.

"No, we can't," I argued.

"Long distance…" She took a breath when I silently pleaded with her to not talk about it. "It'll get easier. Somehow…you'll stop missing him so much."

"I hope so," My eyes filled with tears as he caught me looking at him and rolled his eyes in disgust. "Anyway, what are you doing this weekend?"

"Ben is taking me out," she smiled but I could tell she was hesitant to talk about her romantic life.

"It's okay to talk about Ben," I encouraged her. "He's a big part of your life. I'll be okay."

"For our Christmas dinner," she said. "His family is dragging him to Portland the twenty-first and they won't be back until after New Year's," She rolled her eyes. "So, we're doing Christmas a bit early this year."

"Awe, that's sweet," I smiled as Edward walked into school, looking disheveled and dirty. I tried meeting his gaze, but he either wasn't paying attention or he was refusing to look at me. I wanted to talk to him, but he just didn't look like he was in the mood. Plus, Emmett was standing right there and I didn't want to rub his nose in it any more than I already had.

"What about you? Do you have any big plans this weekend?" Angela asked.

"We're decorating our tree tomorrow," I smiled.

"You haven't done that already?"

"We always wait until the second week in December," I shrugged. "When I was a kid, it was one of the only weekends my dad ever had off from work and we've just done it this way ever since."

"We decorated our tree last weekend and it was so much fun," She smiled. "I love the holidays. Everything is just so nice and warm and…festive."

I nodded in agreement as Edward approached us. I smiled at him and he looked unsure of what to say. "Hi," He said.

"Hey," I smiled, looking over at Emmett and then immediately diverting my attention. "What's up?"

"We have…" He looked at Angela. "Tutoring today, right?"

"4:00," I told him.

He nodded. "Okay. Are we meeting there or…going together?"

"We can go together if you want," I told him. "Angela's mom drove me today."

"I can drive," He agreed. "If you're okay going in my truck." I nodded. "I'll meet you out front at the end of the day?"

"Sure."

"Okay."

The bell rang and Angela slammed her locker shut. "Bye," I smiled as he walked past us to his homeroom. Angela looked at me, but not in a judgmental way like Lauren or Jessica would have. "What?"

"It's nice to see him actually caring about his grades," She shrugged. "And I think it's good for you too. It'll help you get your mind off of Emmett,"

"I hope so," I sighed sadly as I watched Emmett going into his homeroom.

When school was finished, I met Edward outside on the steps. He walked me to his horrible truck and opened the door for me and helped me step up. Over the last few weeks, Edward seemed to have lost his rough edges. At least around me. I mean, we weren't best friends or anything and we defiantly weren't a couple, but he was starting to show me his sweet side again. It was still weird. We were still two very different people who ran in two very different crowds, but when we weren't at school…it was kind of easy to be friends.

Once we got to Port Angeles, we walked into the hospital and up to the L&D floor. Jasper greeted us there, told us I was still on his insurance, wished us luck, and then went back to work. We were called in a few minutes later and I laid down on the table and Edward didn't look like a total fish out of the water this time.

"Hello," Dr. Brooks smiled warmly as she walked into the room and washed her hands. "How are we doing today?"

"Good," I answered. "The nausea isn't super bad anymore. I haven't thrown up in a week and a half."

"That's the best part of being in your second trimester."

"I'm…already in my second trimester?" I asked, shocked that I was already that far along. "I feel like we just found out."

"Well, you were nearly two months pregnant when you did find out," She reminded me. "Wanna take a look at your baby?"

"Yes please," Edward begged. She smiled at him as I lifted up my t-shirt. I was starting to actually get a belly and I was starting to actually look pregnant. My clothes were starting to get a bit tight and the only things that fit without showing off my belly were leggings and my oversized cheerleading t-shirts. Dr. Brooks squirted the jelly on my stomach and then put the wand on my belly.

"He looks good," She smiled as she pointed to the screen.

"He? It's a boy?" Edward asked excitedly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you worked up. It's still a bit too early to tell the gender, I just said he so I wasn't calling it…it," she said.

"When can we find out?" I asked.

"You'll have to wait until you're around 18-22 weeks," She explained. "The baby is just a bit too small still to be able to tell. I looked over at Edward who looked super disappointed.

"How is the baby? Healthy? How big is it?" I asked.

"Your baby is healthy," She smiled. "He or she is about the size of a lemon this week. Your chance of miscarriage is very small now and the baby has grown the normal amount from your last appointment," She explained. "Since you will be in your second trimester next week, I strongly urge you two to start telling your parents."

"Okay," I said quickly so we wouldn't get a lecture.

"Bella," She spoke softly. "They are going to find out. Whether you're ready for them to or not, they will find out. You are starting to get a belly and there's no stopping that now. Not to mention the rest of your body is going to start changing."

"I'm not ready yet," I had tears in my eyes. I felt all I did anymore was cry but I couldn't help it. I was hormonal and this was the most difficult situation I'd ever been in before. "I don't want to be kicked out of my house."

"They'd kick you out?" Edward asked, sounding appalled.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I don't know what they're going to do."

"Pregnancy is a scary thing for anyone," Dr. Brooks said. "Especially teenagers still in high school. But they are your parents."

"They're going to be so angry and so disappointed."

"Bella, do you love your baby?" She asked. I nodded. "Would you do anything you possibly could to make sure your baby was happy and healthy and safe?"

"Of course, I would."

"Then that's what your parents want to do for you," She smiled. "They love you and they want you to be happy and healthy and safe. Give them a little credit. I'm sure they'd surprise you."

I nodded, unsure of what to say. She wiped the jelly off my stomach and we were told we could leave. We made my next appointment with the lady at the front desk and left the hospital. I just wasn't sure what to do, but she was right. My belly was only going to get bigger and I wouldn't be able to hide under baggy shirts forever. Even the shirt I was wearing was getting a bit tight and it wouldn't hide my stomach for much longer.

"Have you told your mom?" I asked Edward as we drove home.

"No, she's not around much," He shrugged. "Plus, she's always drunk or high. If I told her, she'd probably forget within an hour."

"Do you think she'd be supportive?"

"She hasn't been supportive of me since middle school," He sighed bitterly. "Like I said, she's too high most of the time to even remember my name if she's even home."

I started to wonder how his mother had gotten like that. From what I remember, she was a good mom who paid close attention to her child. I knew Edward's parents were divorced, but I never thought that the divorce would drive her to become an addict the way she was.

We spent the rest of the drive in silence. Neither of us knew what to say to each other. When he pulled up in front of my house, he parked the car but I couldn't get out yet. I looked over at him and met his gaze.

Damn, he had beautiful eyes.

"What?" He asked with a smirk on his face. Crap, he'd caught me staring at his eyes.

I giggled. "You just have really pretty eyes."

"Thanks," He sighed.

"Thank you for driving today," I whispered. "And for being in the room with me. I…I don't think I could do this alone."

He nodded. "You don't have to do any of it alone," He reminded me. "The doctor is right. You have good parents who pay attention to you and genuinely know that you exist. You should tell them."

"Maybe," I agreed. "I'll do it soon. I really won't be able to hide much longer. I'm getting bigger by the minute it feels."

"You're beautiful," He whispered. "You always have been."

"You're not so bad yourself," I laughed as I opened the door to his truck. "I'll see you Monday."

"Yeah," He said as I jumped out of the truck and ran up to my front porch to avoid the rain that was beginning to fall.

* * *

The next morning, Alice and Jasper were over bright and early to start our decorating tradition. Mom made pancakes while we all gathered the boxes from the attic to bring them down in order to start decorating. Mom was always in a relatively good mood when we decorated for Christmas so this was always one of my favorite days of the year.

As we ate the pancakes, I noticed my nausea had drastically decreased. The smell of coffee didn't make my stomach churn anymore and no one had made anything with ham since the morning of Thanksgiving. But since I was getting more and more pregnant, I was also starting to eat more than normal. When I grabbed a third pancake, mom looked at me with one of her famous patronizing looks.

"I didn't eat much last night," I shrugged. She smiled at me and went back to her own food. Jasper gave me a squeeze on the shoulder and an encouraging smile. He and Alice both had been telling me it was time to tell my parents, and I would. Just not this weekend. I didn't want to ruin one of the only days of the year where mom just acted like a…mom instead of a judgmental hard-ass.

When we were finished eating breakfast, I went upstairs to find something red to wear since it was a decorating tradition. I put on all of the red shirts I owned and they were all a bit tight. However, I had just eaten a big breakfast and I wondered if I could just blame it on that. I pulled on a pair of leggings, and Christmas socks and went back downstairs where Dad was struggling to put our fake tree up. Jasper came to the rescue as Alice began playing Christmas music on the iHome.

After struggling for ten minutes, the guys were finally able to get the tree up and ready for ornaments. Alice and I both grabbed our very first Christmas ornaments and put them up close to the top of the tree. I could feel my mother's eyes on me, but I was just trying to have a good day with my family.

I swore to myself that I would tell them on Monday. I just wanted this last day.

We were halfway done with the tree when mom just couldn't hold her tongue any longer.

"We should get your signed up for the gym, Bella," She sighed as she stared at me. I noticed my shirt was hitched and part of my belly was exposed. I quickly pulled it down, trying desperately to hide it.

"I had a big breakfast," I shrugged just wanting her to drop the subject.

"No, this has been going on since you quit cheerleading," I had quit cheerleading at the end of the football season. It wasn't like it had been that long since I was in a uniform, but she was mad I wouldn't be doing it for the basketball season.

"Mom, I'm fine. Cheerleading was just getting to be too much with everything going on."

"You also need to be watching what you're eating if you're not getting all the exercise you did with cheer."

"Mom, she's fine," Alice argued.

"No, she's gaining weight."

"People gain weight, Renee."

"Well, I want my daughter to be as healthy as she can. I don't want her gaining that horrid freshman fifteen everyone talks about."

I sighed. "I'm not fat."

"No, but you are gaining weight," She wasn't going to let this go."

"I'm gaining weight because I'm pregnant!" I snapped and the world stopped spinning for a second. I looked up and instantly felt sick to my stomach. I was mortified. Dad looked confused and mom looked like she could break the glass ornament she was holding.

"What?" Dad asked softly.

"What?!" Mom exploded. I looked at Alice and Jasper who looked just as shocked as I felt and I turned around and ran into the foyer. I pulled on my boots that I'd left by the door, put my coat on, grabbed my keys and bolted. I got in my car as my dad came out of the house to try and stop me and I pulled out of the driveway. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I couldn't stay in that house.

Everyone needed time to cool off.

After thirty minutes of driving around, I found myself in a part of town we never visited. This was the part of town that everyone looked over and was falling apart.

It was the side of town where Edward lived.

I drove around looking for his street. He'd given me his address in case of an emergency. Since I didn't know where to go, I figured this was kind of an emergency. I finally found his street and was shocked when I found his house. It was really tiny and I wondered how two people actually lived inside. I mean, I know his mom wasn't around much but still. I wasn't judging him because I knew if his mom was an addict, she probably didn't have a job which meant they probably got by on what Edward made working at Newton's.

I instantly had more respect for him.

I pulled into his driveway and contemplated whether or not I should actually go knock. His truck was here so I knew he would be home, but I still didn't know if we were close enough to do something like this. As the car began getting cooler since I'd turned the heat off, I decided since I'd already driven over here, I might as well get out and knock.

I made my way up to the door, hesitated, and then knocked four times. He came to the door, looked out the little window and looked incredibly confused.

"Hey?" He said when he opened the door. "What's up?"

"I snapped and told my parents I was pregnant," I told him. "And then I left the house and didn't know where to go."

"Oh," He nodded.

"You're the only person I have," I felt tears in my eyes. He stepped aside and I gave him a sad smile. When I walked into the house, I noticed a lot of empty beer and liquor bottles scattered around the small living room.

"Try and ignore the mess," He sighed. "She gets pissed if I touch her bottles when she's home."

"She's home?"

"She just left," He told me. "I was about to make lunch and then I was going to clean up."

"I can help you," I offered.

"You don't have to."

"It'll help me keep my mind off what just happened."

"How did you snap?"

"my mom made a comment about how I've been gaining weight. And that I need to start exercising and watching what I eat and I…just lost my cool. I told her I was gaining weight because I was pregnant," I told him. "And then it felt like the ground fell out from under me and I ran away."

"Oh," He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Well, I was going to make myself a grilled cheese because we only have butter, cheese, and bread in our fridge right now. You want one?"

I smiled at him. "Sure." He led me into the small kitchen as I sat down at the table while he gathered what he needed from the fridge. He grabbed a pan from under the stove and put a hunk of butter on the bottom of the pan.

"I usually have more options than this, but I usually do the shopping on Friday's. But…mom was here and I needed to make sure she didn't hurt herself or drown in the bathtub or choke on her vomit."

"Edward," I whispered.

"It's okay. It's normal for me to do that," This was what he considered normal and my heart broke. "That's usually why I'm late to school."

"What do you do when she's gone?" I asked. "She's gone a lot, right?"

"Yeah," He nodded as he put the first sandwich in the pan.

"So…how do you keep her safe when she's not here?"

"I don't," He snickered. "I just pray that she's still alive and the police don't come knocking on my door because she's dead or has been caught."

"Edward,"

"It's okay," He assured me. "I've been doing this for four years now."

"You shouldn't have to."

"No," He said bitterly. "I shouldn't. Not after everything that's happened. But I'm her son and…if I don't make sure she's alive then who will?"

"If you ever need help…"

"No," He shut me down immediately. "That's very nice of you to offer but I don't want you anywhere near my mother. She gets…violent sometimes and I don't want her hurting you or the baby. So…thank you for the offer but no. I don't even want you to meet her, even if she's sober."

"Okay," I said to try and calm him down. "I'll stay away from your mom."

"Promise?" He asked.

"Promise," I smiled as he plated the grilled cheese sandwich. He put it in front of me as he put his in the pan.

"Go ahead and eat it before it gets cold," He told me. I took a bite and it had to be the best-grilled cheese I'd ever eaten.

"Wow," I laughed. "this is super good."

"Wanna know my secret?" He asked.

"Yes."

"I use cheddar and parmesan cheese," He smiled proudly. "I've spent many years perfecting my sandwich so I'm glad you like it."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," I smiled. "For everything."

"We both need each other right now," He shrugged. "I think it's about time we learn to lean on each other."

And I was crying. Again.


	12. My Heart is Heavy

**Chapter Twelve: My Heart is Heavy**

 **December 16, 2017**

"Have you told Rosalie?" I asked gently as Edward and I sat at his kitchen table after cleaning up his living room.

"No," He shook his head as he took a sip of the hot tea he'd made for us. I wondered if Rosalie knew this side of him or if they really just together to have sex. "I don't want to hurt her more than I already have."

"She'll find out eventually. Don't you think it would be better…"

"I'm just not interested in completely humiliating her."

"Right," I didn't want to push.

He looked at his watch. "Whoa. It's midnight."

"Already?" I asked, astounded that it was already that late. It felt like I'd just gotten there. "My parents are probably worried."

"Probably," He agreed, but made no effort to move an inch.

"I should…go," I sighed as I took my last sip of my drink. "Thank you for today."

"Do you want me to drive you?" He asked. I drove here…

I smiled. "How would you get back here?"

He shrugged as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "I can walk back home."

"It's pitch black and it's freezing."

"I'd be okay."

"No, you don't have to do that," I nodded. "Thanks though." He walked me to the living room where my shoes and coat were sitting.

"Or," He broke off. "You could stay here if you wanted to."

I stared at him. "What?"

"It's cold and it looks like it's raining…and it's dark. You could stay here."

"Really?" I did not want to go home and I had been dreading going home since I left earlier that day.

"You could sleep in my bed," He offered. "I'll sleep on the couch or on the floor or something."

"What about your mom?"

"She won't be home for a few days," He assured me. "She went to her…boyfriend or fuck buddy's house. Trust me, it'll be a few days before she makes her next appearance."

"I don't wanna impose or put you out of your."

"You're not imposing," He promised. "You don't' have to but I can tell you're anxious about going home."

"You can?"

"You've been playing with the sleeves of your hoodie for the past couple of minutes which can be a sign of nerves."

"How do you know?"

"That's what I usually do when I'm nervous," He gave me a nervous smile. "Really, it's not a big deal."

"You're sure?"

"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't sure," He laughed. I nodded and he took my coat again and hung it up on the hook. "Let me just change my sheets."

While he was changing the sheets, I texted Alice that I wouldn't be home and made her promise she wouldn't tell my parents where I was. She told me she had to say something because they were going nuts, but I reminded her that I kept her secrets while she was in high school after I caught her half naked with her first boyfriend. I rarely used my leverage like that, but what else was I supposed to do? I couldn't go home. Not yet. Everyone needed time to figure things out. After telling Alice goodnight, I found Edward in his room as he finished changing the sheets for me.

"Welcome to my bedroom," He laughed nervously. "This is weird."

"Why?"

"I never pictured you coming into my room to sleep in my bed."

"Me either," I laughed. I looked around and a picture taped to the wall caught my eye. There was a beautiful blonde woman in the photo with another man with darker hair and a baby with bright green eyes in between them. I figured this was his parents, and I wondered how they'd gone from that to this.

"My dad left a few years ago," He explained. "Broke my mom's heart."

"Oh," I nodded. "Sorry I didn't mean to pry."

"That's one of the only pictures she didn't burn. I have a few others under my bed but I wanted one picture up. You know?"

"Yeah," I nodded suddenly feeling very thankful for my mother even if she wasn't the warmest person. "She's pretty."

"She was," He rolled his eyes. "I barely recognize her anymore."

"I'm sorry."

"It's life," He shrugged. "How many pillows do you use?"

I sighed. "Two."

"Okay," He left and came back with extra pillows and set them on the floor. He set himself up with a make shift bed on the floor of his room. Then he dug around in his dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. "If you don't want to sleep in your clothes."

"Thanks," I nodded as I took the clothes.

"I can leave…"

"I'll just go to the bathroom."

"We don't have an extra toothbrush," He said apologetically. "But there is toothpaste on the counter if you wanna use your finger." I nodded and headed down the hall to the tiny bathroom. I changed my clothes and used my finger to try and brush my teeth. When I was finished, Edward was sitting on his bed without a shirt in a pair of PJ pants. When he stood up, I suddenly remembered being super attracted to him and his abs the night we slept together.

He gave me a small smiled as he left to take his turn in the bathroom. I set my clothes on top of his dresser and the crawled onto his bed. Again, I wasn't trying to pry but the frame was right in front of me. There was a picture of him and Rosalie from a few years ago it looked like.

And now I felt even worse.

They may have always been fighting, but in a weird way they did care about each other. And I had ruined that.

I didn't want him to think I was being a snoop so I turned away from the frame and acted like I hadn't seen it when he came back into his room. He walked around his room for a few seconds, putting things away. After he didn't have any more reason to be up and moving, he finally sat down on the blankets on the floor.

"You want me to get the lights?" He nodded and I reached over and turned off the lamp on his bedside table. I lay there for a few minutes, unsure what to do. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"You said that already."

"I mean it," I whispered.

He sighed. "You're welcome."

"Goodnight."

"Night,"

The next morning, the sun was shining through the winnows. I rolled over and noticed Edward wasn't on the ground and I wondered where he'd disappeared to. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom to clean up and bit and found one of his sweatshirts on a chair in his room and pulled it on before going to look for him. As I left his room, I smiled when I heard him singing loudly in the kitchen to Highway to Hell.

When I got to the doorway to the kitchen, I covered my mouth to keep myself from being too loud and startling him. He was dancing around the kitchen as he put pieces of bread into the toaster and grabbed some bowels from the counters. Not wanting him to feel too embarrassed, I cleared my throat.

He whipped around and his cheeks turned pink. "Morning," I giggled

"Hi," He tried not to laugh. "Like I said yesterday, we don't have much food but I did find some Cheerio's if you want some. I nodded as he poured some in a bowel and I sat down at the kitchen table. Once the bread popped out of the toaster, he offered me some toast and I gladly took it. When he sat down, though, he wasn't eating.

"Are you going to eat?"

"I'm not a breakfast person," He shrugged. "I try and save the money for food for dinner."

"What about lunch?"

"That's the best part about Forks…they offer free or reduced lunches to families who need it," He sighed. "I fit into that category." I nodded, not wanting to ask any more questions. "My body has gotten use to not eating until the late morning."

After I finished the food he'd given me, I changed my clothes and got ready to leave. I wasn't going to be able to hide from my parents forever and I could tell Edward was getting antsy with having me there. After I was changed, I bundled up and grabbed my keys. He walked me to my car and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"See you tomorrow?" He asked.

"Yeah," I nodded as I opened my car door and got inside. I pulled out of the driveway and headed home. When I got there, there was a police cruiser parked out front and I wondered if Alice had reayed my message that I was safe. When I walked inside, there were two cops in the kitchen with my parents and my dad's head whipped up to look at me.

"Bella," He sighed as he stood up and ran over to me. He hugged me tightly and I could feel him shaking.

"Didn't Alice give you my message?" I asked nervously.

"We still didn't know where you were," He shook his head. "You scared the hell out of us, Bella."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I knew it didn't really mean much but I really didn't want them to worry. I guess that was dumb of me since I'd ran away and they had no clue where I was.

I had a lot to learn before the baby got here.

Dad thanked his two friends and had me sit down with them. We sat in silence for a good ten minutes before dad took a deep breath to say anything. Mom just looked pissed, but I wasn't surprised.

"Where did you go?" He asked.

"I was safe," I assured him.

"You can't do that to us again. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Is this why Emmett broke up with you?" Mom piped up. "Does he know?"

"He knows."

"I'm going to kill him," Dad snapped.

"No! No!" I cried. "It's not…"

"Not what, Bella?" Mom demanded to know.

"The baby isn't his," I whispered.

"What do you mean it isn't his?" Mom asked. "Who's, is it?"

"I don't wanna say."

"Bella,"

"I'll tell you later," I promised. "I just want to deal with one thing at a time."

"How far along are you?"

"Thirteen weeks," I explained.

"Have you been to the doctor?" Dad was worried about me and the baby so I took that as a good sign. Mom on the other hand still looked super pissed off and didn't really seem to care about the baby. Just that I'd gotten pregnant.

"I've seen a doctor in Port Angeles twice. Jasper took me."

"It hasn't shown up on the insurance?" Dad askde and I just nodded. "Jasper and Alice took care of it, didn't they?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "I'm really sorry…"

"How could you let this happen?" Mom asked.

"Renee,"

"We've talked about safe sex before. How could you let this happen? And with a man who isn't your boyfriend? We raised you right, Bella."

"We were at a party," I shrugged. "We were drunk…Emmett and I were fighting. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"But it did happen!" She screamed. "I can't believe you would do this."

"Renee, please," Dad begged.

"You're eighteen years old."

"I know."

"You have your entire life ahead of you."

"I know."

"What's your plan?"

"My plan?"

"For the baby?" She asked. "What are you going to do with it?"

"It's a baby, mom. Not an it."

"What is your plan, Isabella?"

"I don't know," I cried.

"How do you not have a plan?"

"I've been trying to deal with everything."

"You need a plan."

"I know!"

"Okay," Dad stepped in. "Let's calm down."

"How can you be so okay with this, Charlie? Our teenage daughter is pregnant."

"And screaming isn't going to do anything but stress everyone out," He said. "Including the baby."

"How long have you known?"

"Since November," I told her.

"And you don't have a plan?"

"Mom!" I snapped. "I'm trying here! I don't know what to do because I'm still a teenager and this has just been a lot to process! But I'm doing the best I can!"

"Bella," Dad whispered. I looked at him through teary eyes. "Have you considered adoption?"

"A little bit," I answered.

"And what do you think about adoption?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Do you think you can raise a baby right now?"

"I love the baby."

"I'm not saying you don't," He assured me with a small smile. "I'm just asking if you think you could raise a baby by yourself right now?"

"I don't know," I cried. "I still wanna go to Stanford though. Do you think I could do both?"

"Unlikely," Mom huffed.

"Renee," Dad said through clenched teeth. "This is hard enough. We don't need your snide comments right now."

"I want to do both…I think," I sighed. "I want to think that I could do both."

"Okay, so what's done is done. You are…pregnant," That was hard for him to say. "And we can't change that. So, we aren't going to have redundant conversations and screaming matches or say anymore snide comments," He was looking at my mom. "But we are going to come up with a plan."

"Will you help me?"

"Of course," Dad nodded. "Bella, I'm not saying this because I think you can't raise the baby, but I want you to strongly consider adoption."

"He's my baby."

"I know. And I know you love him…or her," He smiled. "But…you're so young still. And I know you want the best life possible for your baby."

"You don't think I can give him the best life?"

"I think you've had your dreams for a long time. And I think you might ending up biting off more than you can chew. You're a perfectionist, honey. Which is why I'm just asking that you look into adoption."

"What if I want to keep the baby?"

"Then we…I'll support you. But I want to know that's what you think is the very best for the baby and it's what you want to do. Don't let anyone make this choice for you."

"Okay,"

He nodded and sighed in relief. I knew dad would handle the news a lot better than mom would, but I never thought he'd be this rational about everything. I was incredibly grateful to have him as my dad.

"Now, can we please know who the father is?" He repeated and I knew they'd find out eventually.

"Does it matter?"

"Bella," Mom said sternly which meant I had to tell them no matter what my feelings were.

"Edward," I whispered.

"Who?" Dad asked.

I sighed. "Edward Masen. Remember, we were friends back in elementary school."

"Edward…Masen is the father?" Dad was turning red. "What?"

"I told you, we were drunk and things just happened."

Dad looked livid. "Edward Masen is the father?" He asked again. "Bella, I told you he's no good."

"I know but…"

"I've arrested him twice, Bella."

What?

"For underage drinking and driving. That girl he's always hanging on bailed him out both times."

"Dad, he's not that bad once you get to know him a little bit."

"I don't want you seeing him again."

"Really? He's the father. I kind of need to see him…"

He shook his head. "No. I want you telling him he can't be a part of his life. Do you know how many times I've caught his mother drunk or on something? Too many times, Bella. Like mother like son."

"You don't know him."

"And you do?"

"Dad, please," I begged. He wasn't thinking clearly. Edward wasn't that bad. I mean I wasn't like in love with him and wanting to spend my life with him, but he was turning out to be a decent friend at least.

"I don't want you around them. They aren't good for you."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, like it or not…he's the father. And I'm going to let him be involved if he wants to be."

"Now who's being irrational?" Mom piped in.

"Just trust me," I pleaded at my dad who was starting to calm down a little bit. "I know this isn't what anyone wanted but it's happening. And…I need you guys. Please."

"Why don't we all take some time to calm down," I heard Alice's voice say. I turned around and saw her standing in the doorway to the kitchen and I had no idea she'd even walked into the house. She gave me a sad smile and I could tell she wanted to try and talk to our parents for me. She was older than me, they listened to her better than they listened to me.

"How long have you known?" Mom asked Alice. I thought they would have talked about this last night, but I guess they didn't.

Everyone was too upset and wound up.

"Since Jasper did the sonogram at the hospital when she was seven weeks," Alice admitted. "But Bella trusted me and I wasn't going to break that trust."

"Bella, go upstairs," Mom ordered and I didn't even take a second to argue. I sprinted upstairs and slammed my door shut. I was eighteen and I was going to be a mom. No one needed to tell me who I could and couldn't see or be around. Edward was the father no matter how much we disliked the situation. No one could change anything.

My brain was spinning. I put my hand on my tiny belly and began pacing back and forth. Dad didn't know what was going on in Edward's house. He had no right to judge Edward for drinking and driving the way he was. I mean yes it's illegal, but he doesn't get it.

He doesn't understand that Edward is probably drinking to numb his pain.

And then as I rubbed my belly, I started to think about what would happen if the Edward had the baby in that house. There was no way in hell I would let the baby stay there with him and I think he would agree. But if we were going to be in this together…when would Edward get his time with the baby? And if he was so busy trying to make ends meat to take care of himself and his mom, how would he pay for the baby?

How was I going to pay for the baby?

College was starting in the fall no matter where I went. I didn't have enough money to pay for a baby and I knew Edward didn't either. I did different things around the house to earn money, but my parents always wanted my education to come first. I'd had babysitting jobs during the summer months, but I'd never had a real job at a store or restaurant before. I didn't think I could handle school, a new baby, and a job all at once.

It was possible, but I didn't think I could do it.

And then what my dad was saying about adoption was seeming like a good idea.

After I'd paced a hole in my floor, I sat down at my desk and opened up my laptop. I opened Google and types adoption into the search. There were so many web pages on adoption it was making my head spinning. But I began clicking on different pages and it started to make sense.

Maybe adoption was the best thing for everyone, including the baby. There were so many couples who couldn't have children and I didn't think we were ready for a baby. I loved this little thing growing inside of me, but I was quickly realizing that love might not be enough.


	13. We Are Lost and We're Falling

**Chapter Thirteen:** **We Are Lost and We're Falling**

* * *

 **May 13, 2018 – 10:00 a.m.**

Alice did her best to distract me, but after seeing the baby with the Cullen's, I felt so hopeless. I knew I was making the right decision. I guess you could call it mother's intuition and despite how awful I felt, I knew that giving him up for adoption was the right choice. He would go home and be loved and cared for. I knew that in my heart.

I just hoped Edward would see that this was the best decision soon.

I loved that he loved our son so much that he was willing to take him home and raise him on his own. I loved that he was so desperate to be a part of his life. When I got pregnant, when everything was so up in the air, I really thought he'd leave me to do this on my own. I was grateful to have him as my support system these last few months, but sometimes I wished he had just walked out. If he'd left, then this moment wouldn't be ten times harder than it already was.

After an hour of crying with Alice, I decided I didn't want to think about it anymore. The more I thought about it, the tighter my chest felt. I just wanted to think of something else so I asked for my backpack so I could do some more homework. I knew she thought I was nuts, and I didn't want to do homework at the moment, but it was a good distraction.

When I opened my calculus book, a piece of paper fell out into my lap. I picked up the sheet of paper and opened it. When I saw the picture, I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry.

It was a doodle Edward had drawn me right after Lauren called me a slut in front of the entire school. That day, I had asked Edward to just get me away from the school and we'd played hooky for the rest of the day. When I finally went home, I got an earful from my mom about skipping school and told me I would lose my car keys if I left school without an excuse again. She didn't have any sympathy when I told her the reason for leaving school. She'd simply shrugged and told me not to do it again.

It was that moment when I realized that my mom agreed with Lauren.

The next day was miserable and Edward didn't have any classes with me. Right before third period, though, he caught up with me in the hall and handed me a white piece of paper. I opened it and began laughing at the drawing he'd made of Lauren getting struck by lightning. On top of that, there was a dog peeing on her.

It was crude and something I wouldn't have normally laughed at. But it was incredibly random and everything I thought Lauren deserved.

I had forgotten I'd shoved it in my math book and was surprised it hadn't fallen out until right now. Just as I tucked the drawing safely in the front pocket of my bag, there was a soft knock on the door. When I looked up, Edward pushed the door open and held up a Starbucks cup for me.

"I brought you some tea," He smiled weakly at me as I accepted the drink.

"Thank you," I said and looked at Alice, silently asking for some privacy.

She nodded and stood up. "I'm going to try and find Jasper. Last I saw he was passed out in the waiting room." She gave Edward a supportive squeeze on his shoulder and left us alone. I wasn't sure what to say. It was always awkward between us after we'd had a big fight. I didn't know why. This was something that always happened it was normal.

I wished it wasn't normal.

"I'm sorry for implying that this was easy for you," He shrugged. "If it's _this_ hard for me…I can't imagine how you're feeling."

"He's my baby boy...of course this is hard for me. It's the hardest thing I've ever done," I whispered as I looked up at him. "I wish you'd just have an open mind."

"I looked up the average costs of raising a baby," He wasn't listening to me. Again. He pulled out his phone and put his coffee on the side table. "It's actually only about $12,00 a year. And if you have a baby shower then we'll get a lot of good stuff. And…I mean I usually only draw but I'm kind of good with my hands. I'm sure with help I could figure out how to build a crib. Maybe your dad knows someone who can build things who could help."

"You'd…build a crib for him?"

"Good cribs are a lot of money and I want him to have the best," He shrugged. "If it made things less expensive…I would try. And he won't be in a crib until he's about five months old. We can get a bassinet until he's old enough. Bassinets aren't too expensive."

"We could," I agreed. "What about diapers?" I asked. "Those alone cost is around $30 for a week. Babies poop and pee a lot and use a crap ton of diapers."

"We'll buy in bulk." He was thinking that things would be so simple if we were just smart with our money. The problem was we didn't have much money to start with.

"Edward," I sighed. "Please…just talk to me. I know that you think I'm forcing you into this but I want you to be on board with this. I want you to have faith in the Cullen's like I do. Please just tell me why you're so against this."

"He's my son," He said simply. "And I don't want anyone else raising him."

"Edward…"

"We have 72 hours to change our minds."

"You want to change the plan?" I asked. "And take that baby from the Cullen's?"

"He's not their baby!"

"Edward," There had to be some way to convince him that the Cullen's weren't some evil monsters trying to take his son away from him. I had learned over these last few months that Edward and I were more alike than I ever imagined and if I liked the Cullen's, I was sure Edward would too. He just needed to give them a chance.

"If I don't sign the papers they legally can't have him. And I have 72 hours after birth to take him back."

"Edward!" I exclaimed, getting his attention. "Can you help me get out of bed?"

"Why?"

"I want to go for a walk," I shrugged, pushing the blankets off and holding my hands up for him. He carefully pulled me up and offered me his arm for balance. Wow, this fucking hurt. I didn't expect post birth to hurt so much, which was probably dumb on my part. I just pushed a person out of me…did I really think it would feel good down there? Edward held my hand and supported me as I walked slowly down the halls of the hospital. The closer we got, the better we could hear the crying babies.

"Where are we going?" He asked and he sounded slightly panicked. I pulled him a bit further, rounded a corner, and stopped in front of the glass of the nursery. I watched as Edward searched for our baby in the midst of the craziness and he smiled when he had eyes on him. "I don't want to meet them, Bella," He sighed when Carlisle and Esme came into the nursery. They picked him up and Edward clenched his fists together tightly.

"Look how happy they are," I whispered. "Doesn't our son look safe in her arms?" Esme has just reached in and taken the baby out of his bassinet. "Like he's with someone who loves him?"

"We love him."

"Did you know that Carlisle is a pediatric surgeon?" I asked. "He saves children for a living, Edward. Our son couldn't be in better care."

"So, he's a surgeon," He sighed. "That means he'll never be around."

"No, he has his own practice now. He only operates when he needs to. And he chooses his own hours and has taken six weeks off to take care of the baby," I explained. "And Esme is a business owner."

"She's just as busy as he is which means they'll hire a nanny and some random old lady is going to raise our son. Perfect."

"She's busy, but she knows her priorities. She told me she's not going to be working for the next six months or so to stay home with the baby."

"And then the nanny will be taking care of him?"

"No, they're going to rearrange their schedules."

"Bella, you're not going to change my mind." He was so damn stubborn. "I'm not signing those papers and after 72 hours, that baby is mine."

"Would you please quit being so stubborn for one second!" I snapped, causing those in the nursery to look at me. "They're good people who will take really good care of our son. They are people with very stable jobs who will be able to give him everything he needs. They have one of the cleanest houses I've ever been in and everything is already baby-proofed."

"You made your decision without me," He sighed. "Now I'm making my decision without you."

"What does that mean?"

"No signature, no baby." Now he was just being aggressive. "And no one can do anything because that's the law."

"Edward, please," I really thought we'd moved past this but he was being more stubborn than ever before.

"He looks like you," He said as he looked at Esme handing the baby to Carlisle. "You think his eyes will stay that light?"

"I hope so," I shrugged. "I've always wanted him to have your eyes."

"Are they planning on telling him he's adopted?" Edward asked. "I'm just curious."

"They told me they've talked about it," I told him. "They're not sure though."

"He should know the truth. You know…if I end up signing the papers. Which I won't."

"They told me it was something they were considering, but it's far down the line so they aren't sure yet."

"I think knowing would be better," He whispered. "And the sooner the better. Wouldn't want to feel like I'd been lied to my entire life."

"No, that wouldn't feel good."

"There are options for us, Bella."

"We're talking in circles, Edward," I pointed out. "We keep having the same discussion we had months ago."

"You made this decision for me."

"I looked into adoption without you but you said you'd sign the papers."

"Because I felt pressured to do it."

"You could have talked to me instead of running away every time a discussion got hard," I told him. "So, I made the decision for us because you were too stubborn or childish to make a choice."

"What about a family adoption?"

"What?"

"I've seen other family members adopt kids all the time."

"And what family member would have adopted him?"

"I don't know," He shrugged. "Alice."

"Alice and Jasper aren't ready for a baby yet either. They want one someday but not now."

"Did you even ask?"

"You want the truth?" I asked bitterly. "Yes. I asked them when I still wanted him to be in our lives. But she told me that they weren't ready and if they did adopt him, it would be even harder on the two of us."

"We could have watched him grow up and been a part of his life."

"I think it would have been ten times harder."

"At least strangers wouldn't be raising him."

"They aren't strangers. Not to me anyway."

"They are to me!"

"Because you have been refusing to meet them at all costs!"

"Hey!" My dad whisper-yelled as he approached us. "There are sleeping babies and women trying to give birth on this floor. They don't need to hear you two yelling at each other."

"Sorry," I said as I looked at the ground.

"Let's go talk," He offered and was looking directly at Edward. Since he was still kind of terrified of my dad, Edward followed him back to my room without arguing. We both sat down on my bed and dad sat down in the chair in front of us. He stared at Edward, but I was pretty sure he was just trying to make him feel uncomfortable.

"Look," Dad sighed. "I know this is hard. And I know that you want to keep the baby and it's great that you love your son so much. But you need to at least try to do what Bella wants."

"It's always about what Bella wants."

"Well, you got her pregnant and in this situation in the first place. So yeah, she gets what she wants."

"I'm not ready."

"Neither is she," Dad whispered. "Just meet the Cullen's. Talk to them and get to know them before making rash decisions to become a single father on a sale's clerk's salary."

I held my breath while I waited for Edward to answer. After a few minutes of looking thoughtful, he agreed to at least meet them. I was trying not to get too excited, but this was a step forward for him. Dad smiled in approval and left the room to find the Cullen's. He paced around the room while we waited the very long five minutes before there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," I said softly as I reached out for Edward's hand to calm his nerves. He stopped pacing and smiled down at me. The moment lasted about two seconds before Carlisle and Esme walked into the room and Edward frowned again.

"Hi," Esme said with a shaky voice as she held her hand out for Edward. He stared her down like she was a criminal before eventually shaking her hand. He did the same thing with Carlisle but then he didn't say a word. It was incredibly awkward and I felt really bad for Carlisle and Esme.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "He's doing great. They say he'll be good to go home in a day or two."

"Why do you think you can give him a better life?" Edward asked and I closed my eyes in embarrassment. He was going to make this a big thing. "Maybe we can't spoil him but we'll love him."

"We don't want to spoil him," Esme said gently. "And we do love him so much already."

"He's my son."

"He is," Carlisle agreed and I was impressed that they were still willing to recognize that he was our son too. "He always will be. We're not trying to replace you."

"Then why the hell are you adopting him?"

"Because we love each other and we've always wanted a family," Esme told him. "We tried for four years to have a baby. When we finally got pregnant, I had a miscarriage when we were almost in the second trimester. After that we both agreed adoption was the best thing for us."

"That's very sad and I'm very sorry you had to go through that," Edward said. "But go adopt someone else's baby and leave my son alone."

The two of them looked over at me and even they looked unsure of what to say next. Then they looked at each other and nodded. It was as if they'd had a silent conversation and I hoped one day I had that kind of marriage.

"What if there was some sort of compromise," Esme said and that seemed to grab Edward's attention. "What about a semi-open adoption?"

"A semi-open?" Edward asked as he crossed his arms.

"We'll send pictures often and give you frequent updates on how he's doing."

"And?"

Esme looked at Carlisle. "And that way you'll know how your son is doing and if he's meeting all his milestones and things like that."

"Will we get to see him?" They looked at each other again. "Because if we don't get to see him in person then no deal."

"Edward,"

"We don't want to confuse him," Carlisle chimed in.

Edward turned red. "He has the right to know where he came from!"

"He will," Carlisle assured him. "But not until he's ready. If we introduce you when he's still little, it will only confuse him."

"An open adoption or no adoption. Those are my conditions."

I was starting to get angry. I had given him more than enough opportunities to discuss the possibility of adoption, but he walked out every single time. It eventually got to the point where I needed to make a decision and he told me to do whatever the fuck I needed to do. I knew he said it in anger, but we were out of time. If he had sat down with me, in the beginning, to talk about everything we wouldn't be in this position right now.

He had kind of done it to himself.

I shook my head. "No," I said. "I like the idea of getting pictures and updates on him, but I don't want an open adoption. I just want him to grow up without any confusion."

"You just don't want him thinking you gave him away because you're selfish."

"We can work something out," Esme said softly. "It doesn't need to be like this."

Edward snickered. "Enjoy your time with him. Because in the next 48 hours, I'll be taking him home."

"Excuse me?" Carlisle asked.

"We have 72 hours at the most to change our minds and take him home," Edward smirked. "So, enjoy your time with him because he's my…our son." He turned and walked out of the hospital room. When I looked over at the Cullen's, Carlisle was holding Esme who looked terrified.

Edward was so set on keeping our son that he was completely fine with ruining someone else's lives in the process.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'll talk to him."

"He's my baby, Carlisle," Esme cried. "I can't lose him too."

Carlisle hugged his wife. "I won't let him take the baby. Bella," He looked at me desperately. "Please."

"I'm going to do everything I can," I promised. "Edward's a good guy, he's just had a hard life. I think he wants to prove himself or something. I never thought he'd threaten you like this."

"We know he will always be your son," Carlisle took a deep breath. "But we love him too. He's our son…"

As much as it pained me to hear, he was right. They had fallen in love with him already and I couldn't let them go home to an empty nursery.

"I'll talk to him," I promised. "I'll get through to him."

I really hoped I could finally talk some sense into him.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Hey guys! I hope everything is starting to come together for everyone. I am loving this story and can't wait for you all to read more :)_

 _Thanks for reading and reviewing_


	14. Do You Feel Cold and Lost in Desperation

**Chapter Fourteen: Do You Feel Cold and Lost in Desperation?**

* * *

 **December 18, 2017**

The week leading up to Christmas break was hectic. I could tell my dad was trying to make it as normal as he could, but things were still weird. He was walking on eggshells around my mother who was still barely speaking to me. And on top of all of that, Dad had insisted to meet Edward while he wasn't being put in handcuffs. I really didn't want to deal with it, but I saw Charlie's point of view. If I was in his position, I would be demanding to meet the man who got my daughter pregnant too.

I was pleasantly surprised during their meeting. We'd agreed to go out to breakfast so that there wasn't any chance Edward would wind up dead. It wasn't the most comfortable meal I'd ever had, but they made it a little bit tolerable.

"Edward," Dad sighed as we sat down at the table with Alice. Mom had refused to come which really pissed dad off. When Alice offered to take her place, I immediately agreed. When Alice met Edward, she was kind and warm as usual. She was the only one treating him like a person and seemed to understand that I was also to blame in this situation.

"Sir," Edward nodded. The waitress came and took our drink orders and we sat in awkward silence until we'd ordered our food.

"What do you do, Edward?" Dad asked.

"Ummm," Edward stuttered. "I work at Newton's and as a stock boy at Costco," He explained. "And I sell some drawings at the craft shows in Port Angeles when I can."

"And you go to school?" Alice asked. She sounded amazed and I was pretty impressed. I knew he was talented since his artwork was always being displayed in the halls, but I didn't know he made any money with them. And I didn't realize he had two jobs on top of school.

Now it made sense as to why he was barely passing. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He nodded. "It's not easy."

"And yet you somehow managed to find time to get my little girl pregnant," Dad remarked.

"Daddy!" I screeched. He promised not to make any snide comments. I was going to make him keep his promise to me.

"Sir, it was never my intention for this to happen," He said softly. "And I know that you will never like me and that's okay. I just want you to believe me when I say that I'm sorry this is happening to Bella."

"It's happening to you too, Edward," Alice smiled at him. I could feel him instantly relax beside me. It was like he finally felt like he had an ally in this situation.

"What's your plan?" Dad asked.

"My plan?"

"For the future," Dad said. "If this baby stays with you two, how do you plan on helping Bella and paying for the baby? Are you planning on going to college?"

He looked nervous. "I want to help Bella in any way that I can. And as for finances…I would stay at my current jobs I guess. But I wouldn't need to go to school so I could work full time at Newton's or Costco…whichever pays more I guess."

"You think a minimum wage job can pay for a baby?"

He sighed. "I manage to take care of myself and my mom with what I make."

"How will you pay for yourself, your mother, and your baby?"

"Dad, stop."

"These are important questions, Bella. Questions you should be asking him."

Edward spoke quietly. "People manage to live with very little money. I'm sure I could do it. And I could even get a third job."

"Will you move to California?"

"California?"

"Bella's planning on going to Stanford for pre-med," Dad said.

"You are?" He looked at me. Had we not had this conversation before. I nodded. "That's pretty damn far away."

"So, will you go with her?"

He swallowed. "That's something Bella and I need to talk about."

Dad shook his head. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"What's wrong is you two are both just kids. How can you possibly think that you're ready to raise a baby together?" He asked. "You barely know each other!"

"We're working on it," I shrugged.

"Bella,"

I sighed not wanting to have this conversation again. "Yes, we're young. But we're smart. We'll figure it out."

After meeting Edward, my dad still hated his guts but he had softened up a little bit. I knew they would never be best friends, but at least he didn't want to kill him anymore…well as much as before. My parents both insisted on meeting my doctor as well and getting the paperwork changed so that Jasper and Alice weren't using their insurance anymore. I asked Edward if he wanted to come along, but he declined the offer, saying he had to work.

I was nervous as we waited to be called back. I wasn't ready for my parents to meet Dr. Brooks and see the sonogram. I wanted to stay in my little bubble where only Alice, Jasper, and Edward knew about the baby. But, the bubble had been popped and my parents had the right to know my doctor.

The appointment went better than expected. Dad was very friendly with Dr. Brooks and asked her a lot of questions about her qualifications. Once she answered where she'd gone to school and where she did her residency and all of those questions, we got to the actual sonogram part. The picture hadn't changed much since my last appointment right before telling my parents, but this was the first time they were seeing the baby.

Once dad saw the little image on the screen, his eyes briefly watered with tears. Mom looked unamused, but I could see that underneath her cool demeanor, she was fighting back her own tears. Dr. Brooks explained the size of the baby and told them my expected due date. She let them hear the heartbeat and told them it wouldn't be long until we could find out the baby's gender.

After she printed out some pictures for everyone, Dad continued to ask her different questions. He even asked a few questions about her thoughts on adoption. She told us that she couldn't tell us what to do, but she did give us a list of agencies that she believed to be the best in the state of Washington. She also gave us the number of a counselor who could help us cope with everything as a family and help Edward and I cope if we did decide to go with adoption. When we left the hospital, dad looked like he felt a lot better about the situation.

Christmas was different that year. Mom had been in a foul mood since I told her I was pregnant and I didn't think that was going to change just for Christmas. But everyone else was ready to be in good spirits. On Christmas morning, I wondered what Edward was up to since his mom was a junkie and never around. As my parents were making dinner, I snuck out of the house in my PJ's and drove over to Edward's house. He was alone and he smelled like beer. He had been drinking all by himself and I wondered if Rosalie usually spent Christmas with him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he let me inside.

I sighed. "No one should be alone for Christmas."

"You don't have to do this. I'm used to it."

"I can't stay long," I admitted. "My grandparents are coming over soon, but I thought you might like these," I handed him the tuber ware container.

He looked at me like I had two heads. "What is this?"

"Cookies," I smiled. "We always make way too many and end up throwing a bunch out."

"Oh,"

"And then…here," I smiled as I handed him a gift bag.

He stared at me. "You didn't have to. I didn't get you anything."

"I wanted to," I smiled. "Open it," He set the cookies on the table and carefully pulled the gift out of the bag. He unwrapped the tissue paper and smiled at me. "I thought an artist could never have too many sketch pads or pencils."

"Thanks,"

"They guy at the store said those were the best pencils."

He laughed. "These are the best."

"And the sketch pad just looked like something you would like," It was simple but edgy at the same time. "But I have the receipt if you want…"

"It's perfect. Thank you."

I nodded as I looked at the clock on the wall. "I need to go. But…if you need anything you can call. I can bring you leftovers tomorrow."

"I have plans later on so I'll be fed," He smiled awkwardly at me. "But thank you for offering. And thanks for the cookies."

"Yeah," I sighed as I opened the door up again. I got an ear load when I got home about sneaking out, but my mom's rants were just noise at this point. I had stopped listening to her the second she found out I was pregnant.

* * *

 **January 3, 2018**

Christmas break was really needed and I did not want to be back at school. I was almost at sixteen weeks and my stomach continued to get bigger. I was starting to run out of clothes that would hide my belly and I wasn't ready for the entire school to know. When I walked past Emmett, I was surprised that he'd kept his mouth shut for as long as he had.

If I were him, I would have told everyone immediately just for revenge.

But that wasn't Emmett. He wasn't malicious and he was hurting. He felt betrayed and I think he knew that telling everyone wouldn't change anything and he would still be hurt.

When I got to my locker, Edward was waiting for me with a cup in his hands. As I opened my locker, he smiled at me and handed me the insulated cup.

"I brought you some tea," He smiled. "Don't worry there isn't any caffeine in it."

"Thanks," I nodded as I accepted the drink. Over the break, we had spent some time together trying to get to know each other, but it was difficult. Although we were making progress we were still very different people. We ended up fighting most of the time we were together and ended up leaving each other angry. We always apologized to each other, but it was hard not getting along.

"My mom was home last night," He whispered as I shut my locker and turned around. I had a feeling I was the only person other than Rosalie to know what was going on at home. He'd showed up at my house one night over break asking if my dad knew anything about his mom since it'd been over a week since he'd seen her. Dad assured her she wasn't in the cells and there hadn't been any major accidents since she'd left the house. Turns out she'd found a new fuck toy and had forgotten to go home.

She had forgotten about her own son.

"How is she?" I asked as a few people walked by us and stared.

He shrugged. "She was stoned, but I managed to hide all the booze from her."

"She didn't flip?"

"She was too high to notice anything was missing," He smiled. "I mean…she wanted to drink but I handed her a cup of Coke and she drank that and passed out after eating half of the kitchen."

"Oh," I sighed as Lauren and Jess came up to me. Edward whispered something in my ear before walking away to his own locker, leaving me alone with the two of them. I had been avoiding them since Emmett and I broke up and for good reasons. They were just big gossips and would demand to know the real reasons. They weren't good at many things, but they could always tell when someone was lying.

"How was your break?" Jessica asked.

I shrugged. "Fine. You?"

"Mike and I spent all of New Year's Eve and New Year's Day naked in bed. It was heavenly," She smiled. "And he told me he wanted to stay together when we go to college."

I wanted to say something, but I was smart enough to not get myself in trouble.

"So?" Lauren asked, bored by Jess' sex life with Mike.

"What?" I asked.

"When are you and Emmett going to get back together?" Wow. "I mean, it's been two months."

"It's only been a month."

She shook her head. "Whatever. You two are perfect for each other."

"Who's perfect?" Angela asked as she joined us.

"Emmett and Bella," Jess said.

I met Angela's eyes and she gave me a small, reassuring smile. "I think it was just a high school relationship that ran its course," Angela said.

"Oh please," Lauren huffed. "They were talking marriage before they broke up. And then they just randomly break up?"

"It happens," Angela shrugged.

Lauren rolled her eyes. "When are you getting back together?"

"We're not," I shook my head. I looked up and met Emmett's gaze for a second before he went back to talking to Tyler. "Emmett and I are done."

"Okay," Jess nodded and she seemed like she was ready to accept my answer.

"Why'd you break up then?" Lauren asked. I was starting to get annoyed.

I sighed. "I already told you."

"I just don't buy that your college choice was the reason," She said. "You've always had your eyes set on California and he knew that. You could work it out. Jess and Mike will."

"They're both staying in Washington."

"They'll still be apart," I shrugged really just wanting to get away from them right now. I felt someone come up behind me and when I looked, I smiled at Edward who was keeping his distance but he was still there. I felt oddly comforted. Then I looked up at Emmett who was now staring at us along with Mike and Tyler. Great, we were gaining everyone's attention.

"Stop lying, Bella!" Lauren yelled. "I know when people are lying. I know that's not why you broke up. Just tell us the truth."

"That is the truth?"

"Did you two finally bang and realize it sucked?"

"No," I sighed.

"Lauren, come on. Let it go," Angela pleaded with her. But she was on a mission.

Lauren rolled her eyes. "Do you like someone else? Does he like someone else."

"Please," I begged.

"Just be honest and this can all stop," She smirked and I suddenly felt really overwhelmed. I looked around at everyone who was listening to our conversation and I began to feel claustrophobic. This school was too small to be having a conversation like this in the hallway and I just wanted to run. Tears started pooling in my eyes as I turned to run.

"Hey," Edward whispered as he caught me and refused to let me go.

Tears were streaming down my face. "Let me go."

"Don't let her do this," Edward said gently as he wiped a tear that had fallen off my cheek. I was shaking as I reached down and touched my hand to my growing belly. The baby was the size of an avocado this week and I wondered how something so small and wonderful could cause so many problems.

The baby wasn't the problem. My fucking small town was the problem.

And my mother. She was also part of the problem.

"Let me go," I pleaded to Edward again as I heard a cackled from behind me.

I turned around to see Lauren laughed. "Oh. My. GOD!" She laughed. "Are you pregnant?"

I looked around and found Emmett's eyes again. He looked so hurt and turned right when we made eye contact. Then I found Angela's eyes and she looked furious. But then I realized she was angry at Lauren and gave me a small, reassuring smile.

"This is none of our business!" Angela yelled. "Drop it, Lauren."

"You and Emmett finally did the deed," She snickered. It was that moment that I began to wonder why the hell I was such good friends with her. "No!" She gasped. "Is that why you broke up? Does he even know you're pregnant?"

"He knows," I whispered. I could feel Edward tugging on my arm because it wasn't any of her business. But I couldn't let the rumors start flying around.

"You fucker!" Lauren turned to face Emmett, Mike, and Tyler. "She's going to have your baby and you dumped her?"

"It's not mine," Emmett assured her and turned to walk away. There it was. The bitterness and anger he had towards me had finally come out. I didn't blame him, but it still stung.

"Not his?" Jess asked. "Who the fuck got your pregnant then?"

"Guys," Angela begged. "Let's drop this."

"No, Angela," Jess said. "This is important. Were you raped?"

"No," I promised. "But really, it isn't your business."

Lauren laughed. "We're your friends, Bella. Whose, is it? Do they know? How pregnant are you?"

"Bella," Edward said from behind me. I twisted to look at him and I could tell he wanted me to just walk away. "Come on." I nodded and went to follow him but then I heard Lauren's cackle again.

"No fucking way!" She laughed. I wanted to keep walking, but she was making it really difficult. "Edward Masen is your fucking baby daddy?"

"Ignore them," Edward said under his breath as we passed by Rosalie who looked extremely hurt.

"Fuck, you're not so perfect after all, are you?" I stopped dead in my tracks and faced her. "You were always going on about how you wanted to wait until things were perfect and you felt comfortable enough with Emmett. And you always looked down on me and Jess for having sex in high school. You never looked down on Angela though. Why is that, Bella?"

"Lauren!" Angela squealed since Lauren had just told the entire school Ben and Angela were having sex.

"You always acted like sex was a crime and that we shouldn't be having it. But you aren't any better than us, are you?"

"I never said sex was a crime."

"But you never got excited with us when we told you stuff. You would roll your eyes and look disgusted. You aren't any better than we are, Bella," She walked over to me and lifted my shirt in front of the entire school. "And by the looks of it, you aren't like a month pregnant. This isn't a baby that was made while you were sad about Emmett and wanted a revenge fuck."

"Fuck off, Lauren!" Edward yelled.

"How far along are you, Bella?" She asked. "You're far enough along to have a fat stomach. Which means," she grinned like the Cheshire cat. "You got yourself knocked up while you were with Emmett," She laughed. She was fucking laughing.

She was awful.

"I can't believe you."

"Lauren," I was shaking I was crying so hard at this point. Edward was squeezing my shoulder but I barely even recognized that he was standing behind me.

"You're a slut, Bella," Lauren smirked. "Only sluts cheat and get themselves knocked up."

"You little fucker…" Edward was about to pounce when the bell rang. It took a few seconds people to get themselves together to go to homeroom. I just stood there with Edward as I cried. I brought my arms to cover my stomach in protection because I didn't want anyone to hurt him. "Bella…"

"Take me home," I cried as I turned in Edward's arms. "Please, take me anywhere but here."

He nodded and grabbed my hand to pull me out of the school. I didn't even care that I would get in trouble for skipping and that my mom would have a cow. Since I was clearly in no state to drive, Edward pulled me over to his truck and promised we'd come back for my car later I didn't have the energy to fight with him that his truck seemed like a death trap. I thought he was going to just take me home since I knew my house was empty, but he turned left instead of right out of the school lot.

"Where are we going?"

"My house," He told me and I again didn't have the energy to fight with him. We drove for ten minutes before pulled into his driveway. He hopped down out of the truck and ran to my side to help me down. He pulled me up the front porch and into the house. It looked a lot cleaner than the last time I'd been here and I figured it was because his mom hadn't been drinking last night due to her being stoned.

Edward walked around the small house and came back looking relieved. "She's gone."

"Are you worried?"

He shrugged. "She's a grown woman who chooses to drink and do drugs rather than be a mom. I don't care." That was a lie. I didn't know the entire story, but I knew he cared which is what made it so difficult for him.

"So," I sighed. "What now?"

"You want something to eat?"

"I had breakfast," I smiled. "But thanks."

"I have hot chocolate," He offered and I couldn't turn him down twice. I nodded and he went into the kitchen to begin making it.


	15. It's the Wrong Kind of Place

**WARNING: This chapter deals with the sexual abuse of a child. Viewer discretion is advised. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

 **Chapter Fifteen: It's the Wrong Kind of Place**

* * *

 **January 3, 2018**

Edward and I sat at his kitchen table for twenty minutes in silence. I just didn't know what to say. I mean I knew my pregnancy would get out sooner or later and I knew people would know Edward was the father. I expected people to talk, but I never thought my "friends" would be the ones to turn their backs on me.

I felt completely alone. The only people who weren't pointing and staring at me were Angela and Edward. I was feeling very thankful for their friendships right now.

"Lauren's the slut," Edward remarked. "She's slept with at least 4 guys already."

I shook my head. "Those were rumors. She just lost her virginity to Tyler a few months ago. Right after the homecoming game."

"How'd that rumor get started?" He asked.

I shrugged. "She said something and her words got twisted around by someone who was standing behind us. She didn't really try very hard to stop them, though."

"You're not a slut, Bella. Trust me…I've been with sluts. You aren't one."

"I've lost everyone," Tears stung in my eyes. "All my friends think I'm a horrible person. They aren't wrong…"

"You're not a horrible person!"

"Edward…"

"You're human. Sleeping with me while you were with Emmett was wrong and it was a mistake, but that doesn't make you a horrible person. Shit happens."

I sighed. "I'm an outcast. Even in my house…I'm an outcast."

"You get used to it," He joked.

I knew he was trying to mask his pain. And I just wished I could understand him better. I knew things changed after his dad left, but I would have been there for him if he had let me. I remember overhearing him telling an old friend of his that his dad wasn't ever coming back. We had already started to drift apart, but I still considered him to be one of my friends. I tried to be there for him, but he always pushed me away. He said he didn't need anyone and that he could handle things on his own.

I gave him his space and at the start of high school, I thought we could maybe try being friends again. But something had drastically changed over the summer and it only got worse as freshman year continued. By the time sophomore year had come along, he'd managed to alienate everyone at school. Including his two best friends, Alec and Demetri. The only one he seemed to let in was Rosalie, but he was still a big dick towards her.

He wasn't the Edward who had become my first boyfriend.

And he definitely wasn't the Edward I had a huge crush on until I was eleven years old.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened?" I asked. "With us?"

He looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"We used to be good friends," I shrugged. "And then…your dad left and I get that it was hard on you but…"

"Nothing happened," He rolled his eyes. "We grew apart."

"You pushed me away."

He sighed. "I'm sorry. It was hard being around people whose parents weren't divorced and whose mother was drinking all the time to cope with her heartbreak."

I nodded. "You're right."

"You have no idea what I've been through!" He snapped. "No one does! But everyone continues to call me a bad kid who won't amount to anything."

"Edward…I'm sorry," And I was. I should never have turned my back on him. And I shouldn't have given into talking about him and Rosalie behind their backs with my so-called friends. I should have just left it alone. I should have told them to knock it off.

He looked like he was holding back tears. "Whatever. It's already been done. We can't change anything."

I took a deep breath. I had a feeling he would just yell at me some more, but I had to ask. "What…happened?"

"My dad left and my mom became an alcoholic," He was looking at me like I was stupid.

"I noticed that you were starting to cope with it at the end of middle school," I shrugged. "I thought you'd be back to your old self."

"I…" He trailed off. "I don't think I can talk about it."

"That's okay."

He shook his head. "No, I think you deserve to know about everything."

"If you don't want to tell me, I'm not going to push you."

He took a long, shaky breath. "My dad left halfway through the eighth grade. He'd been having an affair for over a year with one of his co-workers. And from what I gathered…it wasn't the first time he'd cheated on my mom. Finally, she caught him and she loved him so much. She was willing to give him a chance, but she told him he had to choose between her and his new girlfriend. He chose the girlfriend and left while I was at school one day," He explained. "I came home from school and my mom was passed on the couch…it looked like she'd cried herself to sleep. All of my dad's things were gone.

"It was really hard for my mom. She could barely get out of bed for three weeks. She almost got fired because of missing so much work. Thankfully, I finally snapped her out of it and she started to acting normal again. I could tell she was still hurting, but she was starting the healing process…or I thought she was."

"That's when she started drinking," I mused.

"Four months later, I was looking for something in her room and I found all of the empty bottles of alcohol under her bed. She wasn't healing she was just masking her pain with the alcohol. I tried to be all manly about it…I was fourteen and I was the man of the house. I confronted her about it but she told me that I was just a kid and didn't understand anything that was happening."

He stood up and leaned against the counter. "About a month after I found the bottles in her room, her work called. She hadn't shown up in a month a half and they were checking to just make sure she was still alive. I don't really know why she still even had a job, but when I talked to her a boss a year later, he said she'd manipulated everyone to keep her job. But then they'd had enough."

"You were only fourteen?" I asked.

He nodded. "After that, things were tight. I tried getting a job over the summer, but I was still a kid. I wouldn't be able to get a job until I was fifteen and my birthday isn't until October. I managed to get ahold of my mom's bank account so we could have water and electricity but eventually, the bank got tired of not getting their mortgage payments. They foreclosed our house and we were forced to move here."

"What about your dad? Why didn't you go live with him?"

"He moved to Portland with his girlfriend, got married, and never looked back. He didn't even bother sending a birthday card the year he left."

"What an ass," I sighed and Edward laughed in agreement.

"Anyways, right after the start of freshman year, my mom started dating someone from her new crowd. David. He seemed okay, but mom was either high or drunk with him so she didn't really know him that well. David weaseled his way into her life really fast and within two months of seeing each other, they were living together," he said. "You don't know disgusting until you hear your mother and her fuck toy going at it every…single…night. Multiple times a night."

"Gross," I cringed.

"A month after he moved in, they went on a weekend getaway without me. They left me with nothing to eat and with no way of getting anywhere," He sighed. "Thankfully, I had enough money saved up from selling my drawings that I was able to get a ride to Newton's where I'd just started working. If I didn't have that job…I probably would have starved or froze to death. My mom hadn't had a job in nearly a year at that point."

"How did she afford her weekend getaway?"

"David paid. He had the money because he was selling drugs," Edward took another deep breath. "They came back and they were married. I hated her for doing that, but with David around, she stopped going out so much. I mean, she was still drinking and using but I didn't have to be in the house alone anymore."

"I get why you were so angry at the world."

"I'm not finished."

I sighed. "Edward, really, I get it. Your life was way more fucked up than I could ever imagine. You don't have to tell me if you don't' want to."

"We need to be able to trust each other. And I don't think we can trust each other until we really know each other," He pleaded. I had a feeling no one in the world knew this and he was tired of holding it in.

I nodded. "Okay."

"Two months after they got married…mom was passed out drunk in their bedroom. I was still awake trying to get homework that I'd put off because of work done. It was so late…maybe one in the morning. Anyway, David came into my room really quietly…he scared the shit out of me," He gulped. "He put his hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream. He then told me if I screamed or ran away he would kill me and my mom. I was paralyzed with fear."

"Edward," I could feel tears stinging in my eyes. I had a feeling I knew where this was going but I just didn't want to believe it.

"He pulled me out of my desk chair, drabbed some duct tape from the drawer and taped my mouth shut. I was helpless as he removed my t-shirt."

"Edward," I cried again.

He sighed. "Then he taped my wrists together. I was completely powerless and then he flipped me onto my back. Then…" He had tears in his eyes. "He pulled my pants and boxers down and…grabbed my dick. I was screaming, but the taped muffled the sound. Mom was so drunk she wouldn't have woken up anyway and it was the middle of February…no one's windows were open and no one would hear me," He explained. "After he groped me…I thought that would be it."

"He didn't stop there…did he?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I heard him unbutton his jeans and unzip them. It felt like it took a hundred years for him to pull his pants down. When he was naked…I felt something cold on my asshole. Then…I felt him. There. He told me that I was being such a good boy and that if I kept quiet, I would get to keep my life. And mom would keep hers. I couldn't even think anymore I was so scared. When he…" He stopped.

"Edward, you don't have to…"

A tear streaked down his cheek. "When he pushed into me…the pain was blinding. Everything seemed so foreign and wrong. I couldn't breathe the pain was so bad. I wanted a distraction, so I lifted my head a little bit and looked at the clock that was hanging on my way to count the seconds. After three minutes and twenty-eight seconds, he stilled inside of me. He pulled out, slapped my ass, and pulled his boxers and pants up. And he left."

"He left you tied up?" I asked.

He nodded. "It took me thirty minutes to get the tape off my wrists. Since I was on my stomach the entire time, I didn't even realize he'd taken my cell phone. I ran out to find it, but he was sitting in the living room with a kitchen knife in his hands. He told me if I called the cops he'd kill me and my mom before they got there and would run away so they wouldn't catch me. I was so scared I just went back to my room and curled into a ball on my bed."

I just continued to cry as he told me this. Something told me he wasn't finished though.

He was shaking. "This went on for about a year."

"A year?" I exclaimed. "And your mom didn't know?"

"He always got her really drunk on the nights he planned on…doing things to me," He told me. "She was always worse off than normal, but because of that, I knew when it was going to happen. It wasn't as much of a surprise anymore."

"Oh,"

"During this I became…really depressed. And I thought that my body was something that was just something to be used. That's when I started sleeping with a bunch of girls and drinking myself. It numbed the pain and helped me forget."

"Did Rosalie know?"

He shook his head. "No. And she still doesn't. She had her own problems at home and we both knew we were using each other at the beginning. She just assumed that I was pissed off at life because my dad left and at this point, everyone knew my mom was an alcoholic. Her mom died when she was ten and her dad got into drugs…so we were the perfect couple to be fucking each other."

"Weren't you two like…a thing though?"

"I still didn't trust her," He shrugged.

"When did it…stop? How did it stop?"

"About thirteen months after it all started…I had just gotten so fed up with him. I wanted to kill him…I was prepared to kill him. But then I lost my nerve when I heard my bedroom door open that night. He did what he always did…he pulled my pants down…tied my arms together and taped my mouth shut. This time was different though…he was talking to me while I did it. And he said stuff about my mom that fucking pissed me off. I ended up head-butting him hard enough to the point that he passed out for a few minutes. I had gotten really good at getting the tape off of my wrists so I was able to get myself free, tie his hands together, and pull my PJ's back on."

"Did he wake up?"

He nodded. "I had just gotten out of the house when I heard him scream. Since his wrists were tied together, he couldn't pull his pants up and ended up tripping over himself…and he was drunk. I managed to get to the police department and they took me to the hospital while they went to my house to arrest David."

I blinked. "Was my dad there?"

"He put David in the cuffs."

I wanted to kill my dad, but I wasn't going to start spewing out my problems during this.

"The hospital did a rape kit on me and ran a bunch of tests to make sure I didn't have any STD's," He explained. "By some miracle, I hadn't contracted one even though he never used a condom."

"I guess that's a plus."

He nodded. "Anyways, they found a bunch of pictures of me hidden away in the hall closet in a box so they got him on kiddie porn. With that and my testimony and the rape kit…it was easy to convict him. He got twenty-five to life. But…my mom didn't believe me."

"WHAT?"

He sighed. "He's brainwashed her into thinking he was a God who could do no wrong. He told her that I was a bad kid and that she deserved a better child. She was so wasted all the time she started believing him. So, when they arrested him, she blamed me and said that I was only doing this for attention. Then she told the court that David was a perfect man who wouldn't hurt a fly. The jury didn't believe her…obviously…and when he was sentenced to jail, she tried to fight me in the courtroom."

"No," I snickered.

"She was drunk. I don't know how they let her in the room if she was drunk, but she'd gotten pretty good at hiding it," He told me. "That's when her drinking and drug problem got really bad and I don't think she's been sober since."

"Why do you keep taking care of her?" I wanted to kill her. Edward had such a bright future ahead of him when he was younger and she'd destroyed that. She destroyed him.

He shrugged. "She's my mom. And I know that if she was sober and David hadn't brainwashed her…" He trailed off. "I shouldn't care but…I mean your mom's a bitch and you still love her, right?"

"That's different, Edward."

He sighed. "Well, I can't change who my parents are. And she's never here anyway so it doesn't matter."

"But you take care of her when you do…"

"I'm crazy," He said solemnly.

"Did your dad ever hear about happened?"

"Nope. He left and he didn't look back. If he cared about me at all…this wouldn't have happened in the first place."

"I'm so sorry."

"Me too," He whispered. "Anyway, the court-mandated I go to therapy but I had to work two jobs and go to school so I never had the time to go."

"Why didn't they pull you out of here?"

"Who?"

"The cops. Your mom should be in jail and you should have gone to live with a foster family."

"Mom's always been bailed out of jail. And besides, I'm eighteen now. They can't do anything."

"I'm sure if you wanted to go to therapy now…"

"No," He shook his head. "I don't need to talk about it to a complete stranger. I just need to forget about it and move on."

"Edward…"

He stopped me. "I just wanted you to understand me better. I wanted you to know that…I don't want to continue making mistakes but I'm always going to be a nothing, Bella. No one can change me…but I'll do my best to be there for the… _our_ baby."

"You _are_ something!" I said as I stood up and ran into his arms. I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist and squeezed him tightly. He hugged me back and my eyes started filling up with tears. He was a good person and he didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to feel like a failure or like a toy for someone to take advantage of.

He was a good guy and he didn't deserve this.

I pulled back and turned around and tried to wipe my tears.

He came up and gripped my shoulders. "It's okay to cry. I cried a lot when it was all happening."

"Oh," I sniffled. "I'm so sorry you went through all of that and I'm so sorry you went through it alone."

He nodded. "It's okay."

"It's not okay!"

"But it can't be changed. No matter how much you want to change what happened…you can't. My past will always be my past."

"I'm so sorry," I cried as I turned around in his arms and hugged him again. I didn't know how we'd gotten to this point where he was hugging and comforting me. But I was glad he wasn't trying to push me away anymore. He was letting me in.

A few hours later, after we'd had some lunch and I had attempted to help him with his English paper, I asked if he could take me back to get my car. He agreed and as we were halfway to school, I realized how selfish I had been asking him to take me home.

"You're going to get suspended," I sighed as I banged my head against the headrest.

"What?"

"You told me that if you get one more detention you'll get suspended," I reminded him. "And skipping school definitely gets you a detention."

"It's fine."

"I should have just taken myself home. Or sucked it up," All of my problems seemed so small now it made me feel sick.

He shook his head. "I was happy to take you home. You were in no state to drive and you needed someone. I wasn't going to let you be by yourself."

"Thank you," I whispered as we pulled into the lot. Since it was only one o'clock, the parking lot was still full. Edward drove me to a spot next to my car and I said goodbye to him. When I got in my car and watched him drive away, I wondered what my dad knew. I mean he had been the one to arrest Edward's abuser, but did he know much else? And then I was curious and ended up driving to the station. When I got there, all of the officers were watching me as I stormed towards my dad's office.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice sounding alarmed. "Are you okay?"

"The entire school found out I was pregnant today," I explained. "Lauren called me a slut in front of everyone."

"I'll kill her…" He started to storm off.

I sighed. "You knew about Edward?" He turned around. "About how his mom's new husband started sexually abusing him? And how he raped and tormented Edward for over a year before he finally did something."

"Bella…"

"You knew!" I yelled. "You knew and you still treated him like the scum of the earth! He was abused, dad! He has a right to be messed up!"

"He still broke the law."

"You know what assault can do to someone! You saw what it did to Alice and she wasn't raped!"

"Don't bring your sister into this!"

I sighed. "I'm not saying that Alice's assault was any less than Edward's but you saw what she did in the months after what happened with Marcus. How could you treat Edward like that?"

"Honey, he got you pregnant. I have a right to be pissed at him."

"But you're not mad because he got me pregnant," I sighed. "You're mad because he's been arrested and gotten into a lot of trouble. If Emmett got me pregnant you wouldn't have been this mad."

"You really think that?"

I shook my head. "You knew," I cried. "And you still treat him like he's a monster. He's the victim!"

"Not in this situation."

"It takes two people to make a baby, dad," I whispered. "And I'm just as responsible for this as he is. I made the decision to have sex with him."

"You were drunk. I wouldn't be surprised if he…" He trailed off.

"If he what, dad?"

"Took advantage of you."

"He didn't," I assured him.

"How can you be so sure!"

I sighed. "Because I didn't feel violated when I woke up. Everything is still fuzzy but I remember…" I stopped. "Coming onto him. I made the first move, dad. If anyone is to blame…it's me. Not him."

"Bella,"

"Just cut him some slack, dad. You don't know anything about him other than the fact that you've arrested him," I said and ran out of his office.

Suddenly, I desperately wanted to grab Edward and leave this stupid town.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ _Hi, everyone. So, I am sorry this chapter was so dark, but when I sat down to outline this story I knew Edward was going to be the bad boy who liked sleeping around. But I didn't want it to be another cliché where he's just a slut. I wanted there to be a real reason behind it. I hope I did this chapter justice and I didn't offend anyone. I hope you all can forgive me and want to keep reading._

 _Thanks for reading and reviewing_


	16. Nowhere to Go and No Place to Call Home

**Chapter Sixteen: Nowhere to Go and No Place to Call Home**

* * *

 **May 13, 2018 – 11:00 a.m.**

Carlisle finally managed to calm Esme down, but everyone's nerves were on edge. I knew the Cullen's loved my son like their own which is what making everything okay right now. Edward only saw them as monsters. I wasn't sure how I could finally get it in his head that these people loved our son. And that they weren't some kind of replacement for us. They were his parents, just like Edward and I were.

"You'll…you'll talk to him?" Esme asked with a shaky voice as she and Carlisle prepared to leave the hospital for a bit to go back to their hotel room and get cleaned up.

I nodded. "I will do everything I can," I said not wanting to promise anything to them. I'd already caused them enough pain by not getting Edward to agree to everything earlier. I tried, but I should have tried harder. I should have fought with him until he understood where I was coming from. After they left, I didn't have the energy or the mind power to try working on homework like I had originally planned. So, I just laid down and stared up at the ceiling.

What the hell was I going to do?

I could go with what Edward wanted and take the baby home and figure out how to take care of him while going to school. I could forge Edward's signature, although that was illegal and extreme. I could perform a miracle and get him to sign the papers and allow Carlisle and Esme to take their son home.

None of those options seemed like they would work.

I grabbed my phone from the table and tried calling Edward, but there was no answer. I hung up to try again, but there was a soft knock on my door. I looked at the clock and assumed it was a nurse here to check on me, but when Angela walked through the door I couldn't really contain my excitement.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as she came over and place a small vase of flowers on the table and leaned down to give me a hug.

"I had to see how you were doing," She smiled. "I wanted to come yesterday, but I figured you had enough on your mind."

I smiled. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too." I sighed. "How do you feel?"

"Like my lady bits were run over a truck…over and over again," I laughed. "Ang?"

"Yeah?"

"Is everyone talking about it?" I asked and she bit her lip. "I mean, I know it's all over the school that I went into labor during APUSH but…"

"Lauren told everyone after class was over. She was a real bitch about it and had no idea how much she was hurting…Emmett…in the process."

"Emmett was upset?" I asked. He hadn't even looked in my direction since January when everyone found out I was pregnant with Edward's baby. I didn't think he cared anymore.

"I could tell he was trying not to be upset and look like he didn't care," she shrugged. "But he's Emmett. He couldn't not care if he tried," She said sadly. "Anyways, I tried stopping her and told her it wasn't her business but she wouldn't listen to me."

"She'd do anything to completely ruin me and make sure my last few weeks of high school are totally miserable," I sighed.

"Don't let her ruin this."

I shrugged. "I knew she would say something. She hasn't shut up for months. But then again…I didn't expect to go into labor during school."

"It could have been worse," She laughed.

I stared at her. "How could it have possibly been worse?"

"It could have happened at graduation," She smiled and she had a point. My due date was a few days before graduation. But if I was late…I definitely could have gone into labor during the ceremony like a fucking movie or something.

"You're right. That would have been much worse."

"How is he?" She asked solemnly, changing the subject. "It's a boy, right?"

"He's good," I assured her. Angela was the one I had confided in a lot when I was first considering adoption. Alice was great, but she was older. She didn't necessarily think like I did because she was in a different stage of life. Angela understood the pressure I was under and was always there to listen to me. "He's small, but he's healthy. He has his…parents wrapped around his little fingers already."

"So, Edward signed the papers?" She asked, sounding hopeful. She was also the only other person to know how hard Edward was taking this and how stubborn he was being.

"Not yet."

"He hasn't signed the papers?" She asked, sounding shocked. "Now what? Can they still adopt him?"

"Not unless Edward agrees to sign the papers."

"And if he doesn't?"

I shrugged. "I have to do my hardest to convince him that we aren't ready to raise a baby. And that Carlisle and Esme are good people who love our baby boy and want to give him a great life."

"Good luck," She snickered. After finding out about the pregnancy, Angela was the only one other than Edward to give me the time of day. She sat with us at lunch and offered to help whenever she could. Before deciding on adoption, she even told me she'd love to help babysit over the summer. I was really grateful to have her in my life or these last few months would have been a lot harder to get through.

She admitted that she felt really bad about saying the things she'd said about Edward before getting to know him. But, I understood. Lauren and Jess usually did all the taking and we both wanted to fit in with them for some reason. I was kind of glad that Lauren and Jessica really showed their true colors. They were just mean and I didn't want them in my life at all even more.

Lauren proved how mean she was the day she called me a slut in front of the entire school. I had absolutely no desire to try and make things right before going to California.

"Yeah. Thanks," I sighed as the door to my room swung open. Edward walked in, holding a take-out container. He saw Angela sitting with me and smiled at her. He placed the container on my food tray and sat down on the bed with me.

"Your sister gave me money to get you some lunch," He smiled. "I brought you a grilled cheese and french fries. Hi, Angela," He greeted as he turned to face her.

"Hi, Edward," She smiled. She stood up and put her jacket back on. "I should go."

"You don't have to," I argued. "I like the company."

She sighed. "Ben's in the car. We're going to be late getting back to school if we don't leave now."

"Oh, yeah," I sighed. School sounded like a vacation to this hospital room. "Can I have your notes later?"

"Of course," She laughed. She looked at Edward. "She just had a baby and she's worried about getting the notes?"

"She tried doing her homework while she was in labor," Edward smiled smugly. "It didn't work out too well."

"I can hear you!" I laughed as Edward turned and winked at me.

Angela laughed. "Bye, guys!" She called as she opened the door and walked out.

"I'm glad she was here for you. When'd she get here?"

"Ten minutes ago," I told him as I spotted my backpack on the floor. "Can you hand me my laptop?"

"Trying to get more studying in?" He asked as he unzipped my bag and handed me my computer.

I rolled my eyes. "I've given up on that until I'm out of here."

"When do you get out?"

"Hopefully tomorrow morning," I told him. "But it might not be until later tomorrow afternoon."

"Sucks."

"You can go at any time."

"I don't have anywhere to be."

"What about work?"

He shook his head and leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I called them yesterday when you went into labor and told them I wouldn't be in for a few days. They understood." I opened my laptop and gestured for him to sit down on the bed next to me. I scooted over to give him some room and welcomed his arm as he wrapped it around his shoulder.

"Are we going to watch more _Stranger Things_?" He asked eagerly. Lately, I'd been so tired and haven't been in the mood to do anything really. I mean other than school. So, Edward had gotten me into binging Netflix series and our latest obsession was _Stranger Things_. If Edward hadn't been so desperate to watch it, I probably never would have clicked on it.

And it was my new favorite show so I was glad he pushed me into watching it.

"Maybe later," I laughed as I clicked on one of my desktop folders. It was labeled _Carlisle and Esme_ _& Everything Adoption_ and when Edward saw what I was doing, he tried getting out of the bed to leave. I grabbed his sleeve and held him next to me while I waited for the file I'd clicked on to open.

"I don't wanna keep fighting," He groaned. At least he was just as tired of arguing with me as I was.

"Good. Then just listen," I rolled my eyes. The first file I opened was all of the numbers I'd collected from different websites and from a few new moms around Forks. Being an overachiever, I made an excel sheet with the different costs of baby raising and all the other expenses that Edward and I would have.

"Whoa. You're such a try hard."

"I know," I laughed. "This is all of the research I did for how much it costs to raise a baby."

"Twelve grand a year," He shrugged.

I nodded. "Yes. But that number could get higher. And everything is more expensive in California."

"So, I'll get a job or two while we're down there while you're in school."

"And who takes care of the baby while you're working and I'm at school."

His face dropped. "Oh. Right. I'll work nights."

"You'll be sleeping all day," I pointed out.

"Doesn't Stanford have a childcare place on campus?"

"It's about two thousand dollars to put a child in the on-campus child care facility."

"Oh," He nodded and looked back up at me. "Lots of people raise babies on low incomes."

"You're right," I nodded. "And I think that's great and I have a lot of respect for the people who do."

"So, why can't we?" He asked. "I mean we weren't poor when I was growing up but we didn't have all the money in the world. If my dad hadn't left then…we would have been pretty okay finance wise."

I sighed. "Do you really think you could work a night job and a weekend job and be able to spend time with the baby?" I asked. "Do you honestly think you would have the patience for him after a long night at work and you come home and he's screaming his head off?"

"Bella…"

"Hear me out," I stopped him. "You get home from working all night and our son is screaming bloody murder. I've done everything…I've fed him, held him, changed him, and burped him. I'm swaying back and forth to try and calm him but nothing works. Why does nothing work?"

"I don't know."

"Because he has an ear infection that we don't know about,"

"That's just a scenario."

"A very real and possible scenario. I had ear infections all the time growing up," I explained. "I tell you that I'll skip my classes, but I've also been up all night with him. We're both exhausted and we are so strapped for cash that we can't afford the drops he needs for the infection."

"Bella, you're being dramatic."

"No, I'm not," I shook my head. "I've thought about this a lot, Edward. I've thought of a thousand different scenarios. A lot of them were wonderful with us being a happy family. I've imagined how well you and I can work together in order to take care of our child. I've thought of all of the good scenarios."

"Exactly. So, let's cross the ear infection bridge when we come to it."

"Edward, I need to know that if my son is sick we're going to be able to get him the proper medicine he needs. And that when he's sick and throws up on everything that we'll have the money to do the wash."

"It isn't all about money."

"You're right," I agreed. "But money is a big factor in being a parent. We love that boy with everything we have…but unfortunately, love doesn't buy diapers or bottles or clothes. I wish it was enough but it…just isn't."

"What about your parents?"

I looked at him. "What about them?"

"Can't they help us while we get started."

"They could and my dad probably would," I nodded. "But we can't rely on them for our entire lives, Edward."

"Just until you're done with school."

I sighed. "I won't be done with school for eight years."

"Eight years?"

"Undergrad and medical school. Plus, my residency."

He nodded. "Oh. I didn't realize…"

"I know," I whispered as I closed the excel sheet and opened another file. "This is everything you could ever want to know about Carlisle and Esme. This is his practice's website," I clicked on the link and let him look through it.

"And he'll be taking time off?" I nodded. "What about her?"

"She's a businesswoman," I explained as I clicked out of Carlisle's website and clicked on hers. "She's an interior designer and has a pretty big client base in Seattle. She knows the best products and has a lot of friends who can also tell her their opinions on baby stuff."

"I still think they'd never be around."

"They're both taking time off," I reminded him. "And like I said, they own their own businesses. They're their own bosses…they arrange the schedules. And they're good people so I can only assume that their employees love them and want to help them with everything."

"He'd still be better off with us," He shrugged and I was biting my tongue at this point. I just wanted him to be open to this, but he was being stubborn and was so incredibly closed off to any other possibility.

"They have twenty letters of recommendation in their files. I have each letter and I've read them all multiple times." He looked at me warily. "Do you want to read one?" He nods and I opened up one of the letters and give him the time he needs.

"Who's this from?"

"Esme's mom." He nodded and kept reading.

 _This letter is to wholeheartedly recommend my daughter, Esme and her husband, Carlisle as adoptive parents._

 _My daughter has dreamed of having children since she was a little girl, and even with her own siblings, she took on an age-appropriate caretaker role, always looking out for her little sisters. She was the only one who could talk her one sister down from a meltdown or get her other sister to eat her vegetables._

 _As for Carlisle, I could not ask for a better son-in-law. He is smart, sensitive and a great provider. At family events, he is always down on the ground playing with his little nieces and nephews. He has a natural gift for relating to children on their own level and never condescends to them._

 _They are both upbeat, optimistic people and lead active lifestyles, enjoying hiking, fishing and getting away from it all at our family cabin at a lake. Our grandchildren love it at the cabin, and we can't wait to have a new addition to this loving family._

 _If anyone is in a position to adopt a child, it is Esme and Carlisle. They truly deserve to be parents, and any child would be lucky to have them in their life._

 _Best wishes,_

 _Jane Platt_

"I'm not saying the Cullen's are bad people who would be horrible parents," He shrugged after he was finished reading. "I just don't think our son belongs to anyone else but us.

"Wanna read another letter?" I asked in desperation. He stared at me for a few seconds before agreeing. I sighed in relief as I pulled up a letter from one of Carlisle's employee's up. He read over that one and asked to read another. I was glad he was actually taking the time to read them instead of skimming over them and telling me that Carlisle and Esme wouldn't get their son and that he wouldn't sign the papers.

After forty-five minutes, he had read each letter and gently shut my laptop. He stood up and started pacing, which was not a good sign. He was overthinking things. He always paced when he was stressed out or thinking too much.

"They seem like good people," He shrugged. Okay. We were getting somewhere. "But…" I knew that was coming and I rolled my eyes. "I think we can do it, Bella. I'm good with money. I don't waste it on things I don't need and I have some saved up. Not a lot but some."

"Edward," I whispered. "Help me understand."

"Understand what?"

"Why you're so against this?" I asked. "I know you love the baby. I love him too and of course, I want to keep him and raise him and watch him grow up. There's got to be more of a reason you don't want to give him up for adoption."

"I just don't think adoption is always the right option."

I nodded. "Sometimes it's not right. But…I've done so much thinking and reasoning and…I feel okay about it."

"How? How can you be so okay with this?" He asked.

I sighed. "Because I know it's the best option for our baby boy. Maybe it's a mother's intuition but…" I took a deep breath. "I just know that it's right."

"Well, my father's intuition is saying it's wrong."

"But why?"

"Because it is!"

"Edward, we've come a long way since September. And I know you. I know you hate talking about things…especially your feelings. But if you aren't honest with me I'll never be able to understand why you're so against this. Please. Talk to me," I begged desperately. "Please."

He took a shaky breath. I knew there was more than he was telling me. I knew he understood deep down how hard it would be to raise a baby while I was in school while he was working. He wanted to be Superman, but he wasn't.

"Adoptive parents aren't always a good match," He shrugged.

"That's why I want you to get to know Carlisle and Esme. So you can see what I see and why I picked them."

"My mom learned a lot about my parents."

I looked at him confused. "What?"

"Elizabeth and Edward Sr. aren't my biological parents," He whispered. "I was adopted when I was four days old.

"What?" I repeated…really confused.

"And look how things turned out."


	17. Trying to Prove Who's Right

**Chapter Seventeen: Trying to Prove Who's Right**

* * *

 **January 15, 2018**

"How are you feeling?" Angela asked me as I stood at my locker two weeks after the entire school found out I was pregnant. Everyone was shutting me out and Angela and Ben were the only ones still treating me like I was normal. I didn't feel normal, especially as I got bigger. But I couldn't avoid school for the rest of the year and Edward kept encouraging me to face them.

Besides, it wasn't anyone else's business.

"I'm okay," I told her. "We have a doctor's appointment after school today."

"Are you going to find out if it's a boy or a girl?"

I shrugged. "We haven't talked about it yet."

"We?" She asked. She wasn't judging me for cheating on Emmett with Edward, but I could tell she was still unsure about him. And she was surprised when I told her he was very involved.

"Yeah," My brows furrowed. "Edward and I."

"I didn't think he'd be at your doctor's appointments."

"He's been to every single one," I smiled. "He's not all that bad. You just have to…" I stopped, remembering what he told me a few weeks ago. It still made me sick to think about and there were a few times when it kept me up at night. "You just don't know him."

She nodded. "Okay. I believe you." That was my favorite thing about Angela. When you told her something she didn't spend the next twenty minutes grilling you for more details. She accepted what you told her and moves on.

"Hi, Belly," Lauren snickered as she passed us. I tried not to let it get to me. She wasn't worth it. But…it did upset me. She had been my friends for years and she'd thrown all of that away so she could put me on the spot and embarrass me.

After school, I met Edward at my car since I'd driven both of us to school since his truck was making a weird noise. I told him I could have my dad look at it, but he promised that he had a friend who could do it. We made the hour drive to Port Angeles and pulled into the parking lot right on time. I got checked in and laid down on the table and suddenly wondered if my parents should be here now that they know about the baby.

"Hey, you two," Dr. Brooks smiled as she walked into the exam room. "How are you?"

I sighed. "Tired."

"That's expected. Anything else?"

"Umm…" I stuttered as I looked up at Edward. Dr. Brooks looked over at him too and asked if I wanted him to leave. He looked rejected at first and I figured it wasn't a huge deal if he heard. "My…boobs are kind of itchy."

"That's normal," She assured me. "Your baby is getting bigger and your skin is beginning to stretch as a result. And your skin is becoming more sensitive."

I nodded. "Okay."

"And do your best to not scratch," She smiled. "I can give you a few lotion suggestions," She said as I pulled my shirt up and she squirted the jelly on my belly. She placed the wand on my abdomen and then looked around for the baby.

"Wow, he's bigger," Edward observed. "How big is it this week?"

"The baby is about the size of a pomegranate," She explained. "Since you are in your seventeenth week, we can try and see the gender."

I looked up at Edward who was looking like a kid on Christmas morning. "Do you wanna know?"

"I don't know," He shrugged. "Should it be a surprise?"

"I think the pregnancy was enough surprise for a lifetime," I laughed. "But if you want to wait we can."

He shook his head. "No, let's find out. But only if you want to."

"I want to," I agreed eagerly and looked back over at the screen.

"Excellent," Dr. Brooks smiled as she moved the wand around on my belly. When she found the right spot, she looked carefully at the screen and then smiled. "Congratulations. It's a boy."

I stared at her. "A boy?" I didn't know anything about boys. When I looked over at Edward, he was biting his lips. I couldn't tell if this was good news or not. "You okay?"

"We're having a boy," He whispered. "I'm…perfect." After printing some pictures and wiping the jelly off of my stomach, I sat up and Dr. Brooks looked at us thoughtfully. I was about to ask if something is wrong when she spoke up.

"Have you had a chance to look at the different adoption pamphlets I gave you?" She asked and I cringed. I hadn't told Edward yet about adoption being a possibility. I knew it was dumb on my part, but I was still unsure myself. Plus, I thought he had enough to deal with. When I looked at him, though, I realized I was wrong. He looked pissed.

And he deserved to be pissed.

I shook my head. "No."

"That's fine," She assured me. "I'll let you two go on with the rest of your day. Make sure to see Maggie on your way out to set up your next appointment. It should be around Valentine's day."

"Thanks, Dr. Brooks," I bit my lip as she grabbed her things and left the room. Edward's teeth were clenched and I just hoped he wouldn't make a scene.

"The adoption pamphlets?" He asked quietly, but his tone was angry. I nodded. "Why the hell is she giving your pamphlets?"

"Edward," I warned not wanting him to cause a scene.

He shook his head. "She's your doctor, Bella. Not your social worker."

"My dad asked her about it when I came here with them before Christmas," I told him.

"And you didn't think to tell me about it?" I knew we needed to talk, but I was not about to fight with him in the middle of the hospital. I gathered the rest of my things and walked out of the exam room to the front desk. I paid the copay, made the next appointment and headed outside to the car.

"Umm…Bella?" Edward called as I walked towards my car. I was acting kind of childish and I was going to talk to him. I just needed to get him out of the hospital so there wouldn't be a scene. "Are we going to talk about this?"

I nodded. "Yes. But not here."

"Where?"

"My parents are at a business dinner tonight," I told him. "We can talk there."

"You're not getting out of it," He warned. I rolled my eyes. "I'm serious, Bella."

"I know. Just…not here," I begged and he eventually got into the car. The drive home was long and awkward. Neither of us wanted to speak to the other so we drove in silence for an hour. When we pulled into my driveway, I got out of the car while he just sat there and stewed. I told him I'd be inside when he was ready to be an adult and talk. It took him thirty seconds to jump out of the car and follow me up the walkway and into the house.

We went into the kitchen and set our things down. I offered him some leftover spaghetti and meatballs, but he told me he wasn't hungry. I was starving and since I was pregnant, I filled up my entire plate. I stuffed it into the microwave and waited for it to heat up. Once I had my dinner and something to drink, there was nothing left to do. We couldn't beat around the bush anymore, one of us just needed to start the conversation.

"Why is your dad asking about adoption pamphlets?" He asked. "And why is Dr. Brooks giving them to him."

"She assured him that she had no legal rights to tell us her opinion. She was just passing along information."

"I don't like it."

"She's not asking to adopt our baby, Edward," I rolled my eyes.

"So why is he asking her for them?"

I shrugged. "He wants me to consider all my options."

" _We_ need to consider all of our options," He reminds me. " _Us_ , Bella. Not just you."

"I know."

He shook his head like he didn't believe me. "And what did you read in the pamphlets?"

"They were just general information," I shrugged. "And there were a few agencies we could go through."

"You mean we won't just leave him on someone's doorstep in a cardboard box?"

I stared at him. "That's the beginning of _Meet the Robinson's_."

"Bella!" He got my attention.

I hesitated. "I think it's a good idea."

"What?" He sounded shocked. "You think adoption is a good idea?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"Why?"

"Because we're eighteen," I reminded him. "And we aren't ready to take care of a baby."

" _We_ aren't?" He asked and I could hear the venom in his voice.

"Are you trying to tell me that you're prepared to take on the responsibility of taking care of a child?"

"My child. Yes."

"Our child."

"You want to give him to strangers."

"No, I just know myself enough to know that I'm not ready for a child!"

"I am."

"You are not."

"How do you know?" He asked.

I shook my head. "It's not a game of house, Edward. This baby would be our whole lives and we're responsible for him."

"I understand how parenthood works, Bella," He snapped. "I may not have good examples of parents but I understand the concept."

"Don't get smart with me," I sighed. "I know that you've been through hell, but you are not mature enough to be a father."

"And you're mature enough to be a mother?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "I'm not which is why I think adoption is our best option right now."

"Oh, strangers raising our son. That sounds lovely." He said.

"We would get to know them. They wouldn't be strangers once the baby arrived."

He shook his head. "How could you not talk to me about this earlier?"

"What?"

"You've been thinking about this for a while," He pointed out. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I don't know," I sighed.

He growled. "I can't fucking believe this."

"Nothing has been decided," I argued. "Come on. Let's just talk."

"Why?" He asked. "You and your parents are going to make the decision for yourselves and I'm just going to have to go along with it."

"That's not true," I told him.

He laughed. "Really? Because last time I heard you were planning on keeping the baby."

"No, last you heard was that I had no idea what I wanted to do. Let's just talk."

"You seem to have everything figured out."

"Edward!"

"You know what?" He asked. "Fuck it. Do whatever the hell you want. See if I care," He started to storm away and I chased him into the living room.

"Edward, we need to talk about this!" I yelled as he opened and slammed my front door shut. I ran to open it and saw him jogging down the driveway towards my street. "Edward!"

"Fuck you!" He shouted and hot tears brimmed in my eyes. I realize I should have been talking to him instead of my dad about the possibility of adoption, but this was a big change for me. All my life I've gone to my dad with my problems and when I needed someone. Even when I was with Emmett, my dad has always been my go-to guy. But now, Edward was in my life and the father of my child. He was the one I should have gone to and I realize that now. I realize my mistake in all of this.

He wasn't being fair.

But, I couldn't wait around for him forever. He told me to do whatever I wanted and at this moment, I couldn't picture myself raising a baby. Not yet. And I knew his words were filled with anger, but I didn't care. I went back to the kitchen to finish eating and then headed upstairs to do my homework.

But I couldn't concentrate on anything. The fight with Edward just kept replaying in my head over and over again until I threw my English book across my room and picked up my phone. I tried calling him four times, but it went straight to voicemail each time. Either he was avoiding me or his phone was dead.

I was pretty certain it was both.

I tried to refocus myself, but it was proving to be impossible with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Or at least…the weight of my little guy's world was on my shoulders. I stood up and began thinking about everything in my head before transferring everything to paper. I gently touched my stomach and began rubbing my bump. There was a person inside of me who was getting bigger and bigger by the day. Soon he would come out and I would be responsible for him.

And at the moment I felt like it was my responsibility to find him a good, loving family who desperately wanted a child.

I knew there were good people out there. Angela's parents adopted her younger brother when he was a year old after his mom had been arrested for drug possession. I remember the day they got him and how happy they were. And I knew they were able to have more biological children but they chose adoption. There were people out there and their only option was to adopt a child. So many people couldn't conceive a child and it had been so easy for me and Edward.

When I hear my front door open, I go downstairs to talk to them about my decision. If Edward wasn't going to sit down and talk to me, then I was going to do it myself.

"Hey, kiddo," Dad greeted me with a hug as he and mom went into the kitchen to put their leftovers away. "You okay?"

I sighed. "I think I've made a decision."

"For what?"

"The baby," I whispered and they both looked at me attentively. "I think I wanna do adoption."

"Are you sure?" Dad asked and I couldn't miss my mother's smirk.

I nodded. "I'm not ready to be a mom," I cried. And that was true. I had wanted Edward to be a part of this process, but if he was going to act like a child then I was going to have to do this alone.

"You should talk to the Webber's," He said. "It would be good to get some advice on adoption."

"They were on the other side of adoption though?"

"They still understand the process and could give you some advice as far as different agencies are concerned." I nodded in agreement. "But you're sure this is what you want to do?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "We aren't ready. And I think all we would do is fight if we tried to raise him together."

"Him?" Dad perked up. "Did you find out or are you just assuming?"

I smiled wide. "It's a boy."

"Wow," He whispered as he pulled me into a hug.

* * *

Two weeks had gone by since my fight with Edward and he had yet to say anything to me. I understand that it was initially a shock but he should have been able to talk about it with me. But he was acting like a child and he was going to have to make the first move if he wanted to make things right.

"What's up with you and Edward?" Angela asked.

I looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"You haven't spoken in over a week," She shrugged. "And whenever you two do look at each other you look really pissed."

"We had a fight."

"Must have been a big one. He usually can't take his eyes off of you."

I sighed. "It was about adoption."

"You're planning on giving the baby up?"

"I don't think I'm ready to have a baby, Angela."

"Does Edward think you're ready?" I nodded. "Wow…"

"We were at our doctor's appointment and my doctor asked if I had the chance to look at the different pamphlet's she gave us when I was there with my parents during Christmas break."

"And that pissed Edward off?"

"He thought I was trying to hide something from him."

"Were you?"

"Not on purpose," I sighed. "Anyway, he got really mad and said some hurtful things and if he can't have an adult conversation about this then I don't think he should be making decisions when it comes to the baby."

She stared at me. "It still is his baby."

"I know," I said. "But we need to make a decision so we can start the process of looking for possible parents." She looked at me skeptically. "We'll talk about it. Once he's cooled down and is ready to have an adult conversation." I heard a locker slam and jumped. I turned to see Edward approaching us and I was not ready to have this conversation in the middle of school.

"Hey," He practically barked. Angela told me she'd see me in class and then hurried away. I didn't look at him through and I couldn't practically hear his eyes rolling. "Bella,"

"Oh, so now you want to talk to me?" I asked as I slammed my locker and faced him. "You've had all the time in the world and you choose the middle of the hall to do this?"

"You won't take my calls," He shrugged.

I shrugged. "I've been busy. Discussing all my secrets with my parents."

"Don't do this."

"You started everything."

"I was pissed." His voice was getting louder and we were beginning to get people's attention. "And I think I had a right to be pissed."

"It wasn't like I went out and sold the baby to some other couple," He cringed. I looked around and realized that this was not the time or place to talk about this. "We're not doing this here."

"We need to talk about it!"

"I know we need to talk about it!" I hissed. "Which is why I wanted to talk while we were at my house. But you refused to hear anything I had to say and stormed off."

"I needed time to think!" He shouted. More people were staring at us. "You dropped a bomb on me, Bella."

"We're not doing this here. Things have just started to calm down," I whispered as I saw Emmett, Tyler, and Lauren approaching us. Edward turned around to see them and snickered.

"We're going to be the talk of the school for the rest of the year, Bella. Those so-called friends of yours are going to make sure of that," He said. "So, it shouldn't matter if we're getting people's attention right now."

"Awe," Lauren laughed as she walked passed us. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Fuck you, Lauren," Edward growled.

"Hey!" Tyler snapped. "Don't talk to her like that."

"After everything she said and did to Bella, I'll talk to her however I want."

"Watch it, man," Tyler warned and Edward laughed. "What?"

"You're just like her," He pointed to Lauren who looked like she was enjoying the show. I didn't want him getting into trouble because then his mood would just be worse.

"Edward," I said but he either couldn't hear me or was choosing to ignore me.

He shook his head. "Your little girlfriend is a bitch. And you two deserve each other."

"Hey!" Lauren pouted. "Tyler!"

"You asshole!" Tyler yelled as he pushed Edward into the lockers on the opposite wall. I looked over at Emmett who was smiling because Edward was finally getting what he deserved in his eyes. I knew he wasn't going to be any help. And as I looked around the school, no one was trying to stop Tyler. Edward wasn't the nicest guy around. I understood and I knew why he was the way he was. But no one else did so no one else had any kind of sympathy for him and his situation.

"Stop it, Tyler!" I cried as I watched him punch Edward. I knew that a teacher could walk down the hall at any minute and Tyler would lie and tell them Edward started it and the teacher would believe him. Because Tyler was the popular football player and Edward was the kid who smoked pot outside of school and never did any work other than the bare minimum.

At this point, Tyler had pushed Edward to the floor and continued to hit him. Well, he tried to hit him. Edward wasn't fighting back but he wasn't taking the punches either. I knew no one else was going to stop them since I didn't see Ben anywhere and Ben was the only other decent guy at this school. Plus, he stood by Angela's side and Angela would make him do something. Bracing myself, I jogged over to them and tried to stop Tyler's hands. I gripped his shoulders to try and grab his hand, but I must have started him because he pushed me backward onto the floor.

"Bella!" I heard Edward call and suddenly he managed to punch Tyler and get him off. He stood up and ran over to where I was. "Bella, are you okay?"

"Ow," I moaned as I held my head.

"Are you hurt?" He asked. Then he noticed me gripping my head. "Did you hit your head?" I nodded. "Can you stand?"

"Edward?" My voice filled with panic. "The baby."

"Come on," He pulled me up onto my feet. Lauren was fuming as we walked passed her but I didn't care. I needed to know if my baby was okay. Edward walked me to the nurse's station and explained the situation. The nurse, not having an ultrasound machine, called the paramedics to take me to the hospital. Edward wanted to go with me, but the nurse said he wasn't allowed to skip school so I had to go by myself.

My dad was waiting for me as they pulled me out of the ambulance.

"What happened?" He demanded to know.

"I'm okay," I tried assuring him. But I didn't sound very convincing. "I hit my head."

"How?"

"Tyler and Edward got into a fight."

He sighed heavily like he was disapproving. "But how did you get hurt?"

"Tyler started it, dad. And no one was going to pull him off of Edward and I didn't want Edward getting hurt or in trouble."

"So you tried to stop it?" I nodded. "Bella, honey, you can't be doing that. You're pregnant."

"I know."

"Something really bad could have happened…what did happen?"

"I went up and grabbed Tyler's shoulders and I think I spooked him," I explained. "He turned and pushed me backward. Edward punched him to end the fight and made sure I was okay."

"What even caused the fight?" He asked as I was transferred to a bed to be examined.

"Edward called Lauren a bitch," I whispered and my dad didn't look pissed off. "And Tyler tried beating the hell out of Edward."

"Is he okay? Edward?"

"He's learned how to dodge punches, dad," I reminded him. "He didn't fight back though."

He shook his head. "Don't do that again. If that happens again…you get a teacher or someone to stop it."

"The teachers would have blamed Edward."

"I'm more worried about your safety, Bella!"

I nodded as the curtain was pulled and a male doctor greeted us. After running some tests, on myself and the baby, he promised me the baby was okay. I did not have any signs of a concussion but if I experienced any dizziness he suggested coming back to the hospital. After an hour, I was discharged and dad brought me home.

"Dad?" I asked after we'd gotten home. He turned around to face me as I placed my hand on my stomach. "I'm sorry."

"You were sticking up for your…friend…don't be sorry," He tried to smile. "Just promise me you'll be more careful in general. You have to think of him now too, Bella. Remember that."

"I will," I nodded as he walked into the kitchen. I started to cry as I gently rubbed circles on my belly. "I'm sorry, little one. I'll try and do better. I won't let anything happen to you."

It was in that moment when I realized that adoption really would be best for him.


	18. Someone to Believe

**Chapter Eighteen: S** **omeone to Believe**

* * *

 **May 13, 2018 – 12:30 p.m.**

"Elizabeth and Edward Sr. aren't my biological parents. I was adopted when I was four days old," Edward looked at me nervously as he told me this information.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered.

"And look how that turned out," He huffed. "I probably would have been better off if my biological mother hadn't given me away."

I stared at him. "How do you know this? And why have you not said anything?"

"I didn't say anything because I already feel totally unwanted by my 'mom'. Even my mother didn't want me…no one wants me," I looked at him sadly. "And I'm embarrassed so no one knows."

"What are you embarrassed about?" I asked gently.

"Being adopted."

"Why are you embarrassed?"

I could see tears brimming in his eyes. "Because no one wants me," My heart broke in two when I heard those words coming out of his mouth. How could so many people do so much damage to one child? "My real mom didn't. My dad didn't…Liz doesn't. I'm a…a…bad egg."

"You've been spending too much time with Alice," I laughed. "You're not a bad egg, Edward."

"I'm the kid that's been tossed to the curb multiple times."

"Edward…"

"And I just don't want that to happen to our son. I don't want him to feel like he was unwanted."

I took a deep breath and thought about what to say to him in this moment. I haven't seen him this vulnerable since he told me about the sexual abuse he endured. Anything I said right now would mean something and if I said the wrong thing I could wind up upsetting him even more. I took a deep breath and reached out and grabbed his hand.

"You're not unwanted, Edward," He snickered and he tried to pull away. I gripped his hand tighter to make sure he knew how serious I was. "You're not unwanted. I…want you, Edward."

"Huh?"

"Nine months ago, I never thought these words would come out of my mouth but…you're my best friend. Despite all of the fighting and crap we've put each other through…you're my best friend," I admitted. "And I'm sorry if I haven't made that very clear lately. But it's true. And I want you. As my…friend," I stuttered.

"You're my best friend too," He whispered. "And as much as I love you…as a friend…it doesn't change the fact that for my entire adult life, I've felt unwanted by everyone around me."

"How long have you known?" I asked curiously. Liz and Ed didn't seem like the most open people in town. I mean, Ed kept his affairs hidden for years and Liz was attempting and failing, to hide her alcoholism. They didn't strike me as the kind of people who would be honest with their son.

"I found out right before my dad left," He shrugged. "I was looking for something in their room and found a box with some of my baby stuff in it. I found the adoption papers when I was looking through it."

"They didn't tell you?" He shook his head. "I'm sorry you had to find out that way."

He shrugged. "When I confronted them about it, they were honest with me. They told me that they got the call from a hospital in Boise Idaho saying that there was a fifteen-year-old girl who gave birth and originally thought she wanted to keep the baby," He trailed off. "But two days after she gave birth, she snuck out of the hospital and left me behind."

"Oh," I whispered. Of course, this had happened to him. Like he didn't have enough baggage and weight on his shoulders. I wanted to kill every single person who had hurt him during the course of his life. Edward was a good person…way better than half the people in our high school. He didn't deserve to feel like this.

"They tried contacting her and her family but they were unsuccessful," He told me. "And my parents were on the list to adopt and they had been for a few years. They got the call on Thursday and by Saturday I was back in Forks with them," He explained. "My parents were just like the Cullen's."

"What do you mean?"

"They had tried to have a baby for a few years. They couldn't conceive but they had always wanted to start their family. My mom always wanted a child and she said that watching someone else carry her baby would be too hard," he explained. "So, they chose adoption as opposed to a surrogate. They had all of the recommendation letters, they had the house and the money to take care of me. They had a happy marriage," He said. "And everything still happened. Dad _still_ left. Mom _still_ became a substance abuser and I _still_ got raped every night for a few years by some creep mom brought into our lives."

"Edward,"

"Shit happens, Bella. To the good people…stuff goes wrong. We have to protect him. No one will protect him more than we will. We're his parents. We're his protectors."

"Edward," I whispered. "The woman who gave birth to you never met your parents. She never sat down with them and she never got to know them."

"Like that makes a difference."

I nodded. "It _does_ make a difference. If I hadn't met Carlisle and Esme I would be very skeptical. Maybe it's because my dad is a cop, but I didn't get the right vibe from the other twenty or so couples I met with. I only got a good vibe from the Cullen's and as I got to know them and read their letters…I started feeling a lot better. If I had gotten a bad vibe I wouldn't have picked them," I said. "Hell, I wouldn't have had a second meeting with them."

"My parents were the perfect couple. Just like the Cullen's."

I sighed. "Maybe they were. And maybe not being able to have their own child put a snag in their relationship and they didn't even realize it. And because the snag was so small they wouldn't realize it was there until it was too late."

"What's to say that their inability to have children hasn't put a snag in the Cullen's relationship?"

"You have a point," I agreed. No matter how perfect they seemed now, they could still wind up getting divorced and Esme could end up raising our child on her own. "But I think that this whole thing has brought them closer together as a couple rather than tear them apart."

Edward rolled his eyes and I was trying so hard to keep my cool in order to not snap at him right now. "I'm just saying…this is why I don't want our son to go home with anyone but us."

I thought of what to say next. "Edward?"

"What?"

"I hate to burst your bubble…but even biological parents fail their children sometimes. There is no guarantee in life."

"Are you saying we'd mess him up?"

"No," I shook my head. "I'm just saying that something bad could happen while he's with us. It might be a different kind of bad but…just because he's with us doesn't mean he's automatically immune to the bad things in the world."

"I don't trust them!" And there was a big part of the problem. He hadn't gotten to know them and they hadn't earned his trust.

"What would it take you to trust them?" I asked softly.

He shrugged and stared at me for a few seconds. I was honestly beginning to lose hope that the adoption was going to happen. I knew that Edward and I could make it work. If he really refused to sign the papers, somehow, we'd make it work. But I wasn't prepared to take the baby home and I don't think Edward was either. We were so young and had too much growing up to do before we took care of a child.

"I need to get to know them," He whispered.

I sighed. "Do you want me to call them in here? So you can talk to each other?" He nodded and I grabbed my phone. I found Carlisle's name on my phone and hoped Edward wouldn't have another mood swing and change his mind again.

"Bella?" Carlisle sounded concerned. "Oh…God…"

"No! Carlisle, it's not that," I assured him that I wasn't calling to take the baby away from them. "Edward wants to talk with you and Esme."

He was quiet for a few seconds. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Okay," He breathed. "We're just finishing up lunch at the hotel and then we'll come back to the hospital."

"See you soon," I hung up the phone and faced Edward. I gave him a small smile to tell them they were coming and he came to sit next to me on the bed. "Have you talked to Jake?"

He nodded. "Yeah. He said congratulations. Leah too."

"If you want them here, they can stop by," I told him. "I don't mind."

He shook his head. "I'm good."

"Edward…"

"I said I'm good!" He snapped and I figured his emotions were running high and I wouldn't bother him anymore. We sat together quietly as we waited for the Cullen's to show up. I kept wanting to just hold Edward and make sure he knew that he wasn't alone, but I knew him. I knew he just needed time to calm down before I said anything or touched him. He wasn't someone who liked to be hugged when he needed comfort. So, we just sat there together and I knew he would talk if he needed to.

After thirty minutes, there was a soft knock on the door. I told them to come in and I felt Edward stiffen beside me. I grabbed his hand gently and reminded him that I was here and that I wasn't going anywhere.

"Hi, Edward," Esme whispered.

He nodded in hello and looked at Carlisle. "Hello," Carlisle sighed as they shut the door and stepped closer.

"I'm sorry," Edward said. He looked at me and I nodded, telling him that it was a good idea to tell them why he was so against the adoption. "I shouldn't have threatened to take him away from…you…" I knew those words were difficult for him. He didn't want to admit that our son was also their son. "There's just a lot…that's happened that makes it hard for me to trust people."

"That's understandable," Esme said as she sat down in the chair next to my bed. Carlisle stood behind her and I could sense that they were going to do this at Edward's pace. They wouldn't rush him or pressure him or threaten him. Despite the scare, he'd caused them.

"If you don't mind me asking, is there a particular reason for your trust issues?" Carlisle asked bravely. Edward whipped his head up to stare at them and I thought he was going to storm out of the room. But then his body relaxed and he looked back down at the ground. "You don't need to tell us, I was just curious."

Edward looked at me. "It's your choice if you want to tell them. I can't make it for you," I whispered and squeezed his hand again. He turned back to them and opened his mouth and then shut it again like he was trying to muster the courage he needed.

"To make a long story short," He said quietly. "My dad left my mom and me when I was fourteen. And then her new husband sexually abused me for a few years," He was shaking now. "And now my mom is an alcoholic and a drug addict. So…you could say there have been a few things in my life to cause trust issues."

I could tell Carlisle and Esme were speechless. They looked like I probably did when I found out about David abusing Edward for two years of his life. "We're so sorry that you've had to endure that." Esme finally said. "We couldn't imagine…"

"And I was adopted when I was a baby," Edward continued. "And my life turned out super rotten so I'm sorry that I don't want my son to be given away to you."

Carlisle nodded. "You don't need to apologize. If I were in your shoes, I would be fighting for my child as well."

"Y-you would?"

"Yes," Carlisle smiled. "I love that baby boy so much already and he isn't even mine by blood. I couldn't imagine what it must feel like to be in your shoes right now."

"Oh."

"But…my wife and I love him."

"My parents loved me," He argued. "It's not enough. It won't ever be enough."

Esme wiped her cheeks and looked up and grabbed Edward's other hand. "I promise you…we would never do anything to intentionally hurt that baby. He's our entire world. We've vowed to protect him and we won't break that vow."

"I want to know you two," Edward said. "I want to know everything you told Bella."

"Well, I'm a doctor…"

"I don't' wanna know about your careers or how much money you have," He stopped him. "I want to know other important stuff. Like what was your childhood like?"

Carlisle sighed. "My mother died when my younger brother was born. It was just my brother and me along with my dad for our entire lives. I had to grow up a lot when my mom died because we didn't have anyone to take care of us. My little brother, Thomas, is my best friend."

"How old were you?"

"I'm eight years older than he is," He explained. "My mother dying is one of the reasons I wanted to become a doctor."

"Aren't you a pediatrician?"

"And the love for Thomas is what made me want to make sure all kids had the chance to be healthy and live a normal life," I could see a small smile on Edward's face. He was falling for the Cullen's just like I had. It wasn't enough, but it was a good start.

"And you?" He looked at Esme.

She smiled at him. "I'm the oldest of three and I have two little sisters. Maria and Nikki. I am ten years older than Nikki and seven years older than Maria so I helped my mother take care of them."

"Was your dad around?"

"He worked a lot to provide for his family. He loved us…we were his little girls but he wasn't there during the day and my mom couldn't do it all by herself. She wanted to and she tried and she never really asked me to help but…I wanted to help her," she said. "Our mother did everything for us so I thought it was the least I could do to help make sure my sisters were staying out of trouble."

"So, you're both close to your siblings?" They both nodded. "How'd you two meet?"

"We were both in college. Carlisle was a year ahead of me and in his final year of pre-med and I was a junior business major," Esme smiled looking up at her husband. "I was home for the weekend when Nikki ate something with peanuts in it…she's highly allergic. We rushed her to the hospital where Carlisle was finishing up his last few hours of observations."

"The doctor I was shadowing was working in the ER that day and so Esme's sister was put in his care. Since I was still only a student I could only sit back and watch them work on trying to free her airway, which was almost completely cut off," He explained and I wasn't sure if this was helpful for Edward or annoying him. "And then I saw Esme crying in the corner and…I don't know what happened but I was drawn to her and I found myself walking over to her to comfort her since she was alone."

"They took care of Nikki and she was taken to a room so they could keep an eye on her. And Carlisle couldn't help but come check on her even though his time of observation had ended. He came to make sure Nikki was okay…and that I was okay," Esme said.

"How long have you been married?" Edward asked.

"Eleven years," Carlisle said proudly.

"Do you think the fact that you couldn't have a child on your own has put a tear in your marriage?" Edward asked bluntly. They looked at each other and Edward nearly pounced.

"The miscarriage put a bit of a strain on our relationship," Esme answered honestly. "We weren't even close to getting a divorce, but that was the most distant we've ever felt from each other."

"We did a year of counseling. We did individual therapy and couple's therapy to work everything out," Carlisle explained. "And a year after we lost the baby, we were strong again and I fell even more in love with her."

"So, you won't get a divorce?" Edward asked skeptically.

"We said until death parts us," Carlisle said as he gripped Esme's shoulder comfortingly. "I don't ever plan on breaking that vow."

"What if something bad happens again?" Edward asked.

Esme shrugged. "We'll work through everything together."

"Is there any way we can do an open adoption?" Edward sniffled. "I don't want to give up on my son."

"We're not asking you to give up on him," Esme assured him. "We're afraid if we do an open adoption that you'll try and…"

"What? Take him?"

"Convince him that we're the bad guys who took him from his birth parents," Esme cried and Edward stilled.

"I…I would never do that," Edward spoke softly. "Do you think I'm that evil?"

"Edward," I said. "You threatened to take him away from them. You've been threatening them all day long…they trust you the same amount that you trust them."

"They don't trust me," He said and I shook my head. "I just want to have some part in my child's life."

"We want that too," Carlisle assured us. "Which is why we want to send you photos and videos and tell you all about his milestones."

Edward was quiet for a long time. He still didn't look convinced, but he looked way less angry than before. I wanted to say something, but again I was afraid of pissing him off so I stayed quiet. After another few minutes, he stood up and walked to the door.

"I'm sorry for causing you two so much pain," He whispered to the Cullen's. "I'm going to the nursery."

"Edward…"

He sighed. "I just want to see him," He told us and left the room. I looked at Carlisle and Esme who looked as confused as I felt. I had no idea if that had helped or hurt them.

"Give him time. He's processing…this is how he processes things," I told them.

They nodded. "Bella?" Esme asked.

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to hear the name we've picked out for him?" I did and I didn't want to know. But I could tell it was important to them that I know the babies name so I nodded in agreement.

"We wanted to make sure you and Edward were always a part of him," Carlisle explained. "So, we picked the name, Alexander Mason Cullen."

"That's…" I thought back to how it felt holding him in my arms. I closed my eyes and pictured his tiny hands and the little squawk he made while I was holding him. Although I still liked the name Lucas for him…Alexander was perfect for him. "Perfect."

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Hello all! Thank you for being patient over the holidays for me to write and post this :) I really hope you're enjoying this story and I can't wait to share the next chapter with you all! Thanks for reading and reviewing!_


	19. There is Thunder in Our Hearts

**Chapter Nineteen: There is Thunder in Our Hearts**

* * *

 **January 16, 2018**

The next day I stayed home from school to get the rest my doctor wanted me to get. The baby was fine, but she said adding more stress could be harmful and seeing Lauren or Tyler would just piss me off so I didn't argue with her. Dad was fine with it but mom threw a huge fit. She told me that school still needed to be my number one priority.

She barely even acknowledged that the baby could have been seriously hurt when Tyler knocked me over.

After they had both left for work, I started working ahead in a few of my classes. I had a good idea of what I would be missing in school today and I had nothing better to do. Except possibly look more into adoption. At this point, Edward wasn't going to agree to it. But I hoped that by doing research and showing him all of the options he'd have an easier time coming around to the idea.

After I was finished with homework so I could eat something for lunch, I grabbed my laptop and began looking up more about adoption. I found an agency in the area and gave them a call to see if they would be able to help me. They told me that my first step was to create an adoption plan and then start getting into contact with different families. They told me about my options and I was beginning to feel a bit more at ease about everything.

After I hung up the phone, my lunch was ready and I took a break and I put on an episode of _Friends_ on Netflix. I rarely had time to just relax but since I'd gotten pregnant and wasn't doing cheer anymore, I had watched way more _Friends_ than ever before. I wasn't complaining and it was nice to just…watch TV without worrying about grades or homework or the squad. When I was finished, I got the rest of my homework finished up and went upstairs to take a nap.

The pregnancy was beginning to make me feel way more tired way more often than before.

Just as I laid down, though, the doorbell rang. I considered just letting the person leave, but they were persistent. Which meant it was probably someone who knew I was going to be home. I got out of bed and headed downstairs and opened the door to a very angry yet concerned looking Edward.

"Hey," I said quietly as he handed me a takeout bag. "What's this?"

"You told me you'd been craving an Oreo Blizzard," He shrugged and I wondered where he'd gone to get me Dairy Queen since it was the middle of January.

I smiled as I stepped aside to let him inside. "Thanks," I whispered as we walked into the kitchen. I pulled out my ice cream and grabbed a spoon from the drawer and sat down with him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked and I could tell he was annoyed because I told him not to come over last night. Things were just too messy and my mom was in a horrible mood. Plus I wasn't sure if he'd be ready to talk about what we'd been fighting about.

"Okay," I assured him. "My back is a bit sore but the baby is okay. And I didn't hit my head as hard as I thought."

HE nodded. "Good. I wish I could have come to the hospital with you."

"Me too," I admitted. I loved my dad but this was something I felt like Edward should have been there for. "Did you get into trouble?"

"Angela stood up for me and told them Tyler threw the first punch."

"She wasn't even there?" I asked.

"Tyler was bragging to Ben about how he 'kicked my ass' and when Angela asked Tyler about it he admitted that he swung first," He said. "And I guess Angela is a reliable witness."

"Did Tyler get into trouble?"

He laughed. "He got two days worth of detention and he's on 'probation' whatever that means."

"That's it?" I yelled as I stood up. Edward looked up at me, defeated, and nodded. "The school has a no tolerance for violence. He should have been suspended for at least one day if not more since he started the fight!"

"Bella,"

"I should talk to the principal tomorrow. What do you think the punishment is for pushing a pregnant girl down to the ground?"

"Bella…"

"No, Edward!" I stomped my foot. "If you had hit him or started the fight you would have been suspended without a second opinion!"

"Bella…"

"He should get what he deserves!" I had tears in my eyes. "He deserves to be suspended for hitting you! He could have hurt you, Edward."

"I'm okay," He whispered as he stood up and tried to stop me from pacing. He failed.

"Your face is all bruised."

"I'm fine."

A tear streaked down my face. "He shouldn't be allowed to get away with this."

"That's what happens when your record is squeaky clean."

"Tyler's record isn't squeaky clean though!" I argued. "But he's a star athlete so they let him and Lauren and Jess and Emmett get away with everything! God…why didn't I see how spoiled they were before?"

"It's fine, Bella."

"They're not good people," I cried. "They're mean. And they get away with everything. He could have hurt the baby."

"But he didn't," Edward pulled me into a hug. "You're okay and the baby is okay. That's what matters. Not what punishment Tyler did or did not get."

I sighed as I hugged him tightly. "Why was I ever friends with them? I mean Emmett…he does stupid shit but he's a good guy. But Tyler and Lauren and Jess…are awful. Am I awful?"

"What?"

"I mean they all like each other and they suck. Do I suck?"

He laughed. "I think you got mixed in with the wrong crowd because that's what was normal. You're a cheerleader. They're football players. It's the perfect stereotypical formula," He assured me. "But…no. You don't suck. You're far from awful, Bella."

"So are you."

"Let's not get crazy," He sighed as he let go of me. I sat down with my ice cream and took my first bite. It was pretty soupy since it had been out for so long, but it was still so good.

"Where did you get this blizzard?" I asked.

He grinned. "It's a fake blizzard."

"A fake blizzard?"

"The diner makes these now and they're pretty good," He laughed. "It's the closest thing I could get in the middle of January."

"Thanks for getting it," I smiled at him. Then I frowned because I knew we still needed to talk about the adoption. He wasn't going to like it, but he was in a better mood than he was in a few weeks ago when we initially had the conversation. "We need to talk?"

He stiffened. "About what?"

"Adoption."

"I already said no way."

"Edward," I argued.

"No, Bella," He repeated. "Adoption is a bad idea."

"Why?"

"Because…" He looked at the kitchen floor. "It just is."

"But why? Help me understand…"

"I can't!" He yelled. "But I don't agree with adoption."

I sighed, trying desperately to stay calm. "I'm not ready to have a baby, Edward. And I don't think you are either."

"Don't tell me what I am and am not ready for."

"Okay," I backed off. "But I know for sure that I'm not ready to be a mom. I want to go to college and enjoy my young adulthood before starting a family."

"Then you shouldn't have gotten pregnant!" He shouted and I felt the floor fall beneath me. He looked at me remorsefully but said nothing.

I stared at him. "I thought you agreed that this was both of our faults."

"I wasn't nearly as wasted as you were, Bella. You talked me into it. You were pissed at Emmett and you were persistent."

"You could have said no!"

He laughed. "I'm the asshole no one likes."

"So, you had sex with me?"

He nodded. "Yep."

"Just to be an asshole?" He didn't deny it. "Get out."

"I'm not signing those papers!"

"Well, I was the one who got myself knocked up so I'm the one who gets to decide what the plan is regarding the baby."

"Bella, you can't do that."

"Get out!" I shouted as I pushed him out of the kitchen and towards the front door. I slammed the door in his face and ran to the downstairs bathroom to throw up. Lauren calling me a slut was one thing, but Edward admitting that he had sex with me just to be the ass everyone thought he was…

* * *

That wasn't something I could live with.

Over the next few weeks, my dad and I began the process of interviewing different couples who wanted to adopt the baby. None of them were right. I just didn't get a good vibe from any of them and then I started thinking that it was a sign.

Maybe none of them were right because I was supposed to keep the baby.

But I still didn't think I could do it alone and at the moment, I still didn't want anything to do with Edward. What he'd admitted to really hurt me and I didn't even want to look at him. Alice and Angela encouraged me to fix things, but he hurt me. If he wanted things to be fixed, then he was going to have to apologize.

Maybe that was immature thinking. And if it was, then it was just another reason I wasn't ready to be a mom yet. If I couldn't even handle my own problems, how would I help my son solve his problems later down the line?

"I don't think there's a good enough couple out there, Alice," I sighed as I sat down on her couch. Mom was driving me nuts and I just needed to not be in the town of Forks for a few hours. So, I was crashing at Alice's house to make it easier to avoid Edward.

"There is a couple out there perfect for your baby," She encouraged. "The process would probably be easier if Edward was there, though."

"He doesn't want to be a part of this, Alice."

"Because you're trying to force him into something he's not ready for."

I stared at her. "Are you taking his side?"

"I'm always on your side. You know that" She sighed. "But…as an adult…I have to help you see the errors of your way."

"He told me he had sex with me to make sure he kept his bad boy…asshole image."

"Do you really believe that?" She asked. "After everything you have been through together and after everything he's told you. Do you really believe that?"

I shrugged. "I don't know what to believe."

"Edward is a good guy who has been through hell."

"I know, Alice!" I snapped.

"He's not an asshole."

"Then why did he tell me he was?"

She stayed quiet for a few minutes. "Because he thinks he is because that's what everyone for the last three years has been saying. No one has told him how good he is in years…his own mother rejected the idea that someone was hurting him and basically threw him to the curb."

"I know," I said with tears in my eyes.

"He thinks he's a bad egg."

I couldn't help but laugh at what she said even though it wasn't funny at all. "He was putting his guard up when we were arguing," I sighed. "He was trying to hurt me before I could hurt him any further."

"You need to go talk to him."

"But I'm supposed to spend the weekend here. I miss you."

"We have plenty of time to spend together," She leaned over and wrapped her arms around me. "But you need to work things out with Edward first. That's the most important thing." I groaned. "Welcome to being an adult and doing adult things."

I spent another hour with Alice since I'd already driven to Port Angeles. Once I was finished eating dinner, though, she practically kicked me out in order to go talk to Edward. I knew she was right. I needed to start acting more mature about everything but sometimes it was just so easy…to just do what I needed to do. Being immature was just…easier. It wasn't right and I knew that. But it would have been nice if one thing about this pregnancy could be kind of easy.

When I pulled up in front of Edward's house, I saw that his truck was in the driveway and there was a small, silver car parked behind it. Not really thinking, I got out of my car and walked up to his front door. I knocked three times and waited for an answer. Instead, I heard something shattered and suddenly realized that silver car probably belonged to his mom.

"It's okay, mom!" He shouted and I considered turning around, but I'd already disturbed them. "I'll send them away!"

"No one's getting me!" She cried as the door swung open. His eyes widened as he pushed me out of the way in order for him to close the door behind him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He snapped quietly.

I stared at him. "We need to talk," I whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't know she would be here."

"Neither did I but you need to leave," He tried, but I wasn't moving.

"Edward,"

"She's fucking crazy, Bella. I really don't want you anywhere near her."

I sighed not knowing whether our conversation was important enough to fight with him. "I appreciate you looking out for my safety, but we can go into your room and shut the door."

"We can talk later,"

"Edward. Please…"

"Why can't we just talk later?" He snapped. I nodded and I turned to leave, but he reached out and gripped my hand.

I turned back to face him. "Just make up your mind."

"We can talk in my truck," He reluctantly agreed. "Let me get a coat and my keys." I nodded and walked over to his locked truck. He came out a few minutes later and told me his mom had passed out so we would have some time before she was looking for him.

"Does she know?" I asked. "About the baby?"

He nodded. "She found one of the sonograms on my dresser," He explained. "She never goes in there so I think she was confused when she went in."

"Was she mad?"

"She thought it was hers," He said. "And then I had to tell her that I got you pregnant."

"And?"

"I have no idea if she even remembers finding it in my room," He shrugged.

I turned to look at him. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you really sleep with me to be an asshole?"

He shook his head after a few seconds. "No…I told you I would never take advantage of you like that. I mean you were drunker than I was but I wasn't sober by any means. We're both responsible for what happened in that bathroom."

"Then why'd you tell me you were just trying to be an asshole?"

He shrugged. "I guess you could say it's a defense mechanism. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings." I hated when Alice was right. "It just kind of came out."

"I really want to talk to you about adoption…"

"What do you want to do after graduation?" He changed the subject as he stared out the front window. He'd gone from being a jerk to talking about the future in order to avoid the adoption conversation.

"Huh?" I laughed.

"You fucking Bella Swan. What are you going to do when June comes and we aren't high schoolers anymore?"

I decided to just amuse him. "I'm hoping to go to Stanford."

"And?"

"And do premed."

"A doctor. Fancy."

"I want to help people," I smiled. "And I really…really love science and biology."

He smiled. "Being a doctor suits you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You're bossy enough that other people would listen to you in emergency situations."

"Bossy?" I asked, but I couldn't help but smile. He was right. I was always someone to take charge. "I am kinda bossy."

"Yep," He snickered.

"You?"

"What?"

"What are your plans?" I asked. "For after graduation."

He sighed. "I guess I'll start full time at Newton's," He shrugged. "And I'll be able to get more hours at Costco."

"No college?"

"College? For me?" He asked like I was crazy. "You're funny, Bella."

"What's so funny?"

"I'm nothing," He whispered. "I'm never going to amount to anything…and I'd never even get into college."

"You could if you tried. I can help…we can actually do the tutoring thing."

"Bella, I've been slacking off for the last four years," He reminded me. "I'm barely going to graduate. No college is ever going to accept me."

"It doesn't have to be a four-year program," I told him. "You could do…"

"Trade school. I know. Mrs. Simmons has told me all about the other options I have that don't include a university."

"Or art school. You're such a good artist…"

"I'm not an artist, Bella. I draw sometimes. And I sell what I draw at craft shows to make some extra cash."

I sighed. "You can say you're not a lot of things. But don't you dare tell me you aren't an artist. And if you don't do something with your talent you'll…"

"What?"

"Regret it."

He rolled his eyes. "I doubt it."

"Edward…"

"It's okay, Bella. I've come to terms with the fact that my life is going nowhere a long time ago. I've dealt with it."

"No, I don't think you've dealt with anything!"

"It's okay," He assured me.

"You're not…" I took a deep breath. "You're not nothing, Edward. You're something special you just need to figure it out."

"You're the only person in years who's said that," He whispered so softly I was sure I wasn't supposed to hear him. Suddenly incredibly angry with the woman who had caused her son so much pain, I got out of the car and marched up to the front door. Edward followed me and was calling my name, but I could barely hear him. I understood he wanted to protect me and the baby from his mom, but someone needed to protect him from her as well.

"Bella!" He called when he tried grabbing my arm, but I was quick. I pounded on the door until an extremely disoriented woman opened the door.

"Who the hell are you?" She spat at me as Edward continued to try and pull me away from the door.

"A friend of your sons," I said. "And I just want to tell you how great your kid is. He's been taking care of you…despite everything you've put him through…and you can't even sober enough to tell him thank you."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" His mom asked.

Edward pulled at my arm again. "I'm apparently the only person in this world who thinks your son is worth anything."

"Bella," Edward pleaded and not knowing what else to say to her, I let him pull me back to his truck. I got inside and we sat quietly. I could tell he was pissed, but his face was also soft at the same time.

"I'm sorry," I whispered knowing that I needed to make the first move. "I just…" I touched my small bump. "I couldn't imagine our son being treated the way your mom treats you."

"Then why do you want to get rid of him?" He asked.

"Edward, I don't want to get rid of him," I was trying really hard to stay calm. "I'm trying to give him a life that I don't think we can give him. And I think adoption is the best option for us right now because I really don't think we're going to be able to take care of him right now."

"Bullshit. I've been taking care of myself since I was in eighth grade."

"I know," I whispered. "But taking care of a baby is totally different."

He shook his head. "I'm not doing it. No way."

"Please," I begged. "Just meet with some couples with me. Maybe if you meet some of them you'll see the good in adoption."

"There isn't anything good about giving him away."

"Edward!" I snapped and took a deep breath to calm myself down. "I understand you're scared to do this. But if you meet with couples and do some research on adoption then I think it would help calm your fears."

"No."

"Then please tell me why you are so against adoption!" I begged. "If I know then we can work things out together without fighting all the time."

"No," He shook his head.

"Please don't make me do this by myself."

He laughed. "I told you I would be involved."

"Then…"

"But I won't help you throw our son to the curb!"

"Is that what you think I'm trying to do?"

"It sure seems like it," He rolled his eyes.

I was getting irritated again. "I'm meeting with a couple on Monday at my house if you'd like to come…and I really want you to be there." I opened the door to leave.

"If you're doing this…I don't want to be a part of any of it," He said as I slammed the door shut. I ran to my car and sped home wishing I could go back to Alice's place again. But it was too late and it was beginning to rain. I was afraid the roads would become icy before I got to Port Angeles and didn't want to risk getting hurt.

"I thought you were spending the weekend with your sister?" Dad asked as I walked into the kitchen where he was working on the paper's crossword.

I groaned. "She made me come home to talk to Edward."

"Did you two work anything out?" He asked but he was smirking. He already knew the answer.

"Nope. We ended up fighting. Again," I sighed. "What am I going to do?"

"You need to do what's best for you. He'll come around. And you need to be prepared when he does."

"What if he doesn't come around?" I asked.

"He'll see that babies are a lot of work and then he'll realize that you two aren't ready to take care of a baby."

"Dad, it feels wrong to meet people without him."

He sighed. "He'll come around and when he does he can join you in meeting with couples."

I nodded, not really knowing what the best thing to do was. I just knew whatever I did it needed to be what was best for the baby. He deserved so much in life and whatever I did needed to be based on him and his best interest. It couldn't turn into a who's right and who's in the wrong fight between me, my dad, and Edward.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Hi everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope you are all starting to realize that Bella just didn't say "screw Edward, I'm doing what I want" she is genuinely trying to get him involved in the adoption. She wants him to meet with couples and she wants him to get on board with it. But she's still a scared teenager who isn't ready to take care of a baby yet. She's going to make mistakes. _

_Thanks for reading and reviewing! See you next time :)_

 _- **SpringHiller09**_


	20. Cause I'm Feeling Nervous

**Chapter Twenty:** **Cause I'm Feeling Nervous**

* * *

 **February 13, 2018**

Despite our best efforts to get along, Edward and I fought a lot over the next two weeks leading up to my next doctor's appointment. I kept trying to get him to come meet couples I had set up meetings for, but he continued to say no. I wanted him to meet them but I was running out of options.

I was beginning to feel like I'd never find the right people to adopt our baby. No one seemed right and they had to be perfect if I was going to relinquish my baby boy to them. I was about ready to quit, telling my parents that maybe I hadn't met the right people because it wasn't supposed to happen. Maybe this was the worlds way of telling me that I was supposed to keep this precious baby and raise him.

Mom thought I was being irrational and dad said if I didn't like the next couple we met with then we would reevaluate everything.

And that's when I met the Cullen's. Carlisle and Esme were in their late thirties and had tried for years to conceive a child of their own. After a second trimester miscarriage, they both decided adoption was the best thing for them and they began meeting with different people. I was skeptical at first since they both seemed like very busy people because of their careers, but they were smart people. They had a plan for whenever they were blessed with a baby.

After getting to know them during our first meeting, I was drawn to them. I set up a second meeting with them which is something I hadn't done with any other couples. When I approached Edward to come to the second meeting with me, he screamed at me and walked away. It wasn't surprising anymore, but I still wanted him involved with the adoption.

Alice was incredibly supportive during this super confusing time. When dad couldn't be at a meeting, she stepped in and met with them with me. And she was willing to indulge in my crazy hormones and cravings. She even drove an hour at eight o'clock on a Wednesday just to bring me a burger from a Port Angeles diner. I was really grateful to have a big sister like her when my own mother could barely be bothered with me or the baby.

Since it was the middle of the month, it was time for my monthly doctor's appointment after school. And the only appointment was right after eighth period started which meant we had to leave during seventh. I hated having to miss school for the doctor, but the baby came first. Plus, I was a good student in a difficult predicament. My teachers didn't mind me leaving. But, Edward was different and it was hard for him to leave in the middle of the day and his seventh-period teacher insisted I show up to make sure he was really leaving with me.

Since we were still fighting, the drive to Port Angeles was quiet and long. I missed the beginning of my pregnancy after he finally accepted the fact that the baby was his. Sure it was a mess because of the situation, but we had gotten to a good spot. Now we were back to not really liking each other and this was what I was afraid of when I found out I was pregnant.

"Bella!" Jasper's voice called from down the hall as we waited for the nurse to call us back. He jogged over to us and gave me a hug and gave Edward the stink eye. While Alice was being rational about everything, Jasper believed since Edward got me pregnant he should be willing to do whatever I wanted. He would never admit it, but I could tell Edward wasn't Jasper's favorite person at the moment.

But because he was with Alice, he was always polite towards Edward and never treated him poorly.

"Hey," I smiled.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. "You look great," He smiled as he touched my growing belly. It felt like my stomach had suddenly expanded and I was really looking pregnant at this point. I had felt the baby kick a few weeks ago, but it was subtle and no one else could feel him kicking. I really wanted Edward to feel it, but his kicks just weren't strong enough.

I sighed. "Thanks," And now that I was starting to look really pregnant, I was starting to have to buy maternity clothes since nothing in my closet was fitting anymore. I'd cried on the phone with Alice for over an hour when even my t-shirts and leggings were too small.

"Bella, you can come on back now," The nurse waved at us. I said goodbye to Jasper and followed her back to the room. I laid down on the table and waited patiently for Dr. Brooks to come. And I hoped it was soon because the silence between Edward and me was deafening. After about ten minutes, there was a knock on the door and Dr. Brooks walked in smiling.

"Whoa," Her smile faded. "You two okay?"

"We're fine," Edward snapped.

I sighed. "Sorry…we're fighting."

"Bella!" He rolled his eyes.

Dr. Brooks put her hand on my shoulder. "It's normal. This is stressful. You wanna check out your little man right now?"

"Yes, please," I nodded eagerly as she squirted the blue jelly on my stomach. She found the baby and he was really starting to look like a little person in there. "Hi, bud."

"So he's a little over a pound. About 1 pound, 4 ounces. And he looks to be about 11.8 inches long."

"Is that normal?" Edward asked.

She smiled. "Your baby is at a very good weight and length for this stage in your pregnancy. He's about the size of a cantaloupe."

"Wow," I smiled as she wiped my belly off. I put my shirt down and was instructed to stand on the scale so she could check my weight gain. "How much?"

"You've gained about thirteen pounds since the start of your pregnancy," I cringed. "Again, that is very normal."

"Okay," I sighed.

She smiled. "Are you achy at all?"

"My back is starting to hurt constantly. And my ankles are starting to swell a bit."

"Make sure you elevate your feet when that happens if you can. And as for the back pain, we can't really do much. But let me know if it gets much worse."

I nodded. "Okay."

"How are you doing, dad?" She asked Edward.

He shrugged. "The baby's healthy so I'm good."

"Why do you look so glum?" She asked.

"I haven't felt the baby kick yet," He sighed. "It's okay, though."

"You'll start feeling those kicks pretty soon," She assured him. "Give it some time and be patient with him." After the appointment was over, we drove back to Forks in silence again. I was beginning to think that we'd never get back to where we were before I brought up the possibility of adoption.

Valentine's Day. It had always been a day I looked forward to while I was dating Emmett. We never did anything overly romantic or anything, but it was just nice to be able to be with him on the most romantic day of the year. Now…I felt completely alone and I woke up really missing him.

And going to school didn't help. It seemed that everyone was in a relationship except for me. I couldn't help but stare at Emmett as Shelby Whitman hung all over him. Despite being broken up, I still knew him pretty well and I could tell he wasn't into Shelby. But when he caught me staring at him, his smirked and wrapped his arms around her shoulder.

I knew she was just a rebound but it didn't make it hurt any less.

After school, I came home to an empty house and a note telling me my parents had gone to Port Angeles for the afternoon and they would be back late. I sat down at the kitchen island and began doing my homework so I could just spend the evening watching Netflix and not worrying about Valentine's Day or any kind of romance. However, since I didn't really do anything else other than homework since I wasn't cheering anymore, I didn't have that much to do. Which was unfortunate since I expected to just do homework, eat, watch a little TV, and go to bed.

I searched through the fridge and pantry and pulled out some chicken and green beans to make for dinner. I was just about to put the chicken on the stovetop grill when my phone rang. When I saw Edward's name pop up, I got worried something bad had happened.

"Edward?" I asked when I answered the phone.

He sighed. "Hi,"

"What's up?"

He sighed again. "What are you doing right now?"

"Ummm…I was just about to finish making dinner."

"You should stop and not cook anything."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "What?"

"I want to take you out for dinner," He whispered. "If you'll let me."

"You wanna take me on a date?"

"You can call it a date if you want to," He laughed. "Or you could call it two friends getting dinner together."

"On Valentine's Day?"

"Friend dates are a thing," He said. "Look we don't have to but I made a reservation if you want to go."

My mouth fell open. "You made a reservation?"

"At Angelo's," He told me. Angelo's was one of the best restaurants in Forks that wasn't ridiculously expensive. Most of Forks High ate there before dances and on Valentine's Day is was usually pretty packed. "Bella?"

"All we've been doing lately is fight," I said solemnly.

"I know," He whispered. "But I saw you today and you looked upset. I get it…Rose and I usually spent Valentine's Day together when we were dating. Even if we did just make fun of all the lovey-dovey people.

"I don't want to fight."

"Me either," He agreed. "I hate fighting with you."

"What time?" I asked.

"I'll pick you up in forty-five minutes. Is that enough time?"

I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "Yeah. I'll make it work." I hung up the phone and practically ran upstairs to get ready. Angelo's was nice because it wasn't super fancy which was good because most of my really nice stuff didn't fit anymore. I pulled out a dark purple sweater dress Alice helped me pick out the last time we went shopping and grabbed a pair of tights to wear with it. I pulled my hair out of the ponytail I'd worn all day and straightened it. Just as Edward texted me to tell me he was in my driveway, I was putting the last of my make-up on. I took one last look at myself in the mirror and for the first time in months I felt…pretty.

When I got in Edward's truck, he smiled at me and grabbed my hand and gently squeezed it. "You look really pretty."

"Thanks," I smiled. I could feel my cheeks warming up and I knew I was blushing. I was just glad it was pretty much dark outside so Edward couldn't see me. We made our way to the restaurant and only had to wait ten minutes since Edward had called ahead. Once we were seated, I began looking over the menu and started wondering why he wanted to go on a friend date with me since we hadn't been very nice to each other later.

"What looks good to you?" He asked as he closed his menu.

I snapped out of my trance and looked back at the menu. "The ravioli looks good."

"I think I'm going to get the chicken parmesan," He mused. "Any of that food making you sick?"

I laughed. "Not that I'm aware but you never know."

Our night was actually pretty perfect. I got to tell Edward about Alice and Jasper's wedding plans and he was surprisingly interested. Or at least he pretended to sound interested while I talked. I knew his childhood could be a touchy subject, but he was pretty open to talking about what he wanted to be when he grew up. For a long time, he wanted to be a businessman like his father and open an art gallery. I wish he saw the potential in him that I did, but I was afraid his parents had completely destroyed any sense of confidence he had.

I hated his parents.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" He asked after he'd paid the entire bill. I told him I would pay for myself but he was insistent. When we got outside, the air was chilly but it wasn't too cold.

"Sure," I smiled and we walked back to his truck. He drove us to Forks Public Park and we got out and began walking along the concrete walkway that went through the middle of the park. "Thanks again for tonight."

He smiled. "Everyone should feel lo…good on Valentine's Day. And no one should be alone. Where are your parents tonight?"

"Port Angeles. I think they were going to meet up with my sister."

He sighed. "I haven't seen Mom in two weeks."

"Is that normal?"

"She usually comes back within a week and a half, but this is still pretty normal."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm used to…"

"Edward!" I cut him off and his eyes looked panicked. "Give me your hand."

His eyes were wide. "What? Are you okay?"

"Just give me your hand!" I laughed. I took his hand and placed it on my stomach right where I could feel the baby kicking. I waited for him to kick again and I watched Edward while we waited. He looked kind of confused, but when I felt the little nudge his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Was that?" He asked as he almost began jumping up and down. "Did he just kick?"

I nodded. "He did."

"Wow," He whispered as he kept his hand where the baby was kicking. I looked up and couldn't help but smile as his eyes began filling with tears. As if the baby kicking wasn't enough to make this Valentine's Day perfect, it began to snow softly. "This is incredible."

"He likes your voice," I told him as he took his eyes off my stomach and caught my eyes. "He's usually more active when you're around."

"Really?" He asked. I nodded yes and smiled at him. I wasn't sure if it was the snow, the baby kicking, or the date in general but I couldn't help myself as I began leaning towards him. Our lips were just about to touch when I realized what I was doing and then pulled away. I didn't want to do something I would regret later because my hormones were all wacky.

"He's kicking so hard."

"I can't believe this," He whispered as his eyes traveled back to my belly.

"Ah hem," A deep voice came from behind me. I turned my head to see who it was and my stomach dropped when I saw Emmett with Shelby leaning all over him. "Isn't this sweet!"

Edward stiffened as he pulled his hand away. "The baby is kicking. Our baby is kicking."

"Wow what a sweet fucking family," Emmett's voice was thick and angry. He stepped towards us and Edward stepped slightly in front of me. "Awe. Is he your little bodyguard now?"

"Emmett," I warned. I knew Emmett was trying to provoke me and Edward and Edward would be the one who got into trouble if things escalated.

"What? I think it's nice that you two are so close now," He smiled. "Tell me Bella, was the night of Jess' party really the first time you hooked up? Because you two are just so chummy lately."

"How could you think that?" I asked as tears pooled in my eyes.

"Well, that's just how sl…" He stopped himself but I already knew where he was going with that.

"How what, Emmett?" He stepped back like the coward he was. "Tell me, Emmett. Because whatever you're going to say isn't the first time I've ever heard it."

"It's how sluts act," He smirked. There it was. For months, I thought Emmett was just staying away from me for obvious reasons. And although I knew I hurt him deeply, I never thought he would agree with Jess and Lauren.

"Watch it," Edward threatened as he pushed in front of me even more, almost completely blocking me from Emmett.

"Oh, shut up, Edward!" Emmett shouted. "Why don't you go home to your mom and dad. Oh! Wait! Your dad's gone and your mom is the town's most famous alcoholic."

"Emmett!" I yelled.

"Is that why you fucked my girlfriend? To prove how messed up you are?"

I grabbed Edward's arm. "Come on. He's not worth it."

"You thought I was worth is for two years, Bella."

"Let's go, Edward."

Edward sighed. He started moving with me and then he rammed into me. I turned and saw Emmett standing behind us with his arms extended. Edward turned around and pushed Emmett backward.

Fuck. I knew this was going to happen eventually but I was hoping it wouldn't be in the middle of Forks Park.

Emmett pulled his arm back and swung at Edward, hitting him on the side of his head. "Emmett! Stop!" I called. Edward turned back towards me but Emmett was relentless. He came back and pushed Edward again and he just lost it.

"I'm sorry," He whispered to me as he ran and punched Emmett's face. He then pushed Emmett to the ground and when I looked over at Shelby, she was laughing. I rolled my eyes and wanted to go stop them but last time I interfered I jeopardized the baby. Then I looked over at her again and she was on the phone.

Sophomores.

"Guys!" I called. "Stop! Please!"

"I should have done this a long time ago!" Emmett snapped as he rolled over and pinned Edward to the ground. He punched Edward again in the cheek and I watched helplessly, wishing I could do something.

"You're just mad because Bella actually wanted to fuck me! What's wrong with you, Emmett?" He asked. "Small dick?"

"Fuck you, Masen!" They continued to fight with each other until I heard a siren. Shit. The cops were coming and when I looked over at Shelby, she smirked at me and waved. Dumb bitch called the cops. The two dopes were still fighting as the car was put into park and the door opened.

"Fucking stop it! The cops are here!" That sobered Edward up who pushed Emmett off of him and walked over to me. His face was already beginning to bruise and there was a pretty big gash in his cheek.

"Oh, God," I sighed as I gently touched the cheek that wasn't cut. "We need to get you some stitches."

"I'm fine," He argued but he really wasn't fine. The cop approached us and I was happy to see it was Donnie and not Malcolm.

He sighed. "What seems to be the problem?" He asked before he realized I was a part of the situation.

"He started a fight," Shelby stupidly pointed her finger at Edward.

"Bella?" Donnie asked once he'd recognized me. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"Edward and I were minding our own business when Emmett found us," I explained. "He was trying to start a fight with Edward. And then as we were getting ready to leave he pushed Edward."

"Mr. McCarty doesn't start fights, darling. Mr. Masen does."

"Edward didn't start the fight!" I snapped. "I hate this stupid town! The _good_ kids are just as big of assholes as the _bad_ kids are. And the so-called _bad_ kids aren't even bad! Has anyone figured out that maybe when teenagers act out and do stupid things it's because they're treated like trash at home? Or are the ones responsible for making sure the house doesn't get taken? And they might have the weight of the world on their shoulders?"

"Bella," Donnie tried to stop me.

"Emmett started this fight, Donnie! Emmett pushed him and Edward was just trying to defend himself."

"Bella," He repeated.

"Why would I fucking lie about this, Donnie?"

"So, your fuck toy doesn't get arrested again," Emmett chucked and if I wasn't pregnant…I would have jumped him.

"Grow up, Emmett! I get it, what happened really sucks and I am so sorry I hurt and humiliated you," I cried. "But beating Edward up isn't going to change the fact that we got into a fight that night. And it won't change the fact that I got super drunk and ended up in bed with Edward. And it really won't change the fact that I'm pregnant." He rolled his eyes. "So just make this easier for everyone and just go back to ignoring us. Life was a lot easier then."

"Go to hell," He spat before Donnie stepped in again.

"Mr. Masen, is this true? Did Mr. McCarty put his hands on you first?"

He nodded. "Yep. He pushed me. I was just defending myself."

"Mr. McCarty," Donnie said and I laughed. "What?"

"You're going to let him off with a warning, aren't you?" I asked and he stared at me. That was enough to tell me what I needed to know. "This is so ridiculous!"

"Bella, Mr. McCarty has no prior record."

"Whatever," I sighed and walked away. When I got back to Edward's truck, I walked over to the driver's side and demanded he give me the keys so I could drive him to the hospital. He tried telling me he was fine but I was so pissed I took the keys from him. When we got to the ER, Edward was given forms to fill out and we waited about thirty minutes before he was called back. I sat next to him on the bed while the doctor gave him the shot of Novocain and began sewing his cheek.

"You okay?" I asked as he kept his eyes closed and squeezed my hand.

"I don't really like needles," He told me. "David threatened to sew my mouth shut one time when…it was particularly painful and I kept screaming."

I hated that man. And I'd never even met him.

I squeezed his hand again and turned to the doctor. "Is this going to leave a scar?"

"I'm very good at my job," He smiled as he cut the string and placed a bandage over the cut. "I did my very best work. You might get a little scar but if you put some cream on it every night once the stitches come out it should be very minimum."

"Thanks," Edward sighed. The doctor gave him a set of instructions and we went to the front desk to pay the copay. He tried pulling his wallet out but I insisted on paying the one hundred dollars. I felt responsible for getting him in this situation and for once he just let me do what I wanted without arguing.

He stole his keys back from me and drove me home after we stopped at McDonald's for a drink. We sat silently in the car after he'd parked and I don't think either of us knew how to end the evening.

"I had a good time," I assured him. "And I'm so sorry about Emmett."

"I deserved it," He smiled. "I've done a lot of horrible things and I wasn't too great to Rosalie…but I'd never cheated on her before. If she ever cheated on me…I would have decked the guy."

I sighed. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," He laughed. "My cheek is still kind of numb, though."

"That'll go away in a few hours," I smiled as I touched his unstitched cheek. There was a pretty good bruise, but I was just thankful Emmett didn't do anything more serious. "I should go. My parents are home."

He nodded. "Goodnight, Bella." The baby began kicking again so I grabbed Edward's hand again and put it on my belly. He smiled up at me and leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Once the baby was still, I got out of the car and headed inside my house.


	21. Round and Round We Chase the Sparks

**Chapter Twenty-One: Round and Round We Chase the Sparks**

* * *

 **March 23, 2018**

The bigger I got, the harder things became. I was so sore all the time and I was already having a hard time sleeping. I didn't understand how there was much more room in there for my little man because it felt so cramped already and I still had over two months to go. The only good thing was that the attention at school was now off of me since the gym teacher had been caught having an affair with one of the girls in the senior class.

Everyone knew Mr. Barnes was scummy and I was surprised it took this long for them to actually catch him being disgusting.

I mean…I felt bad that a man's career had been ruined and a girl had been taken advantage of but it was still nice to finally have the spotlight off of me.

Regardless of the drama surrounding the gym teacher and Jane, Lauren was still out to make my life completely miserable. Whenever she was around she was making a snarky comment and all I wanted to do was deck her. Angela kept reminding me she wasn't worth it and the only reason she was torturing me was to keep her mind off of the mess of a home life she had. Her dad was obviously having an affair with the much younger neighbor. Well, it was obvious to everyone but her mother who was so spoiled I don't even think she'd care if she ever found out as long as Mr. Mallory was still giving her thousands of dollars and lavish trips all the time.

I knew Lauren had a miserable home life and we'd spent a lot of nights talking about it. When we first figured out her dad was cheating, she cried in my arms for hours. We were only freshman in high school and were pretty sheltered. We didn't realize yet how bad this world could be. Despite what her life was like outside of school, I still didn't think it gave her the right to make mine miserable. I was always supportive of her even if I didn't completely agree with what she was doing.

Things with Edward also remained the same. We were able to be civil with each other but we were still fighting about the adoption and the Cullen's. I had already met with the couple seven times and he'd refused to come each time I invited him. As much as I wanted to keep the baby, I knew the Cullen's were the right people to take my baby home. They were good people who would love him and they would be able to provide for him.

I trusted them with my baby.

However, no matter how upset he was, he never brought it up. He didn't question things like why I wasn't going to have a baby shower or if we were going to buy a crib. It was almost like he was ignoring the situation altogether and I just wish he would let me talk things through with him. I knew there was a reason he didn't want the baby to be adopted. This was more than his love for his son but he wouldn't tell me. And unless he told me there wasn't any way that we could work things out. We were both stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Over the last month, Emmett had stayed pretty quiet. He still made a few snide remarks whenever I would walk past him but I just didn't care anymore. If he was going to be like this then he wasn't the Emmett I fell in love with two years ago. Besides, throughout the pregnancy, I learned who my true friends were and I was extremely happy Angela and Ben had decided to stick by my side.

"What are your plans this weekend?" Mom asked Friday night after she'd gotten home from work.

I stared at her. She never asked me what fun things I was planning on doing, even before the baby. "I'm not sure. I think Edward and I are going to do something tomorrow but I'm not sure." She rolled her eyes. "Why do you even ask if you're just going to roll your eyes whenever you hear his name?"

"Honestly, Bella," She scolded.

"Mom, like it or not, Edward is the father. Yeah, dad doesn't love him but he's at least civil when he's around and he doesn't…roll his eyes like a fourteen-year-old when I bring him up."

She shook her head. "Knock it off, Bella."

"What is your problem?"

"Excuse me?"

I took a deep breath. "I know I got pregnant at eighteen and embarrassed you. Everyone in town knows that your precious, perfect daughter got herself knocked up by the bad boy with an alcoholic mother."

"Bella."

"But I'm still your daughter!" I yelled. "I'm still your child, mom, and you're treating me like a pile of dirt."

"I'm sorry that I don't love the idea of you having a baby as a senior in high school."

"No one does!" I argued. "The situation sucks but I'm doing the best I can. And…in case you haven't noticed…we aren't keeping the baby! I have found a good couple to adopt him and you continue to treat me like I have the plague or something."

"Bella, stop it."

I shook my head. "You're not being fair, mom. I made a mistake when I slept with Edward at that party but I'm doing my best. Everyone is doing their best except for you. Can't you just grow up?"

I heard footsteps behind me. "Bella," Dad said.

I turned to face him. "Dad…"

"Can you give your mother and I a minute please?" He asked and I went upstairs and laid down on my bed and opened my laptop to the latest episode of _Friends_. Halfway through an episode, my phone rang and I was glad to see Angela's name on the screen. Our schedules were just so different now, we barely saw each other outside of school anymore.

"Hey!"

"Hi, Bella," She greeted. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

I sighed. "I don't know. Edward and I might rent a movie. He's never seen Breakfast at Tiffany's."

"You think you'd actually convince him to watch that?" She laughed.

"I watched King Kong last weekend like he wanted to," I smiled. "It's my turn to pick the movie."

She chuckled. "You're evil. Anyways, Ben and I are going to a carnival out in Port Angeles if you and Edward wanna tag along."

"You want us to be the third and fourth wheel on your date with Ben?"

"I was thinking it could be a double date," She said. "I mean…I know you two aren't dating but you did go on a friend date on Valentine's Day."

"I'll talk to Edward," I promised. We talked for a little bit longer about our upcoming English paper that was due next week before hanging up so I could call Edward. He told me he'd picked up a shift at Newton's in the afternoon, but if it wasn't too late when he ended up getting off then we could go with Ben and Angela.

After I hung up with him, dad called up the stairs to tell me dinner was ready. When I refused to come down, he was at my door a few minutes later with a plate of food. He came in and set it down on my desk, but I just didn't want to talk about what happened with mom earlier. I hated putting him in the middle of everything, but I just couldn't take any more of mom's crap.

"She's trying, Bella," He sighed and I was shocked he was defending her.

I rolled my eyes. "No. She's not. You're trying, dad. You ask me about my doctor's appointments and you're involved in the adoption process. You were happy when I told you he started kicking and you cried when you felt it for the first time."

"Bella,"

"No! She's not trying, dad, and you know it. I get it…this is hard on you guys. But I'm trying to do the right thing but her inability to show the smallest bit of support is really hurtful, dad," I sniffled. "I'm sorry but I can't…keep fighting with her. I can't keep seeking her approval."

He wrapped his arms around me and I laid my head down on his shoulder. "I know, honey. I know."

Things were weird around the house for the rest of the night. Mom had locked herself in their bedroom and dad was clearly feeling uncomfortable with the situation. We'd put him in a really difficult position. After a few hours of feeling trapped, I decided to take a drive around town.

After driving around for a while, I found myself sitting in front of Newton's. I knew Edward was working tonight and it just seemed natural to end up here. I looked at my phone and saw that the store would be closing in ten minutes. I contemplated just waiting in the car for him to come out so I could avoid Mike, but I ended up getting out of the car.

"Welcome to…" Edward started as he wrote in a notebook before he looked up and saw me standing in the doorway. "What are you doing here?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"You okay?" I stared at him as I bit my lip. He set his pen down and walked around the counter. He wrapped his arms around me and I pulled at the back of his shirt. I cried into his shirt because I finally realized that my mom's love for me wasn't unconditional. "What happened?"

I sniffled before I heard footsteps walking into the room. "We're closing shop, Edward." A familiar voice said as I heard keys jingling. "what's this?"

"Sorry, Mr. Newton," Edward apologized, but he didn't let go of me. "I'll continue closing, but can I have a minute alone with her?"

"Five minutes and then you need to continue working," Mr. Newton said softly before walking away.

"Come on," Edward whispered as he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the back of the store. He pushed through a door that said Employee's Only and I just hoped he didn't get into trouble for bringing me back here. I looked around the cluttered room and noticed we were in the supply closet.

"I don't want you getting into trouble," I hiccupped as he sat me down on the stepstool.

He smiled. "I'm Mr. Newton's hardest worker. He's one of the only people in town who has some respect for me."

I nodded. "Oh."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I shook my head, but then realized he'd been so open and honest with me. I should feel comfortable enough to tell him what was going on in my life.

I sniffled. "My mom and I had a fight tonight. And I realized that…I'm never going to be good enough for her. I'm never going to do the right thing in her eyes. I'm just an embarrassment to her."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"She's barely even looked at me since I told them I was pregnant."

"It's a big thing to process."

"Everyone else has been processing it just fine. I embarrassed my parents, Edward," I sighed. "The only difference is that my dad is concerned about my well-being and doesn't care what other's think. My mother thrives on her perfect reputation and I ruined that for her."

"You're still her child."

I shrugged. "She doesn't care."

Edward looked at his watch a sighed. "I gotta go finish closing the store."

"Okay,"

"But if you want to wait around, my shift is over in like thirty to forty minutes."

"Thanks, but I think I just wanna go home and sleep."

He nodded. "Mr. Newton gave me the schedule for tomorrow. I should be done by six. Is that too late for the carnival?"

"Angela said that they'd pick me up at like 6:30 so that's perfect," I sighed as we walked to the front of the store.

"Hey," He grabbed my hand. "Don't let her or anyone ruin this for you. It's a really shitty situation but the baby is still a good thing. He's the good thing to come out of all of this." I nodded as I walked out of the shop.

I avoided my mom the entire day on Saturday and she didn't make an effort to try and make things right with me. I could tell Dad was stressed out about the situation and I felt awful about it. But he kept telling me that I had enough to deal with and that he would be fine.

He also told me that eventually, mom would be fine too, but I didn't believe him.

* * *

I was grateful when Angela and Ben pulled up in front of my house. Since Edward only got off at 6:00 and still needed to shower, we were going to meet him there. Angela declared tonight a drama free and baby free night and that we were just going to be teenagers for once. We weren't going to worry about adoption and mothers and anything else that might be stressing us out.

She told me Edward and I deserved to have a little bit of normal fun for once.

Once we got to the carnival, I smelled the food and was immediately starving. We got some cheese fries and drinks and sat down to eat. It probably wasn't the best idea to be eating before going on rides, but I didn't think I could ride anything. These kinds of rides made me nervous before I was pregnant and I figured it was unsafe for the baby to get on any of them.

Just as I was finishing my fries, I saw Edward jogging over to us. Ben offered to get him something to eat and left before Edward could refuse his offer.

"How was work?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Mike was there so it wasn't super pleasant."

"He didn't say anything, did he?" I asked and he shook his head.

"He has to behave in the store or his dad would kill him," He smirked. "So, I was extra nice to him just to piss him off." I snickered. "He was ready to explode when I told him to have a nice night when I left."

"You're truly diabolical, Edward," Angela laughed when Ben returned with more food. I ended up eating half of Edward's fries, but he didn't fight me on it and I was always hungry all of a sudden.

Plus, I'd been eating super healthy lately for the baby. I was long overdue for a cheat night.

The four of us walked around for a bit to let our food digest but then Angela saw one of the rides and wanted to go on.

"You guys go ahead," I smiled. "I can hold your stuff."

Edward stared at me. "You're not coming?" He asked and I looked down at my belly. "You two go without us."

"Edward, you don't have to stay with me."

He smiled. "I want to."

"We'll be back!" Ben said as Angela pulled him towards the ride. Edward and I found a bench near the ride they were going on and sat down. When I began to shiver, he took his leather jacket off and wrapped it around my shoulders.

"Thanks," I smiled. "I can't believe it's almost April. We're graduating in like a month."

"Thank god," He sighed. "I can't wait to be done in this hell hole."

I nodded in agreement. "Back before everything happened, I was having doubts about leaving for college."

"And now?"

"I'm so ready to leave and maybe never look back," I sighed. "Maybe when I'm done with school, I'll move to Seattle to be kind of close to Alice but I really don't want to come back here."

"At least we agree on one thing," He laughed.

"Edward?"

"Huh?"

I took a deep breath. "Have you thought about college?"

"What about college?"

"Going to college?"

"Nope," He sighed. "I can't afford it and I wouldn't get in if I tried."

"You could do community college and get your grades up."

"I'm not going to college, Bella," He said sternly.

I sighed. "But why? You're smart. You've just…had a rough time and school hasn't been a priority for you."

"Why are you so worried about what I'm doing after high school?"

"Because…"

"Because why?"

I sighed. "I want you to do something with your life."

"Why do you even care?"

"This is ridiculous," I said. "Is it that hard to imagine someone might actually care about you and want you to succeed?"

"Yeah, it is, Bella," He rolled his eyes. "You just want me to do well because I got you pregnant so we're kind of stuck with each other."

"What?" I could feel tears pooling in my eyes.

He nodded. "Well guess what, Bella…I'm not Emmett! I'm not your star football player, straight-A student boyfriend."

"I know that!"

"Then stop trying to make me like him!"

He shook his head. "I'm a failure and I'm not going to amount to anything so just fucking stop trying to change me!" He yelled and I felt everyone around us turn to stare. I slid his jacket off my shoulders and got up to walk away from him. I covered my mouth with my hand as tears streamed down my cheeks.

I walked around a tree, hoping he wouldn't be able to see me, and leaned against the trunk.

"Bella!" I heard him calling. "Bella, I'm sorry. Come here please." I didn't want to deal with him so I just stayed quiet. But my hiding place wasn't the greatest and he found me pretty quickly.

"Go away, Edward."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you."

Tears were still streaming down my cheeks. "I'm not trying to change you and I don't want you to be anything like Emmett."

"I know."

"He's a dick. He's not who I thought he was and you're…better than him."

He rolled his eyes. "No, I'm really not."

"I just don't want you not going to college because of the lies this town and your mother has been feeding you for years. I want you to think more of yourself."

"Bella, I'm never going to think very much of myself."

I cried. "But I'm not going to stop trying to make you feel good about yourself."

He slid the jacket over my shoulders again and looked around the carnival. I was a hormonal wreck and our fight hadn't helped anything. I just couldn't get myself to calm down. He wrapped his arms around my shoulder and then grabbed my hand. He pulled me to one of the carnival games and set down a five dollar bill.

"What are you doing?" I asked as the attendant gave him his change and the rings.

"Winning you a prize."

"What?"

He laughed. "Just shut up and let me do this for you. Let me succeed."

It took him almost fifteen dollars, but he eventually won one of the small stuffed animals. The attendant looked at him like he was a sucker, which he was, but I couldn't help but smile when I saw the little elephant on the shelf.

"That one," I smiled as I pointed to the elephant. The guy handed it to me and told us to have a good night. We walked away from the booth and I leaned up to give Edward a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you."

The four of us spent the rest of the night walking around and having some good ol' teenage fun. Edward told them he would drive me home after I could barely keep my eyes open any longer and I hugged Ben and Angela goodbye.

When we got to my house, the only light on was the living room and I figured my parents were still at their business dinner.

"You wanna come inside? I think we have some hot chocolate." He nodded as we both got out of the car. We walked inside and made our way into the kitchen. I set my keys on the table and my eyes lit up when I saw the big envelope with Stanford written on top.

"What's that?" Edward asked as I picked up the envelope.

I smiled at him. "Something from Stanford."

"What's it say?"

"I promised my dad we'd open it together," I told him. "Sorry."

He shrugged. "No big deal…" He started off. "So…you're really going to California?"

"If this is an acceptance letter…yeah."

He sighed. "That's far."

"Yeah, it is."

He bit his lip. "Bella, I've been thinking lately and what if we were more…." He stopped.

"More what?" I asked.

He shut his eyes, looking almost pained. "Nothing. Never mind."

"You sure?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. Your life is…already planned out. You have a bright future."

"I hope so."

He took a step back. "I should go."

"We didn't get to drink hot chocolate yet."

"I have an early shift in the morning," I could tell he was lying. "See you Monday?" I nodded and he walked out of the kitchen.

I wanted to chase after him, but sometimes people needed their space to process. I wasn't sure what he was processing but…I had a feeling it was something to do with the two of us.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Hi guys! I know...I'm awful! I am so SO sorry that chapter took so long! I started student teaching back in January and life has been super crazy since then. I've had to focus on other things, but things are beginning to wind down and I have been reinspired to continue this story! _Hopefully _, the next chapter doesn't take too long to write._

 _Thanks for being patient. You're all awesome :)_


	22. Can't You Just Let Me Be?

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Can't You Just Let Me Be?**

* * *

 **May 15, 2018—9:00 a.m.**

"You ready to get out of this hell hole?" Edward asked as I ate the bland breakfast the hospital provided me. Edward promised to take me out to the diner, but I was starving and didn't want to wait until I was discharged.

I smile. "It hasn't been that bad."

"I just want this day to be over," He sighed and I agreed with him. After the last few days of observation, they were sending Alex home the next day and neither of us wanted to be here for that.

Edward didn't come back last night after going to the nursery. He wondered around the hospital and then went on a drive to clear his head. He told me he wound up in front of his childhood house, which his mom had let them lose, and just sat there for hours thinking about everything. He thought about the financial aspect and came to the realization that he didn't want our boy to struggle like he had once his mother's alcoholism got worse. He wanted him to have everything in the world without the stress of wondering when his next meal would come from.

He wanted a better life for him and knew that he had a better shot with the Cullen's.

No matter how much we loved him.

I walked over to him and gently touched his cheek. He looked up at me with sad eyes that made me tear up a little bit. "He's okay. He's loved by so many people…"

He sniffled. "I know."

" _We're_ okay. We're going to make it through this," He nodded and shrugged away from me. The two of us continued to quietly clean the room up and put the things back into my duffle bag. Dad stopped by as we were finishing up with some coffee and something to eat.

The tension was high, but I could tell that Edward had earned a lot of respect from my dad for agreeing to the adoption. I knew they'd never be friends, but it was nice to see my dad bring him something and not glare at him while they were in the same room together.

"Where's mom?" I asked as we ate our bagels. Dad looked up at me and shrugged.

He sighed. "Sorry, kid. She just wanted to stay home."

I felt a tear stream down my cheek. After everything that I'd been through in these last nine months along with everything that happened over the last few days, I thought she'd actually start being supportive. It hurt knowing that if my mom had been in my situation, my grandmother would have supported her until the very end.

I wondered what had turned my mother so cold when it came to her children.

"Have you heard from your mom?" I asked, turning to Edward.

He shook his head. "Not since she left here a few days ago. She's probably off with her friends and passed our drunk."

I heard the hurt in his voice. He didn't think I could see him constantly checking his phone over the last few days. He'd been fighting to keep his son with no one in his corner. No one to support him. No one to agree with him. If I hadn't had my sister and dad in my corner pushing for the adoption, I would have caved. I would have thought my decision over again and who knows what would have happened. Maybe I didn't have my mother's support, but I had someone in my corner.

"Want me to go track her down?" Dad asked. "I know her usual spots."

I stared at my dad. He still didn't like Edward for what had happened, but he was willing to go take the time to find his mom for him.

Edward shook his head. "It's best that she hasn't been around. It was easier this way." I knew it wasn't easier, but I was too tired to argue with him.

Dad was about to argue when there was a knock on the door. It was one of the nurses from the last few days with my discharge papers. Dad looked over everything after I did and then told me it was okay to sign them. The nurse told me there wasn't a rush to leave, but to call an orderly with a wheelchair when I was ready to leave.

"Dad, don't you have to be at work?" I asked when I noticed what time it was. He looked at his watch and shrugged.

"I don't think my guys will burn down the station," He smiled. "You take your time. We'll go whenever you're ready."

I smiled. "Sir, if it's alright with you, I'd like to drive Bella home," Edward told him. He stared at Edward and then finally nodded in agreement.

"You be safe," He warned Edward. "No speeding."

"None," Edward agreed. Dad stayed for another five minutes just in case I decided I wanted my dad to drive me. And as much as I loved my dad, I felt like it was important for Edward and me to have this moment. It was going to be our final moments that we were really connected.

Who knew what was going to happen to us after he dropped me off and this baby situation was behind us.

After dad left, Edward and I finished putting the last of my things in the duffle bag. We were being slow on purpose. We just weren't ready yet and that was okay with us. I could leave whenever I wanted to and I didn't want to quite yet.

But after sitting around in silence for another thirty minutes, we both agreed it was time to face reality and leave the hospital.

"I'll go get the car," He whispered as he kissed my forehead. "You wanna call the orderly now or wait until the car is ready?"

I sighed. "I'll wait," I nodded as my eyes filled with tears. Again.

"Don't you get emotional," He chuckled. "You're the strong one."

"I'm not as strong as you think," A tear escaped and rolled down my cheek.

He bit his lip and looked thoughtful for a moment. "You're the strongest person I know."

"Just go get the car," I pressed. He gave my hand one last squeeze and walked out of the room. I rested my hands on the foot of the bed and took a few deep breaths. I was about the zip my duffle bag when there was a soft knock on the door. I thought it was weird since Edward had just left and Alice said she'd meet me at home.

"Come in," I said as I played with my fingers.

"Hi, Bella," I froze instantly. I turned and blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't seeing things. But…there he was. Standing in the doorway of my hospital room.

I continued to stare at him. "Emmett?" I asked. He gave me a weak smile. "What…what are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "I have no idea." We stared at each other for a minute before he stepped further into the room and let the door shut. "Angela said you were in the hospital."

"That still doesn't explain what you're doing here," I said. "I mean…we haven't talked in months."

He shoved his hands in his pocket. "I know. How's the…the…baby?"

Was he asking me about the baby? Now I was really confused.

I bit my lip. "He's healthy."

"A boy?" He asked. "You have a son?"

I nodded. "We aren't…keeping him." I had no idea why I was telling him this. He hadn't shown any interest in me since I told him I was pregnant and he'd been a real jack ass over the last few months of my pregnancy. He had no right to know what my plans were for the baby.

"Oh," He nodded as he stood there. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"No, you're not."

"Excuse me?" He asked.

I was starting to get angry. "What are you doing here, Emmett? Really."

"I don't know!" He exclaimed as he ran his hands through his hair. "Angela said you had the baby and then I thought for a split second…" He trailed off.

"What?" I asked. "What'd you think?"

"Thank God, it's over."

"Because you've been going through such hell these last nine months," I rolled my eyes.

He hung his head low. "I know it wasn't the same thing, but it's not like this year has been one big party for me, Bella."

I rolled my eyes, but he did have a point. I'd broken his heart and embarrassed him. "I know."

"And the reason I thought that wasn't because I was trying to…be mean," He sighed. "I thought that because I've missed you."

"You've missed me?"

"We were friends long before we started dating," He shrugged. "And we lost everything we had when you got pregnant." I nodded.

"You called me a slut, Emmett," I reminded him. "You picked a fight with Edward."

"He deserved it."

"No, he didn't! And I didn't deserve to be treated that way."

He nodded. "You're right."

"For the longest time, you just…stayed out of it. You sat by and watched everything happen, which I understood. I knew you'd never want to get involved," I said. "And then…all of a sudden, you're talking to me the way Jess and Lauren talked to me."

"They got in my head," He shrugged. "And I know that's not an excuse and it doesn't make what I said okay but…they got to me."

"They're manipulative."

"And then I saw you… _with him_ ," There was venom in his voice when he said him. "And you looked so happy."

"Was I not allowed to be happy?" I asked. "I was just trying to live my life."

He shook his head. "I know. But it looked like you were about to kiss and I was drunk and I just…snapped."

"The minute it came out that I was pregnant, I lost everyone except Angela and Ben," I whispered. "Edward was the only one who was there for me. He was my only form of support through these last nine months. Of course, we got close."

"We didn't even like the guy," He argued. "And you told me that it was a drunken night that led to your pregnancy."

"It was!" I argued. "We learned to lean on each other, Emmett," I thought for a minute. "And this is none of your business!"

He nodded in agreement. "Anyways…I snapped. And I've hated myself ever since for saying the things I said to you," He took a deep breath. "And I'm really sorry."

"Thank you for apologizing," I sniffled. "I still don't get why you're here. This could have waited until I came back to school."

"When Angela told me you had the baby…"

"You thought thank God it was over," I sighed. "I heard you."

"And I thought…there was hope."

"Hope? For what?"

He took a deep breath. He looked so vulnerable. "For us."

I was taken aback. He thought there was hope for us? To be friends? To get back together? "Hope for what exactly?"

"A future together," He whispered.

"You…wanna get back together?" I wasn't sure if it was the sleep deprivation or what but I had never been so confused before.

"I thought we could talk about it," His eyes were going crazy between looking at me and the ground. "I know I said and did awful things and I don't expect you to forgive me right away."

"Good,"

"But…we can finally start moving past things," He shrugged. "We were so in love. We had so many plans and despite everything that's happened, I can't help but think that the love just…disappeared completely."

"Emmett,"

He took another deep breath. "We can work it out. Things got so messed up because of the baby and Edward. But now…it's over."

"What's over?" I asked.

"Everything. It's over and we can start to move past it."

"That baby is always going to be a part of my life. I didn't just give him away to an orphanage to never hear about him again," I said. "I'm always going to be a…mom."

"I know," He nodded. "Look, I didn't come here thinking we'd kiss and get back together right away," Good. He was still smart. "But you need to know how I feel, Bella."

"I do?" He nodded. "Why?"

"Because…I love you," He said. "And I want what we had been planning before all of this started to…work out like it was supposed to."

"You…" I was shocked. "You love me?"

"I do," He nodded. "I love you, Bella."

This was too much. I turned around and went over to the bed where my duffle bag was. I started to zip it and then I saw the elephant tucked inside. I bit my lip as I remembered Edward who was getting the car for me. Then I looked down at the t-shirt I was wearing and realized it was Edward's Cubs shirt he'd given me. I had been sleeping in it until I got too big for it.

It was the t-shirt he'd given me back in December when I slept at his house after telling my parents I was pregnant.

He had been so incredible that night. He had just been taking care of his mom and didn't think twice when I appeared randomly on his doorstep. He fed me and made sure that I felt comfortable and safe. He'd done everything right that night and that was the night that I think I…

 _Whoa_ …

The night I fell in love with him.

I felt a wave of emotions as I sat down on the bed and just ignored that Emmett was standing there waiting for me to answer him. I had been in love with Edward for five months and I didn't even realize it until now.

Until Emmett was standing with me and confessing his love for me.

I took a deep breath and remembered that night like it was yesterday.

 _"Welcome to my bedroom," He laughed nervously. "This is weird."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"I never pictured you coming into my room to sleep in my bed."_

 _"Me either,"_

 _"How many pillows do you use?"_

 _I sighed. "Two."_

 _"Okay," He left and came back with extra pillows and set them on the floor. He set himself up with a makeshift bed on the floor of his room. Then he dug around in his dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. "If you don't want to sleep in your clothes."_

 _"Thanks," I nodded as I took the clothes._

 _"I can leave…"_

 _"I'll just go to the bathroom."_

I clutched the t-shirt and looked down at the elephant before looking back up at Emmett. I felt tears stinging in my eyes again. Back in November, I remember wishing for this moment to come. All I wanted was for him to cool down so we could talk again. I wanted him to tell me that we could work things out and that he would stand by my side because he loved me.

And if I were being honest with myself, I wanted that to happen before he called me a slut in February.

I stood up and walked over to him.

"Emmett," I whispered as I looked down at the floor. "You were the first guy I ever loved. So…I think I'll always love you."

"So, we can work on things?" He asked with such hope in his eyes.

I shook my head. "But I'm not _in love_ with you anymore, Emmett. I'm sorry."

He let his head hang. We stood there for a long time in silence before he looked back up and looked me in the eyes. His blue eyes were sparkling with tears. "It's because of _him_ …isn't it?"

I nodded. "Somehow…along the way I fell in love with him," I admitted for the first time out loud. "I didn't think it would happen when I got pregnant but…it did. And I can't change how I feel."

He licked his lips. "I kind of figured."

"You did?"

He nodded. "After a while…you started smiling at him like you used to smile at me."

"Oh,"

"And I thought it might be baby hormones or something," He tried to laugh. "But I guess I was wrong."

I sighed. "When we first broke up, this is all I wanted," I admitted. "Up until February…all I wanted was for you to tell me that we could work it out because you still loved me. But now…"

"It's different," He whispered. I nodded. "I'm still sorry about the things I said and did."

I gave him a sad smile. "I know." He backed up and turned the door knob.

He turned and faced me. "Bye, Bella," He whispered and opened the door and walked out. This was something we both needed. When we broke up in November, I was so emotional about the baby and Edward and he was so angry with me. And then he let Lauren and Jessica get to him. We never actually got closure so I was glad we finally had it.

And despite everything Emmett had done, he deserved to have closure so he could go to college and move on. He was still dating Shelby, but everyone knew she was just a rebound and it wouldn't work once he graduated. It was time for him to find someone and really fall in love with them.

I zipped up the duffle bag and bit my lip in anticipation as I waited for Edward to get back. I had no idea where we would go from here. Would he just want to go our separate ways? Would we…date? What the hell was going to happen now that I finally admitted to myself that I was in love with him.

The only person who would really know what to do was Alice. I picked up my phone from the nightstand and found her name in my phone. Just as I was about to click on it to call her, the door swung open. Edward walked in, looking kind of crazy with the look in his eyes. I put my phone down and just stared at him.

"Did I just see Emmett getting in the elevator?" He asked and I nodded. "What the fuck was he doing here?"

I smiled. "He told me he was sorry for the things he said."

"Good. He should be sorry," He rolled his eyes. "But he couldn't have done that when you went back to school?"

I shrugged. "He said he just got in his car and drove here when Angela told him where I was."

"What an ass."

I took a deep breath. "He told me he still loved me and wanted to work things out with me."

Edward looked as if he'd seen a ghost. He turned white and his eyes glossed over with tears. He took a deep breath and gulped before opening his mouth. "Really?"

"Really."

He sighed. "So…you aren't going to get back together with him are you?" He asked. "Because you really shouldn't. He's an asshole and he said some really awful things to you."

"I know."

"And if you get back together with him then you aren't as smart as everyone thinks you are."

I smiled. "I know."

"So…what did you tell him?" He asked eagerly.

I sighed. "I turned him down."

"Good."

I thought for a while. Edward was just about to get out of his house and start a new life for himself. He was about to start over and I didn't think I could be a part of that. He needed to put his past in the past and leave everything behind. I would support him…but it was probably best if I didn't cloud his judgment with new declarations.

He needed to be happy and worry about himself for once. It was his turn to be selfish with his time and his feelings.

"I just couldn't forgive him for what happened in February," I lied. Well…I told the half-truth.

He took a deep breath. "Bella, I need to talk to you."

I braced myself.


	23. You've Come so Far

**Chapter Twenty-Three:** **You've Come so Far**

* * *

 **April 13, 2018**

"Remember, dinner is at 7:00," I overheard Lauren saying at lunch Friday afternoon. She was practically screaming and I knew she was just trying to get to me. Edward noticed my mopey face and reached across the table and grabbed my hand. He gave me an encouraging smile and I attempted to ignore them.

"Which means we'll need to leave her by 6:00 so we don't hit much traffic," Jess added. "Can you believe we're actually doing this?"

Lauren cackled. "I know. Senior dinner. It seems like just yesterday we were freshman and Bella jokingly told us we needed to plan a celebration dinner before graduation."

"Ignore them," Edward huffed as he took a bite of his sandwich. I nodded and stood up and threw the rest of my food away. I stormed out of the cafeteria and tried finding some peace and quiet. But, as I rounded the corner, I heard footsteps following me.

I sighed as I stopped and turned around. "I'm fine, Edward."

"You're not," He sighed as he pulled me into an empty classroom. I looked up at him and knew I wouldn't be able to lie to him. He was too perceptive.

"They're just doing it to make me feel bad," I shrugged. "I don't want to let them make me feel bad but…"

He brought his hand to my cheek. "They're the ones who were supposed to be here for you," He said. "It's okay to feel bad that they're acting this way."

"I don't even want to be friends with them anymore," I told him. "I don't even know why we were friends. They're mean. And they're manipulative. But for some reason…"

"It doesn't make what they're doing any less hurtful," He reminded me. "Is Angela going with them?"

I nodded. "She's not excited about it, but she's friends with the others who are going. Plus, Ben has tried to stay as neutral as possible and all his friends are going to."

"I have a shift at Newton's tonight, but I can try and get out of it," He offered but I shook my head no. "I don't want to leave you alone tonight if you're this upset."

"You need to work," I reminded him. "That studio apartment isn't going to pay for itself."

Edward had told me a few weeks ago that he'd found a super tiny apartment to live in once we graduated. He was tired of taking care of his mother and was ready to move on. He was still being stubborn about going to art school, but I thought moving out was a good first step. If he wasn't living in such a toxic environment, it might make him want more for himself.

"You come first," He sighed and I smiled.

"Mr. Newton won't want to make you the manager if you skip a shift because I'm feeling a little bit sad."

He laughed. "Please, I'm the only employee who drops anything to come in when someone calls off. Plus, I'm the only competent employee he has."

"I'll be fine," I tried assuring him. "I'll call Alice. See what they're up to.

He nodded reluctantly. "Call me if you need anything."

Lauren and Jess were really keen on making miserable that day. Whenever they were around me, they wouldn't shut up about the dinner that night. It really was something we'd been planning since we were freshman in high school. We so badly wanted to grow up that we were already ready to celebrate it. So, we made a pact that before graduation we would all go out to a fancy dinner and celebrate our approaching adulthood. It had been my idea and I knew they were just trying to make me feel more miserable than I already did.

Plus, I was seven months pregnant and incredibly uncomfortable to begin with.

"You sure you don't want me to stay with you?" Angela asked as we walked out of school that afternoon. She had offered to drive me home since Edward had a shift directly after school and I wasn't really driving myself anywhere these days.

I smiled at my friend. "Just because Jess and Lauren have proved they're evil doesn't mean the rest of our friends are acting like them."

"They still haven't been very nice to you," She whispered. She was right. Maggie, Charlotte, and Bree had been ignoring me since they found out I was pregnant. I had a feeling it was just because they were scared of losing their status. Angela was different though.

I nodded. "Go. Have fun with Ben and the rest of your friends. I'm gonna do something with Alice I think." She sighed as she started the car. I loved Angela, but I knew she'd been looking forward to this dinner. There was no way I'd ever make her stay home with me, even if she was the one offering.

When she dropped me off, I called Alice. Unfortunately, she was up against a major deadline and had even gone to a hotel for the night so even Jasper wouldn't distract her. I tried to not show my disappointment because I knew she'd drop everything if I was having a bad day and said I needed her.

So, I ended up doing what I always did when I had nothing to do. I changed into my PJ's, heated up some leftovers since my parents were at another business dinner, and curled up with a good book. Twenty minutes into my reading time, however, the doorbell rang. I opened the door and laughed when I saw Edward standing there.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. He was not dressed in his Newton's uniform so I knew he wasn't just stopping by on his break like he sometimes did.

He smiled. "Nice PJs."

"Thanks," I laughed.

"Get dressed."

"Why?"

He shook his head. "I'm taking you somewhere."

"Where?"

"It's a damn surprise, Swan," He rolled his eyes. "Get dressed. And grab a pool towel." I did as I was told because he wouldn't break and tell me where we were going. He never did when he had a surprise planned for me. After getting dressed and grabbing one of Edward's hoodies, I went out and got into the truck.

He put the truck and drive and we headed out. We drove for thirty minutes before I realized where he was taking me.

"We're going to La Push?" I asked. "It's still kind of cold."

"Don't worry, I'm not taking you swimming," He laughed as we pulled into a parking spot. Edward helped me out of the truck and then grabbed some things from the back. We walked down the beach a little bit before I saw a huge group of people. It looked like they were having a party. There were kids running around, someone was grilling, and there was a huge fire going in the middle of everyone.

"Looks like fun," I mused when I stopped walking. Edward laughed and grabbed my hand and we walked towards the party. "I don't want to interrupt."

"Bella," He sighed. "This is what we're here for."

"What?" I stopped walking before we reached the group of people. He took a deep breath and turned towards me. "Edward?"

"See that cliff over there?" He pointed and I turned around. "I tried jumping off of that cliff after David was arrested and my mom didn't believe me."

"You what?" I shouted.

"I didn't think there was a point to living anymore," He said sadly. "I didn't want anyone in Forks to ever see me again so that's why I came here. I just wanted to die and that be it."

"Edward," I cried as I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and hugged him. He held my waist and eventually pulled back.

He smiled at me. "I didn't jump. Someone who lives here found me and talked me down. They took me to the hospital and stayed with me until I was off suicide watch," He explained. "And they've been checking up on me every day ever since. I get a call once a day from them."

I stared at him. "Why haven't you ever said anything about them?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just wanted the one good thing in my life to be a secret so no one could try and take them away from me."

"Edward,"

"Well," He stopped. "They were the only good thing in my life…until you."

And…swoon.

"Anyways, they're having a party tonight and I wanted to bring you to get your mind off of everything," He said. "Plus, I want them to meet the mother of my child."

We still hadn't come to a real agreement of what we were going to June when he arrived.

I walked with him over to the crowd of people. He looked around and waved at someone across the beach. Whoever he was waving to excused himself from the conversation he was having and jogged over to us.

"Edward!" The boy smiled as they gave each other a hug. "I'm glad you came. IT's been a while. Aunt Sue was about to just show up at your house."

Edward laughed. "I've been a little busy."

"I'm sure," He said as he looked at me. "Hi. I'm Jake."

"Bella," I introduced. "Thanks for letting me crash."

Jake shrugged. "Whoever is important to Edward is important to us."

Edward rolled his eyes and I smiled at Jake's words. Someone did care about Edward…he just didn't realize it yet. "Jake was the person who talked me down off the cliff."

"Really?" I asked.

He nodded sadly. "I live right over there. When I came home from school, I looked up and saw someone standing at the edge. People from around here do cliff jump…but not from where he was standing." He explained. "I called 911 and I've never run so fast in my entire life."

"I'm glad you were there," I sighed as I squeezed Edward's hand.

He nodded. "Well, this is a party which means no more talking about sad things."

"Deal," I giggled.

"Let's get you guys some food," Jake turned and headed over to where the grill was. He filled our plates up and we sat down at a picnic table with a few other people. They all greeted Edward warmly and some even hugged him. As we were eating, a young girl who looked a little bit older than us came and sat down with a girl who looked to be about four.

"Hey, Leah," Edward greeted and turned to look at the little girl. "Hi, Dakota."

"Edward!" She squealed, wiggled off of the girl's lap and ran around the table to hug Edward. My heart hurt as I watched him with the child because he was good with her. I had no doubt that one day he'd make a great father.

One day though.

"Come look at my sand castle!" She tugged at his arm.

"I'm with my friend," He looked over at me. The girl raised her eyebrows at me and I suddenly had a feeling that Edward didn't tell me about all of his girlfriends.

I laughed. "He's all yours," I encouraged and he promised he'd be back soon. I turned to Dakota's mother and smiled.

"I'm Leah," She smiled. "You must be Bella."

"How'd you know?" I asked.

She chuckled. "Because he won't shut about the beautiful girl with brown eyes."

"What?" I choked on the potato chip I'd just put in my mouth. "He talks about me?"

She nodded. "All the time. It's kind of annoying actually."

"It is?"

"Because we all got so used to the Edward who doesn't say anything," She smiled, but I knew she was just trying to be funny. I turned when I heard a child's laugh pierce through the air. Edward was holding Dakota by the wrists and was spinning her around in circles.

"Is that your niece?" I asked.

"Daughter." She said. "She'll be four in two months."

"She's beautiful," I smiled. "She looks just like you."

"Lucky for me," She sighed and I raised an eyebrow at her. "Dakota's dad walked out when I told him I was pregnant. He said I could handle everything on my own."

"Oh. I'm…sorry."

She shrugged. "I told him I wasn't going to have an abortion, which was his only solution to the problem."

"The problem?"

She nodded. "That's what he called Dakota before he eventually left me. He knew for two weeks before skipping town."

"How old were you when she was born?"

"Seventeen," She sighed. "Sam was older. He was the tribe's bad boy. And not in the way Edward pretends to be the bad boy."

I nodded. "Did you ever consider adoption?" This was the first person I'd actually talked to who had been through a teenage pregnancy. She was probably the only person who would have an inkling of an idea how scared and desperate I was.

"I did," She admitted. "My mom convinced me to keep her."

"Do you…" How could even ask this question? "Ever regret it?"

"Keeping her?" She asked. She shook her head no. "I love my daughter. She's my entire world. But it's been really…really hard Financially. Emotionally. Physically even. Being a mom isn't a cakewalk."

I sighed. "I know it's going to be hard. It being hard…that's not the reason…"

"It's okay if that the reason you want to give your baby up for adoption," she said. "It's a full-time job. And it's not like any other job you'll ever have. It's okay that you're not ready."

"Edward thinks he's ready."

"He's not," She argued. "He wants to prove everyone wrong and give his son the chance he didn't have."

I nodded. "I know."

"He loves my daughter," We both looked back over at them. "He's her best friend. He's great with her, but I don't think he's ready to be a dad. And that's okay. You two are so young."

I felt tears prickling in my eyes. "I know he wants to keep the baby and be super dad. And I want to believe that we can take care of him. But…I don't want Edward to want to keep him just to prove everyone wrong."

"Mama!" Dakota called. "Look!" I turned around and laughed when I saw Edward sitting in the sand and completely covered in it. With the shovel in her hands, it looked like she was trying to bury him in the sand. He was just going along with it and was laughing more than I'd ever seen him.

I smiled. "He looks so…happy."

"He's been through a lot," Another lady mused as she sat next to Leah. "This is where he comes and he can just be free of that." She turned and smiled at me. "I'm Sue. Leah's mom."

"Hi, I'm…"

"Bella," She finished. "I know."

"Wow, everyone seems to know me around here," I laughed trying not to feel uncomfortable.

The two exchanged glances. "He's in love with you, Bella."

"What?" I asked, shaking my head. "No, he's not. We're friends…we're having a baby. That's it."

"He's in love with you, Bella," Leah repeated. I just stared at her. "He talks about you all the time and he's so scared of losing you."

"Losing me?" I asked. "Why would he lose you?"

"He thinks once you have the baby and give him up…then the connection you two have will be lost," Sue chimed in. Another reason he wanted to keep the baby that he'd kept from me.

"We're always going to be connected," I told them.

Leah sighed. "But he knows…or at least he thinks it'll never be the same."

"I consider him to be my best friend," I shrugged.

"He's afraid to get hurt," Leah said. "That's why he hasn't said anything. He's afraid to be vulnerable and get hurt again."

"Again?"

"He was vulnerable when he told his mom what had been going on with that monster," Sue said sadly. "And she tossed him to the curb. If he doesn't say anything and keeps it all bottled up, then no one can hurt him. He can keep his heart locked in its steel cage and nothing will break that."

"Please just…don't hurt him," Leah whispered as I turned around and saw him up out of the sand and dancing with Dakota. I thought about what Sue and Leah had told me and stood up and walked over to where they were dancing. I cleared my throat and Dakota stopped dancing and stared up at me. And then she glared at me.

"Can I steal him away for just one dance?" I asked and she crossed her arms over her chest. I looked up at Edward who was just laughing. "I promise I'll give him back."

She was about to argue when Leah came jogging over to us. "Okay, Kota. It's time to get something to eat."

"Mama, she's going to steal him away!" I heard her arguing as Leah pulled her away.

I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing as I saw her glaring at me. "I didn't know you were so popular with the…younger crowd."

"It's just Dakota," He admitted as he took my hand and pulled me closer to him. A group of guys were playing some instruments along the water and the song had just slowed down. We started swaying to the music and it felt so good to just…be in his arms. He felt safe.

"Thank you for bringing me," I whispered as we danced. He chuckled softly and stayed quiet. "I really like Leah."

He sighed. "She's the sister I never had…and didn't realize I wanted."

"She says you talk about me a lot," I laughed but he didn't find it quite as funny. He stiffed and when I looked up, his cheeks were pink.

"She's lying,"

"Okay," I nodded because I didn't want him getting angry at anyone tonight.

Once the sun began setting, the temperature dropped and Edward draped his leather jacket around my shoulders. Everyone settled around the fire and marshmallows were passed out for roasting. I loved listening to everyone talking to each other. This community was so different than Forks. Even the good people in Forks weren't this kind and generous to anyone. They had let me crash their party without batting an eyelash and they wouldn't let me just sit and listen. Every couple of seconds, someone was asking me a question.

And none of the questions had to deal with the baby or my pregnancy.

When I started falling asleep, Edward told everyone that is was time for us to head out. I hugged Leah like I'd known her forever and it had only been a few hours. While Edward was talking with Sue, I pulled Jake aside and thanked him for saving Edward's life four years ago. He told me that it was nothing and promised me he wasn't going anywhere. It was comforting knowing Edward did have people in his corner.

As Edward pulled into my driveway, I noticed my parents were still out.

"Want to come in?" I offered. He hesitated, but when I promised my parents would be out for a little longer, he unbuckled his seatbelt and followed me into the house. I grabbed two mugs from the cupboard and the milk from the fridge. I made us some hot chocolate and we sat quietly at the table together before he opened his mouth to say something.

"I was running on emotions that day," He said softly. "When I went to La Push."

"You don't have to explain," I sighed. "I get it."

He shook his head. "No, you don't." He played with the handle on the mug. "I didn't think my mom loved me anymore. I felt so alone. The room felt like it was closing in on me and I couldn't breathe. I decided to go for a run and I found myself at the beach."

"Edward, it's a thirty-minute drive from here,"

He laughed. "I eventually got on a bus. I had no idea where it was going but I wanted to go far away."

"You were running away," I said. He nodded.

"When the bus stopped, I didn't know where I was…but it looked familiar," He explained. "Then I saw the La Push beach sign and remembered my dad had brought me there a few times as a kid. And then…I saw the cliffs. I wanted it all to be over and that seemed like the easiest thing to do."

"Would you have gone through with it if Jake hadn't shown up?" I asked.

He stayed quiet for a long time. "Yeah. Probably."

"Have you tried it since?"

"No," He smiled. "I was glad when Jake found me because if this total stranger cared enough about me…then there was still a little bit of good in the world."

I felt tears in my eyes. "Yeah. I guess so."

"You cry too much," He joked as he tried to break the tension.

"Shut up," I threw a balled up napkin at him. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh," He smiled. "I forgot."

"I hate you!" I giggled.

"So, Swan."

"What, Masen?"

"You have a date to prom?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah. I've had so many guys asking me it's hard to choose."

"Do you want to go to prom?"

I shrugged. "I don't know if I want to spend more time with the people whose only mission in life is to make me miserable."

"What if you had a date?" He asked. "Would that change anything?"

I stared at him. "Edward Masen, are you asking me to prom?"

His eyes went big. "Maybe."

"If you are asking me…" I trailed off. "Then my answer would be yes. If you're not asking me then I'd rather sit at home in my PJ's and eat ice cream and watch cheesy movies about prom."

"I like option two better."

"Edward!" I yelled trying to sound annoyed but it wasn't working.

"I'm kidding!" He put his hands up. "Bella, do you want to go to prom with me?" He asked, looking like a sad puppy. Afraid I'd say no.

"I already said yes, you moron," I giggled as he stood up and wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Good. I wouldn't want you missing your senior prom."

"Do you actually want to go to prom?" I asked. Edward had never shown up to any school dance…or function for that matter. He only came to the football games to get himself into trouble.

He shrugged. "No," At least he was honest. "But _you_ do."


	24. Something's Bout to Break

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Something's Bout to Break**

* * *

 **May 5, 2018**

"You don't look so good," Alice commented when she got to the house Saturday morning. "Bella, are you okay?"

I shook my head. "I've been feeling sick since the middle of the night."

"You up for dress shopping still?"

I sighed. "No."

She bit her lip and stared at me. "Do you really not feel good or are you just trying to get out of shopping."

"What?"

"This isn't the senior prom you've been imagining in your head."

"So?"

She shrugged. "I know you've had a rough year. But it's still your senior prom and you deserve to enjoy yourself just like everyone else.

"I honestly don't feel good, Alice," I promised. "I threw up at like four in the morning and I've been feeling nauseous ever since."

She looked at me sadly. "You want to reschedule dress shopping then?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "Because you're right. This year has sucked and I deserve to have fun with Edward and Angela and Ben no matter what Jess and Lauren think."

She smiled and patted my head. "Exactly. I'm glad you finally realize that."

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes. "You can go home."

"What? No. You're sick."

I smiled. "I appreciate you wanting to stay with me, but I'll be fine. I was going to drink some tea and then read a little bit."

"But I want to take care of you," She pouted. My parents were in Seattle for some work thing my mom had. Dad wanted to stay home with me, but I knew my mom would be pissed if he didn't go with her. I insisted that I'd be okay and Alice was only forty-five minutes away. If Alice actually left, I would have the house to myself which I was looking forward to.

"I'm fine, Alice," I assured her. "Go spend time with Jasper. I know you guys haven't seen a lot of each other lately."

Between their demanding jobs and Alice wanting to spend time with me, they hadn't seen each other very much in the last month. I knew Alice wanted to stay and be the superhero big sister, but I also knew how important it was for the two of them to spend time with each other. Plus, I had Edward if I ended up getting a lot sicker than I already was. I would be taken care of.

She reluctantly nodded. "If anything happens, call me. I'll drive back here."

"Okay," I agreed. "But really, I'm fine."

She stayed long enough to make me a cup of tea and some toast if I felt like eating. After she was gone, I finished drinking my tea and laid back down to get a little more sleep. But it was pointless since I ended up running to the bathroom to throw up after I'd eaten the toast. Edward offered to come to see me on his break at work, but I told him I was okay.

And I knew if he got me and saw me, he wouldn't go back to work and he needed the money more than I needed him here with me.

Around lunchtime, the nausea had subsided and I was able to hold down some toast. I texted Alice telling her I was feeling better and she told me she'd take me dress shopping next week. Since I was feeling better and could sit up for more than five minutes, I decided to try and get some homework done. I knew the baby wasn't coming for another month or so, but I had asked my teachers to give me work so I could work ahead just in case.

When I sat down, I felt a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. It lasted for a few seconds and then went away as quickly as it had come on. I figured it was a cramp or something so I continued doing my homework. Twenty minutes later, it happened again and then forty minutes after that, it happened again. The pains were getting stronger and I was wondering if I was in preterm labor. I panicked and googled what contractions felt like and what I was feeling didn't match the description.

Plus, real contractions would be closer together and not quite as irregular.

I tried focusing on school work, but the pain was starting to become unbearable. I had tears in my eyes as I reached for my phone and dialed Edward's number. It went straight to voicemail and when I looked at the clock I realized his break was over. I really didn't want to bother him by calling the store, but I was scared and alone. I found Newton's number on Google and called the store.

"Newton's Sports and Camping," Edward answered. "This is Edward how can I help you?"

"Edward," I cried.

"Bella? What's wrong?" He asked. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

Great. I made him mad. "I keep having these really sharp pains in my lower abdomen," I explained.

"Shit are you in labor?"

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "I don't know. But it hurts and I told Alice to leave and I'm alone. And I'm scared."

"I'm coming to get you. We'll go to the hospital."

"The hospital?"

He sighed. "Yeah. It's Saturday and Port Angeles is too far away. We're going to the hospital," He said and hung up. I assumed he was on his way so I quickly changed into a pair of yoga pants and one of Edward's t-shirts. I made my way downstairs and sat on the couch as I waited for him. When he got to the house, he used the extra key we kept in the flower pot to let himself in.

When I saw him, I burst into tears.

"Shit," He whispered as he came and sat down next to me. "Are they getting worse?"

"No. I don't know why I'm crying," I said and he hugged me until there was another sharp pain. "We should go."

He helped me off the couch and led me to his truck. He boosted me inside and grabbed my hand when he got in himself. We drove the twenty minutes to the hospital in silence, but he never let go of my hand. When we got to the hospital we didn't really know where to go so we decided to go to the ER.

When we told the nurse at the desk what was going on, she called someone from Labor and Delivery to come to get me in a wheelchair. She told me it wasn't anything to panic about but they would take better care of me up there than they would in the ER. They got me situated in an exam room and I changed into a gown. Edward paced back and forth as I twiddled my thumbs while we waited for the doctor.

When the door swung open I had another sharp pain.

"Hi, Bella. I'm Dr. Almaraz," She smiled at me. "What's going on?"

"I've been having sharp pains right here," I pointed to where the pains were. "For like an hour or so. Am I in labor? It's too early"

"Take a deep breath," She said and breathed with me. She turned to Edward. "Are you the father?"

He nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"It's good that you brought her in," She said. "I think it's just Braxton hicks contractions, but we're going to do an exam just to be sure."

"How do you know the difference?"

"I'll do an exam to see if you've started to dilate and then we'll keep you here for a little bit to see if your water breaks," She said. "If neither of those things occurs then it's safe to send you home until you're baby is ready to make his appearance."

"Okay," I nodded. She put me in the stirrups and did an exam. She told me I wasn't dilated at all yet so that was a good sign. While we waited to see if my water broke, an Ultrasound technician came in to check on the baby just to make sure he was still doing well.

After a long and agonizing ninety minutes, Dr. Almaraz came back in with a smile on her face.

"These were just Braxton Hicks contractions," She said. "It's totally normal and they're just preparing you for when you have the baby."

"Okay,"

"They might happen again during the course of your last four weeks."

I stared at her. "How will I know the difference between these and real contractions?"

"Real contractions will be a lot more painful and they'll come at regular increments," She explained. "And if your water breaks then that's another good indication of real labor."

"Super," I mumbled. These really hurt so I couldn't imagine anything hurting any more than these stupid things did.

"Have you and your doctor talked about your labor plan?" She asked and I nodded. "Good. Well, I'm not sure if this is something she's mentioned yet but when your contractions are about four minutes apart is when you should head to the hospital."

"Okay."

"We usually don't admit expecting mothers until then," She explained. "Do you have any more questions?"

"These things aren't hurting the baby, are they?" Edward asked and she gave him a gentle smile.

"I promise you, your baby boy is doing very well. Perfectly healthy."

After she told us a little bit more about when I really go into labor, I was discharged and Edward took me to the diner to grab something to eat. He could tell I was still feeling uneasy so he did his best to distract me. He drew me a picture on one of the napkins and I tucked it carefully into my wallet. When we were finished, we drove to the park to take a walk since the doctor light exorcises was a good idea.

While we walked I couldn't help but remember the last time we were here. We had almost kissed and ruined our perfectly good friendship and Emmett beat the crap out of him. I had wanted to ask him about the almost kiss since it happened, but I was too shy and embarrassed so I kept my mouth shut.

When we got home, he brought a bunch of stuff up to my room to keep me occupied and distracted. He brought snacks, drinks, and he even tried to bring the TV up. I stopped him there and insisted that my laptop was fine and he quit trying.

"You sure you're good?" He asked as he got up and put his shoes on.

I looked around the room and then back at him. "My parents won't be home until tomorrow night."

"Oh, "He sighed. "I mean you can call me if you need me. I'll come."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay with me?" I asked quietly. He stared at me for a moment and then nodded.

"Where are your blankets?" He asked. "I'll make a bed on the floor."

"They're in the hall closet," I told him. "But you don't have to sleep on the floor."

"Really?" I nodded. "You sure?"

"Absolutely sure." He pulled his jeans off so he could be comfortable and then went to my bathroom to brush his teeth. It had been such a long day that I was almost asleep by the time he slipped into bed.

Instinct kicked in and I snuggled close to him. He wrapped his arm around me and settled his hand on my huge stomach. The baby kicked as soon as he put his hand there and I smiled. He knew his daddy was close. I bit my lip and tried not to cry. This is how I always imagined it would be like when I got pregnant for the first time. I dreamed of being held by the man I loved and being a family.

"Goodnight," He whispered as he propped himself up and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I smiled and snuggled even closer to him. "Night."

* * *

 **May 12, 2015—7:00 a.m.**

"Bella?" I heard my dad's voice whisper and he gently shook me. "Sweetie, you have to get up."

I groaned. "I don't wanna go."

"You have you AP tests coming up," He sighed. I knew he wouldn't mind if I missed a day at this stage in my pregnancy, but mom would kill him for letting me miss.

I had to go and we both knew I didn't have a choice.

I huffed and puffed as I got out of bed. I went into my bathroom and slammed the door. I was cranky today. I didn't get much sleep last night because the baby had been jumping up and down on my bladder. It got to the point where I considered just falling asleep in the bathroom so I wouldn't have to keep getting out of bed.

As I finished washing my face, I felt a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. It was so much worse than the one I'd had Saturday afternoon. I breathed through the pain and once it passed I brushed my teeth and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I didn't even bother with makeup anymore. I was too exhausted and it wasn't like I was trying to impress anyone anymore.

I got dressed in a pair of yoga pants and one of the cuter maternity shirts Alice had bought me. Just because I wasn't trying to impress anyone didn't mean I had to look like a complete slob. I went down to eat breakfast and thanked my dad for making me a smoothie as well as we as a bagel with strawberry jam.

I had just finished eating when Edward texted me that he was here. I grabbed my things, kissed my dad on the cheek and walked out to the truck. Edward helped me in and I knew he could tell I was in a bad mood.

We didn't say anything to each other on the way to school.

When we got there, he helped me out but ended up dumping my backpack on the ground. Since I was in such a bad mood that really pissed me off and I ended up screaming at him.

"Thank you so much for your help," I snapped at him as he bent down to pick up what had fallen out.

He shoved my backpack in my hands. "What's your problem?"

"You're the one that can't even get a bag out of the car without dropping it!"

"It was an accident, Bella."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

"I'm going inside," He said and walked away. Angela walked up to me but I gave her a look that told her not to even bother asking what was wrong. We were just about to get inside when I felt the pain in my stomach. I stepped aside so I could breathe and she looked alarmed.

"You okay?"

I nodded. "Braxton Hicks contractions," I explained. "I had them on Saturday too."

"Should I go get Edward?"

I sighed. "Ugh. No. I don't wanna deal with him right now."

"But if you're in labor…"

"I'm not!" I screamed causing everyone to look at me. Angela looked hurt. "Shit, I'm sorry. I don't think I'm in labor. I had a contraction when I woke up but that was almost an hour ago."

"You sure?"

"The doctor said I'd know if I was in actual labor," I shrugged. "I promise if I feel like I'm in labor I'll tell you and Edward."

"Okay."

"Plus, I've still got like a month to go."

She nodded, but still looked unconvinced. "You promise you'll tell me?"

I laughed. "Yes! I'll tell you."

Edward and I still didn't really speak to each other for the rest of the day. We sat silently at lunch and it almost felt like when we first found out I was pregnant. We'd come such a long way and I didn't know why I was jeopardizing everything we had because I was cranky.

But I was eight months pregnant and he got me pregnant. Jasper told me his mom was cranky during her entire pregnancy. She was constantly yelling at his dad and blaming her for getting her pregnant. And they were married and planned on getting pregnant. I was a little surprised I hadn't been more cranky and angry at him.

But we were all each other had. It was simple.

After lunch, my contractions got more painful. I walked into my fifth-period class and told myself I just needed to get through the rest of the day and then I would tell Edward. I couldn't be the pregnant girl who went into labor during English class. I would never live it down. I managed to get through English and my elective before the contractions were almost unbearable. I was a decent actress and no one in my next class paid attention to me anymore.

I just needed to get to my eighth-period study hall.

I was pretty certain I was actually in labor this time.

"Hey," Edward caught up to me at my locker as I switched books. "Look, I'm sorry for dropping your stuff this morning."

I sniffled. He didn't need to apologize. "It's okay. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"You're about to have a baby," He reminded me as he subconsciously rested his hand on my stomach. "You're allowed to be cranky."

"Really?"

He laughed. "You can be as cranky as you want for the next few weeks."

"Promise?"

"Yes," He nodded as he extended his hand for a handshake. I shook my head as his weirdness and shook his hand. Then he pulled me into a hug. "But as soon as the baby comes out you have to be nice to me."

"We'll see about that."

"I'll eat all the peanut butter," He threatened. Peanut butter had been my guilty pleasure during my entire pregnancy. I faked gasped as the warning bell rang. "We should just skip."

"Edward,"

"It's the end of the year," He rolled his eyes. "How much more could they teach us."

"I have to get to class," I told him as another contraction hit. I gasped and gripped his hand.

This alarmed him.

"Bella?" He asked.

I breathed until it passed. "Braxton Hicks."

"You sure? It looked like it hurt."

"The baby has been kicking me hard all day," I lied. I just needed to get through APUSH. "I have to go."

"Bella!" He called as I turned and practically ran away from him.

My contractions were getting closer and closer together. I kept a close eye on my watch after my hallway contraction ended. Mom said her labor progressed pretty quickly towards the end and my doctor said when they were about four minutes apart I should head to the hospital.

The hospital was forty-five minutes away so we would need to drive quickly once class was over.

Fifteen minutes into class and I felt the same pain in my lower abdomen. I tried to breathe through the pain, but I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"No," I whispered. I didn't want to be in labor. This was too much. I wasn't ready and I was still three weeks away from my due date. "Oooo,"

"Ms. Swan?" My teacher asked. "You okay back there?"

"Yes, ma'am," I lied. Ten minutes later…another contraction.

"Bella?" Angela asked. "You okay?"

She knew I was in labor. She was good like that. I saw her biting the corner of her lip as she argued with herself about whether or not to tell our teacher what was going on. I hoped she just kept her mouth shut and let me figure this out for myself.

"Yeah," I lied.

I tried focusing on the lecture, but I just couldn't anymore.

"Ouch!" I yelped, eight minutes after the last one started.

"She's probably in labor," Lauren whispered behind me.

I was going to have this baby today whether I was ready or not.

He was coming.


	25. We'll Be Everything I Want Us to Be

**Chapter Twenty-Five: We'll Be Everything I Want Us to Be**

* * *

 **May 15, 2018—9:30 a.m.**

"Bella, I need to talk to you," Edward said seriously. I braced myself for him to tell me that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I mean he'd come to terms with the adoption but I was still sure he hated me for considering adoption in the first place.

"Okay," I needed. I needed to be brave. I just needed to get through this last month of school and then I could go to California and leave this place behind. Leave Edward behind.

He was shaking. "Never mind."

"What, Edward?"

"No, we should just go," He said as he went over to grab my duffle bag. The stuffed elephant was sticking out of the top and he smiled as he picked it up. "I can't believe you brought this."

I didn't know why he was so hung up over the stuffed animal. "You tried so hard to win that for me," I smiled. "I still kind of don't even understand why I brought it here either."

"We need to talk," He repeated.

I nodded. "I'm listening."

"This is it," He whispered but I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear him so I didn't question it. "It's okay that we gave him up for adoption."

"I know this has been difficult but it really is the best choice for everyone," I nodded in agreement. "And with time…"

"It's okay because…" He looked so scared. "We can have another baby."

"What?"

"When we're older and ready financially and emotionally…"

"What?" I asked again.

He sighed. "Another baby would never be a replacement for Alex but we can have another chance."

"Another chance for what?"

"To be a family."

I stared at him with my mouth wide open. What the hell was he talking about? I wasn't even ready to think about going to school in a few days let alone my possible future children. And the thought of starting a family with him made me have butterflies in my stomach because that sounded incredible.

But it also scared the shit out of me.

"Edward…"

"It wouldn't be right away."

I shook my head. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. "You're crazy."

"I'm in love with you," He said. My eyes filled with tears as he admitted his feelings. He looked so vulnerable and scared and I was paralyzed. "I'm in love with you, Bella."

"Edward,"

"I don't know when exactly I fell in love with you but I've been holding this in for a long time," He told me. "And I get it."

"Get what?"

"That maybe the idea of starting a family together is just a fantasy and it'll never happen," He looked down at the floor. "Because you're perfect and have your entire life planned and I don't exactly fit into that life."

"Yes, you do," I assured him. "You fit right in."

"And I know I'm just the white trash that this town loves to pick on," He wasn't really listening to me. And he definitely wasn't trash. "But I couldn't keep it in any longer."

"Edward…"

"Anyway, we should probably get going if we want to…"

"Edward!" I cut him off and finally got his attention. He looked up at me with those big green eyes and I bit my lip. I was frozen but I needed to tell him. "I love you too."

"What?" It was his turn to be confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I love you, Edward," I smiled as a tear streamed down my cheek. "I fell in love with you back in December when you let me crash at your house when my parents found out I was pregnant."

"That was so long ago."

"You took care of me that night," I smiled. "You had so much to deal with but you made sure I was fed and I had somewhere to sleep and that I felt okay. You made me feel not so alone in this town."

"Bella, I didn't do much."

"You made me smile even though it felt like my life was over," I had to make sure he knew why I loved him. He deserved to be loved. And I loved him so much. "You beat people up when they harassed me and drew pictures for me to make me feel better."

"It was the right thing to do."

"And you…" I took a deep breath. "You loved me back without realizing it."

"Bella,"

"You did the best thing for our son yesterday, Edward. You gave him his best shot in life and I love you for that," I laughed. "I love you for so many reasons."

"Bella!" It was his time to get my attention. "Would you just shut up so I can kiss you."

"Don't tell me what to do," I smiled as he walked over to me and cupped my face with his hands. He smiled as he leaned and pressed his lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held onto him for dear life.

"I love you," He whispered as he broke the kiss. "I fucking love you, Bella."

"We're going to be okay," I promised. "I don't know how this is going to work now, but we're going to be okay. Just the two of us."

He nodded. "We're a team."

"You and me, Masen."

"You and me, Swan," He agreed as he leaned down and kissed me again.

Before we could say anything else, there was a knock on my door. An orderly came with a wheelchair and I burst into tears at the thought of really leaving the hospital. I didn't even think about how I would feel going into the hospital with a baby in my tummy and then leaving without one. Edward held my hand as the man wheeled me downstairs and out to Edward's truck.

Edward threw my things into the back and jumped into the driver's seat. He drove to park the car again and turned to me and pressed his lips to mine.

I had been so worried about getting Edward to agree to the adoption I didn't think about how I would be feeling once we left without him.

Without our son.

"I miss him," I cried as Edward held me. He didn't say anything. He understood. He just let me cry and tried to be the brave boyfriend for me. But I could feel him shaking too and I knew this was hard on him too.

After calming down, I asked him to take me home. I just wanted to crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep. When we got home, my dad's car was in the driveway which was weird since he was supposed to be at work. When we walked inside, he gave me a sad smile.

"I couldn't go to work knowing how upset you'd be when you got home," He said softly and I burst into tears again. I ran into his arms and he hugged me tightly. I felt so safe in his arms. It was a different safe than when I felt with Edward.

"I didn't even think about the after," I explained as the three of us sat at the kitchen table with some coffee. "Which was probably stupid."

"You had a lot going on, Bella," Edward whispered as he grabbed my hand. Dad flinched at first but then he kind of smiled. I had a feeling he knew how we felt about each other before we did. He was good like that. It was the cop in him. "With school and your mom breathing down your neck…"

"Where is mom?" I asked. I knew the answer but I needed to be told.

"Work," Dad sighed. "I told her to stay home but she said there was work that needed to be done."

I nodded. I knew work would be more important to her right now. "Okay."

"Bella," Edward whispered.

"I'm going to take a nap," I said as I stood up. I left the two men I loved most in this world alone in the kitchen and ran up to my bedroom. I bit my lip as I changed into a clean pair of PJ's and laid down on my bed.

I just wanted this day to be over.

When I woke up an hour later, Edward was still at my house. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a sketchbook and a few pencils. He was hard at work so I just sat down next to him and watched him draw. He was so talented.

"Hi," I whispered.

He smiled and dropped his pencil. "Did you have a good nap?"

"I feel a lot better."

"You hungry?"

I shook my head. "Where's my dad?"

"There was an emergency at the station. He said someone's papers got mixed up so he had to go," He explained. "I promised to take care of you."

"What'd you two talk about while I slept?"

"I told him that I was in love with you and had no intentions of letting you go," He said. "He wasn't thrilled but told me he had a feeling it would happen eventually."

"Really?" I couldn't believe he'd admitted it.

Edward smiled. "He said it was a mix of cop's and father's intuition."

After he forced me to eat a piece of fruit, we cuddled up on the couch together. We put an episode of _Friends_ on to try and distract us, but it wasn't working. I started thinking about the last season of my favorite show and wondered how Erica felt after she left the hospital without her twins. I wondered if it was difficult watching Chandler and Monica take them home even though she knew it was the best thing for them. Even though she knew they would be loved and taken care of.

And then I realized I was crazy because _Friends_ was a sitcom and not real life.

That night I begged Edward to stay with me. I didn't want to be alone but my parents would never let him stay over. And they definitely wouldn't let him sleep in my bed with me. We stood at his truck after the sun had gone down and tried putting off him leaving as long as we could.

"Are you going to school this week?" He asked softly as he rested his chin on the top of my head.

I shrugged. "I kind of have to. AP tests are this week."

"You don't have to take them."

I smiled. I knew he was just trying to help because I was too damn upset to think about going to school, but I didn't give my son up for adoption so I could not do my school work. I had to make him proud and I had to prove that everyone was better because of the adoption.

"I have to," I assured him. "For Alex. If I let my schoolwork fall apart now then giving him up for adoption was pointless."

"I get that," He nodded. "Maybe we could go to La Push tomorrow. It'll be quiet and a nice place for you to study without your mom breathing down your neck and your dad tip-toeing around you."

I squeezed him tighter. "Yeah. That would be nice."

"Plus I know Leah is dying to see you," He said. "She's been asking me if she could come to the hospital but I told her we'd come to her."

"I'm sure your girlfriend misses you," I giggled.

"My girlfriend?"

"Dakota."

"Oh," He chuckled. "Right."

"She might kill me, you know."

"Dakota?" He asked and I nodded as I lifted my head to look up at him. "I think you could take her."

"You should go," I told him as I turned to see my dad standing in the doorway staring at us. "I need to talk to him. He may have seen it coming but…he's still processing it."

"I'll see you tomorrow," He cupped my face and gently kissed me. He was so careful and loving with the way he touched me. I loved that about him. I watched as he got in his truck and didn't go inside until he turned off my street. I walked inside where my father had milk and Oreo's waiting for me at the kitchen table.

"Are you trying to butter me up?" I asked. We always had milk and cookies together when we needed to have a tough conversation. We'd done it when he told me my grandmother had died and when Alice told me she was going away for college. It's how I planned on telling him about the baby before everything blew up in our faces.

He laughed. "No. But milk and cookies are always a good snack."

"Very true," I laughed as we sat down. I grabbed a cookie and dunked it in my milk. And he just watched me and I was letting him start the conversation. This was about him at the moment.

"So," He sighed and he looked uncomfortable. "You and Edward?"

I nodded. "I love him, dad."

"Is he good for you?" He asked. "I'm not saying he isn't good enough for you…but he's got a record, Bella."

"He's been through more in the last few years than most grown adults," I reminded him. "I know he has a troubled past and he's dealing with some really awful shit right now. But we're good for each other."

"I just think…"

"When was the last time you caught him doing something illegal?" I asked. "Or had to drive him home in your cruiser because he was causing trouble."

"It's been a while," He said. "About…seven months."

"Do you think that's just random?" I asked.

"Okay, you're good for him," He agreed. "But how is he good for you?"

"I can't explain it, dad."

"You love him?"

"I do," I couldn't help but smile. "He didn't have to support me through this whole thing. He didn't have to tell me about what happened sophomore **year and he didn't have to introduce me to his friends at La Push. But he did. He made me feel special. Dad, he made me feel seen. I didn't feel invisible when we were together."**

"You're too young for this."

"I'm almost nineteen," I pointed out. "And I know it isn't normal but some people find the love of their life at a young age."

"Love of your life?" He asked as his eyes bugged out of his head. This was difficult for him.

I nodded. "Sometimes you just know."

"And he loves you?" He asked and I knew we'd have another talk about Edward being the love of my life later. He needed to talk about one thing at a time.

"He does," I promised. "And before you go pointing out the facts about the night I got pregnant…" I trailed off and smiled. Edward and I had come a long way since then it was crazy to think about the time I couldn't stand him. "I pursued him. I…made it easy for him to say yes."

"I just don't want you committing to him just because you've been through a lot together."

"You're right. We've been through a lot these last seven months. But we're…better off than we were when slept together," I said. "And I know that doesn't make sense but it's true. Dad, Edward wants to get out of that house he shares with his mom. He wants to start fresh and he wants me to be part of that."

"You've really grown up, Bells," Dad smiled as he took a bite of cookies. "Almost makes me rethink the decision to have milk and cookies for this conversation."

"Silly, dad," I giggled. "I'll never be too old to have milk and cookies with my dad."

He bit his lip and then I saw a tear stream down his cheek. "I'm really proud of you, Bella."

"Dad…"

"I know how much you love your son," He whispered. "I know because I've been there. When I first laid eyes on you and your sister I fell madly in love. And that love has only gotten stronger as I watched you two grow."

"We know you love us," I assured him.

"And I know it couldn't have been easy to let him go no matter how much you trust the Cullen's," He said. "And I'm really proud of the woman you've become through this entire experience."

I smiled. "I couldn't have done it without you and Alice, dad."

"You and your sister will always be number one. My pride and joy."

There was something about hearing that I was still his pride and joy after I embarrassed him like I did. He was way better at handling the pregnancy than my mom was and he wasn't ashamed of me. I knew that. But I know I embarrassed him even though he would deny it if someone accused him of that.

"I love you, dad."

He leaned in and wrapped his arms around me. "I love you too, Bells."

* * *

The next morning, Edward picked me up bright and early to head over to the beach. Sue was waiting for us on their front porch and I saw Jake and Leah through the window. When we walked up to Sue she wrapped her arms around me until I could barely breathe. She was giving me the motherly hug I had been craving for four days and I couldn't help it when I felt tears streaming down my cheek.

Sue held me while I cried and Edward went inside to give us a moment. She cradled my head and rubbed my back and just stood there with me while I let all of my emotions out.

"I'm okay," I said as I pulled away from her. "Thank you."

"No one said it was going to be easy," She smiled. "But you've got people who love you. You are going to get through this," She promised as we both looked inside and saw Edward and Jake laughing together while Leah and Dakota sat on the couch. "You both are."

I nodded taking in her words of wisdom. "Thanks for letting us come over."

"You're always welcome. Even if Edward doesn't come with you," She ushered me inside. Edward turned his head and gave me a big smile and reached for me. I took his hand and allowed him to pull me into a hug. He kissed the top of my head and I didn't miss the smirks on Jake's and Leah's faces.

We talked for a few minutes before Sue announced breakfast was ready. We took the food onto the small back porch and for once the topic of conversation wasn't about us or the baby or adoption. There wasn't a dark cloud looming above us anymore. We were able to just act like two normal teenagers who loved each other.

I had missed this.

"When did you two get your heads out of your asses and come clean?" Jake asked after Dakota had gone inside for a nap a few hours after we ate. Sue smacked the back of his head. "Hey! It's a good question!"

"It's none of your business," She scolded. "And don't be so crude, Jacob."

"Yesterday," Edward told him as he grabbed my hand.

Jake smiled from ear to ear. "Thank god. I wasn't sure how much longer we could take being lied to."

"I never lied to you."

"You were always saying there wasn't anything going on," Jake grinned. "Ergo you lied to us."

"There wasn't anything going on," I assured him. "We just…"

"The timing was right, okay?" Edward asked. "Now just drop it."

"Okay," Jake was still grinning but we changed the subject. I studied on the porch as Edward and Jake threw a football around down on the beach. Leah sat across from me with Dakota by her side who was coloring in a princess book. Sue was in the kitchen preparing a snack for us.

This just all felt so…right.

When I needed a study break, I put my books back in my bag and ran down to the beach. Edward dropped the football and picked me up of the ground when I reached him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and leaned down to kiss him.

God, he was a good kisser.

"I'm gonna go…" Jake trailed off but we paid no attention to him. "Anywhere but here."

We didn't let up for a few minutes but Edward eventually put me back on my feet. We turned to look at the water and Edward wrapped his arms around my chest and I leaned my head back to rest on his chest. I sighed in contentment.

"I love it here," I mused. "Can we come here more often?"

"We can come as much as you'd like," He promised as he kissed my hair. "I think they like you more than me."

"That's not possible," I giggled as I turned around and put my arms around his neck. "You're their favorite."

"Then you're their second favorite," He smiled placing a kiss on my nose. "But you're my favorite."

"Even better."

"What do you think is going to happen at school tomorrow?" He asked. He sounded weird…fearful.

"Why?" I asked. "Are you worried?"

He shrugged. "I mean I don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks but I know you do."

"No, I don't."

"It's okay that you do," He said. "It's normal."

"I don't giving a flying fuck if they stare or whisper or start rumors about us," I hugged him tighter. "Let them talk. We love each other and that's all I care about."

"Really?"

"The only person whose opinion I care about is Angela's because I know her opinion comes from a good place," I said. "And I think she's known how we feel about each other for a while. She's probably expecting it."

"Did everyone know how we felt before we did?" He grinned.

I nodded. "I think so," I bit my lip. "We've been a little preoccupied.

"True," He agreed as we looked back out at the horizon. "How do you think he's doing at his new home?"

"Alex?" I asked and he nodded. I thought about what they might be doing with him at this time of day. It was late in the afternoon and he was probably asleep. "I'm guessing they paid someone a lot of money to paint a mural on his nursery wall."

"Of what?"

I thought for a moment. "I remember Carlisle saying one of the things he and Esme had in common was their love for Safari animals. It was one of the first things that connected them."

"So…" Edward trailed off. "Like elephants?"

"And giraffes and lions and rhino's," I went on. "So I think they would have gone with a Safari mural."

"What do you think they're doing?"

"Alex is probably sleeping," I mused. "Or eating."

"Or pooping," He chuckled.

"They don't do much during the first few months," I told him. "Carlisle and Esme are either probably trying to sleep or shower. Especially if he's sleeping."

"They're good people," He nodded. "You did a good job."

"One day we'll be good parents," I said. "I have this feeling."

He sighed. "I hope so."

"I know so," I leaned up and kissed him.

One day couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

 _ **A** **N:** FINALLY right? Trust me I have been waiting for this chapter for as long as you guys have! Sadly, their story is coming to an end and there is only one last chapter before the epilogue (which is actually one of the first things I wrote). I hope you've enjoyed their journey as much as I have and can't wait for the next chapter! _

_Thanks, everyone!_


	26. We'll Make it Through

**Chapter Twenty-Six: We'll Make it Through**

* * *

 **One Month Later**

 **June 15, 2018**

"Look at this," I smiled as I showed Edward my phone. We were stopped at a red light with our caps and gowns in the backseat. He turned his head and laughed.

"He looks so much bigger," He whispered. Esme and Carlisle had gotten one-month pictures taken of Alex and had just got them back from the photographer. He did look bigger. Not much bigger but I could tell he'd grown a lot in only thirty days.

I smiled. "He looks like you."

"He is a handsome guy," Edward winked as the light turned green and he started driving.

It had been a difficult month. Between adjusting to not being pregnant, being a couple, and being without Alex we'd experienced a lot of different emotions. It was strange not being pregnant and not being responsible for another human being. I felt kind of lost without a baby to protect anymore. And not being able to wake up and cuddle our baby was difficult. More difficult than I ever imagined it would be. I cried myself to sleep for two and a half weeks after we left the hospital. I felt helpless, but knowing Edward was there made everything easier.

The transition from pregnant friends to a couple was easy. We knew everything about each other and the only real change was the physical aspect of our relationship. We were finally allowed to be ourselves when we were together and it was kind of freeing. I loved being able to hold his hand or kiss him without wondering what it would do to our friendship if I took it too far.

The school gossip mill was all over our relationship for the past month. People said he was with me so I could support him financially. Others said that we were trying to get pregnant again so we could play house. We mainly ignored everyone. We only had a month left and none of them were with it.

But when Tyler called me a slut a week ago, Edward lost it. He shoved him against the locker and threatened to kill him if he came anywhere near me again. I begged him to stop and he let him go before he got himself into trouble. I knew there was only a week left of school but I wanted to enjoy the last week with him.

Then Tyler told his parents Edward threatened him and they told the cops.

Dad handled it. Edward and my dad were slowly forming a trust between each other and they were starting to form a relationship. But, dad still had to do his job. Edward was put into an anger management class and had to attend eight court-mandated therapy sessions. Dad said it was the best he could do since everyone was lying and said Edward attacked Tyler unprovoked. Edward and I both understood and I thanked my dad.

Eleven months my dad probably would have tried putting Edward into jail.

When we got to the school, we met the other graduates in the cafeteria. We walked over to Angela and Ben and I extended a handshake to Ben. He was named Valedictorian a week ago which everyone thought I would get. Including Ben. Although I'd kept up with my school work while pregnant, I ended high school with a cumulative GPA of 3.95. Ben ended with a perfect 4.0. Mom went ballistic and it kind of sucked because I'd been the top of my class for four years.

But Ben was sweet about it. He told me I could give the speech I'd started writing the summer before senior year. I hugged him and told him that I didn't earn the rights to give a speech to a graduating class. He did. I was happy for him. He deserved this moment in the sun.

"Can you believe we're here?" Angela asked as we put our gowns on.

I shook my head and grabbed Edward's hand. "It's hard to believe we're actually done. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and Charlie's going to tell me it's time to get dressed for school."

"It's just a ceremony," Edward shrugged, but I knew him better than that. At the beginning of the year, he didn't think he would graduate and he was okay with that. But since we spent so much time together and I usually did homework when we were together, Edward put in just enough effort to bring his GPA up enough. He tried to act like it didn't matter, but it was a big deal to him.

"Well, I propose a toast!" Ben clapped his hands together.

Angela laugh. "We don't have anything to drink, babe."

"We'll get a drink from the water fountain then," He shrugged. "Anyway…to the graduating class of 2018! It was one hell of a year."

"And I'm glad it's over," Edward muttered.

"Here! Here!" I agreed as he pulled me to his side.

A few minutes later, one of our teachers was lining us up in ABC order. The worst part of graduation was I was forced to sit next to Jessica and endure listening to her cry about how high school was over.

Talk about dramatic.

It was a long ceremony. The superintended talked about the present for thirty minutes, the lady calling the names couldn't read and said most kids name wrong and the class president decided it was a good time to pull a dumb prank. The only good thing about graduation was Ben's speech. He subtly (or not so subtly) talked about going into the real world and becoming better people because of it. He reminded everyone that high school drama would be irrelevant in the world and it was our time to shine and not drag other's down to make us feel good about each other.

I had a lot of respect for Ben after his speech.

When everything was said and done, Edward and I met back up again and found my family in the crowd. I wished Jake, Sue, and Leah could have come but they had Dakota's dance recital that night. I hugged my dad tightly and couldn't help but smile when he hugged Edward too. Edward was shocked, but I knew it was something he had been craving since he was fourteen.

A grown man's approval.

"I liked Ben's speech a lot," Alice told me as we walked to the parking lot. We were all meeting at my house for a little celebration. "I think it put Lauren and Jess in their place."

"They didn't get it," I sighed. "At least Jess didn't. She kept saying the drama was what made high school fun."

Edward snickered. "How were you ever friends with them?"

"A lot of people showed their true colors this year," I glared at my mother who was walking ahead of us. "I guess I was just naïve before."

Edward squeezed my hand as we reached his truck. We said goodbye to my family and got into the truck. We took a detour to get to my house and made a pitstop at Edward's new apartment that was close to the school. It was a small, studio apartment but compared to his run-down house it felt like a palace. He'd gotten the keys before graduation and we were moving him in tomorrow.

He claims he told his mom he was leaving but I wasn't sure if I believed him.

She didn't deserve to know.

"This is all yours, baby," I whispered as we sat on the carpeted floor. He smiled and turned his head to kiss my cheek. "You earned this."

"It's small," He observed.

"You worked hard for this moment, Edward. It's about so much more than where you're living."

He nodded, trying to take everything in. "One day…I'll buy you a house."

"Really?"

"With a backyard, so our kids have somewhere to play," He continued. "And I'll hang up my drawings so we don't need to pay money for artwork."

"It sounds perfect."

He smiled. "And we can be the couple that holds family barbecues in the big backyard where our kids can play with their cousins. And your dad, Jasper, and I can grill while you and your sister drink wine and watch our kids play together."

"Sounds like a good life, Edward Masen."

"We'll get there."

"We will."

"I'll make sure you have everything you need. You and our kids will be taken care of."

I used my pointer finger to turn his head to look at me. I smiled and leaned in for a kiss. "I can't wait for our future."

"I love you," He whispered kissing me again.

"I love you too."

* * *

 **July 20, 2018**

"What'd you wish for, baby?" Leah asked after Dakota had blown out her candles. Dakota turned and squished her face at Leah. "What?"

"I can't tell you what I wished for," she explained. "Then my wish won't come true."

We all laughed. "You're so right. I'm sorry."

"Can we eat cake now?" She jumped up and down. Sue swiped the cake away from the four-year-old so she wouldn't stick her fingers in it again and started cutting the cake. She gave the birthday girl her piece and then everyone else at the party got some. Dakota's birthday party with her friends from preschool had been earlier this afternoon at some bounce place. It was just family at this one.

Dakota didn't care though because she got two cakes.

Edward and I took our cake to one of the picnic tables they set up on the beach and sat down. It felt like an eternity ago when he brought me here to try and cheer me up. That should have been one of my clues that he loved me. He said he didn't even bring Rosalie here and they'd been on and off for years.

And Leah and Sue telling me he loved me should have been my second clue.

I glance over at Dakota who's playing with one of the little boys from their neighborhood. She was laughing as they worked together to build a sandcastle. And then they started throwing sand at each other and Dakota ended up in a puddle of tears.

Edward winced as she cried.

"Adoption was the right choice," He mumbled.

"Oh?"

He nodded and rolled his eyes at me. "Look at Leah. She's exhausted and her kid is crying at her own birthday party."

"It takes more than love to raise a child."

"You've always known that huh?" He asked and I smiled. "We have enough love."

"We do."

"So, one day…"

I leaned in and kissed him. "One day."

We stayed at La Push until the fire died down and the air started to chill. It was the middle of July but it was still Forks. It was chilly once the sun went down.

"You coming back to my place?" Edward asked as we got closer to my house.

I sighed. "I promised my dad I'd sleep in my bed at least four times a week."

"You're almost nineteen."

"And when I go to college I'll spend the night at your place every night when I'm home," I assured him. We didn't discuss me moving to California in August. Neither of us could bear the thought of being apart so we were avoiding the conversation. It was something we did a lot so we'd need to work on that as our relationship grew.

But we just wanted to have a good summer together.

"I'm holding you to that promise," He laughed as he pulled onto my street. We both unbuckled our seatbelts and he walked me to the door like he always did. I had no idea Edward was such a gentleman, even after we got to know each other.

"Love you," I smiled as he held me. I pressed up and kissed him.

"I love you."

"And I love curfews," Dad laughed as he opened the door and promptly ruined our moment. I rolled my eyes, gave Edward one last kiss and then followed my dad inside the house.

He did the same thing when I was dating Emmett so I knew it wasn't because he disliked Edward.

"I'm an adult, dad," I sighed as I sat down on the couch. "When we get married are you going to pop up in random places and do that?"

"When you get married?" His eyes grew wide. "Did he propose?"

I stared at him. "We're eighteen years old and have been dating for two months."

"So? You've been through a lot."

"No, he didn't propose," I rolled my eyes. I looked around and something felt different. I couldn't smell what mom made for dinner, the kitchen was perfectly clean like when I left this afternoon and I had a weird feeling. "Dad? Where's mom?"

"We need to talk," He bit his lip and sat down next to me.

"Is she okay?"

"Your mom is fine," He promised.

I swallowed hard. "Then, where is she?"

"The bed and breakfast in town,"

"What? Why?"

He took a deep breath and grabbed my hand. "Bella…"

"Dad, what is going on?"

"Your mother and I are getting a divorce."

I couldn't breathe. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me. Divorced? They were happy. I mean they had their problems but every couple had problems. They weren't thinking clearly and they were making a rash decision.

Obviously.

"What?" I asked. "No, you're not."

He nodded. "We are, Bella. We're meeting with a lawyer this week."

"But…you're married."

"Bella…"

I cut him off. "You made vows, dad. Whatever is going on I'm sure you can figure it out."

"We've been trying to figure it out for months, honey. We're not happy."

"What issues?"

"Bella, it has nothing to do with you."

"Tell me the truth, dad!" I screamed as my eyes filled with tears. "What happened?"

He closed his eyes. He didn't want me to know. "Your pregnancy brought out an ugly side in your mother."

"It's my fault?"

"No!" He exclaimed. "No, this isn't your fault."

"It was my pregnancy…"

"Bella, this isn't your fault," He repeats but there are so many thoughts going on in my head. My parents loved each other. My dad loved my mother despite all of her flaws. This was too much and I stood up from the couch and grabbed my keys off the hook near the front door. "Where are you going?"

"Edward's," I tell him as I slam the door behind me. I get into my car and am barely able to see through the tears as I drive across town. I park in the small lot and make my way up to Edward's door. I knock loudly three times and he swings the door open after a few seconds.

"Hey," He smiled. He hasn't registered that I'm upset yet.

A tear streamed down my cheek. "Hi."

"What's wrong?" He pulls me into his apartment and hugs me. I cry on his shoulder unable to actually say the words. He just holds me and lets me use him as my own personal tissue. "Hey, what happened?"

"My parents are getting a divorce," I choke. "It's my fault."

"I know that's not true."

"Dad said that my pregnancy brought out an ugly side of my mother he didn't know existed," I repeated my father's words. "If I hadn't gotten pregnant…"

"Then the ugly side would have eventually come out."

"Alice was an accident," I blurted out as he walked us over to sit on his bed. "But I was planned."

"Oh," He nodded. "I need a little more context, babe."

"My mom didn't want kids. Alice was an accident and I don't know if they talked about having an abortion or giving her up for adoption but they kept her. Obviously."

"Okay."

"My mom didn't want kids at all but they got pregnant with me on purpose," I cried. "She loved my dad and knew how much he loved Alice and how much he wanted more kids. She loves my dad."

He sighed and wrapped his arms around me. "Sometimes loving someone isn't enough. Bella, they probably have a lot of issues that were never addressed and everything just built up."

"If I hadn't gotten pregnant…"

"Then we wouldn't be together," He reminded me. "And Alex wouldn't be in this world and the Cullen's would still be looking to start their family by adopting. There's a lot more good that came from your pregnancy than you even realize."

"She moved out," I sighed. "Or at least she's staying at the bed and breakfast until she can move out."

"She wants him to have the house for you and Alice," He sighed as I leaned in and snuggled into his side. "I'm so sorry, baby. I know how much this hurts."

And he did know. He knew too well how much this sucked.

"You think my mom's going to start drinking?"

He chuckled. "Your mom is far too uptight to become an alcoholic."

"You're right."

"It's going to be okay," He told me. "Who knows. Maybe this is what your mom needs to show her what's important and what's not."

"You think this will bring us closer together?"

"Maybe," He shrugged. "Or she'll at least pretend to care a little bit better."

I looked up at him and fell in love all over again. He was so good to me and I didn't deserve him. He still had so many unresolved issues when it came to his own parents' divorce and yet he was comforting me while I cried about mine.

I smiled as I gripped his cheeks between my hands. He chuckled as he did the same and wiped the tears from my face. I leaned in and kissed him and pulled him down onto the bed. He gave me a sexy smile as he rolled on top of me and pinned me down to the bed. He leaned down and kissed me again, using his tongue to part my lips. I moaned as he deepened the kiss and bucked my hips.

"Shit," He mumbled as he kissed the corner of my mouth and then my jaw. I wiggled beneath him as I reached for the hem of his t-shirt. He pulled back to remove his shirt and smiled as he got right back into position.

"Edward," I whispered as he attacked my neck with his mouth.

"Huh?" I was sure he wasn't really listening right now.

"I want this."

"Uh-huh." Yeah, he wasn't listening.

"I'm ready," That got his attention and he removed his mouth from my skin and looked up at me. Even though we'd been dating for two months and already had a child together, we hadn't had sex since the night of the party. The month following me giving birth we were told to not even think about it by my doctor. And other than that, I didn't exactly feel very sexy and we were both in a funk because of the adoption. And over the course of this past month, we had done other things but we didn't want to have sex until we were ready.

We really weren't ready or in the right state of mind the first time. We wanted to cover all of our bases this time. We needed to emotionally be ready to handle it.

"What?" He asked gently.

"I love you. And I want to do this."

"Bella, you're upset," He whispered. "I don't want to do this because your emotions are all weird right now."

I smiled and gave him a kiss. "You know what this reminds me of?"

"What?"

"The night I fell in love with you. Back in December," His face twisted in confusion. "You made me feel safe and important and like I wasn't alone."

He smiled. "You're sure?"

"As long as you have condoms," I laughed. A week after giving birth, I asked my doctor what the most effective form of birth control for me was. She suggested an IUD because I wouldn't have to worry about remembering to take the pill or go get the shot. An IUD would last for at least three years. Neither of us wanted to risk getting pregnant again until we were ready so I left the doctor's office with the IUD in place.

But I was still a little nervous about its effectiveness so I wanted to use condoms just to be safe.

He smirked at me. "Top drawer," He assured me as I pulled my sundress off my body. Edward looked at me and gulped. He started kissing my neck again and grinding into me. He felt so fucking good already we weren't even naked yet.

He reached around and unclasped my bra and I felt the wire go weak. He slowly pulled the straps down my shoulders and threw it onto the floor with my dress and his shirt. He licked his lips hungrily as he kissed my collar bone and used one of his hands to massage my breast. I bucked my hips in response and smirked at him when I felt his raging hard-on under his PJ pants.

Edward left a trail of kisses on my skin until he reached my nipple and gently bit down.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed as he sucked and bit and swirled his tongue around my sensitive nipple. He was so good at this and I thought I could come just from him doing this. While he was busy with my boobs, I slid his pants and boxers down his legs…freeing his huge cock. I reached out and grabbed his dick and he hissed.

"Bella," He breathed as I stroked him. "Shit." Unwilling to wait any longer, he rolled off me to grab the condom from his drawer. He tore the foil packet while I pulled my panties off. I watched as he covered himself with the latex barrier and pulled him back on top of me when he was covered.

"I love you," He whispered as he gave me a soft kiss. There was so much hunger and passion between us but he still took the two seconds to remind me of that fact. I smiled and gave him another kiss.

"I love you," I said.

"You sure about this?" He asked and I nodded. "This is going to hurt a little. Just let me in."

I nodded as he started to gently push inside of me. It stung a little bit, but no pain compared to childbirth so this was nothing. I bit my lip as I felt him to continue to push in and he peppered my face with kisses.

"I'm in," He said as he pushed the hair out of my face. I nodded, telling him it was okay to continue and he started thrusting his hips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held me close as he pushed in and out of me.

Fuck, it felt so good.

"Shit," He mumbled as he shut his eyes. He was hitting my clit with his pelvis every time he thrust inside of me and I was already starting to pant. He grabbed my one my breasts and pinched my nipple through his fingers and I could feel myself getting close.

"Fuck, Edward," I threw my head back as I felt my budding orgasm. I felt it in my toes as he hit my clit with his pelvis and it just grew and grew and grew. Finally, I felt like I was going to explode and dug my nails into his back. "Fuck! I'm coming!"

"Yes," He growled as I came. He pushed in and out of me for a few more seconds before stilling. His face scrunched together as he came and after a second, he collapsed completely on top of me. We were both covered in a thin sweat and breathing heavily.

"I love you," He reminded me as he pulled out. He rolled away from me to remove the condom and came back with a few tissues for me to clean myself up. We threw the stuff into a trashcan and he pulled me to his side. "You okay?"

"I'm great," I giggled. "Are you okay?"

"I'm with you," He said as he kissed my forehead. "Of course, I'm okay."

I sighed. "I hope you know I didn't come here to use you for an emotional outlet."

"I do know that," He said. "I'm your boyfriend. I'm here for you whenever you need me. No matter what it is."

"Okay."

"Even if you need to use me for sex," He said. "I'm always okay with that."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, Fabio."

"It's going to be okay," He whispered. "Your parents will be okay. And it's not your fault."

"Promise?"

He kissed my hair. "Yeah. It's what's best for them, Bella."


	27. Epilogue: I Am Your Future, I Am Your Pa

**Epilogue: I Am Your Future, I Am Your Past**

* * *

 **4 Years Later**

"Happy graduation day to you!" Edward sung quietly as he pushed hair out of my face. "Happy graduation day dear, Bella. Happy graduation day to you."

I rolled over in bed and smiled up at him. I laughed as he gave me a cupcake with a candle in it and wondered when he'd gotten cupcakes for me.

"It's nine in the morning," I laughed as he scooped some frosting on his finger and put it on my nose. He leaned in and kissed my nose and smiled. "But a little sugar never hurt anyone."

"You think you're ready to be a UW Alumni?" I nodded proudly. I had been waiting for this for such a long time. It was hard to believe it was finally here.

The transition from small-town Forks to Stanford wasn't easy. In fact, it was completely miserable. Edward and I had the summer of our lives after high school ended. Once he got out of his mother's house permanently, he became this whole new person. He became the Edward I remembered him to be and the Edward I knew he was.

Because we had an incredible summer together, it made leaving so much harder than I expected. He'd come down with my dad and Alice to move me into my dorm, and for a while, I thought I'd convinced him to move down here with me. He had tears in his eyes when he told me he couldn't leave Forks. Not yet. He had something to prove to the town and to himself. I tried telling him that he didn't owe anyone anything, but he had to stay. As hard as it was, I needed to respect his choice.

I cried for three days after they left me. I just…missed him. We hadn't spent this much time apart since I told him I was pregnant. It was like he'd left a huge hole in my heart where he was supposed to be. I wanted to just leave and go back to Washington, but he reminded me that I needed to do this.

For Alex.

Because, despite the fact that we'd given him up for adoption, he was still our son. He always would be. I wanted to be able to tell him that I graduated from college and went on to become a doctor if we ever got to the point of meeting him when he grew up. I wanted him to be proud of me one day, even if it was all made up in my head.

After I got into the swing of things and got to know my roommate, Piper, things got better. At least school wise they got better. Being in a long distance with Edward proved to be harder than either of us expected. It wasn't because we didn't love each other. It was just a lot to juggle. We both had such busy schedules it was amazing if we got to have a ten-minute phone conversation some weeks. And it didn't help that I planned on going to Piper's house for Thanksgiving.

We had a big fight at the beginning of November because of that. He kept telling me that he didn't have the money to come see me. I told him it was a waste of money to come home just for a few days. And I reminded him that I'd be home for Christmas two weeks after Thanksgiving. After we finished fighting and hung up, I realized that he probably thought I was abandoning him for California and Stanford. I called him back immediately and promised to be home for Christmas and that he would have my undivided attention for five weeks.

When I got home for Christmas, we spent every waking minute together. And it was then that I realized how miserable I really was at Stanford. Sure, I'd gotten myself into a good routine but I was faking it most of the time. I hadn't felt so alone since the beginning of my pregnancy when Edward didn't believe he was the father and Emmett broke up with me.

Being with Edward was where I wanted to be and I could get a good education anywhere.

It wasn't until talking with Alice on Christmas Eve that I realized being away from Edward wasn't the problem. It was Stanford.

"I just think that I can get the same education anywhere," I told her as we drank hot chocolate by the fireplace. "But I can't be with Edward anywhere."

"You really need to think about this, Bella," Alice warned. "Mom and Dad will never let you drop out of Stanford for a boy. Even if you do love him."

I shrugged. "I'll make something up."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll tell them I'm unhappy," I said. "I mean, the town is too small. The people there are so pretentious and they think they're better than everyone else," The made-up list went on and on.

Alice stared at me. "Bella?"

"Hmm?"

She bit her lip. "I don't think the distance from Edward is the problem."

"What do you mean?"

"That fake list was pretty easy for you to come up with," She said. "I think Stanford is the real problem and the reason you're so unhappy."

"Stanford has been my dream…forever."

"That was before you got pregnant and realized what was important in life," She shrugged. "You've changed. You've grown up."

After that conversation, I looked into transferring. I needed to have all my information when I talked to my parents. I also realized as I thought about everything that I didn't want to be a doctor anymore. I didn't want four more years of school and then residency. I wanted to be able to get married and raise a family. And I wanted to be there with my family…not asleep at the hospital. I still wanted to help people and I still wanted to be in the medical field, so I settled on nursing instead.

Plus, nursing seemed more badass anyway.

My parents were not thrilled with my decision. But…it was my decision. Mom said she wouldn't support me but that wasn't a shocker. Dad told me as long as I wasn't doing this for Edward then he would be on board with me. With dad on my side, it was time to talk to Edward and while he argued that he couldn't leave Stanford for him, I promised he was only one of the many factors in me transferring.

I finished the year at Stanford and said goodbye for the final time. Edward agreed to move to Seattle with me and we found a little apartment close to campus for us. He still refused to apply, but he did eventually agree to take some art classes at one of the nearby art schools. It wasn't much, but I loved seeing him passionate about something.

Life was so much better after moving to Seattle. We were…happy. We could be together without people staring and whispering. We weren't the dumb teenagers who'd gotten pregnant at eighteen. We were just a couple who loved and supported each other. And that was all I ever wanted.

And after three years of living together, my love for him hadn't changed a bit. There were some adjustments we had to make and we fought at the beginning as we learned how to live with each other all the time. But we loved each other enough to know it was just an adjustment and we'd made it through.

And we did make it through.

"I need to get a shower," I said after we'd each eaten a cupcake.

He wiggled his eyebrows at me. "Need any help?"

I laughed. "If you help I'll be late to graduation," I said as I pushed him away and got out of bed.

"Please," He begged as he ran up and grabbed me from behind. "We need to celebrate."

"We have all night to celebrate," I reminded him. "But I need to get ready now."

He groaned. I laughed as I removed his t-shirt I'd worn to bed and teased him. He was constantly teasing and taunting me. It was good to give him a piece of his own medicine. I took a quick shower while he made us something to eat. I carefully curled my hair and put a little bit of makeup and smiled when I looked in the mirror. Four years ago, on graduation day, I was a mess. We were a mess. We couldn't get Alex out of our minds and it nearly ruined our graduation day.

We put on a good face for our friends and my family, but we were still hurting that day.

Today was going to be different. Over the course of the years, we'd been sent a lot of photos and our son was happy and thriving as a Cullen. We would always miss him…he was our little boy. But we knew he was in really good hands and we knew he was incredibly happy and loved. That made everything easier.

Edward smiled at me when I walked into our little kitchen. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," I whispered, stepping onto my tiptoes and pressing my lips to his. "I love you."

"Oh, you have no idea," He said as he gave me one last kiss before handing me my plate. After eating, we got into my car and drove the short drive to campus. Once we got there, he gave me a kiss and promised to find my family for the ceremony. I went to where the graduates were meeting and found my nursing class.

Thirty minutes later, we were lining up.

The ceremony was long and boring. Some professors spoke, a student spoke, and then they started calling each student up to grab their diploma. It lasted for almost three hours and I was just excited that it was finished when the recessional began playing. After we walked out, I went to the meeting spot we'd planned.

Edward was standing with my family with a big bouquet of white roses in his hands.

"Congratulations," He whispered as he kissed me. "Bella Swan. RN."

I giggled. "Thanks." I looked up at my dad who was beaming at me and wrapped his arms around me. He hugged me so tightly I couldn't breathe. But, I didn't complain. When I got pregnant, I knew he feared I'd never get to this moment. He was always there for me, but I knew that as a father he really was scared I'd completely derailed my life.

"My little sister is a college graduate," Alice squealed as she hugged me.

"I couldn't have done it without you," I had tears in my eyes as I hugged my sister. "Now, was that Lucia I heard crying in the middle of the ceremony?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "She was supposed to be asleep for another forty minutes," She looked at me apologetically. "I think all the shouting scared her.

"Alice, I'm not mad," I assured her as I looked at my three-month-old niece in the baby carrier. "She made it a little bit more interesting."

"Congrats, kid," Jasper hugged me. "Now I have someone who will truly understand my job."

Alice sighed. "You're being dramatic," Jasper laughed as I turned to look at my mother.

My relationship with my mom hadn't improved much since having Alex. I would forever be the daughter that disappointed and embarrassed her. For a long time, I sought out regaining her approval. But, as I entered my junior year at UW I realized it was pointless. She would only remember me having a baby at eighteen. No matter what I did otherwise, that was what she'd always remember.

"Good job, Bella," She nodded as she faked a smile. The divorce had not been good for her. As much as she tried to pretend like she was this strong, independent woman, it wasn't until my dad asked for the divorce that she realized how much she really needed him. After it was finalized, she moved to Port Angeles and she had aged quite a bit over the last four years. She wasn't as poised and elegant as she once was.

If she hadn't treated me so poorly, then I would have been more heartbroken for her.

I faked a smile. "Thanks, mom," She gave me a brief, awkward hug and then I went to stand next to Edward. He snaked his arm around me and held me close to him and I could tell that it still made my mother uncomfortable.

"Shall we go to dinner?" Dad asked, breaking the uncomfortable tension.

Edward leaned in closer to me. "Boy do I have a surprise for you."

I stared at him and he just grinned. He drove us to a small, Italian restaurant in downtown Seattle. It was a place we always wanted to try, but it was kind of pricey. With Edward being frugal, I never wanted to pressure him into taking me here for a date.

But I was totally fine telling my dad this was where I wanted to celebrate my graduation.

"Swan, reservation for nine," Edward told the hostess.

I looked at him. "Nine? There's only six of us." He just smiled at me as the hostess walked us towards the back of the restaurant. When we neared a big table in the back, I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Happy graduation, baby," Edward whispered as the couple stood up.

I took a deep breath. "Edward?"

"Congratulations, Bella," Carlisle smiled proudly as he extended his arms for a hug. Still completely in shock, I hugged both him and Esme, but I couldn't take my eyes off of the young child sitting at the table completely oblivious to the world around him. He had a picture book that was upside down open and he was completely enthralled by what he was doing.

"What…" I had tears in my eyes. "What is he doing here?" I asked. I had seen Carlisle and Esme a few times since the hospital, but they never brought Alex with them. I had seen so many pictures, but this was the very first time we'd seen him in person since the day he was born.

Esme smiled. "Edward called and invited us."

"We thought it was time you three met," Carlisle said.

I stared at them. "Does…he know?" I asked. They seemed like they wouldn't tell him when he was born, but with him, I wasn't sure if they'd changed their minds.

"No," Esme said softly. "But we'd like you two to meet him."

"How?" I asked. Edward gripped my hand.

"Follow our lead," Carlisle smiled as we went back over to the table. "Alex?" He looked up and he looked almost exactly like Edward. His eyes were bright, emerald green and his hair was the same bronze color. The only big difference was Alex's hair was much tamer than Edward's was. "These are our friends, Bella and Edward."

"Hi," He said shyly as he clung to Esme's side.

"It's nice to meet you, Alex," Edward said, but I could hear the brokenness in his voice. We sat down and I quietly watched as the little boy interacted with Carlisle and Esme. With his…parents. Their love for him was overwhelming and they really seemed like the picture-perfect parents. They were so attentive to him and allowed him to ask all kinds of questions. They were treating him like a little person rather a child who shouldn't be heard.

I had always known it in my gut, but now I knew it in my heart that giving him up was the best thing we could have done for him.

I had been so enthralled with watching Alex, I almost missed the familiar sound of a fork hitting one of the water glasses. I looked over at Edward who was holding up his glass and looked like he was going to propose a toast.

"Everyone!" He beamed. Once everyone was quieted down and looking at him, he looked over at me and smiled. "I would like to propose a toast to Bella. No one has worked harder and sacrificed more to get to this day more than you have."

I bit my lip as I glanced over at Alex who was holding his kid's cup up like a little adult.

Edward continued his toast. "I love you so much and I am so proud of you and all of your accomplishments."

"Here! Here!" Alice giggled.

"Now, I don't want to take away from your graduation day, but…" Edward said as he put his glass on the table and stood up from his chair. He pulled out a small, velvet box and got down on one knee. I stared at him in awe and for a few seconds, he didn't say anything. We just kind of…stared at each other.

I gasped. "What are you doing?"

"I never imagined that we'd ever get to this point when you told me…" He trailed off. "Everything that was happening when we were in high school. But, Bella, I'm so in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

I stared at him and then looked at the ring. It was beautiful. A small, princess cut diamond and a simple white gold band. It was perfect. And so was he. "Yes," I smiled and he blew out a breath of relief. He slid the ring onto my finger and leaned up to kiss him.

"Wow!" A little voice said over the other people talking. "That's cool. They're gonna be like you and daddy," Alex looked up at Esme and smiled.

Esme hugged him to her side. "You're right, baby."

"Don't worry," Edward said quietly as I watched them. "Someday, we're going to have that. I promise."

"I love you so much," I had tears in my eyes now. "You're all I need."

He licked his lips. "Have I ever thanked you for saving my life?"

"Multiple times," I giggled. "But I've always told you that you saved me from a life I didn't want."

"Maybe that dumb party wasn't such a bad thing."

I smiled. "Maybe not."

* * *

 **3 Years Later**

"Whoa," I gasped as I sat at the nurse's station. I was ready to pop so I was mainly doing desk work, but I was moving as slowly as a turtle so I didn't even argue with them.

My co-worker, Melissa, looked over at me. "You okay, Bella?"

I nodded as I took a few deep breaths. "Yeah. I just had a contraction."

"What?" She screamed gaining everyone's attention. "Isn't it early?"

"No. I'm at thirty-eight weeks," I said. I was two weeks further along than I was when I went into labor during my first pregnancy. "I'm good."

"Should I call Dr. Miller?"

I stared at her. "Mel, I just had my first contraction. If we call him then he's going to tell me to call him back when my contractions are more regular."

"Right," She nodded. "Do you need to go?"

I shook my head. "Edward has a big art show coming up so he's home getting stuff done. If I go home now then he'll worry and it'll never get done and it'll be a huge mess." She looked at me like I was crazy. "I'll call him when my labor begins progressing."

It took a few hours, but as the end of my shift neared the contractions were a solid four minutes apart. I played with my wedding band as I breathed through the contraction I was having and decided it was time to end my shift, call my husband, and get into a room for the night. Melissa got me situated in a room and while I waited for Dr. Miller, I called Edward.

"Bella?" His voice was urgent but he didn't seem panicked. Yet.

"Hey," I bit my lip. "So…guess what?"

"What?"

"I'm in labor." Silence. "Edward?"

"Really?" His voice was shaking.

I sighed. "Really. My contractions are about four minutes apart."

"We're having a baby today?"

"We are," I smiled. "Would you please stop asking me questions and get over here?" There was a knock on my door. "Come in!" I shouted, thinking it was my doctor or one of my nurses.

"I'll be there as soon," The door opened and I gawked at him as he walked through the door. "As I can."

"How're you already here?" I asked as he came and sat down on the edge of my bed. He smiled as he leaned in and gave me a kiss.

"Melissa called me hours ago," He said. "I told her to text me when your contractions were five minutes apart. And then I wandered around until I got your call."

I stared at him and then I smiled. "You're the best."

Edward and I had kept our engagement short. It was only nine months long. We wanted to be married so we kept things simple. It was a small wedding in my backyard and there were only about seventy people there. Alice was my Matron of Honor and Jake was his best man. We didn't need anyone else to stand by our sides as we married each other. It was the perfect day and we'd moved into our new apartment closer to the hospital I had gotten a job at a week later.

After we'd settled into our new place and I'd settled into my new job, he brought up the topic of babies. I knew how much he wanted another baby and I did too. But I didn't think we were ready yet. We were only twenty-four and we barely had our careers on track. I wanted to wait until the timing was right.

But one day I caught him looking in the window of a small, baby boutique close to the hospital. I watched as he just stared at the cribs and clothes and small toys. He wanted to start a family with me. He wanted to give his child the entire world and it was then I realized the timing might never be right. There might always be something capable of holding us back. And when I looked in the window and saw a mother holding her baby, my eyes welled up with tears.

I wanted that. I wanted those moments with my child and with my husband.

I wrapped my arms around Edward's waist and looked up at him. I told him that I was ready.

So, we started trying. I mean, I still had a few weeks left until I would be able to get the IUD out so we wouldn't get pregnant quite yet. But he told me that practice made perfect and I wasn't going to argue having an excuse to have sex with my extremely good-looking husband whenever we had the time and energy.

Three months later…my period was late. And the only other time in my life my period had been late was when I got pregnant the first time. I tried not to get excited. This time we actually wanted the baby so I didn't want to jinx anything. After my shift at the hospital, I stopped at the drug store and picked up a few tests. It was nice to not have to try to hide who I was so it wouldn't get back to my parents.

It was kind of funny how different things were eight years later. The last time I took a pregnancy I was sobbing and scared out of my mind. This time I was anxious in a different way but still very scared. I don't think being older made becoming a parent for the first time any less scary.

When Edward got home after an art show, he found me in the bathroom with all the tests lined up on the sink.

 _"Really?" He asked, smiling ear to ear. "Are you?"_

 _I shook my head. "I haven't taken one yet. I was waiting for you."_

 _"Go! Pee on them!" He laughed as he walked out of the room and left me to take the tests. I peed on the first stick and went out to the living room to wait with him. He held my hand tightly as we waited the excruciating three minutes. When my phone alarm went off, I gave him the test to read._

 _He gasped. "You're pregnant."_

 _"Really?" I cried as I looked at the test._

 _"We're going to have a baby,"_

"You're doing great, baby," Edward encouraged as he held my hand through another contraction. It had been four hours since I was admitted and it felt like we'd gotten nowhere. I still had one more centimeter before I could get the epidural and I was really hurting. "Keep breathing."

"Shut up, Masen," I snapped as the pain began subsiding. Apparently...some things never changed when it came to childbirth. I looked up at him and he looked like he was trying not to laugh. "Sorry," I breathed.

"Don't yell at me. I'm just trying to help…" He cracked a smile. "Swan."

"Hey!" I smiled. "I'm a Masen now."

He nodded and leaned into kiss my sweaty forehead. "Yes, you are."

Labor continued for another twelve hours. By the time my doctor told me it was time, I didn't think I had the energy to push.

"I can't do it," I cried as they prepped me. I looked up at Edward who was squeezing my hand tightly. "Can you do it for me?"

He grinned. "Bella, you asked me the same question the last time."

"I know but…it hurts. And I'm tired," I cried. "Please. Can you do it for me?"

He shook his head. "If I could you know I would," He smiled and kissed my forehead. "You can do this, babe. I'm right here."

"Okay, Bella," Dr. Miller said after she finished her last exam. "On the next contraction, you're going to push." I nodded and waited the sixty seconds until she said to push. Edward squeezed my hand and held me as I bore down. After twenty minutes, there was still no baby and I was so tired of pushing.

"You're doing great," Dr. Miller encouraged. "Give me one more big push."

I looked at Edward who smiled at me. He nodded and squeezed his hand and pushed again. After another minute, I felt the sweet…sweet relief and heard my child's first cries.

"There he is," Edward whispered.

I looked at him. "He? It's a boy?" I asked. We decided to keep the gender a secret this time.

"No, you have a beautiful baby girl," Dr. Miller smiled. "Dad, you want to cut the cord?" Edward nodded as he left my side to cut the umbilical cord. They cleaned and wrapped her up while they cleaned me up as well. They placed her into my arms and I burst into tears.

She was ours. She was _all_ ours.

"Hello, beautiful," I cried. I looked down at the baby in my arms and fell completely in love. When I looked up at Edward, I knew he had fallen in love instantly. Her eyes began to open and she looked up at us and wrinkled her little face.

Edward sniffled. "She's perfect."

After holding her for a few minutes, they took her to weigh her and give her a checkup while I finished. After everything was done, we were wheeled back into my hospital room and it was Edward's turn to hold his daughter now. I watched as he swayed back and forth with her and my heart was full.

She was wrapped in a beautiful yellow blanket and had a matching hat on top of her little head. Edward and I picked out her blanket and hat right after we found out we were pregnant.

Thirty minutes later, we had a full house. My parents had arrived along with Alice and Jasper. Jake and Leah had even come back to meet the baby. I smiled as Alice held her niece and showed her to Lucia.

"Well?" Dad asked as Alice passed him the baby. "What is this precious girl's name?"

Edward and I looked at each other. "Everyone, we'd like you to meet Ellie Grace Masen." Edward said.

"Ellie means shining light," I explained. "We thought it fit her perfectly."

Dad nodded as a tear streamed down his cheek. "It sure does."

"Are you crying?" I asked. He shook his head no and took a deep breath.

This was a big moment for everyone.

After everyone had the chance to hold and meet the baby, the three of us were left alone. I cradled the baby in my arms as Edward sat on the bed next to me. We couldn't get enough of this precious bundle of joy. Just as my eyes began to feel heavy, Edward's phone went off. He opened the message and laughed.

"What is it?" I asked and he showed me the screen. It was a picture of Alex holding up a sign that said, " _ **Hello, new baby**_." I laughed at the sweet sentiment and then read Carlisle and Esme's message below.

"Congratulations new parents," I read and Edward smiled. I looked at the picture of Alex and then back down at Ellie. "She's a lucky little girl."

She wasn't a replacement for our son. Alex would always be ours. Our first. He was the one who brought Edward and I together. He's the reason that Edward and I were sitting in this room with our newborn daughter. We weren't ready when we were eighteen, but that journey helped prepare us for the rest of our life together.

I would always love Alex. He was the best thing that ever happened to us.

"Thank you, Bella," Edward whispered as he kissed my cheek. I turned and pressed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I can't wait to bring her home."

Home.

We got to keep her.

And the thought of that made me feel like my heart was going to explode.


	28. Outtake: Changes Everyone Before

**Outtake: Changes Everyone Before**

* * *

 **Edward's POV**

 **November 15, 2017**

"Thanks for coming in today, Edward," Mr. Newton said as he locked up the store. "You were very helpful."

I nodded. "Let me know if you need help with the next shipment."

"Will do," I got in my truck and my phone dinged. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw I'd gotten an email from the school. I usually ignored anything from the school but I saw that the subject line was peer tutoring. And I knew that if you skipped your first tutoring session you automatically got a detention.

If I got another detention I would get suspended. And if I got suspended that meant I didn't get the free breakfast or lunch the school provided me with. And I only bought enough food for me to make dinner and meals on the weekend.

It was all I could really afford.

"Son of a bitch," I muttered as I opened the email.

 _Dear Mr. Masen,_

 _You have qualified for free peer tutoring. Bella Swan will be your tutor and you are to meet with her for your first session tomorrow afternoon. Failure to show up will result in an afterschool detention._

 _Best Regards,_

 _Miss Clark_

 _Forks High School Principal_

"Fucking Bella Swan!" I hit my steering wheel. I swear she was trying to ruin my life. I knew she was dating the ogre when we fucked at that party but her guilt wasn't my problem. She threw herself at me…how was I supposed to know they were still dating? And then on top of that shit, she tried telling me she was pregnant with my child.

I didn't understand why she was acting so desperate all of a sudden. She made it clear the other day she didn't want to have sex with me again so why was she dragging me into tutoring with her?

Huffing and puffing, I put the key in the ignition and drove home. There wasn't anything I could do about it and I was exhausted. One tutoring session wouldn't be the end of the world and I figured she was hot. At least the view would be nice as the yacked about trigonometry and English.

When I got home, mom's car was parked in the driveway. I instantly felt anxiety risen and considered going to Rosalie's house to crash for the night. But things were weird with Rose…again…and I didn't feel like listening to her rant about how awful my mother was.

I understood what a bitch my mom was. I didn't need her reminding me all night.

Shaking, I got out of the car and made my way up the steps to the front door. She'd left the door unlocked and when I pushed it open she was already passed out on the couch.

"Great," I rolled my eyes as I tried picking up the trash. I wondered what she was doing here but then remembered she'd been seeing this dude who was also an addict. I figured they broke up and she didn't have enough time to find a new friend before it was time for her to pass out.

Knowing she'd be up soon to puke, I sat down in one of the chairs near the couch with my sketchbook. I just didn't feel like cleaning up her vomit so I wanted to make sure she made it into the trashcan this time.

Sure enough, an hour after getting home she woke up and started throwing up. I sprinted out of my seat and made sure the can was under her and made sure everything ended up in the can. I made her chug some water when she was finished and then helped her to her own room. She could puke as much as she wanted to in there.

I never went into her room.

After being certain she'd be asleep for the rest of the night I went to my own room to get a little bit of sleep. But it wasn't enough. I never got enough sleep and when my alarm went off, I considered staying home. If I didn't show up to school I wouldn't get detention for not going to tutoring.

But Bella was desperate enough she'd schedule another session with me. And I was certain she'd keep doing that until I went.

I pulled on a pair of track pants, a crew neck, and my worn our Nikes. I checked on my mom who was still passed out before leaving for school. If I sped then I would make it just before they locked the front doors and I was considered officially late.

I got to the school with thirty seconds to spare and dashed into my homeroom unnoticed. No one ever paid attention to me and my teachers had stopped caring about if I was on time or not. As long as I was in the building by 7:55, they didn't care. Thankfully, I didn't see Bella all morning since she spent her days in the honors hall and I didn't step foot in that hallway.

At lunch, I sat with Rosalie and a few of her friends by the door and scanned the room for Bella. I wasn't going to bail since I couldn't get suspended but I still wanted to know why she'd forced me into this. Usually, the person tutoring asked the person if they wanted to be tutored.

I spotted her with her dumb friends across the room and when she saw me she ran out of the room. So, she knew I'd be pissed…she was as smart as she said she was. I followed her out of the cafeteria and walked closely behind her. I wasn't going to touch her but she needed to know I was there.

"What the fuck, Swan?" I spat. "I don't want the tutoring session."

"Then don't come," She said like it was so simple. Well…it wasn't simple. Nothing was simple.

I rolled my eyes. "If I don't come I get a detention."

"And that's a problem for you?"

"They told me one more detention and I'd be suspended," He sighed. "I can't be suspended again."

"Didn't think you actually cared."

"If I don't come to school, I stay home and staying home…" I stopped talking when I realized what I was about to say. Everyone knew my mother was an alcoholic and my dad was a deadbeat. That wasn't a secret. But she didn't need to know what happened if I stayed home. "I just can't be suspended again."

"Then come to tutoring."

"I don't want to be tutored!" I argued. She was so fucking annoying.

"It'll be painless. I promise."

"Do you have to spend the entire hour with you?"

She rolled her eyes. She forced me into this and she was annoyed? Fucking typical. "I'll lie on the sheet if you cooperate and come to the session."

"I really hate you right now,"

"I know. I kind of hate you too."

"Where are we doing this?" I asked.

"My house. It's more comfortable than school and no one is there so you can keep your _I don't care_ attitude."

"Fine," If she wasn't a girl I probably would have slugged her. I just turned around and headed back to the cafeteria.

"I'll see you after school!" I called after him. "Three thirty! Don't be late!"

I went back into the cafeteria and sat down next to Rosalie. I made plans with her for after Bella's house because I was sure I'd need some kind of outlet after spending an hour with her. I really missed drunk Bella because she wasn't a self-righteous little princess. She was a normal human being who was really fucking good in bed.

Damn…I wished she hadn't turned me down the other day.

When the final bell rang, I ran out of the school to go to Bella's house. The faster I got there then the faster I could leave. I didn't want to be there for a minute longer than I had to be. But, she had friends and a boyfriend and had lingered at school to talk to them. I waited for ten minutes before she finally showed up.

When she got out of the car, we had yet another argument. Rosalie confronted me at the end of lunch asking if there was anything going on with Bella. I told her no because that was the fucking truth, but I could tell she didn't believe me. I was a lot of things, but I never cheated on Rosalie. I did a lot of things with girls when we were broken up, but I never cheated.

After Bella and I managed to stop yelling at each other, I decided I was going to have a bit of fun with this. I knew it would annoy the hell out of her if I tried being a normal student who cared about my grades. I smirked at her as she stood across from me.

"So? What are we learning today, teach?"

"Nothing, we're not doing tutoring," She said.

Umm…what?

"Then why the hell am I hear, Swan?"

"We need to talk." Here we go again.

"Not this shit again."

"Edward, you need to listen!" She screeched and it made my ears hurt a little bit. I didn't want her to do that again so I just shut up and let her say her peace. "Edward, I'm pregnant."

"We've been here before, Swan," Why was she insisting that I'd gotten her pregnant? I always used a condom. Always.

"I'm really pregnant. We had sex without protection…"

"I used a condom," I assured her. That night was fuzzy but I always used a condom. I was safe.

"You sure?" She asked. "We were so drunk, Edward. Everything about that night is still fuzzy and it's been two months."

She called me Edward. Which made me realize how serious the situation was.

"I always use a condom," I told her but then I wasn't so sure anymore. I started thinking back to that night but we were drunk and it happened almost two months ago. I couldn't be for sure anymore. "Always."

"Well, even if you did they were crappy condoms. I'm not kidding, Edward. I'm pregnant."

"No," I argued. No fucking way was she pregnant.

She sighed as she jogged towards the steps. "Stay here." I waited anxiously for the longest two minutes ever. I considered just leaving but she hadn't signed my slip yet. She came back and handed me a photograph. But this wasn't a normal picture of her with her friends.

It looked like something you'd get at a doctor's office.

"This is the baby. Our baby."

"I don't see anything."

"I didn't at first either. It's right here." She pointed to the white blob on the picture. I examined the picture carefully and saw the small dot she was referring to.

That was a baby? It was so small and didn't look like anything special.

"It's not mine," I argued. I didn't have anything so I didn't understand why she was trying to trick me into thinking it was mine. Was she too embaressed to tell Prince Charming he'd knocked her up?

"It is."

"You have a boyfriend. It's probably his."

"Edward?"

"What?" I snapped. I was getting very annoyed.

"I was…a virgin," She whispered and my heart stopped for a second. "That night when we had sex…Emmett and I hadn't yet. I was a virgin."

"A virgin?" My voice cracked slightly. "You'd never had sex before?"

"No."

"You're lying," I accused. There was no fucking way. No way I'd taken her virginity and knocked her up. Why was she doing this to me?

"Why would I lie about that?"

"Because," I was panicking. "I…I didn't take your virginity. You weren't a virgin."

"I was," She said gently and then it started sinking in.

"Oh my god. You were a virgin?" She nodded. "No. No!"

"Edward…"

"I'm so sorry, Bella." How could I have been so awful to her? I never suspected she was a virgin. She'd been dating big foot for two years. I just assumed… "I never…if I knew I wouldn't have let it get that far."

"We were drunk."

"I would have fought harder to stop it," I argued. "You're really pregnant?"

"Jasper took that picture for me. I can call him so he can confirm it if you'd like." I shook my head. "I'm about eight weeks now. I'm almost in my second trimester."

"I'm the father?" I asked again. I needed to be completely certain. "Oh my god,"

"Edward,"

"I never wanted this to happen. What did I do?"

"Hey, this is on both of us," She shrugged. "It takes two to make a baby."

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

I sighed. "Me too," I whispered.

Bella and I briefly discussed our options. She told me she wasn't going to get an abortion and I was relieved. I just couldn't imagine her doing that. And then she brought up adoption which I immediately turned down. No child of mine would have to life I had with Liz and Eddie. I wouldn't let that happen. The only other option we had was to keep the baby and that scary as fuck.

She also told me the only people who knew about the baby were her sister and brother-in-law. Her parents didn't know and I was told I couldn't tell anyone. Not even Rosalie. And then I felt terrible because I had to break up with Rosalie without a good reason. I did it all the time but this time I actually had a reason but couldn't tell her.

I was so fucked up and I didn't make any sense.

Bella signed my tutoring slip and I left her house. I needed to process everything. I drove around for a few minutes but I knew where I needed to go. I turned around and headed for the Reservation. No one from Forks knew anyone at La Push. They wouldn't say anything and if Alice could know about the baby then Jake could know about the baby.

He was practically my brother.

When I got to his house, Sue did her usual inspection and Dakota demanded I color with her. I didn't want to alarm them until the little one went to bed so I went along with it. It wasn't unusual for me to show up unannounced. Everyone was used to it and thought it was far weirder when I did call before showing up.

After Dakota was in bed, Sue made us tea when I said I had to talk to them about something. They waited patiently for me to start talking. They wouldn't pressure me. They knew I'd talk in my own time and also knew to pressure me would make me clam up and I wouldn't tell them.

"I did something," I whispered after ten minutes of silence.

Sue sighed. "Whatever happened we're here for you, honey."

"Absolutely," Leah agreed.

"Did you break the law?" Jake asked.

"No," I shook my head and then didn't talk for another five minutes. "I got a girl pregnant."

Sue gasped a little bit. She was practically my mother so I wasn't surprised. "You and Rosalie will need to sit down and talk."

"It's not Rosalie."

"Oh?" Sue asked. Jake and Leah looked shocked. "Who is it?"

"Bella Swan," I said. "She's in my grade. She's a total princess."

"How do you know it's yours?" Jake asked. "You always use a condom."

I shrugged. "We were drunk that night so I'm not totally positive I did use a condom."

"Oh…"

"And she was a virgin," I told them and felt my body tense up. "I took her virginity and got her pregnant."

Sue sighed. Jake and Leah, will you please give us a moment alone?"

The two of them nodded and went into Leah's bedroom. Sue and I sat quietly for a few moments. She never pressured me to say something even though she knew exactly what I was thinking.

Finally, Sue spoke. "If that girl didn't say anything about being a virgin then you did nothing wrong."

"I got her pregnant," I mumbled.

"You know what I mean, Edward."

I took a deep breath. "I took advantage of her. Just like…David…took advantage of me."

"Edward," She whispered. "It's very different from that and you know it. Did she consent?"

"She kissed me but…she was drunk. She was vulnerable I should have left. "

"If she pursued you…"

"She had a boyfriend. I wasn't drunk enough to forget she had a boyfriend."

"I love you like a son of my own," Sue said softly. "And I will support you and this girl in whatever you two decide. I'll fight for you, Edward."

"Thanks."

"But I will not allow you to blame yourself for her losing her virginity to you. That was her choice." I nodded. "And I especially will not allow you to compare yourself to that horrible…evil man."

I sighed. "I messed up."

"You'll fix it."

"And we'll help you," Jake said as he and Leah came back into the room. "We're on your side, dude."

"Thanks."

"Are you staying here tonight, sweetie?" Sue asked and I nodded. She smiled and went to get my blankets and pillow to set up the couch as a bed. After trying to take my mind off of everything for a few hours, everyone retreated to their rooms to get some sleep.

But I couldn't sleep. Feeling like I'd taken advantage of Bella like David had taken advantage of me was going to take some time to work through. But there was so much that needed to be done. Sure, I was the father. But how much did she really want me to be involved? I'd only been an asshole to her and everyone else for years. I was exactly the guy someone would give a '#1 Dad' mug to on Father's Day.

And if she allowed me to be involved, how would we pay for this kid? I made enough to support myself and my mother but babies were a lot of money. I would need a third job or more hours at my two current jobs. If I worked more there wouldn't be any time for me to go to school and I hated the idea of telling my child I was a high school dropout.

There were so many things to consider but all I really knew was I did not want to give the baby up for adoption. That would never happen. I wouldn't allow what happened to me when I was born to happen to my child. Bella would have to accept that.

When I woke up the next morning, I had this gut feeling that I had to end things with Rosalie. I was a lot of things, but she didn't deserve to be put in the middle of this fucked up situation. I felt horrible about it. Rose and I were always breaking up but we broke up in fits of passion. We were both stubborn and that was our main problem. Neither of us were ever wrong.

Except in this case. I was wrong in this situation.

I texted her asking if we could meet before school and she agreed.

When I got to school, I waited anxiously behind the trees where we always met when we wanted to be away from school and not be seen. She met me with ten minutes to spare and I pulled her behind a big pine tree.

"What's up?" She asked as she shoved her hands in her coat pocket. It was fucking freezing.

I stared at her for a few minutes. "Rose, this isn't working."

"What's not working?"

"Us," I whispered and she rolled her eyes. "I'm serious."

"You're always serious, Edward."

"Rosalie."

"Edward."

"I'm breaking up with you," I said bluntly and she stepped back. "For real."

"What?" She asked. She sounded hurt. I couldn't blame her. We were the best couple, but I cared about her in my own fucked up way. And she cared about me. I knew a lot about her that no one else knew. She trusted me. "What's wrong this time?"

I shrugged. "Rosalie, we aren't getting back together."

"You always say that."

"And I mean it this time," I shrugged. "I'm sorry but we're done."

"Is it because of her?"

"Who?"

"Bella fucking Swan."

"No," I lied right to her face. "It's not."

"You're lying."

"I'm just done, Rose," I told her.

She stared at me until the warning bell rang. "Fuck you," She spat and walked away. I wanted to go home, but I couldn't get suspended so I sat through the rest of the day feeling like shit.

After school, I headed back to Jake's because I didn't have anyone else to talk to. No one was home yet when I got there so I waited in my truck and worked on a sketch to possibly sell at the next art show. After twenty minutes, Jake pulled up on his bike.

"Hey," He said cautiously as he removed his helmet. I got out of the car and followed him into the house. We raided the fridge and sat out on the back deck. He didn't push me to talk, but I needed to talk about everything

"I broke up with Rosalie," I said and he just nodded because it was such a normal thing. "For good this time."

"Oh," He understood. "You okay?"

"I wasn't going to marry her and our relationship wasn't super healthy but I cared about her," I said. "I think I cared about her."

"You cared," He smiled. "As much as you could."

I sighed. "I messed up, Jake. I got a girl pregnant and threw her entire life off track."

"You don't know that."

"She's the cheerleader with the quarterback boyfriend," I said. "She's an honors student who does community service and joins clubs. Her parents are happily married and her sister is her best friend."

"And?"

"Getting pregnant at eighteen probably wasn't on her vision board."

He nodded. "You're right. It probably wasn't."

"I fucked up big time," I whispered. "And you can't bail me out this time."

"I'll do whatever I can to help," He promised. "And sometimes things have a weird way of working out. This could turn out completely different than either of you are thinking."

We sat there for a little bit looking out at the water. "Now what?"

"Now you support her in any way she lets you," He shrugged. "And you don't give into what she wants without a fight. She might be the mom…but you're the father, Edward. You're that baby's dad and that means something."

I nodded. "Yeah. I'm the dad."

"Not all dad's do evil things."

"I'll never be anything like my father or David," I whispered. "I'm going to do what's right."


	29. Author's Note!

**Author's Note:**

* * *

Well, guys, this is it! This is officially the end of Holding On and Letting Go! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this story. I really hope I did this story and the characters justice. I really just wanted to try something new and write something different. I really hope you've enjoyed this story as much as I have!

Love you all!

-SpringHiller 09

PS...maybe there will be a future-take soon? Who knows!


	30. Future-Take: Colors and Promises

**Future-Take: Colors and Promises**

* * *

 **5 Years Later**

 **June 20**

"Wow, this looks great," Alice beamed as she walked into the small studio where Edward worked on his drawings. "You did a great job."

"You think he'll like it?" I asked. "Or do you think he'll say it's too much."

"He's never liked birthdays. But he loves you and he'll love that you did all this to make his birthday special."

I nodded as I blew up a few more balloons. Edward thought I'd picked up a shift at the hospital and had both girls at the park. I promised him when I raced out of the house that morning that I would be home in time for his birthday dinner, but he told me it wasn't a big deal.

But it was a big deal. Edward's thirtieth birthday was a huge deal to me even if he didn't think so. He'd been through so much and had accomplished so much in the last twelve years of his life. He managed to survive such a toxic living environment and he'd proven himself to be a better man than anyone ever imagined.

And he so deserved to be celebrated. He was an amazing husband and an incredible father to our two daughters. Two and a half years after Ellie was born I woke up one morning and realized I was three weeks late. I was a little nervous. Edward and I hadn't talked about getting pregnant again yet, but I knew we could handle it if I were pregnant. So, I snuck out of the house before my toddler and husband woke up to buy some pregnancy tests.

I went about the day like normal but I was anxious all-day long. Finally, Melissa became fed up with me and demanded I tell her what was going on. When I told her I might be pregnant she demanded I go take a test to be sure. She didn't ask me what the results were since Edward deserved to know first, but she said I needed to know or I'd drive her crazy.

I paced around the bathroom while I waited for the results and smiled when I saw one word.

 _ **Pregnant.**_

Edward and I were going to be parents again.

I rushed home that night and felt happier than I had in a long time. I loved Ellie so much. She was everything to me. But the thought of having another child to love made me feel almost giddy. And I knew Ellie would be an amazing big sister. She was constantly playing mommy with her baby dolls and she was so gentle with her newest cousin, Thomas.

 _"It smells amazing," I smiled as I walked into the kitchen to find my husband cooking dinner while Ellie played in the living room. "What's cookin' good lookin'?" I asked._

 _He rolled his eyes as he leaned in for a kiss. "Spaghetti."_

 _"My favorite," I laughed as I perched myself onto the counter space he wasn't using to make dinner. I fidgeted with my elastic hair tie that was on my wrist until he noticed something was off._

 _He bit his lip as he stirred the sauce. "What's up? You okay?"_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"Then why are you hovering?"_

 _"I'm not hovering," I argued._

 _"Babe," He tilted his head in a way that meant he knew better than that. "Come on."_

 _"I'm pregnant," I came right out. His mouth gaped open a bit and I jumped off the counter to turn the burners off so dinner wasn't ruined. He stood there in shock for a few minutes before the timers went off and he jumped out of it. "Edward?"_

 _"Really?" I nodded. "We haven't…talked about having another baby."_

 _"I know," He peered behind me and watched Ellie play with her baby. I smiled as she gave her the bottle and told her she loved her. "She's going to be a great big sister."_

 _"She is."_

 _"Do you know how far along you are?" He asked as he drained the noodles. I shook my head. "We need a bigger place."_

 _"Yeah," I laughed. Our apartment was already getting cramped with all of Ellie's toys so we would definitely need more space for a new baby._

 _Suddenly, he smiled wide and picked me up and spun me around. "We're having a baby."_

 _"We're having a baby," I laughed as he kissed me._

Sophia June Masen came into the world on November 23 almost two years ago. She was the light of our world and an incredible edition to our family. Three weeks after she was born, we closed on our first house right outside of the city. And six months after that, I pushed Edward into buying this studio so he could finally be the artist he always wanted to be.

He said he was fine where he was working with a small publishing company doing book art, but I knew him. He dreamed of hosting art shows and selling his work. I wanted to help him pursue that dream since he had always pushed me to succeed at whatever I was doing. Plus, as much as he loved the girls, screaming children didn't create a very peaceful working environment. He needed his own space where he could go get inspired and draw.

Alice laughed. "Stop worrying, Bella. You want to celebrate the birth of your husband. He'll love it."

"Will you help me hang this banner?" I asked. The two of us finished setting up for the party just in time for the guests to start arriving. At a quarter to six, I asked the man Edward was renting the space from to call him and tell him there was a leaking pipe in the studio and that he had to come immediately. Everyone hid when Edward texted me telling me where he was and I had to bite my lip to contain myself from making any noise when I heard his key in the lock.

"Come on, girls," He ushered our daughters inside. "This shouldn't take long and then we'll meet mommy for dinner."

The lights flickered on and everyone popped out.

"Surprise!" The crowd of people shouted and Edward stumbled back. I was suddenly glad he had put Sophia down to turn the lights on or he actually might have dropped her.

"Wow," He laughed nervously. "This is for me?"

"Happy birthday, baby," I walked over and gave him a kiss. I leaned down to pick up Sophia and he picked up Ellie and laughed.

Ellie smiled at him. "Happy birthday, daddy!"

"Thanks, sweetie," He kissed her cheek. "You didn't have to do this. I was happy with going to dinner with you three."

"You're always doing things for me," I shrugged. "It's time I did something for you."

"Bella," He looked at Ellie and then Sophia and smiled. "You've given me two beautiful daughters and…" He trailed off but I knew what he wanted to say. "That's more than enough."

We'd seen Alex a few times over the years. And Carlisle and Esme kept their promise and sent us a lot of pictures of him. After a few years, the did tell him he was adopted but they were going to wait until he asked who his birth parents were before they told him about us. It was hard to understand at first but we respected their decision. Ultimately it was up to Alex if he wanted to find us or not and we weren't going to pressure anyone.

"Edward just…" He was irritating me but I couldn't help but laugh. "Let me throw you a dang birthday party!"

"Okay! Okay!" He shouted as he set Ellie down. He looked around the room and smiled. The two of us had made a great life for ourselves and our girls in Seattle. Edward had become good friends with my co-workers and their spouses. And he'd made a lot of friends in the Seattle art scene. And of course, our friends from La Push along with Angela, Ben, and their son had shown up for the party.

I rubbed his back. "You're loved by a lot of people, Masen."

"You're the only one I need, Swan," I smacked his arm. "Okay…Masen 2.0."

"Why can't I just be Masen?" I giggled as Jake approached us. "I like being a Masen."

Jake slapped Edward on the back and then gave him a hug. "Happy birthday, man."

"Thanks," Edward smiled as Vanessa, Jake's very pregnant fiancé, approached us. I gave her a hug and fawned over her adorable belly. Jake and Vanessa hadn't known each other for very long but they were ridiculously in love. They'd only been together for a year when they announced they were pregnant and a week later Jake proposed.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Vanessa as Jake hugged each of the girls.

She sighed as we sat down. "I'm ready for him to be out."

I chuckled. Vanessa was very tiny so I couldn't imagine how hard this pregnancy had been on her. I mean, she was even smaller than Alice. "Have you decided on a name?"

"Jake wants it to be a surprise," She shrugged but then she grinned. She leaned in close to me. "William Nicholas after his dad. We want to call him Will."

"That's perfect," After a few months of knowing him, I asked Edward where Jake's parents were since he seemed to live with Leah and Sue. I was informed that Jake's parents, Sarah and Billy, died in a house fire when Jake was ten. Sue and Leah were the only blood relatives he had left since he was an only child. Jake told me afterward that if it weren't for his aunt and cousin, he never would have made it through the death of his parents.

"What's perfect?" Jake asked. Apparently, he was listening. We giggled. "What?"

"Nothing, babe," Vanessa smiled. Jake stuck his tongue out at us and handed me Sophia who was reaching for me. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her cheek. I watched Lucia as she chased Ellie and Thomas around the room. I loved that this room was full of children because there was a time when I didn't think I'd ever have this.

After mingling for a while, Jasper announced that it was time to sing happy birthday. As we sung, Edward pretended to be annoyed and shoved his hands in his pockets. But I didn't miss the small smile when we finished the song and he blew out his candles.

"What'd you wish for, daddy?" Ellie asked as she stuck her finger in the cake and liked the icing off her finger.

"If he says what he wished for then it won't come true," Dakota, who was now sixteen, smiled.

Edward snickered. "Dakota's right, baby." Ellie pouted for three seconds until my dad came and scooped her up in his arms.

After eating cake and opening some presents, the room began to empty. Eventually, only our family was left and since my dad was taking the girls for the night he insisted that we go home and leave clean-up to everyone else. I argued that we could help but they practically shoved us out the door. Even Ellie was kicking us out because she loved my dad more than Edward and me.

We barely got through the front door of our house before we began tugging at each other's clothes. It had been six months since we were completely kid-free and we both planned on taking full advantage of that. Edward pulled my sundress over my head as we tripped up the steps and I ripped a few buttons off of his shirt because I was too impatient.

When we got to our bedroom, Edward pulled me down on top of him and reached around to unhook my bra. He slowed suddenly, taking his time to actually remove my bra. Once my breasts were free he licked his lips hungrily and leaned up to take one of my nipples into his mouth.

I squirmed and felt him grow impossibly harder. "Shit," I whispered as I threw my head back. He bit down gently and I bucked my hips as he kneaded my other breast with his hand.

"It's been too long," He mumbled as switched breasts. He continued to tease me until he grew too uncomfortable in his shorts and boxers. He flipped me on my back and discarded his pants, leaving us both in our underwear.

"Edward," I moaned as he kissed my jaw and worked his way town to my bellybutton.

He smirked. "What do you want, Bella?"

"You…already know," I panted.

"Tell me," He demanded and I bucked my hips as he kissed my clit through my panties.

"I want," I whispered as he teased me. "You to fuck me."

"Happy birthday to me," He sang as he pulled my panties down. I used my feet to push his boxers down his legs and he kicked them off before falling on top of me. He pushed some of my hair out of my face and smiled at me. "I love you."

I loved how he could go from raw and passionate to loving and tender in a matter of seconds. "I love you too," I whispered as he captured my lips in a kiss and pushed into me. "Fuck!" I cursed as his pelvis made contact with my clit.

"Bella," He moaned as I pulled at his hair and wrapped my legs around his waist. "Fuck, baby."

"Keep going," I panted. I could already feel myself getting close. It's not like we never had sex anymore because we were parents, but we never knew when one of the girls would wake up or we couldn't remember if we'd locked the door. Needless to say, it had been a while since we could really get into it.

But now we were child free for almost twenty-four hours.

"Yes, yes, yes!" I chanted as I dug my nails into his back as he thrust into me hard and fast. "Fuck, I'm gonna co…" With a kiss and one final thrust, I came undone. My toes curled and I swear I was seeing spots.

"Shit, baby," He grunted as he pushed inside of me a few more times and then stilled. His eyes were closed tightly and he was biting his bottom lip. After a few seconds, he fell on top of me and sighed. "That was amazing."

"Mmmm," I agreed, unable to form real words quite yet. Once Edward could move, he rolled off of me and handed me a few tissues to clean myself up. I threw the tissues away and laid my head on Edward's chest. "Happy birthday, babe."

"Best birthday ever," He laughed as he stroked my bare back. "Thank you."

"I have one more present for you."

"More?" He asked. "Bella, you threw me a party, got your dad to watch the girls overnight and bought me more art supplies. I don't need anything else."

I smiled as I rolled away from him and opened my nightstand drawer. I pulled out a small, neatly wrapped gift box. I handed it to him and felt my heartbeat quicken as he opened it. Once the paper was off, he pulled the top open and let his mouth fall open.

"Wow," He whispered as he pulled the photo out of the box.

"Well?" I asked. "What do you think?"

"You're serious?" He asked as he showed me the sonogram. I smiled and nodded and he took a second to take everything in. "We're going to have another baby?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

He laughed in amazement and stared down at the picture of our little baby. "How far along are you?"

"Twelve weeks," I told him. "We've been so busy I didn't realize I was late until a few weeks ago. I had Jasper do a sonogram when I was visiting them last weekend."

"I'm going to be a dad again?" He was beaming. This was what he'd always wanted. Ever since our first pregnancy, all he wanted was to be a dad and have a house full of happy and healthy children. "Wow."

"Soph's going to be a big sister," I smiled. "How do you think she'll do?"

He thought for a moment and laugh. "She'll probably be very rough with her at first."

"She is more aggressive than Ellie was at her age," I laughed. He set the photo on his nightstand and pulled me into his lap.

"Best birthday ever."

"Happy thirtieth birthday, Edward," I leaned in and kissed him. "I love you so much."

* * *

 **Six Months Later**

 **Edward's POV**

"Daddy! Daddy!" Ellie came rushing into our bedroom. With Bella being nine months pregnant, I was working on things at home. But without a spare room to work anymore since we'd turned our last room into the nursery, I was forced to work in our bedroom.

I looked up from the paper and smiled at my oldest. "What, sweetie?"

"Mommy's having the baby!" She yelled.

"What?" I jumped up.

"Mommy is having a baby!" She repeated as she grabbed my hand and pulled me down the steps. Bella was sitting on the couch with Sophia next to her. Bella's eyes were closed and her fists were clenched. Sophia saw me and put her arms up for me to hold her.

"Hold on, baby," I whispered to the baby as I sat down next to Bella. She immediately reached for my hand and squeezed it tight. "How are you?"

She held her finger up until the contraction passed and then opened her eyes to look at me. "My water broke while I was getting the girls a snack."

"How far apart are your contractions?"

"The longest wait is eight minutes. The shortest is about four."

I smiled and kissed her cheek. "We're having another baby today."

"Oh boy," Bella sighed. After a lengthy conversation in the sixth month of her pregnancy, Bella and I decided that this would be our last baby. We thought three was a good number and this would be the fourth time she gave birth. She was just…done. And I respected that because I couldn't imagine pushing four babies out of me. I set up an appointment for a vasectomy a week after we made our decision and it made this labor a little bit bittersweet.

I would never become a new dad again.

But I had my two girls and a little surprise on the way. I was happier than I ever imagined I would be.

"Should I call Jake?" I asked. Jake and Vanessa made the difficult decision to leave La Push after he was offered a mechanics job in the city. They'd just had Will and didn't want him to miss out on growing up with family around. Then Sue kindly reminded him that Bella and I lived in Seattle and it was only a three-hour drive. She encouraged them to do what was best for their little family and this job offer was too good to pass up for them.

I couldn't lie. Having Jake living so close to me again was awesome. And the girls loved him and Will was such a good baby. And I knew Vanessa was grateful to have Bella nearby after we told everyone about the pregnancy. The two were already planning play dates and a wedding if this new baby was a girl.

I loved my wife and best friend's wife were so close.

"Call," She said as another contraction hit. I looked at my watch and noted that five minutes had passed since her last contraction stopped. I held her hand waiting for the pain to stop. Once she said she was okay, I got up to call Jake and grab her hospital bag. I also grabbed the girl's small overnight for Jake's place because we had no idea how long this labor would last. Bella and I told them that Alice could drive up to stay the night with the girls, but Vanessa insisted that they stay with them.

We didn't argue because we both knew Alice was going to want to be at the hospital when her newest niece or nephew was born.

I got the girls into their car seats and then helped Bella down to the car. She was pretty calm for going into labor. But this was her fourth time so I guessed she was just ready for it. I quickly dropped the girls off and got them settled before taking Bella to the hospital. Bella and I were greeted by her co-workers and they set us up in a room and told us Dr. Miller was on her way.

Bella got changed into her gown and I put the stuffed elephant on her nightstand.

"You brought it again?" She giggled as I helped her to bed. I blushed. "I love it."

"It's been with us to every other baby being born," I shrugged. "I think it might be god luck."

"Really?" She asked. "Why?"

"Our babies have all been healthy and happy and have had pretty good lives so far," I explained. "At least I think so."

"I know they've had amazing lives so far," She smiled as I leaned in to give her a kiss. A nurse came into the room to get the monitors set up and I sighed in relief when I saw both strong heartbeats. Bella's and the baby's.

"Looking good so far, Bells," Tina, one of Bella's friend and co-worker's, smiled after she was all set up.

I held Bella's hand through each of her contractions and tried to distract her as best I could. When eight o'clock rolled around, we called Jake so we could say goodnight to the girls. Ellie was doing just fine and was being a great little mommy to Will and she happily announced that Vanessa let her help give him his bottle. Sophia was a little fussy, but we reminded them to just give her favorite blanket to her and she would settle down.

"We still don't have a name," Bella sighed after another contraction hit. They were becoming more painful and closer together. Bella was already exhausted and it had only been six hours since we got to the hospital. I mean I understood because she'd been having contractions since early this morning, but we still had a while to go. I felt so bad and just wished I could do this for her.

I smiled. "I thought we liked Lincoln for a boy."

She shrugged. "It's okay."

"What changed?"

"The more I thought about it the more I realized I didn't want it to sound like I was calling a former president to the dinner table."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, what about the girl name we settled on?"

"Delilah just doesn't fit her."

"We don't know if the baby is a her yet," I pointed out.

"I just know it won't fit!" She exclaimed. "Call it mother's intuition."

"Okay, what do you like then?"

She smiled. "Tayler."

I thought about it for a second. Ellie. Sophia. And Tayler. I liked it. "And for a boy?"

"Taylor with an O instead of an E," I laughed and kissed her hand that was laced through my fingers.

"It's perfect."

"Tayler Lynn for a girl and Taylor James for a boy."

"How long have you liked these names for?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Not long. A girl who checked me out at the grocery store's name was Taylor and it just clicked that that's what the baby's name was going to be. And the middle names just kind of came to me."

"Taylor is perfect," I kissed her hand again.

Five hours after officially deciding on a name and eleven hours after we got to the hospital, Bella was being told to push. They put her feet in the stirrups and I gave her my hand to squeeze.

"Okay, Bella, on the next contraction you're going to push," Dr. Miller told her. She looked at me and I gave her an encouraging smile. I nodded my head and she turned back to face Dr. Miller. "Push, Bella!" He instructed after thirty seconds.

Bella pushed and pushed until she was told to stop. After taking a breath, she started pushing again and I could see her forehead getting sweaty. She squeezed my hand during each push and it hurt, even more, the fourth time around. I wasn't complaining because my wife was pushing a human being out of her body, but fuck she was squeezing hard.

"I can't do it," She complained after ten minutes of pushing. She turned to me and gave me a tired smile. "Can you do it for me?"

She asked me this question during each labor. With Alex, she was dead serious. With Ellie, I knew she wished I could do it but I knew she wasn't being totally serious like the first time. And with Sophia, she only asked the question because she'd done it the first two times.

"You've got this, babe," I encouraged as I kissed her forehead. "I would do it for you if I could."

"Bella, I think one more big push will do it," Dr. Miller told us. She looked at me, bit her lip, and began pushing one last time. "Good! The baby is almost out."

"Ahhh!" She screamed and then gasped. I looked down and the baby was out. I bit my lip and felt my eyes fill with tears. My fourth and final child was finally here.

"He's beautiful," I whispered.

"He?" Bella asked excitedly. "It's a boy?"

I shrugged. "I haven't gotten a good look down there yet," I told her and the doctor smiled up at us. "It's a boy?" I asked her.

"You have another beautiful baby girl," She said and for a nanosecond, I was disappointed that it wasn't a boy. Every man wanted a boy to pass all his manly knowledge down to. But when I got a really good look at her beautiful face, I fell completely in love and didn't care at all. "Dad, you want to cut the cord?"

"Yes," I nodded as the nurse handed me the scissors. I cut the foamy cord and they took her away to clean her up and wrap her in the blanket we'd brought with us. After a few seconds, we heard her cry for the first time and both Bella and I started crying at the wonderful sound.

"She's so beautiful, Bella," I gushed as I watched carefully as they cleaned our daughter. After five long minutes, they brought our daughter over to us and gently placed her in Bella's arms.

"Hi, baby girl," Bella cried. She looked up at me and beamed. "She's perfect."

"Thank you so much," I cried as I gently stroked the top of Tayler's head with my thumb. The baby's eyes slowly opened and she looked up at Bella. We both started crying as our newest daughter looked up at her mommy.

After finishing up the delivery, we were taken back to our room. Since it was only two in the morning, we decided we would call Jacob first thing in the morning. Everyone would be sleeping and Ellie was super cranky if you woke her up before she was ready. Plus, Bella and I were both exhausted and could use the sleep.

"Welcome to the world, Miss Tayler," I gushed as I rocked her back in forth. It was strange. I'd done this three times before in all and twice before with the babies we took home to raise, but this little girl felt different in my arms. Holding your newborn for the first time was always different no matter how many kids you had.

I put the baby back in her bassinet after my eyes began to droop. Bella was already asleep and I couldn't help but watch her for a few seconds. She'd just given birth but she was still the most beautiful person in the world. I kissed her forehead and laid my head back to fall asleep.

The next morning, after feeding Tayler and ourselves, we called Jake to bring the girls to the hospital. Charlie, Alice, and Jasper were anxiously waiting to meet her, but we wanted Ellie and Sophia to be the first ones to meet her. I met Jake in the lobby to bring them back to their mommy.

"Ready to go meet your sister?" I asked as I carried Sophia in one arm and held Ellie's hand with the other.

"Yes!" Ellie squealed but Sophia just nodded. At two and a half, she didn't quite understand what was happening. But Ellie was clearly excited and Sophia did whatever her big sister did. So, naturally, Sophia was excited even if she didn't get it. When we got to Bella's room, I pushed the door open and Ellie let go of me and went over to Bella. Tayler was snuggled into Bella and Ellie climbed onto the bed.

"That's my sister!" Ellie giggled as she looked at Tayler. "I love her."

"Awe," I smiled as I held onto Sophia. She was looking at the baby and was unsure how to feel. I set her down on Bella's other side and she got up on her little knees and got a better look.

"Baby!" She smiled, leaning in and giving Tayler a kiss on the nose. I swore I felt my heart explode.

"Yeah, this is your baby sister," Bella smiled as she hugged Sophia the best that she could while holding the baby. "You're a big sister now just like Ellie."

"Ellie and Sophia," I smiled as I sat at the foot of the bed. "We would like to introduce you to Tayler Lynn Masen."

"Nice to meet you, Tayler," Ellie said as she leaned in and took her turn to give her sister a kiss.

I stepped back to snap a photo of my four favorite girls. As I watched Bella and my oldest interact with the baby, I thought back to the day I found out Bella was pregnant with Alex. There was so much fear, anger, and anxiety that day. I'd felt so guilty for so many things and I never thought that I'd be standing in this room with my wife and three daughters.

Life was far from perfect. Bella and I had our fair share of struggles as a couple and as parents. We still didn't agree on everything and we still had arguments. Sometimes we had a big fight. But it always got resolved and we were stronger for the struggles we still had. We knew that we loved each other and we made a vow to each other when we were twenty-three years old.

We promised for better and for worse. We always knew the worse would pass and better was waiting for us at the end of an argument

"What're you thinking about dad?" Bella asked as we watched Ellie and Sophia nap on the couch later that day after our families had met the baby. Tayler was back in the nursery and we were waiting for Charlie to come to get the girls so I could stay with Bella that night.

"Our high school graduation day."

She laughed. "What? Why?"

"I just remember all of the promises I made to you."

I smiled at the thought of us laying on my small apartment floor after we'd graduated. I knew at that moment I wanted to marry Bella. I didn't want to scare her too much, but I had to tell her what I wanted for our future.

" _One day…I'll buy you a house," I promised._

 _"Really?" She asked._

 _"With a backyard, so our kids have somewhere to play," I said. "And I'll hang up my drawings so we don't need to pay money for artwork."_

 _"It sounds perfect."_

 _"And we can be the couple that holds family barbecues in the big backyard where our kids can play with their cousins. And your dad, Jasper, and I can grill while you and your sister drink wine and watch our kids play together."_

 _"Sounds like a good life, Edward Masen."_

Somehow, we'd gotten to that point in our lives. I had formed a bond with Charlie and Jasper and Alice was just like the big sister I never had. We'd had a few barbecues once we moved into our new place and our kids and the Whitlock's loved being together.

It wasn't just a good life.

It was a perfect life.

And I had a perfect yet unexpected baby to thank for it.

* * *

 _ **AN:**_ _YES! Okay, I just love these characters too much to let them go just yet. Their story is done. I wrote everything I wanted to write but I just needed to write one more (maybe two more) chapters for them. I don't want to write a sequel to this because the original is ALWAYS better but I'm having a hard time letting them go. Thanks for ready and I'm not promising anything but there might be ONE more chapter left in me._


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